No one was anticipating miracles from the Schoenfeld Theater, where Holmes joined John Lithgow, Patrick Wilson and Dianne Wiest for the premiere of Arthur Miller's 1947 breakthrough All My Sons. So no one seemed disappointed that they didn't get them: Despite his best, unfailingly self-promotional intentions, Fox's Roger Friedman dampened expectations earlier this week, and the word so far from New York's more authoritative drama critics took care to treat Holmes as just another distinguished board-treader:

· "The very different leading actresses — the stage veteran Ms. Wiest and the neophyte Ms. Holmes, in her Broadway debut — are sad casualties of [director Simon] McBurney’s high-concept approach. [...] Ms. Holmes delivers most of her lines with meaningful asperity, italicizing every word. This Ann is straight from the school of the Erinyes (those avenging furies from Greek mythology), and I didn’t believe for a second that she really loved the honorable, naïve Chris." — Ben Brantley, The NY Times

· "A starry cast has been assembled to yell their lungs out, including the distinguished John Lithgow and, in her Broadway debut, Katie Holmes, known in her (less than) private life as Mrs. Tom Cruise. [...] Lithgow starts in a sunny, benign fashion, but eventually finds himself screeching alongside Holmes, looking tough under a glossy wig, and the all-American Wilson." — Clive Barnes, NY Post

· "Holmes, a TV and film vet, makes a fine Broadway debut. Her rather grand speech pattern takes getting used to, but she seems comfortable and adds a fitting glint of glamour. Dancing with Lithgow, kissing Wilson, she makes you forget about her being Mrs. Tom Cruise. At times, however, Holmes is strangely shrill." — Joe Dziemianowicz, NY Daily News

Meanwhile, Miller's daughter Rebecca praised Holmes (sort of) on the red carpet preceding the performance, and the camera-toting folks who schlepped in from New Jersey and elsewhere left without their coveted Tom and Suri Cruise sightings (both were reportedly no-shows, but his blurb-tossing mother dropped in for the hell of it). They did get a glimpse at Anonymous's scathing review of Holmes's offstage performance, however, as more than 30 cops kept watch over a masked crowd barking "Scientology Kills" and waving "Run Katie Run" signs outside the Schoenfeld.

And run Katie did — straight into the fluffy, waiting arms of People, whose probing inquiry following the show revealed that Suri has her own dressing room "transformed into a playroom." A diva in the making! Somewhere in the distant cosmos, we know Arthur Miller positively sobs with pride.

[Photos: AP]

Ticket buyers older than 8 should simply close their eyes and ponder a more stimulating concept: Beverly Hills Cujo. — Claudia Puig, USA Today

It's still only October, but I'll go ahead and say it: Beverly Hills Chihuahua is the best film of 2008 starring a purse dog. — Carla Meyer, The Sacramento Bee

You could say Beverly Hills Chihuahua is Lady and the Tramp meets Viva Zapata!, but seriously, I've seen zestier attitude in a Purina commercial. — Owen Gleiberman, Entertainment Weekly

Sublimely silly and oddly poignant, Beverly Hills Chihuahua — that's right, the one with the talking canines — is Lady and the Tramp for lap dogs, Roots for pooches, Legally Blonde told from Bruiser's point of view. — Carrie Rickey, Philadelphia Enquirer

The film is Beverly Hills Chihuahua. The audience is the fire hydrant. — Kyle Smith, NY Post

Right? Right?? Can't! Wait!

• 'Beverly Hills Chihuahua' [Rotten Tomatoes]

Dude, what made you refuse to screen your film for critics before it opened Friday? I'm betting you would have received an earful of praise for your writing and directing.

Praise for the sweet relationship between Alfre Woodard and Kathy Bates as mothers occasionally shamed by their children. Praise for making venality your dominant theme without falling into the ditch of soap opera. Praise for constructing characters whose yearning for more rings true. Praise for integrating your cast without using race as a crutch. (You're forgiven for the moment when Woodard, as Alice, the owner of a struggling diner, sees the new car that Bates's Charlotte, a wealthy matriarch, has bought and says: "I never saw you drive. Where's Morgan Freeman?")

A few other critics have swatted it down for its pulpy, melodramatic machinations, but that's the point — that's the fun of it! Anyway, we'll find out soon enough if Perry comes around; his third film in 12 months, Madea Goes to Jail, opens Feb. 20, 2009. For all that preaching of forgiveness on which his empire's built, we hope he can find it in his heart to at least think about kicking us a DVD screener by Feb. 19.

• 'The Family That Preys' [Source]