October 29, 2008 - A big mazal tov goes out to COREY — HE IS GETTING MARRIED!! The lovely lady is Tiffany Shepis! COREY and Tiffany first met 12 years ago while COREY was on set filming FEVER LAKE. They recently reunited at the Chiller Theatre autograph show & the rest is history. The wedding has been set for May 9, 2009! [...]

Also, COREY wants to let everyone who ordered a painting know that he will be shipping them out to you within about 2 weeks.

We were unfamiliar with Shepis's work, but learned from her bio that she is a "voluptuous New York-born beauty [and ] princess of scream [who] often upstages more seasoned actresses and has some great dance grooves." She has no fewer than 12 projects currently in the pipeline, including Blood De Madam: The Fallen Ones, Thorns from a Rose, and Night of the Demon. Quite obviously, that crossbow was aimed straight for Corey's heart. L'chaim!

• CoreyHaim.us via ONTD

Boomp3.com

At the Fox Reality Awards, Corey Feldman took time out of his busy schedule to soothe the frayed nerves of everyone affected by the current state of the economy and the upcoming presidential election. Feldman said, “Don’t worry about anything. I got this. Sues and me are going to Washington right after this event and we’re going to solve everything. We saved the Haimster, so we could probably save the McCain campaign and Wall Street before our first coffee break.”

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

On a mission to pick up some suntanning swag, popular vampire slayer/reality TV star Corey Haim happily posed with some fans. Well, one happy fan to be specific. The littlest fan said that Haim has been dead to her ever since he did the completely unnecessary sequels to Fast Getaway and Dream A Little Dream. Haim attempted to explain his reasons for making the sequels, but the lil’ fan threw her lil’ hands over her ears. The elder Haim fan asked if the Haimster would pose for a photo, which he happily agreed to. The elder fan picked up the little one, but she did her best to hide her shame.

[Photo Credit: Splash Pic]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

• WATCH VIDEO

• The Two Coreys "The Real Reason Feldman Lost His Career" [YouTube via JonBlitt.com]

· Conor Oberst at the Troubadour.
· Peanut Butter Wolf at Cinespace.
· Maya Rudolph and Fred Armisen at Largo.
· Jon Lovtiz at the Comedy and Magic Club.

• The Two Coreys [A&E]

· Today Is The Day @ The Echo.
· Weird Mondays @ The Good Hurt.
· Amanda Palmer (of Dresden Dolls fame) is @ The Troubadour.

The Moment: Corey Feldman, The Night and You
Degree of Discomfort (1-10 scale): 10
Rock Bottom: Maybe it's just the sound mixing, but as genuine as Feldman's vocal gesture may have been, anyone who can get through his climactic baying in increments longer than five seconds gets his/her own show (working title: Pop Culture Stoic) next spring on A&E.

The Moment: Who Raped the Coreys?
Degree of Discomfort: 8
Rock Bottom: "You wanna talk about the truth?" Feldman asks after Haim accuses him of failing to act when he was molested at age 14. "I was being molested at the same time by somebody else. What did you do?" Enter waitress, who tops off Haim's coffee. Clearly, it's discretion that brings them together.

The Moment: Corey Haim Peers Through The Defamer Looking Glass, Darkly
Degree of Discomfort (1-10 scale): 6
Rock Bottom: Haim's assistant Nelle walked him right into an open manhole of Defamer comments in one episode of Two Coreys, prompting a pensive, introspective moment of planning where to dump her body when the camera crew went home. But he did keep reading, caveats be damned. There's only so much squirming we can do.

The Moment: 'Did Somebody Order Stake?' Unflappable Corey Feldman Surfaces At The LAFF
Degree of Discomfort (1-10 scale): 9
Rock Bottom: Feldman memorably ripped Haim's heart out last year by announcing Warners had invited him — but not Haim — to star in the studios "shitty," straight-to-video Lost Boys sequel. Outraged, Feldman declined — only to present his cameo in the unwatchable Lost Boys 2: The Tribe a year last month at the LA Film Festival. Yes, there goes a true friend.

The Moment: Corey Haim Is Back, Ready To Make Amends, And Still Has Enough Money To Pay For An Ad In 'Variety' Begging For Work
Degree of Discomfort (1-10 scale): 17
Rock Bottom: Well, we guess it did seem to work.

One sleepless night later, he arrives on set, where dutiful assistant/underminer Nelle marks his trailer door "The Haimster." Sadly, however, this little Haimster wasn't yet ready to climb back into its wheel: his session in the mortician's wax chair quickly devolves into a rambling tribute to all his favorite uppers, quickly followed by some incoherent small talk with mortal frienemy Corey Feldman.

• The Two Coreys [A&E]

Instead of Corey Feldman, try Corey Haim: At the time of Drew’s fling with Feldman, picking between the two Coreys was a matter of Eeny Meeny Miney Mo, Catch A Cokehead By The Toe. Judging by their subsequent trajectories, Drew may have made the wiser choice. But it’s the other Corey, sent to the bottom of his pill bag by Defamer commenters, who currently needs all the help Drew’s strawberry-scented guffaws can bring.

Instead of Luke Wilson, try Owen Wilson: Maybe back in the late 90s Luke seemed like the more intriguing Wilson. His nose wasn’t quite as broken as his brother’s, Owen hadn’t bewitched us all with his Hans in Zoolander, and Luke had yet to permanently banish himself from crush lists by actually sharing screen time with Jessica Simpson. But if Drew goes back to the Wilson well, Owen is clearly the front-runner these days.

Instead of Tom Green, try Dane Cook: Because the barren landscape of horrendously unfunny comedians has a new mascot, and Drew’s fondness of sticking her tongue down her boyfriend’s throat might be the only way to shut this one up.

Instead of Justin Long, try PC Guy: Because John Hodgman is a treasure and deserves some action. Bonus points for Drew if she agrees to film a cameo in the next Apple commercial, makes Justin cry, short-circuit whatever totally awesome new Mac he’s holding, and permanently erase that smirk from his face.

[Photo credits: Wireimage, Getty]

• STAR EXCLUSIVE! DREW BARRYMORE AND JUSTIN LONG: IT'S OVER! [Star]

In it, they spied a blurb for the upcoming July 13th episode in which "Haim arrives on set visibly under the influence, and Corey Feldman can only watch in horror as things progress from bad to worse." It sounded like a doozy, but the reality, which we share now in the leaked clip above, is way rougher than anything we imagined. On the set of Lost Boys: The Tribe for reshoots, Haim had a crisis of confidence and flatly refuses to leave his trailer. Questionably motivated assistant Nelle then fetches him his bag of scrips, and the audio continues to run as he can be heard rummaging through bottles, followed by coughing. The editors then deftly weave Haim's line-flubbings into a chilling monologue delivered by Susie Feldman: "That's what happens when you don't care...you never try...a single pill has ruined his life, every relationship, his career, his health, his teeth, from one pill." Yeah. While you watch that, we're going to pour ourselves a glass of beer and notice the ripples our tears make across its surface.

• The Two Coreys [A&E]

And with that, we are out. Have a happy and safe Fourth Of July, we'll see you on Monday!

Choose which Corey you'd like to be—we took the Corey upon whom we've already inflicted more pain than our conscience can handle—then punch and kick your way through each round, earning special moves at every level. There's the pungent "Stinker," the "Wooden Stake Attack," and the particularly cruel "Dreamt of Success Smackdown," but thankfully, the sadistic web developers stopped short of a "Molestation Guilt-Trip Roundhouse Kick." OK—enough talk. Get to Corey-bashing!

• Corey Vs. Corey [A&E]

The sensitive actor's face then projected a gamut of emotions as he digested the various observations left by our illustrious, if tact-deficient, commenting community. For every heartening message pledging lifelong devotion, there was an equally callous put-down. It all proved too much for a star whose skin was never thickened by the unforgiving Age of the Internets: Haim stormed onto the deck of his improbably swank home, wondering why his detractors had to "type anything? Why read my article?" Sure, Haim has a little trouble discerning between an "article" and a "self-promotional print advertisement"—but that doesn't make the moment any less heart-wrenching. Quentin—just watch that unsolicited VHS audition he submitted for Inglorious Bastards already, so we can all put the rough years and tears behind us, and finally toast to Corey's too-long-overdue return.

• The Two Coreys [A&E]
• Previously: Corey Haim Is Back, Ready To Make Amends, And Still Has Enough Money To Pay For An Ad In 'Variety' Begging For Work [Defamer]

BOTH Corey Haim and Corey Feldman say they were sexually abused as child stars - and the culprit was not their old pal, Michael Jackson, who was acquitted of sexual abuse charges filed by others. "People can say whatever they want, but it wasn't Michael," Feldman told GQ's Mickey Rapkin.

"He and I have our own issues, but that wasn't one of them. The guy that did this to me was my assistant. I was still a virgin at the time. I hadn't even had sex with a girl. So for me it was just kind of bewildering." About his abuse, Haim adds, "It's something that will be addressed in my inner soul for the rest of my life, and it's something that truly affects me . . . It's just like, it happened, it's over, and move on. Let's move on to the next subject."

Yes, lets! No wait—we can't. Not yet. We're still trying to wrap our minds around the actual logistics of being molested by one's own assistant, as we're having difficulty picturing Feldman behind the wheel of an '86 Corvette, instructing his sex-offender gofer, "So, after you pick up my dry-cleaning and get me a Filet o' Fish with two slices of cheese, could you...*quiet weeping*...yes, I promise not to tell anyone...bring King to the groomers? Awesome, thanks dude."

• JACKO ABSOLVED [NY Post]

Feldman has already spoken out about what he suspects were several instances of R.E.M. (rapidly encroaching Michael) sleep at Neverland Ranch. Haim quickly dismisses the possibility that his friend wasn't conscious at the time—but what about Haim's own "rape." Was it rape rape? Or Hollywood-style rape—the kind one might begrudgingly submit to in some B-movie producer's poolside changing room in order to ensure oneself the lead in Prayer of the Rollerboys? At this point, we think pretty much anything is possible, and this shiz is getting heavy.

• The Two Coreys [A&E]

• 'Lost Boys 2': Exclusive Trailer And Details [mtv.com]