1.) Wanda Sykes' Sarah Palin pop-up book

2.) Tyra's "big" holiday give-away show
First of all, she doesn't even give the presents to everyone in the audience, just one audience member per gift. Secondly, she sounds more like she's on the street corner trying to sell us shit that fell off the back of a truck.

3.) These shirts:

4.) Tuna

5.) Same shit, different drunks
I missed the first two episodes of the new season of Bad Girls Club while away on vacation, but I caught the new one that aired this week, and it seems like I didn't miss much.

6.) Extreme Bathrooms
There was actually an hour-long show all about "extreme" bathrooms. I watched the whole thing, because it seemed like a Homer Simpson-y thing to do, but it was basically all like this:

7.) Babs
I don't know if it's all the years on television and all the awards she's received, or the onset of dementia, but it seems like every time she speaks now—about anything—she expects everyone to be fascinated, or at least impressed, with what she's saying.

8.) That's my Mariah!

9.) Mom who grows weed
A woman sold her hair salon and asked her son how she should invest her money, and he bought her a piece of land and turned her into a medical marijuana farmer. She's enjoying it.

10.) Last-minute Christmas gift idea
The Shady Lady brothel has just added male prostitutes to its roster. The madam there is offering coupons.

Final numbers will be in later this afternoon, and we're not going to bore you with all the ratings mumbo jumbo, but the 10pm show was up 70% compared to Conan O'Brien's premiere and 38% from Jay Leno's exit from The Tonight Show. Though it's not fair to compare an 11:35 and a 10 pm show, that's not a bad showing, and many a weekly drama would be happy with such a debut, but considering Leno is expected to do this every night of the week from now until nuclear winter, it's going to be a long road. Let's see how he does once the novelty has worn off and the universal chilliness from critics has sunken in.

The short version goes like this: while in Germany filming Inglorious Bastards, Novak and some of the other cast members learned of a bar in the area called "Tarantino's," a Quentin Tarantino-themed bar filled with memorabilia commemorating the director's film career. So, naturally, the cast thought it'd be a hilarious idea to actually walk into the bar and drink with the man so glorified there. Now, so as to not spoil the ending of the story, I'll stop here, but let's just say that Germans apparently aren't nearly as impressed by celebrity as Americans. Well, with the exception of David Hasselhoff that is.

Oh, and there's also an interesting Brad Pitt anecdote just prior to the Tarantino story, so enjoy...

Not according to NBC! The network tilts at the numbers because Conan claims higher numbers in the coveted demographic of 18-34 year olds. It's true. But how long can they hold on to those Red Bull swilling Youngs? This isn't some single-time spurt. Letterman's numbers have been surging ever since Conan took over Jay Leno's old gig at the Tonight Show. And Letterman has been steadily narrowing the demographic gap. With the announcement of their Emmy nominations, CBS took the opportunity to gloat. From their "In your face, Conan! In. Your. Face." memo

CBS's LATE SHOW beat "The Tonight Show" by its largest margin in viewers since 2000, placed first in adults 25-54 (tie) and narrowed the margin in adults 18-49 opposite Conan O'Brien to just -0.3 of a rating point, according to Nielsen live plus same day ratings for the week ending July 10.

LATE SHOW beat "The Tonight Show" in households (2.6/07 vs. 2.0/05, +30%) and viewers (3.68m vs. 2.82m, +30%). It was LATE SHOW's largest margin of victory against an all first-run week of "Tonight Show" broadcasts in both households and viewers since the week ending Feb. 25, 2000 (the week David Letterman returned from heart surgery). LATE SHOW has also closed the gap with "The Tonight Show" in adults 25-54 (1.2/05) to a tie, CBS's closest competitive position since the week ending Dec. 2, 2005 (the week Oprah Winfrey appeared).

In adults 18-49 (0.8/04 vs. 1.1/05) , LATE SHOW continued to cut "The Tonight Show's"' lead: -1.4 in Conan O'Brien's premiere week, -0.6 in the week ending June 12, -0.5 in the week ending June 19 and -0.3 in the week ending July 10. Among adults 18-34 (0.5/02 vs. 1.1/05), LATE SHOW has cut "The Tonight Show's" lead from -1.6 in Conan O'Brien's premiere week to -0.6 in the week ending July 10.

Last night's broadcast, featuring Sir Paul McCartney, topped "The Tonight Show" by its largest margin since Oct. 16, 2008 (Sen. John McCain's appearance).

John McCain and Paul McCartney! Ah, the sweet smell of senility! It's a shame because we prefer the aromas of Conan's locker room late show.

[ Deadline Hollywood Daily ]

Shatner's dirty old man act started when he used hand gestures to demonstrate how he has to pee in the woods, hand gestures that sort of insinuated he's packing a big dong. Then he moved on to a story about seeing a pretty girl on a train, a pretty girl he remembers so fondly that he moved his hand back and forth in front of his crotch in a masturbatory motion for emphasis. And then at the end of the interview Shatner, playfully agitated at Conan making fun of him for his inability to make the Vulcan "live long and prosper" salute, gave Conan the finger and the whole place just erupted.

All told, the entire segment is amazing. Definitely the most memorable moment to come out of the new Tonight Show so far, and something that may be remembered for a long time to come.

Video via The Tonight Show/NBC

"That's great," Nintendo of America president Reggie Fils-Aime said as he looked at it for the first time during his interview with Kotaku.

"We know that he is a fan of what we do, and we're thrilled to have him as a passionate Nintendo fan. Maybe we'll have to go play some Wii Sports Resort as well as Super Mario Bros Wii."

So, no cease and desist, Reggie?

"No. For Conan, we'll let that one slide."

Credit to SeriousLunch.com for first spotting the Conan-Mario connection and enhancing it.

Most notable was the clip of a jittery Conan O'Brien - who was Leno's final guest on the show - coming out on NBC for the first time in 1993, when they announced that O'Brien would have his own show. Watch as Jay Leno screws with "the kid" way back in the day.

The rest of the interview was Conan discussing the strageness of being hunted by TMZ cameras, and Jay being encouraging and supportive of his efforts. Which is boring! Why didn't they roast each other? It probably would've been more fun, and they've had all this time to glad hand each other in the press. It was nice, however, and Leno's never really been known for his bombast. But his bad one-liners, we'll always carry with us. Like this one, for the road:

Finally, Leno took to the children, for sentimental effect: after naming a few staffers who've hooked up over the years from jobs on The Tonight Show, Leno's grand finale was busting out the kids of all the staffers who've been born over the course of Leno's tenure on the show. It was sweet, cute, and kind of inspired. Credit where credit's due: to not be a grandstanding, pompous asshole after years of being a proficient late-night host, might be an accomplishment in it of itself. Or maybe Johnny Carson just set the precedent.

Also worth noting: Billy Crystal (with help from Hairspray remake director Marc Shaiman) doing a hammy musical tribute to Leno Thursday night.

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My favorite Tonight Show moment - tough between the "Hugh Grant/prostitute" saga, but Michael Jackson jokes (so old school!) win out: Leno can't tell any because he's a witness in the 2005 Michael Jackson trials, so he brings out a bunch of other comedians to do it for him. Later, a judge cleared him to tell the jokes. Anybody else? You find 'em, throw 'em in the comments, please.

Ms. Davis came on after Bill Maher, who himself was all fired up about various issues (Republicans, Michael Phelps, Kellogg's, A-Rod, American obesity) but the heretofore unknown (to me) actress managed to upstage Bill's earlier hysterics and carefully-rehearsed punchlines, with topics including growing up in Rhode Island, Sanford & Son, second-hand bikinis and urination accidents. Half the time I had no idea what she was talking about - it was late! - but I was left with two distinct thoughts: 1) I hope she wins the Oscar, if just for the awesome speech she'll give, and 2) the Tonight Show greenroom must have some serious Pinot grigio.

Both earned the scorn of the writers they betrayed, but at least Ellen made some gesture of solidarity by foregoing the monologue entirely. Leno, on the other hand—being the very giant-chinned embodiment of American can-do spirit—simply pushed up his blazer sleeves and wrote his monologues himself.

Being a WGA member, however, this was a direct violation of Guild guidelines, eliciting this terse wrist-slapping from the union: "A discussion took place today between Jay Leno and the Writers Guild to clarify to him that writing for The Tonight Show constitutes a violation of the Guilds' strike rules."

Now, one year later, the WGA is still peeved enough to be mulling a disciplinary action against Leno for peddling his stash of strictly contraband Dick Cheney and L.A. weather jokes. Variety reports:

It's understood that the guild has brought disciplinary proceedings against Leno, who is a Writers Guild of America member and writer for his NBC latenighter. The specifics of the proceedings are unclear, but the process should come to a head soon. [...]

That discipline may include "expulsion or suspension from guild membership, imposition of monetary fines or censure," according to the WGA's strike rules. There is also an appeals process.

We suspect this is more symbolic gesture than disciplinary measure—a premonitory, three-day-old carp wrapped in newsprint and left on the hood of one of Leno's old-timey gangster cars, as if to say, "Congratulations on the 10 p.m. strip, Leno. Now keep our guilded gag writers knee-deep in Funny Headlines, or Stuttering John sleeps with the fishes."

• WGA may discipline Jay Leno [Variety]

Jay played a clip of the first time Fanning was on the show, to promote I Am Sam (she was just 7 at the time and at the beginning of her career). A few minutes later, he portended the end of Hollywood's love affair with the actress. Clip at left.

While appearing on last night's Tonight Show, a wary Duchovny did his damnedest to avoid any potentially tumescent lines of conversation, yet every time he backed away, he found himself stepping into a new pile of "that's what she said"-level innuendo. Of particular interest to Jay Leno (and Tea Leoni's lawyers) was the onetime designation of Duchovny as "head boy," a one-innocent schoolboy title that loses some of its rakish flavor each time a 48-year-old Duchovny uses it at the craft services table to open up a double entendre-filled conversation with a hot background extra named "Misty." [The Tonight Show]

(That said, he kind of starts to win us over somewhere around the Jay-bashing halfway mark, which we'll attribute to our own anti-Jay bias, or the fact that we're drunk, too.)
· We're guessing this poor dude dangling from a Vail chairlift with his pants down and his pecker hanging out really wishes he could put it all behind him—something that might take a little bit longer than predicted thanks to high-quality digital imaging and the magics of the internet!
· Here's a look at Jeff Bridges's book of photography from the set of Iron Man, including documentation of his traumatic head-shaving. [via Goldenfiddle]
· Madonna's vagina is around four feet wide with razor sharp teeth which can devour a large Louis Vuitton handbag in one gulp.
· As Bush winds down his last days in the White House, we're still in utter disbelief that Cookie bin Monster has yet to be found.

In the last tectonic late-night shift—during Johnny Carson's retirement— Leno wasn't above hunkering down with a styrofoam coffee cup pressed to his ear for little crawlspace espionage:

On the night of January 6, 1992, in a feat of corporate espionage chronicled in Bill Carter’s book on the late-night wars, The Late Shift, Leno hid in a closet-like office beneath his Burbank studio to listen in on a conference call taking place among NBC executives. They were discussing who should follow Johnny Carson as host of The Tonight Show—Leno or David Letterman. While they argued, Leno took notes “on what people thought of him and his show,” Carter reported. “Best of all he knew exactly who was for him and who was against him.”

He has other tricks up his sleeve: At last summer's TCA, he arrived disguised in a bald wig, goatee, and glasses, and asked a series of pointed questions to the Ben Silverman-hosted NBC panel, including, "Is it true that you offered Leno a fifth hour on the Today show?" The stunt, as bewildering as it was, obviously had the intended effect: Reminded of how well things have been going with Kathie Lee Gifford, Silverman obligingly allowed Leno to hit the same casting couch that got her the gig. One steamy closed-door session later, the 10 o'clock slot was his.

• Jay Leno: Revenge of the Everyman [VF.com]

Sykes has always been a reliable talk show staple, but this was her first stint on a couch since announcing her gay marriage last month. Demonstrating her commitment to education and outreach, she chose the often gay-stymied Leno for the honor, who promptly speculated that it must have been his long-ago clumsy flirtation that turned the comedienne gay. If that's the case, then forgive us for asking: Ryan Reynolds, it's almost 11am PST. Do you know who your wife is with? [The Tonight Show]

(With a half-hour of local news between the two as the delicious, late night sandwich filling.) While he never said the words "Jay Leno can suck my pink, Irish ass" directly, he did point to the worrisome 20 degree temperature-increase in NYC that accompanied the news. The subtext was clear: Conan had been following our Pop Culture Doomsday coverage closely, and was warning his viewers to find their quickest route into orbit before the planet erupts into flames the second Leno delivers his first joke about Bill Clinton getting handsy with Michelle Obama at the Press Corps dinner in primetime. [Late Show]

First, there was the mushroom cloud hanging over Burbank, as Jeff Zucker announced NBC would be scaling back production of hours of original programming, then proceeded to shitcan about everyone except Ben Silverman, before triumphantly revealing his amply-chinned endgame: Keeping Jay Leno in the NBC fold by giving him a five-night-a-week show ("Keep doing what you're doing," went the pitch") in the 10 p.m. slot.

It was a Dick Wolf-coronary-inducing coup that—despite the mildly unpleasant side-effect of completely fucking over Conan O'Brien and reducing the number of hours of scripted NBC entertainment to 10 per week—might one day be heralded as a brilliant triumph. Or a complete fucking disaster.

Who's the biggest loser you can think of? As much as your reflexive instinct is to shout the name "Jimmy Fallon!" in response to that question, we're afraid that's not the case. His new, third hour of NBC's late-night lineup "premiered," as such, last night on the web. Color us asleep—but in the new, improved, all-late-night NBC landscape, any dude with a band-leader and a desk is safe.

No, the biggest loser of course would be SAG members, who called an emergency town hall at the Harmony Gold last night in which, Deadline Hollywood Daily reports, "99% of those who spoke were exceedingly supportive and said 'Yes, we need a strike authorization vote.'"

As the Hot Blog points out, the 10 p.m. slot was the only slot not yet infested by shows featuring obese families dutifully weighing-in or Howie Mandel narrating the gripping selection of numbered-briefcases. Even if the strike didn't happen—and that's looking less and less likely—the announcement of Jay's new strip would give AFTRA a two-hour lead on NBC's primetime programming: 12 hours vs. SAG's 10. Further, were the strike to go through, dual SAG-AFTRA members would be required to go to work under the terms of the AFTRA agreement.

We suppose that makes AFTRA the second-biggest winner here, after NBC. (We're not calling that one for Leno merely for the fact that he's an unknown primetime quantity, and could rapidly lose him momentum once his audience moves beyond "married couples looking for an excuse to avoid sex.") Second-biggest loser, meanwhile, goes to late show bookers. Happy feeding frenzy for the one actor who actually has a project debuting, guys!

In a surprise move, Jay Leno is taking over the 10 p.m. slot on weeknights on the network.

The move is a huge coup for NBC Universal chief Jeff Zucker, who has long said he wanted to keep both Leno and his replacement, Conan O’Brien, in the NBC family. [...]

The move would also bring to an end a potentially messy transition in the coming year that had industry speculation centered on Leno potentially moving to ABC, which would set up a three-way brawl for the dwindling late-night dollars between Leno, O’Brien and CBS’s David Letterman.

Presuming the show is something akin to what Leno does now, and not some supersized Jaywalking strip or Pimp My Old-Timey Gangster Car atrocity, then what we're looking at here is the network's first legitimate chance to reclaim the 21st Century vaudeville crown since the abortion that was NBC presents the Rosie Trading Excruciating Gay Jokes With Clay Aiken as Alec Baldwin Doesn't Fit Into His Clothes Variety Hour. It's an NBC miracle! We're sure Conan O'Brien must be just thrilled: After fifteen years of following Leno five nights a week, there must be no better feeling that knowing you've moved one hour closer to primetime, where you'll follow Leno five nights a week.

• Jay Leno Taking Over 10 P.M. On NBC [Broadcasting & Cable]

Thus, she resolved to spend the remainder of the year hiding in her Malibu mansion's panic room, emerging only in 2009, when her famous, readopted Melrose Place hairstyle will have grown out the dark roots we knew and loved. Undaunted, a competitive Denise Richards vowed to go Locklear one better and never leave her own house until 2010. It worked, Heather! You can come out now! [The Tonight Show]