Gawker: defamer, tiny violins

Raffaello Follieri Disappointed To Find Prison Not Up to His Lavish, Vatican-Financed Standards

Kyle Buchanan — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 18:38:17 EST

As though it wasn't bad enough that Raffaello Follieri's ex, Anne Hathaway, is now being wooed by some common actor, the Vatican-swindling Follieri has been forced to deal with another unpleasant surprise: prison is totally gross! Currently serving out a four-and-a-half-year sentence devoid of flashbulbs and fast cars paid for with Becoming Jane money, Follieri's lawyer is now attempting to get the con man moved to someplace a little more minimum security. Marvel at Follieri's sad, sad description of prison life:

Since he was sentenced to 4-1/2 years in prison for fraud last month, he has had to contend with rotten food, foul odors and unclean toilets and as result is running a fever and has blood in his urine, according to a letter from his lawyer made available on Wednesday.

"He says that he cannot eat because the food appears to be spoiled and that the toilet and shower facilities are unspeakably unsanitary," the letter from Flora Edwards said.

"There is excrement in the shower and rats are roaming freely in the area. He says the stench is intolerable," the letter continued.

"Eet ees so dirty," Follieri went on to complain. "Almost as dirty as when I deed the naughty theengs with Annie!" Then, bowing his head, he whispered, "Now eet ees me who they do that to."

[Photo Credit: AP]

Anne Hathaway's ex sick in filthy jail: lawyer [Reuters]

Britney's 'Sex Tape' Ex Offended By Rumors That He Wants a Piece of Her

Kyle Buchanan — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 14:30:00 EDT

Like Bigfoot, the legend surrounding Britney Spears's sex tape is one that refuses to go away, no matter how terrifying it might be to eventually lay eyes on the real thing. Also, much like Bigfoot, recent news that appeared to finally confirm its existence may have been dashed, as the sex tape's supposed peddler, paparazzo ex-boyfriend Adnan Ghalib, is claiming that no such thing exists. First Anne Hathaway, now Britney — is any celebrity sex rumor safe? Said an angry Ghalib to Star:

"There is no sex tape," Adnan tells Star exclusively, "and I've never claimed there is one."

Adnan says he's prepared to take legal action over the false claims attributed to him. The original story quoted Adnan talking about his intention to sell a two-hour tape he made with Britney in Mexico last January. The tape was said to show a naked Britney writhing around on a bed wearing just her famous pink wig.

"I don't know where these quotes I'm supposed to have said have come from," says Adnan. "What I do know is they certainly didn't come from me and they are completely false. I'm extremely upset and distressed and I'm taking legal action... This story has caused a lot of hurt to my family and people close to me."

"There is no sex tape," he continues. "That is the end of the matter."

Silly Adnan, there will never be any end to this matter. The Britney Spears sex tape story is one that will live on to the end of time, with sightings scattered from the wilds of the Midwest to the bustling street scene of Tokyo, each a hoaxer with a grainy mini-DV camera, a pink wig, and a whole lot of dreams.

[Photo Credit: WENN]

Exclusive: Britney's Ex: "There's No Sex Tape" [Star]

Lynne Spears Contemplates Vice-Presidential Run To Solicit Teen Mother Respect

Kyle Buchanan — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 17:45:00 EDT

The Lynne Spears Redemption Tour continues, with the mother of Britney and Jamie Lynn sitting down with Newsweek to discuss her new book, Through the Storm (also known as The Lynne Spears Guide to Fucking Up Your Children). Talk turned to vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin, whose daughter Bristol supposedly received a gift from fellow teen mother Jamie Lynn. Now, though, it seems like Lynne is having second thoughts about that show of solidarity — in fact, she wants to know why Sarah Palin is attracting so much more support than she is:

You and Jamie Lynn got some negative press when she got pregnant so young. But more recently, 17-year-old Bristol Palin, and her mother, Sarah Palin, the Republican vice presidential candidate, found themselves in a similar situation. And the public reaction has been different.
It's a totally different reaction. It's as if [Sarah Palin] became celebrated. I mean, the mother, Palin, was celebrated for this. Every woman in the world has applauded her strength and her convictions and poor little old Jamie Lynn — you saw how she was crucified. Everybody did, firsthand ... I just feel like it's been a very hypocritical situation.

Indeed it has! Why, Lynne merely pushed her daughter into a soul-sucking life of show business, not a hastily arranged, RNC-preserving engagement to her child's father! Yes, Jamie Lynn has proved a bit more profitable than that lazy Alaskan Bristol, but does that mean that poor Lynne should have to suffer for it? Won't anybody think of the stage mothers?

Grandmother Spears Speaks Out [Newsweek]