Oh here's what the whole Twilight fiasco needed: a touch of class. Lauded British actor Michael Sheen has joined the cast of the sequel, in which he'll play the leader of the Voltrons, a dangerous sect of vampires that are sparkly and wear high-water pants. Or something. [Variety] Speaking of classy British types, Ray Winstone, Anna Friel, and David Thewlis have all joined the cast of London Boulevard. The crime drama stars Keira Knightley and Colin Farrell and is being filmed in London this summer. It just shits sophistication! [Variety]

FX is capitalizing on the whole pirate craze, just as any self-respecting cable network ought to do. They've just green-lit a pilot for Pirate Hunters: USN (because initials are so hot in TV right now!), which follows Navy sailors as they sail the seas, stop pirates, and make careful, tender love to each other down somewhere in their bunks, buried in the belly of the ship. [Variety] In other pilot news, Showtime has decided to make it 0 for 4, passing on their final possible series for next season, Possible Side Effects. The show, written and directed by Tim Robbins and starring Josh Lucas, was the last of a quartet to be turned down by the premium cabler, following End of Steve, The Farm, and Ronna and Beverly. Instead Showtime has picked up, for cheap at a flea market, reruns of Arli$$ and Carnevale. [Variety]

Good news for NBC! Their new drama Southland set out on fairly sturdy legs on Thursday night, the first drama to air in that night's 10pm slot since e.r. came rumbling out of the gate allllll the way back in 1994. It earned 9.86 million viewers, winning the night in all key demos. The show's actually not half bad, I recommend giving it a look-see. Also Parks & Recreation held on to 88% of its Office lead-in, though it was certainly buoyed by the second new Office of the evening waiting just beyond it. It'll have a tougher time holding onto those numbers once My Name Is Earl returns to the 8pm slot next week. [Variety] In other businessy news, Sundance Institute executive director Ken Brechner has resigned from his post after 14 years. This comes after the recent news that festival director Geoff Gilmore has resigned to head up the Tribeca Film Festival. Sundance getting too big? Too corporate? To stagnant? Restless and in need of a change? Probably a little of all of that. [THR]

In case his bellowing from over there on Fox at 5pm isn't quite loud enough, populist horrorshow Glenn Beck is taking his act on the road. He'll be doing six live performances in June, touring such liberal hotspots as Houston, Kansas City, and San Diego. He calls his act "poor man's Seinfeld," but I call it "poor man's insane agitator, pitchfork supplier, and torch lighter." [Variety] While on the topic of imbalanced, worrisome people, animal nut Jeff Corwin has landed a deal with the Food Network. Apparently attempting to compete with the Travel Channel's Bizarre Foods, Corwin will travel the globe eating weird stuff. He'll also spend some time staring unblinkingly at the camera, smiling insanely. [THR]

HBO's new pilot The Wonderful Maladys, about three siblings who lost their parents at a young age, just keeps getting more interesting. Already making me curious for starring the wonderful trio of Sarah Michelle Gellar, Molly Parker, and Nate Corddry, the show has now added the underused Adam Scott (Party Down) and Zak Orth (Vicky Cristina Barcelona, recently) to the cast. Consider me intrigued. [THR]

According to Robbins, the polling place he's used for the last decade didn't have his name on the register, and he certainly wasn't about to fill out a provisional ballot like a common plebe! Sadly, Robbins handled the issue not with pleasant, Bob Roberts-style folk songs but with a high-octane argument that brought the NYPD (though they couldn't prevent him from decamping for City Hall to find a judge who could prove his case). Was the actor simply listed on voter rolls under "Tom Ribbons," or is this a Susan Sarandon-aimed revenge from jilted New York senator Hillary Clinton? Developing!

• Tim Robbins Couldn't Vote — Cops Called [TMZ]

A guy who was volunteering at the polling place asked Tim to move so they could make more room in the polling space and let more voters in. Apparently, Tim had been sitting inside the voting area for some time. Tim completely flipped out on the guy and accused him of trying to intimidate him by asking him to move, thus "infringing upon his freedom to vote," and then he demanded to speak to the highest level of management in the Election Board. The volunteer was beside himself, because here was this celeb-loon going off on him. The volunteer left and after about 5 mins the cops showed. At that point I had cast my ballot and had to vacate the premises."

After the jump: David Gordon Green gets animated, Robert Duvall ponies up and Ellen Burstyn does serious drugs with Tim Robbins.

· Finally, at age 77, Robert Duvall is bravely venturing into the uncharted career territory of Westerns, attaching himself to star in an untitled drama about the Pony Express. From AMC, of course, which makes him a likely Emmy front-runner in 2010. [Variety]
· Talk about dodging a bullet: By going straight to TV with his animated Fox surfer comedy Good Vibes, a relieved David Gordon Green won't be forced to follow Matthew McConaughey's recent beachgoing high-water mark Surfer, Dude. [Variety]
· Jesse Ventura's predictable career arc will continue ever-skyward when he hosts an untitled "conspiracy theory" reality show for truTV, in which the ex-wrestler/actor/politico will "hunt down answers, plunging viewers into a world of secret meetings, midnight surveillance, shifty characters and dark forces." Or, as they call it in Minnesota, running for reelection. [AP]
· Ellen Burstyn will join fellow Oscar-winner Tim Robbins for his Showtime pilot Possible Side Effects, a drama set in the pharmaceutical industry — kind of like Mad Men, but with scores of exquisitely photographed pills in the place of cigarettes. [Variety]

Boomp3.com

Never one to miss an opportunity to make a statement, Academy Award winner Tim Robbins decided to take on the ruthless Hockey Mom confab by wearing a deliciously inspired t-shirt. Robbins proudly displayed his Hockey Dads for Obama shirt right before taking in a street hockey game, and he also generously donated shirts for all of the parents on both teams to wear. Robbins said, “Palin does not speak for all of the hockey parents out there. I’m sure that there are a lot of Hockey Single Moms for Obama out there. I also believe that the ultimate hockey god, Don Cherry, is for Obama, too.”

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

In today's installment: Cameron Diaz, Katherine Heigl, Vince Vaughn, Pam Anderson, Sharon Stone, Dave Chappelle, Corey Feldman, Jonah Hill, Eric Mabius, Eli Roth, Pete Wentz, Dane Cook, Fabio, Tim Robbins, Bo Derek, Bret McKenzie, Lucy Liu, Tara Reid, Rachel Zoe, JC Chasez, T.R. Knight, Jonny Lee Miller and Angelyne!

MONDAY, JUNE 16
· Went to the Grove to see a movie when I noticed a tall dark haired man making out with a pretty young blonde who didn't look a day over 18. After a couple takes I realized it was creepy horror film director Eli Roth. He looks more attractive in person, I must admit. He and the young blonde went into The Happening. From what I have gathered, they both seemed really uninterested in the movie (which was horrible by the way) and more interested in sucking face. Maybe because his girlfriend is in high school, she's used to hooking up in movie theaters?

THURSDAY, JUNE 19
· Driving north on La Brea from Slauson I saw in the passenger seat of the car behind me the unmistakable head of Jonah Hill (Feldstein). I changed one lane over so I could see him from the side. He seemed to be annoyed by my pointing at him and had the driver of the car (female) look over at me to laugh. I was just wondering what he was doing so far south...

FRIDAY, JUNE 20
· Pam Anderson was taking in the Dodgers/Indians game in the Dugout seats tonight. She was with her 2 boys, who looked just old enough for their friends to tell them there's a video on the internet of their dad driving a boat with his penis. Also, a goateed Ben Silverman sitting nearby dressed like a 15-year old, with some girl.

· Saw Tara Reid eating lunch with two European looking types at that French cheese place in the old Farmers Market on Fairfax. Damn, that girl looked cute and smiled at my tow headed kid. Really, she was eating.

SATURDAY, JUNE 21
· Saw Cameron Diaz at Home Restaurant on Hillhurst enjoying some outdoor Saturday afternoon brunch. She had hashbrowns on her plate! Skinny celebs eat real food! How?! Honestly though, she was looking good.

· In the midst of the heat wave, Flight of the Conchords' Bret McKenzie (a.k.a., the cute one) at The Waffle on Sunset, huddled in a booth with five or six friends. Couldn't see what he was eating.

SUNDAY, JUNE 22
· Last night, at Swinger's cafe, saw Dave Chappelle eating dinner outside with a male friend. They had quite a spread going w/ french toast, waffles, and milkshakes. The kind of dinner one might order after some "happy cigarettes." ;) Chappelle seemed in a lively mood, walking around and chatting with a few people. He looked good. I wish he'd get back on TV.

· I know it's been forever, but I had to contribute: Was at the beach all day today, escaping the god awful heat, and wandered around as Will Rogers Beach emptied around sunset... and I see an adorable Eric Mabius carrying his adorable son piggyback around the beach... priceless. Maybe celebrities are not all horrible people.

MONDAY, JUNE 23
· Saw Vince Vaughn at the Greek for the Robert Plant/Allison Krauss show. He was exchanging pleasantries with Ray director and Mr. Helen Mirren, Taylor Hackford. I like to think they were discussing a possible Fred Claus 2 in which Vince's character is rendered blind after seeing Fred Claus and becomes the most beloved blues singer in the North Pole. Saw a fan come up to tell Vince how much he likes his work and Vince took some time to chat. That was so money.

· Pete Wentz at LAFF's Monday night sold-out showing of Choke. He stayed until Clark Gregg and surprise guest Chuck Palahniuk finished their Q and A, trying to get out quickly before the audience rush. At first just thought, "hmm, that little man looks like Pete Wentz" until he took a picture with a fan. Dude is WEE, but I thought it was cool he stayed for the Q and A and didn't act like a dick about pictures. My standards are so low.

TUESDAY, JUNE 24
· I saw Rachel Zoe looking as angry as crushed velvet leaving the post-premiere party for The Wackness at the W in Westwood. Was she denied entry or was it just what I was wearing?

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 25
· At George Michael's show at the Forum, there was a delectable mix of celebs in the Forum Club during intermission and after the show. You had the older actresses in Bo Derek and Sharon Stone, tv hostesses in Daisy Fuentes & Debbie Matenopoulous, former boy bander in JC Chasez, Eli Stone himself Jonny Lee Miller & his pregnant fiance (wife?) Michelle Hicks, & most importantly Corey Feldman. Corey walked around with his enormous sunglasses around while dragging around his wife by the hand just looking for attention.

THURSDAY, JUNE 26
· Pete Wentz hiding his face and pretending like I cared who he was at the Rite Aid on Fairfax and Sunset. Considered following him to see what he was buying, but then I was distracted by something much more interesting: Kleenex.

· While waiting for an elevator in the 8000 Sunset parking garage, one finally arrived and produced ape-comic Dane Cook and one of his "bros", fresh from a work-out at Crunch.

SATURDAY, JUNE 28
· 1000 year old Angelyne was pulled over in front of my loft 5 minutes ago on Cahuenga and Melrose. They searched her trunk. Another squad car pulled up to join the search!!

· Just saw Fabio @ Equinox on Sunset. If only I knew George Clooney's number, I could have texted him to come over and beat him up.

TUESDAY, JULY 1
· As I was leaving the Arclight after the horriblenessness that is Wanted (seriously, the Loom of Fate?!?!), saw Katherine Heigl and her hags, T.R. Knight and his ward, Mark Cornelson, leaving. She was trying to go incognito wearing glasses, but looked very fit. T.R. and the ward looked pretty gay and short. No sign of lapdog, Josh Kelley.

UNDATED
· It was actually a couple of weeks ago...walking down Franklin Ave on my way to Mayfair Market, I saw none other than Fabio himself, sitting at that little Japanese restaurant. Hair: still luxurious, but not as long as in his heyday.

· Two weeks ago, spotted Tim Robbins at Kika sushi on Larchmont. Let me just say, he is hot. Sarandon is a lucky lady! Side note: I happened to catch Robbins' stage production of 1984 this
weekend, which is fantastic.

· A few weeks ago, I saw Lucy Liu with a male companion at Vegan Glory, this random little cafe in a mini-mall by house. She looked beautiful, as always.

At 61, Susan's complete lack of wrinkles or droopage on her face normally leads to speculation on whether or not she, like so many of her peers, has gone under the knife once or twice. But as she explained to reporters at last month's Speed Racer premiere, "I never say never...It's when people start looking like somebody else, their lips start to get weird, or they are younger looking at 65 than they were at 30 and they have that burn victim terrified look, that's just bad taste." Not to mention the fact that Sarandon has another secret to maintaining her youthful appearance the natural way: "I have a young husband." Oh, Susan. We officially crown you Queen of the Cougars.

[Photo credits: Getty, Daily Mail]

• 'WHY IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO GO UNDER THE TATTOOIST'S NEEDLE' SAYS ACTRESS SUSAN SARANDON, 61 [Daily Mail]