Instead of Corey Feldman, try Corey Haim: At the time of Drew’s fling with Feldman, picking between the two Coreys was a matter of Eeny Meeny Miney Mo, Catch A Cokehead By The Toe. Judging by their subsequent trajectories, Drew may have made the wiser choice. But it’s the other Corey, sent to the bottom of his pill bag by Defamer commenters, who currently needs all the help Drew’s strawberry-scented guffaws can bring.

Instead of Luke Wilson, try Owen Wilson: Maybe back in the late 90s Luke seemed like the more intriguing Wilson. His nose wasn’t quite as broken as his brother’s, Owen hadn’t bewitched us all with his Hans in Zoolander, and Luke had yet to permanently banish himself from crush lists by actually sharing screen time with Jessica Simpson. But if Drew goes back to the Wilson well, Owen is clearly the front-runner these days.

Instead of Tom Green, try Dane Cook: Because the barren landscape of horrendously unfunny comedians has a new mascot, and Drew’s fondness of sticking her tongue down her boyfriend’s throat might be the only way to shut this one up.

Instead of Justin Long, try PC Guy: Because John Hodgman is a treasure and deserves some action. Bonus points for Drew if she agrees to film a cameo in the next Apple commercial, makes Justin cry, short-circuit whatever totally awesome new Mac he’s holding, and permanently erase that smirk from his face.

[Photo credits: Wireimage, Getty]

• STAR EXCLUSIVE! DREW BARRYMORE AND JUSTIN LONG: IT'S OVER! [Star]

Sounds like bad news to us. Of course, this forces us to dredge up the painful memories of that gleeful marriage proposal that Tom Green made on SNL in 2000, which ended up with Drew playing the part of runaway bride. Another thing we noticed? All these lesser-famous paramours of Drew seem to have one thing in common: after the inevitable breakups, their star power coincidentally takes a well-timed leap...

For example, Fabrizio Moretti had always been "the hot one" among The Strokes, but after hooking up with Drew, he earned mag profiles and spreads, and raging hordes of new female fans. Then there was Tom, who we suspect may not have even been asked to host SNL if it weren't for the potential presence of Drew in the audience. And Long? He's gone from That Annoying Mac Guy to Next Big Thing ever since word spread that the two had met and fallen for each other on the set of He's Just Not That Into You. We can only pray that this "worldwide announcement" involves not yet another live proposal, but the very first live break-up on national television.

[Photo Credit: BauerGriffin]

UPDATE! Us has mysteriously removed their story featuring those beachy pics. Developing...

• DREW BARRYMORE AND JUSTIN LONG'S SEXY MEXICO VACATION [Us]