So far the only things that are really releasing trailers are the big budget comedies and action pictures. We threw in the trailer for A Single Man even though it opens this year and it's an indie movie because we wanted everyone to think we watch more than popcorn flicks. We also watch The Hills and lots of porn. But we'll put A Single Man on our Netflix queue, but we're not promising we watch it before sending it back so that we can get The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 for the third time instead.

Here are some new(ish) trailers for upcoming movies and our snap judgments.

Date Night
Starring: Tina Fey, Steve Carell, James Franco, Marky Mark
Reminds Us Of: 48 Hours, for some strange reason.
Plot Summary: A boring suburban couple go out for a big night in the city. They impersonate another couple and all hell breaks loose.
What Looks Good: Tina Fey and Steve Carell together at last and being hilarious.
What Looks Bad: This whole over-wrought, high-concept plot seems way too over-the-top for this duo.
Final Verdict: We'll see it, but we're going to complain that it wasn't as funny as one episode of 30 Rock.

Clash of the Titans
Starring: Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, Sam Worthington
Reminds Us Of: Clash of the Titans, take one.
Plot Summary: Greek gods, lots of fighting, special effects.
What Looks Good: Medusa, the giant scorpion things, the monster they ripped off from Pan's Labrynth, Sam Worthington.
What Looks Bad: Since there isn't even an iota of narrative, the story is probably going to suck. But that's not why you buy a ticket to this anyway.
Final Verdict: Our eyeballs are dancing and our brain has checked out. Sounds like a great Saturday night.

A Single Man
Starring: Colin Firth, Julianne Moore
Reminds Us Of: Mad Men, that other retro movie Julianne Moore got an Oscar nomination for, the perfume bottles on our grandmother's vanity.
Plot Summary: Based on this trailer, we have no clue. Something having to do with how sexing Julianne Moore leads Colin Firth to want to do it with young boys.
What Looks Good: Art direction, wardrobe, performances.
What Looks Bad: This trailer reeks of a movie that is 20 minutes too long.
Final Verdict: Yes, please. We go see everything Julianne Moore is in, even though she hasn't made a good movie in a long while. Also, Oscars.

Kick-Ass
Starring: Aaron Johnson, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Nicolas Cage
Reminds Us Of: Napolean Dynomite after karate class, Kevin Smith's wet dreams.
Plot Summary: A bunch of kids decide to put on costumes and become super heroes.
What Looks Good: The costumes are cute, and we bet there is going to be some great comedy.
What Looks Bad: Surprisingly this trailer does its job and makes this thing look really appealing. Good job.
Final Verdict: We're going to wait to read reviews before buying a ticket, but we're sold on the concept.

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Ben Kingsley, Gemma Arterton
Reminds Us Of: Video games, that we need to go to the gym.
Plot Summary: There's a dagger that stops time and evil people want it, so a prince and his sexy lady have to go through the desert to get rid of it.
What Looks Good: The special effects, Jakey G. and his slutty princess.
What Looks Bad: The accents! The accents!
Final Verdict: This could either be Pirates of the Carribean good or The Mummy bad, both of which are pretty low bars.

In the clip above, Tina says that while she was doing the Bazaar shoot she thought, "Yeah, I look like this!" ... then they turn the wind machine off.

Below, she explains that her daughter is now old enough to pick her own Halloween costume, so the days of stuffing her in a ham sandwich costume and laughing at her are over. Tina doesn't want her to go as a "Barbie butterfly princess," but at least she doesn't want to be one of the Girls Next Door.

• Everyone loves Neil Patrick Harris. And how could they not? He came out singing cabaret and danced away with our undying love. Not that he didn't have it before. After this evening's turn as the show's host, we're pretty sure Harris should master the ceremonies of every Hollywood event ever. (By the way, Mediaite has the lyrics from the introductory number. Learn them. Live them. Love them.)
  
  
• Kristin Chenoweth will soon be the hardest working woman in Hollywood. The adorable actress — once known mostly to the Broadway crowd — stole the nation's heart by crying after winning best supporting actress for Pushing Daisies. The show's been canceled and Chenoweth, bless her, reminded the world that she needs a job: "I'm unemployed now, so I'd like to be on Mad Men. I also like The Office and 24."
  
  
• Tina Fey fans are upset that Toni Collette won the "best comedy actress" award for United States of Tara, which we actually enjoy. Well, Jeff Jarvis is upset, at least: the journalist and internet aficionado twittered, "best comedy actress was a crime." But, whatever, because Fey won for her SNL Sarah Palin impersonation.
  
  
• In other-SNL news, Justin Timberlake took home a trophy for his "Dick in a Box" routine. But that was announced last week, so hopefully you knew that.
  
  
• Sure, Fey didn't win, but that doesn't mean the Academy doesn't still love 30 Rock: the incredibly popular show won "best comedy series" and Alec Baldwin walked away with a "best actor" statuette. That's his second, for the record.
  
  
• Speaking of seconds: Mad Men again won "best drama series" and best writing for a drama series. Does this mean the show will continue to be a popular culture darling? Not if you ask Matthew Greenberg from True Slant — he thinks the consecutive win will alienate those who don't already watch it, because they'll think it's elitist.
  
  
• If Greenberg's right, there could also be a backlash against Glenn Close: the Damages star once again won for "best actress" in a drama series.
  
  
• Comedy Central's no doubt pleased with Jon Stewart and the Daily Show crew: they won "best writing" for a comedy, variety, etc series. And, yes, Stewart commended Neil's hosting abilities. He also made a joke about going backstage to watch football, which was competing on another network and became the butt of many tiresome jokes.
  
  
• LA Times writer Tom O'Neil has crowned Bill Maher the biggest Emmy loser in history because Maher, whose show was nominated in the aforementioned variety category, has lost 22 times over the course of his career.
  
  
• Remember how we said Harris should host everything? He may have some competition from Hugh Jackman, who won for original music for his Oscar dance routine.
  
  
• Hey, did you know Sarah McLachlan's still around? And she's still singing "I Will Remember You." While, yes, we should take a moment to recognize the departed — Bea Arthur! — certainly there's a less maudlin, predictable soundtrack.
  
  
• And on that note, here's a list of the winners.

Her name is Lisa Ann (who also played Sarah Palin), and she leads a bunch of adult actors doing very good impersonations of Tracy Morgan, Alec Baldwin, Jane Krakowski and the rest of the gang. While we haven't seen any of the naked action, what comes between the scenes is dead-on. If the actors can get that right, than delivering a relentless rogering should be easy. Oh, and wait for "I'm a black robot, motherfucker," to be on a T-shirt in Times Square by the end of next week. If you want to buy the movie, click here [NSFW, unless you work in a strip club].

This new movie is the latest in a long line of smutty features based on beloved TV shows. How did this happen? Well, porn producers figured out that people like prepackaged commodities and that if they made these parodies, then people like us would write about them and give them free advertising. Damn, trapped again! But this one appears really worth it. We're not falling into this trap again for The Fucks of Life.

Mad Men
Returns August 16 [AMC]
Yes, that means you only have six days to watch the DVDs of the first two seasons of the show that you've been telling everyone you already watch, even though you don't. You better get hip with Don Draper or else everyone is going to laugh at you.

Top Chef
Returns August 19 [Bravo]
Well, if Bravo can't have a whole show with hot skinny models in crazy dresses, at least they can have Padma Lakshmi when she returns with her cavalcade of chefs who will call each other names and cook up a bunch of shit that would taste better than the mac 'n' cheese from a box you eat while watching.

Project Runway
Returns August 20 [Lifetime]
With the switch in networks, this show is now officially for women (and gay men). The premiere kicks off with an all-star edition and then there is a show about the models directly afterward. After that, probably Golden Girls reruns or some shit.

Melrose Place
Starts September 8 [CW]
Just in time to make us feel old, the '90s are back—and so are Jo, Michael, Jane, and Syndey! Ashlee Simpson is sure to blow this place up. Literally! She'll probably be planting a bomb in the first episode. Oh Melrose, we missed you.

America's Next Top Model
Returns September 9 [CW]
Though Tyra insists on calling it a "cycle" she's back with a whole new batch of bitches. Even if you ignore the rest of the season, tune in for the premiere, just to see what sort of drag queen madness Tyraparades around in. It always looks like the world's biggest budget public access show.

Glee
Starts September 9 [Fox]
You saw the pilot way back in May and there are already new musical numbers. It's like this high-school-musical-theater-nerd dramedy has been here all along. This is either the next Cop Rock or the next My So-Called Life, so catch the early episodes.

Vampire Diaries
Starts September 10 [CW]
Ok, you have have to watch this because vampires are so hot right now and if you don't, 14 year-old girls will mock you. This is the CW show about teenagers who stay up all night because they're undead, not because they're coked up at Butter.

Gossip Girl
Returns September 14 [CW]
You'd think that now that everyone made it to college they'd change. But watch the new promo. Blair gets bitchy, Chuck gets laid, Serena gets naked, Dan gets clueless, Vanessa gets ignored. Some things never change.

The Office
Returns September 17 [NBC]
What's up with Jim and Pam? We gave up. We'd much rather just watch Steve Carell make an ass of himself.

30 Rock
Returns October 15 [NBC]
NBC is so mean! Why is they going to make us wait until October for new episodes? We would boycott if we could survive without Tina Fey and her tiny little glasses. You will not laugh at anything on television until then. Sorry.

Lost
Early 2010 [ABC]
What, they can't set a date? Does everything with this show have to be a fucking mystery?

Well, if Tina Fey wasn't rich before, she definitely is now. NBC has begun selling syndication rights to her 30 Rock sitcom, starting with an $800,000 per episode deal with Comedy Central and WGN America. They're expected to also get the show on lots of local affiliates, which is when the big, big money will start rolling in. That's the crazy thing about syndication. Like... Patricia Richardson, from Home Improvement? Hasn't done much since. But? So fucking rich. [Variety]

John Goodman and Susan Sarandon, who both recently completed Broadway runs, will join Al Pacino in HBO's Barry Levinson-directed You Don't Know Jack. The film is about assisted-suicide champion Jack Kevorkian. Sarandon and Goodman will play two of his loudest supporters. [THR]

So it will, in fact, be snarky Canadian Ryan Reynolds who Reynolds wraps himself into a tight superhero outfit for The Green Lantern. Reynolds will also be playing the superhero Deadpool in a movie called Deadpool, about a Canadian guy who is sarcastic and has swords. Blech. [Variety]

Forget about Tina Fey, it's Ryan Seacrest who just got rich. The American Idol host has just signed a three-year, $45 million deal to continue with 19 Entertainment's primetime programming. So that money's just for his network TV work, not for his radio show and E! stuff and production deals and holy cow, the man is just made of money. Bad news, though, about the show: Kara DioGuardi will likely be back. Again, belch. [THR]

Playwright and Dirty Sexy Money creator Craig Wright will develop a religion-themed series for Showtime called Revelation. It's about an "unconventional" minister who moves to Texas with his teenagers after his wife dies. So it's Showtime's answer to Big Love, only set in Texas. Wouldn't it be funny if Bill Pullman played the lead? [Variety]

Moody actor Danny Huston will play King Richard to Russell Crowe's Robin Hood and Sienna Miller's Maid Marion in Ridley Scott's as-yet-untitled Robin Hood documentary. This thing is taking forever to get made. I mean, they just now cast Richard the Lionhearted? Just now? Sheesh. Oh, and you know who's playing Little John? Creepy Keamy from Lorst. Kinda fun. [THR]

Um. Judge Reinhold and Lea Thompson are going to star in a zombie movie together. Is it about their careers? Hahahaha. No, it's actually described as "Shaun of the Dead for American audiences." Which, wait. Americans didn't get Shaun of the Dead? "Hey Lurleen, I get that these fellas is foreign and might be gettin' eaten, but what in the great 48 is a 'crumpet'? Doggone, I wish someone would make somethin' I understand. Somethin' with the nerd from Beverly Hills Cop innit maybe..." [Variety]

Fey, a total talk show pro at this point, regaled the crowd with stories that highlighted her ordinary-ness: Gawking at stars at the Oscars, dodging drunks, raising her three-year old daughter and just generally not knowing what the deal is with professional vampire Robert Pattinson, of Twilight.

Fallon too often tended toward the opposite, complaining about his showbiz hours and getting way too deep into chummy inside-NBC stories with Fey.

But most of all, the Late Night host needed to quit with the over-laughing. The home audience chuckles more easily if Fallon isn't having a conniption every time his guest says something mildly amusing.

Still: He got Tina Fey on. For like 15 minutes, it felt like! So at least Fallon's viewers were laughing pretty hard too.

Slumdog Millionaire dominated as expected, an international sweep in a night studded with British, Indian and Australian wins. Not that there was much danger of nationalist unity within Hollywood; host Hugh Jackman managed to work some surprisingly vicious showbiz digs into the show, including lines from Steve Martin and Tina Fey not-so-subtly mocking Scientology and Ben Stiller's unsparing imitation of Joaquin Phoenix.

There were some misfires, like the lengthy nominee tributes involving top stars giving overlong, wedding-toast-style speeches for each contender in top categories like Best Actor and Actress. But there were also more memorable moments than any viewer had a right to expect. The best:

10. Franco and Rogen turn the Reader into stoner comedy

"Their giggling and guffawing at The Reader is somehow more damning (and more exposing of the film's overweening pomposity) than a thousand bad reviews." —Guardian. (OK, sure, but Kate Winslet's little gold man begs to disagree about the Reader.)

9. Angelina Jolie grins big at Jennifer Aniston

You just had to cut to Jolie during Aniston's animation award presentation, didn't you, ABC? OK, so we secretly enjoyed the shot of the Brad Pitt-stealer's wide grin, but that's not the point.

8. Philippe Petit's statuette-balancing magic trick

The star of Best Documentary Man on the Wire was making a naked bid to become the stuntman for all future Academy Award ceremonies. We're all for it, as long as the Frenchman returns each year with his charming white scarf.

7. Host Hugh Jackman: "The Musical Is Back"

Is it? Because some of us felt like we were stuck on the lido deck of a cruise. Including Penelope Cruz, judging by her arched eyebrows at the close of the biggest number.

6. Ben Stiller as Joaquin Phoenix

Oscar presenters don't normally go after their own. Stiller did. His deadpan, unmistakable imitation of Phoenix's notorious performance on David Letternan is as good a sign as any that Phoenix, who has declared himself retired from acting, is now being as much pushed out of the Hollywood community as leaving it.

5. Tina Fey and Steve Martin's Scientology dig

Or maybe they were talking about some other "made up" religion involving an alien king scattering seeds across the Earth to "fuel our positive transfers." But you don't have to be a Clear to know that's unlikely. (Though this is the best bit, Fey and Martin's overall routine was excellent. As was their rapport.)

4. Heath Ledger's family accepts his award

The late Dark Knight actor received a touching tribute from his father, mother and eager sister. But what happened to the mother of his child, Michelle Williams? She wasn't even mentioned.

3. Kate Winslet's whistle

The Englishwoman's Best Actress win was widely expected; her sweet call-and-response with her father was not.

2. Dustin Lance Black on gay rights: "God does love you."

The Mormon-raised Milk screenwriter once found inspiration and emotional sustenance in California. With his heartfelt message to "gay and lesbian kids," Black returned the favor.

1. Sean Penn: "You Commie, homo-loving sons of guns."

Accepting for Best Actor, Penn killed. The tightly-wound actor was charmingly self-deprecating. And his cutting comments on California's gay marriage ban, which came near the end of the Oscar telecast, provided the perfect bookend for Black's statements, near the start.

Last week Tina Fey herself said that there was no product placement deal involved in this. And today, Ad Age did some "reporting" and, according to both McDonald's and NBC, that's right, this was no paid product placement deal; 30 Rock writers just love the McFlurry that much:

As it turns out, the McDonald's inclusion was really part of the script; McDonald's didn't pay for it, said Jennifer Lane Landolt, director-entertainment alliances for McDonald's. NBC's ad-sales department was also made aware of the inclusion, according to an NBC spokeswoman.

"30 Rock" approached executives from the restaurant chain in advance, asking if they could make use of a McDonald's restaurant for filming purposes, she said. McDonald's executives examined the script and found nothing in it that portrayed the company and its restaurants in a bad light, Ms. Lane Landolt said. "If we felt that something disparaged the brand, we would have pushed back on what they did, but no, we didn't make any changes," she said. The episode was shot in a restaurant operated by an independent New York City franchisee, who was paid for the time his store was closed. The McDonald's ad that ran during the show was "part of our traditional media buy," said Ms. Lane Landolt; no advertising was moved around specifically to be near the "30 Rock" episode.

There you have it: this was a totally organic thing. I have no factual basis whatsoever to say, "Bullshit, they're obviously cuddling up to advertisers during a recession, this is all semantics, they'll get their money on the back end." [Ad Age]

Namely, the McFlurry references felt organic, as 30 Rock has a habit of tying that sort of jokey, downmarket fast food to its most glamorous guest stars (witness Isabella Rossellini declaring her lifelong love for the Arby's "Big Beef and Cheddar" way back in Season One). No, it's the constant, prominent placement of the iPhone in the last two episodes that's really caught our eye. Every character seems to own one, make calls on one, and constantly show off pictures on one (in lengthy close-ups, no less)—even Jack Donaghy, who we totally figured for a Blackberry Storm man.

Here's a mere sampling of the iPhone's screen time over the last two weeks. And yes, we took these pictures off our TV using the iPhone. Can we have our money now?

• 30 Rock [NBC]

Here's the statement she gave New York:

"It gives me great pleasure to inform you that the references to McDonald's in last night's episode of 30 Rock were in no way product placement. (Nor were they an attempt at product placement that fell through.) We received no money from the McDonald's Corporation. We were actually a little worried they might sue us. That's just the kind of revenue-generating masterminds we are.

Also, the upcoming story line where Liz Lemon starts dating Grimace is just based on a recurring dream I have.

Seriously, though, it's not product placement.

Also, whoever is writing my Twitter account is pretty funny, but it's not me."

-Tina Fey

Well, thank god. Not about the product-placement thing, since we couldn't really care one way or another about the broadcast networks' desperate spiral into nonstop primetime payola. No, we're just glad Fey has set the record straight about Twitter's "Tina Fey," since the obviously fake account has bothered us for months. We were kind of hoping Fey was doing an unfunny Twitter impression of herself to make a point about Twitter, but then we remembered that she actually has a life.

A colorful, inner-candy-city drama revolving around down-and-out candy hooker Princess Frostine, turned out by Lord Licorice on the chewy streets of Gum Drop Mountain. She's eventually taken in by a disgraced former candy cop named Gloppy the Chocolate Monster, kicked off the force for stealing Pixie Stick powder evidence, and the two embark upon an unlikely love affair. [Variety]
· Casino Royale director Martin Campbell is close to signing with Warners for Green Lantern, outpacing other Warner/DC properties like the stalled Superman and Justice League projects, and even Sony's de-stung emerald hero, The Green Hornet. [Variety]
· Imagine TV is looking for another comedy hit, and is developing one written by Gilmore Girls's Dan Palladino and based on Brian Grazer's father, Tom Grazer. "A lawyer with a slightly questionable moral compass," Grazer Jr. said. "My dad was so much bigger than life. He was a big personality, extremely popular but flawed." Father of Grazerhead? The mind reels. [Variety]
· Chris O'Donnell and LL Cool J are in talks to star in CBS's as-yet-untitled NCIS spinoff. We nominate DoN CAF, or Department of the Navy Central Adjudication Facility, in keeping with the indecipherable military-agency-acronym theme. [THR]
· Robert Downey Jr., Tina Fey and Ben Stiller are negotiating to voice DreamWorks Animation's Master Mind, about a villain who accidentally kills his superhero nemesis, sending him into an existential crisis. [THR]

Hamm's dreamy and everything, but we'd like to know a little bit more about this Oswald character—the one from the basement, with access to all the building's nails. Possible Jenna love interest? We'll have to stay tuned and see!

• 30 Rock Preview: Tina Fey Meets Jon Hamm [Videogum]

· In other TSA news, Johnny Knoxville was stopped at LAX after security found a...drumroll...grenade in his carry-on bag. After Knoxville explained that it was a completely harmless shell that he meant to later shove up his ass in Jackass 3, they apologized and he made his flight.
· Yes, it's true. Steve Carell bought the Marshfield General Store on Massachusetts' south shore, where you can stock up on pennywhistles and moonpies before your carp-fishing expedition.
· After the success of The Tonight Show's last celebrity-DNA-gathering foray, the show dispatched intern Ross to the Golden Globes to collect more biological matter. We'd say a serviette soaked in Susan Sarandon's boob sweat is a priceless commodity, wouldn't you?
· Jon Hamm fans: Your Don Draper-doing-you-on-a-desk fantasies will probably not be enhanced by the image of him scootin' around town on a homemade Rascal, nor the one of him whispering sweet nothings into Tina Fey's ear.

See ya on the slopes!

E! caught up with Edie Falco, who recurred memorably as Baldwin's love interest on the last season of 30 Rock. The actress said she'd love to make a return appearance in the sitcom—ironic, as she was terrified to do it at first until Baldwin's performance advice calmed her down:

As for working with this year's Best Actor and Actress in TV Golden Globes winners, Falco says, "I was actually very scared. You watch Alec Baldwin and Tina Fey; it's like they are speaking Swahili. It's like, 'What the hell is this?'"

Still, she says she learned a lot, especially from Mr. Jack Donaghy himself: "Alec Baldwin actually said to me, 'Everything you ever taught yourself as an actor not to do because it's bad acting, do it on this show.' Because it's larger than life, it's just different."

In a world where 30 Rock is filled with "bad acting," we can't imagine what tier the performances on 'Til Death, Two and a Half Men, and Gary Unmarried fall into. Sorry, Steve Carell and David Duchovny—do a little worse next time, and Baldwin's Golden Globe could be yours!

• Is Edie Falco Coming Back to 30 Rock? [E!]

We pass O'Neil's spineless self-defense on to you without comment — except of course for the requisite disclaimer that he does not speak on our behalf. And that we hope contrite Los Angeles Times representatives will soon arrive at our doors to apologize for O'Neil's continued, unchecked awards-season terrorism. No camera necessary.

• Tina Fey Accepts Our Apology [The Envelope]

· Veteran TV writer William Blinn, who won Emmys for Roots and Brian's Song in addition to writing on series like Bonanza, Gunsmoke, Starsky & Hutch, and Fame (now that's a career) will receive the WGA Paddy Chayefsky Laurel Award for lifetime achievement. Debbie Allen will be on hand to perform an interpretive dance. [Variety]
· Clive Owen has attached himself to Cartagena, about an agent infiltrating Colombian drug cartels, to be produced by Mark Cuban's production company. Hopefully this project won't be sunk for the same latex-and-fatsuit mistakes that doomed Medellín. [THR]
· Super Bowl commercial rates are set at a cool $3 million per 30 seconds, but NBC is allowing marketers to combine their budgets, resulting in one spot pushing eight different products simultaneously. It's a nice option for smaller companies, but we're not really sure how effective those adorable office monkeys investing online while drinking watery beer and eating Del Taco and calling in a third-tier overnight courier while massaging hand cream and snacking on soy-enriched granola bars while learning their credit scores and snuggling in a blanket with built-in arms will ultimately be. [THR]
· Were you wondering what deal-friendly AFTRA—"We're the #2 working-actors guild, so we try harder!"—was all about? Today is your lucky day. [THR]

Though Fey fired herself as Sarah Palin after the Republican ticket lost the election, the will of the people (and the network's biggest female star) is no match for the whims of tax credit-wielding lawmakers! According to New York, Fey was forced to reheat the impression for the state's Assembly Speaker and his Democratic caucus:

NBC boss Jeff Zucker asked her to make the appearance, according to Fey’s manager, David Miner. “He doesn’t ask every day for something,” Miner says. The lawmakers voted for legislation this year expanding tax credits for New York film and television productions, like 30 Rock. Miner says Fey was happy to be there, but one lawmaker in attendance isn’t convinced. “She seemed incredibly uncomfortable,” he said. “It was like she didn’t know what she was doing there. Someone said, ‘Do a Sarah Palin!’ and she did a Sarah Palin.” Fey posed for pictures before racing out to finish a script for a 30 Rock episode shooting the next day.

Will the country ever stop forcing an uncomfortable Fey (they said it, not us!) to sing for her supper when the woman runs a sitcom that demands her attendance? Or will Zucker continue to issue loaded threats to Fey, musing, "You don't have to do Palin for my godson's bar mitzvah, but what do you think about Kevin Eubanks getting a 9:30 Leno pre-show, hmm?"

• Zucker Calls, Fey Says ‘You Betcha’ [New York]

A faint scar runs across Tina Fey’s left cheek, the result of a violent cutting attack by a stranger when Fey was five. Her husband [Jeff Richmond] says, “It was in, like, the front yard of her house, and somebody who just came up, and she just thought somebody marked her with a pen.” [...]

“That scar was fascinating to me,” Richmond recalls. “This is somebody who, no matter what it was, has gone through something. And I think it really informs the way she thinks about her life. When you have that kind of thing happen to you, that makes you scared of certain things, that makes you frightened of different things, your comedy comes out in a different kind of way, and it also makes you feel for people.”

Fey herself rarely mentions the episode. “It’s impossible to talk about it without somehow seemingly exploiting it and glorifying it,” she says.

Too true. Still, we feel for Fey — it's a terrible thing to have had happen (and certainly, it can't help that fully half of Maureen Dowd's VF article obsesses over Fey's appearance in some way). Almost as bad? Nancy Franklin's weirdly cruel, inaccurate 30 Rock writeup in the current New Yorker, which slams Fey and every other cast member but one in a piece that really should be retitled, "I Wanna Nail Alec Baldwin; Here is Why." Don't worry, Nance — that Eva Longoria profile offer should be yours before you even know it!

• What Tina Wants [Vanity Fair]