It's shocking how quickly Kate has gone from being publicly vilified as TV's most shrewish wife to being respected as the resilient mom focusing on her kids as her husband makes a public spectacle of himself. Though Kate repeated many of the declarations she's made on Jon and Kate Plus 8, saying in the clip above, "My focus still is the health and well being of my children as well as myself," she seemed much more sincere than in the past. Kate also appeared more fragile than before, admitting that she feels like a failure. "This is not what any mother sets out for their children," she said, but added, "I want my children to see a mother who's committed to her children, who's determined, who has integrity and perseverance and never gives up."

As for that wedding ring: Kate explained that she's been wearing the band for the children's benefit. "I don't want to upset them. I don't want to shock them," she said, beginning to cry. When interviewer Meredith Viera asked if Kate's still harboring hopes of reuniting with Jon, she replied, "No. I think its very clear that we are two different people at this point with two different sets of goals."

Speaking of: When Viera asked about Jon's relationship with Hailey Glassman, Kate said she's upset about how his actions hurt the children, adding, "those things, to be very honest... that's his life and they don't affect me directly at this point." Her answer seeemed weirdly disconnected, as it seems anyone would be directly affected by their estranged husband's highly publicized flings with a series of women (not to mention his troubling friendship with Michael Lohan).

In the clip below, from a second segment on the morning show, Gosselin explains that the money made off Jon & Kate Plus 8 will pay for a college education for each her kids and denies once again that she's dating her bodyguard Steve Neild or that she bought a condo to be near him. As for her publicly-critical brother Kevin Kreider and his wife Jodi, Kate says, "That's probably one of the most hurtful things in all of this, when family turns on you and makes up lies... and makes tens of thousands of dollars doing it." The thing is, the same could be said of the Gosselins: after all, neither has been selfless enough to stop allowing family problems be played out in front of the cameras.

Kate: "I'm Still Wearing My Wedding Ring For The Kids" [MSNBC]

He asked the wretched pair over and over again if they were "proud" of their behavior on the show—which involved slapping bottles out of Frangela's hands, claiming that they were tortured by NBC, and being baptized by Stephen Baldwin. Spencer just smirked and acted the cocky fool he always does while Roker barraged him with thinly-veiled insults and the flesh-bearded reality star eventually got lost in a thicket of his own doublespeak. Meanwhile Heidi just seemed meek and silly and as lost as she always does. Trenchant, hard-hitting stuff, Roker. Really good (maybe sexist?) stuff.

Next up is Willard Scott, who will totally nail a duck in the park with a question about Iran-Contra before hurling a jar of Smuckers at it and running away.

Basically he told a little story about his days as a model. One day someone suggested that he go into porn. Giddy with delight, Meredith Vieira said "so you were thisclose to a career in pornography." Barker laughed and said "well, more like this___close." Oh Meredith, you minx.

So there may be an alternate, Sliders-esque dimension somewhere where instead of helping people play Plinko, Barker was doing the, uh, plinking himself. On camera. But in this world, it never happened. Rod Roddy, though? He has a name that sounds like he dabbled in some extreme hardcore pornography in the early/late 80's.

Gaelic, elevator-scoring superstar Enya stopped by the increasingly unhinged fourth hour of the Today Show (we picture Matt Lauer tossing his apres-taping screwdriver at the screen in disgust every morning in the back of his limo), providing a perfect opportunity for Gifford to share her observations about this magical, lute-playing people culled throughout her travels on the Emerald Isle. ("You all look like and speak like people-sized leprechauns! I love that you force your children to learn how to play an instrument because you're all poor. The skin—is that genetic or is there some Irish moisturizer I should know about?") She then attempts harmonizing on "Silent Night," providing an ear-raping accompaniment to the holiday classic so awful, all any of us could do was pray that Hoda Kotb would end the nightmare by crashing a poinsettia pot over her co-host's head. [Today]

She was there to plug her latest "I took lots of drugs and alcohol and married a gay dude" memoir, Enter Drinking. (Wait, that's not it. Up, No Olives? It'll come to us eventually.) Seriously—how did this seismic, evolutionary species reassignment come to pass, and do the universe's laws of equilibrium require that the slug-like crime lord now be cavorting by some Tatooinian resort pool in a bikini?

After the jump, Fisher talks about taking acid with Cary Grant or something.

• Today Show [NBC]

Jolie has been very accessible lately, on tour to promote her starring turn in Clint Eastwood's Changeling—fittingly, the story of a strong and passionate mother, who finds herself up against the entire LAPD when she's delivered the wrong son following a kidnapping. (Surely had this happened to the real Jolie, she would have just shrugged her shoulders and added the orphan impostor to the pile.) In a profile in the NY Times, Jolie says her large family (traveling with the six children, ranging in age from 3 months to 7 years, is described by the reporter as "carrying a lot of baggage,") is still growing:

“I mean, I know we seem crazy, just bringing them in one after the other, but we do plan. We make sure one is absorbed completely into the family before we add another. There are moments when we look at everyone around the dinner table, and it’s just crazy, but our family is the greatest thing we’ve done in our lives.” [...]

Nonetheless, she said, she looks forward to the day when she can put “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” in the DVD player for the children; “not a lot of people get to see a movie where their parents fell in love.”

Meanwhile, in conversation this morning with Matt Lauer at the Today Show studios—video below—Jolie reiterated her intentions, her eyes twinkling with the mischievous, orphan-snatching delight that can only mean she's already located the child of her liking on foundling-shopping porthole eBayby.com, and met its $1200 Buy It Now! reserve.

• The Mommy Track [NY Times]

Despite the fact that just about everyone and their favorite blog have known that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are expecting two Chosen Ones this time around, heroin dabbler-turned-UN Ambassador Jolie had yet to officially confirm the news. And until a Today Show interview taped today in Cannes, featuring Jolie and co-star Jack Black promoting their upcoming animated flick Kung Fu Panda, we’re pretty sure the very pregnant actress would have kept her lips sealed until the day those magical spawns open their cherubic eyes for the first time. But thanks to an impromptu joke made by Black, Jolie was put on the spot, and clever Today host Natalie Morales took full advantage of it...

During the interview, scheduled to air tomorrow morning, the scruffy Black proved that "funny" actors will do and say just about anything to get a laugh. Unfortunately for Jolie, her co-star felt the need to crack this joke for no apparent reason: "You're gonna have as many as [the] Brady Bunch when you have these." As we all know, the feisty Brangelina tribe currently adds up to four. Being the masterful mathematician that she is, Morales struck while the iron was hot and asked Jolie if she was expecting twins. Jolie's response? "Yeah, yeah, we've confirmed that already. Well, Jack's just confirmed it actually." Despite the awkward moment, we have to give kudos to Jolie for handling the tense situation with apparent grace, and cleaning up Black's mess.

[Photo credit: NBC via People]

• ANGELINA JOLIE AND BRAD PITT EXPECTING TWINS [People]

Kathie Lee re-emerged, bony and tight-faced, on NBC's Today Show yesterday. And what a premiere it was! Appearing on the much unneeded fourth hour of the "news" program, Kathie Lee beamed with pride, even as her co-host Hoda Kotb constantly ignored her and cut her off. But it was Harvey Fierstein who brought tears to her eyes, as Kathie Lee was serenaded by the frog-voiced actor. Standing a foot away from him, Kathie Lee leaned in and stared as if she was about to kiss the man of her dreams. (She even repeated this creepy act on today's episode, culminating in a mouth kiss with Gilbert Gottfried.) We can't wait to see what unattractive actor who sounds like a gravel truck she can seduce on Day 3!

Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your predilection for jarring early morning euphemisms for the female reproductive system), this faux pas will surely be cut from the West Coast feed this morning. But thanks to the magic of TiVo, we were able to capture it in all its glory for you. It's a Valentine's Day Miracle!

In retrospect, we suppose it could've gone down a lot worse. Amy Adams is a true saint for not responding to Natalie Morales clear attempts at baiting her into a catfight (check out the overwhelming look of condecension on Morales' face after she says, "Oh, you had a good time doing that?"). But what we're wondering is this: other than attempting to embarrass Amy Adams on national television (subtext: "Was it fun being a ho?"), what exactly did Morales hope to accomplish with this line of questioning? We've spent hours trying to figure it out, and we can't come up with anything. All we know for sure is that not even Chris Hansen would have stooped this low.

Perhaps the most disturbing element of Barretto's story is how his troubled charge allegedly pressed him into degrading "human curtain rod" duty, in which he was forced to obscure illicit activities so impressive in their duration that the burly sentinel nearly suffered muscle failure from holding up the improvised privacy barrier that prevented other clubgoers from coveting Spears' stash.

• Today Show [NBC.com]
• Previously: Judge Orders Britney Spears To Get Drug Testing, Parenting Lessons [Defamer]

• Miss N.J. releases blackmail photos [Today]

According to a report in today's NY Post, that friendly face will belong to Today show personality Meredith Vieira, who in addition to lending a sympathetic ear to the tale of Hilton's harrowing, weeks-long confinement, will be carrying a burlap sack filled with $1 million in cash. This news should certainly come as a shock to family friend and confidant Barbara Walters, the vessel through whom Paris so memorably transmitted the story of her jailhouse conversion from "dumb girl" to God-fearing, compassionate fabricator of playhouses for sick children. As we write these words, an enraged Walters is cashing in some favors to get a personal message delivered to the disloyal inmate, who will discover that today's bologna sandwich is slathered in a special broken-glass mustard and comes with a note reading, "You are fucking with the wrong bitch, little girl. We'll be exclusively seeing you on The View very soon, or that million bucks won't even cover the repairs to that pretty face of yours."

In other Hilton news: Paris's menagerie continues to be ill-tended in her absence, and she's keeping busy in prison by corresponding with her fan.

• NBC'S $1M DEAL FOR PARIS CHAT [NY Post]
• Previously: WeHo Residents Girding For Next Week's Hilton-Related Media Invasion [Defamer]

It's always kind of embarrassing to me watching people with no idea about Transformers trying to talk about them as though they do know what they are. Like really, anyone on the Today Show. They had Josh "I Drive Ironhide" Duhamel on this morning to talk Transformers and even Duhamel looked embarrassed as Al Roker tried to mimic being a bug and Matt Lauer asked whether all Transformers are evil. What do ya expect — n00bs. There's a little bit of video that I hadn't seen yet spliced into the interview, check it out above. – Ray Wert

[The Today Show]

Related:
How Many Drinks Was That: Wert Has A Transformers-Induced Robogasm On CNBC's "On The Money"; Transformers Movie Update: Now It Really Is A GM Commercial..."Autobots Rollout" Site, New Video, Pics Unveiled; Transformers Movie Update: MTV Shows Over A Minute Of New Hot Robot Action!; Transformers Movie Update: Sector Seven Video Gives Nod To Dinobots, Insecticons, Lazerbeak And Generation One Bumblebee; Transformers Movie Update: Final Theater Trailer Hits The Web...We Just Had A Robogasm; all our Transformers coverage [internal]

• Photoshop what a He-Man movie would be like [Fark]
• Today show reviewer regrets Brokeback comment [GLAAD.org]
• Previously: Jake Gyllenhaal Keeps Gene Shalit From His Dream Cowboy [Defamer]

The sheep do nothing special as they bleet around the bush, but Jack and Ennis do do something special. They have sex. Jack, who strikes me as a sexual predator, tracks Ennis down and coaxes him into sporadic trysts. But sporadic isn't frequent enough for Jack. He wants Ennis full time! He whines, he pleads, he shouts that when they're apart, he's desolated. Jack can't absorb Ennis' implied response: better desolate than never! Heath Ledger's performance under Ang Lee's direction is outstanding, and Brokeback does have a few dramatic peaks. But this may be because its unconventional theme is outside the buns, it is being wildly overpraised. Not by me!

While gay rights groups are decrying the review as a bigoted and blindsided take on the tender central love story, our gut reaction is something else entirely. Shalit is behaving in a perfectly normal fashion, if he were to have fallen completely head-over-heels in love with Ennis over the course of the screening. Think about it: who hasn't tried to convince the object of their unreciprocated affection that the new special someone in their life isn't actually an obsessive, stalking psycho. Poor Gene. The guy is a total goner for the "outstanding" Ennis, completely desolated by being held outside the buns of his cowboy crush.

• Gene Shalit Offers Defamatory Brokeback Review on NBC's Today [GLAAD.org]

Katie: [L. Ron Hubbard] wrote that 75 million years ago, an evil galactic ruler named Xenu killed billions of his people by sending them to earth in space-planes. You can understand why some people might find this at best off-putting. And I guess at worse, just plain out there.

Rinder: (chuckles) I can understand that, certainly, Katie. That just has no basis in reality. This is one of those things that gets spread around. One of those stories that gets run around.

Katie: So he never wrote about that?

Rinder: No. Not in those terms. (pause) There is an alteration and twisting of things...

We're glad the record has been set straight on this outlandish "Xenu" business once and for all; if Katie had done her legwork, she would have known that it was the hydrogen bombs that Xenu dropped into the volcanoes where the space-planes landed that killed them.

• An inside look at Scientology [Today Show, Video #5]
• Previously: The Adventures of the Little Red String [Defamer]
• Cruise Vs. Lauer: Cruise Wins Our Mindless Devotion [Defamer]