Gawker: defamer, the omen

Short Ends: Coddling The Hellspawn

Mark — Wed, 07 Jun 2006 22:14:55 EDT

· Not for nothing, but if a seven-year-old Dakota Fanning was playing the spawn of the devil, no one would think twice about whether or not she could handle knowing the sinister truth about her character. We're just sayin'.
· More blogger fun with the Hello! Shiloh cover: Gallery of the Absurd does it in graphite and ink , while The Weekly Donut goes for old-fashioned glazed.
· Andy Dick might be slipping: Merely stinking of booze and smoking a joint is Dick on his best "brunch at Buckingham Palace" behavior.
· A columnist at the Charlotte Observer calls the Dianetics-sponsored NASCAR team "the weirdest sponsorship since Boudreaux's Butt Paste, the diaper-rash cream that began sponsoring a Busch Series car in 2005." Well said, and we hope he enjoys the lifetime of white van surveillance he's just opted into. [via Goldenfiddle]

'The Omen' Does Big Business On Day Of The Beast

Mark — Wed, 07 Jun 2006 19:47:15 EDT

Fans of obscure box office records will be delighted to learn that yesterday's demonically timed opening of The Omen shattered the 6-6-06 release record held by 1906's Dream of a Rarebit Fiend, as well as Ali's far less coveted all-time Tuesday mark, with a cutely misreported $12,633,666 gross. Reports Box Office Mojo:

"I was so concerned about it being a Tuesday, but obviously our marketing got the message across," said Bruce Snyder, Fox's president of distribution. "I would have never guessed even $6 million. This was a rather unique circumstance, I think that we created a furor, and I do not expect to see another $12 million today [Wednesday]."
When asked about the Tuesday gross ending in "666," Snyder joked, "I didn't notice that. It's a sign from above." Then, he copped to the fact that it wasn't Satan manipulating the numbers. "We were having a little fun," he said.

Snyder later apologized to anyone who misinterpreted the studio's somewhat cynical use of Satanic imagery, even promising to set aside some of The Omen's record-breaking Tuesday gross to compensate any fans who mistook Fox's "Drink Your Newborn Baby's Blood For Two Tickets" giveaway for anything other than a lighthearted promotional gimmick.

'Omen' Opens to Tuesday Record [Box Office Mojo]
Full 6-6-06 Coverage [Defamer]

Hollywood's Four Horsemen Saddling Up

Mark — Tue, 06 Jun 2006 21:10:04 EDT

We may not have much time left before the End of Days, as an operative has just spotted Brett Ratner on the Fox lot, joining forces with of one of the celebrity world's greatest forces of darkness:

Brett Ratner must have gotten out of jury duty (maybe that disco light defense worked out after all) because I just saw him on the Fox lot. With Joe Simpson, who was wearing a pink and blue striped polo. If only Ryan Seacrest were there, I would've taken it as the true sign of the apocalypse. I don't know what kind of hell spawn Daddy Fox is cooking up next, but this may be our final warning.

If the appearance of this first pair of Hollywood Horsemen isn't terrifying enough to get you to kick off work early and soak in a tub full of holy water until morning, consider that a reader seems to have spotted a sign on Melrose (pictured) indicating the imminent ride of the other two. Fox's plan to unleash Hell seems chillingly clear now: While we're all craning our necks skyward to behold their ominous sky-writing, Ratner and Simpson will skip hand-in-hand through the city to gobble up the souls of anyone foolish enough to fall for their airborne distraction, while the Antichrist trails on Danny Tanner's shoulders, harvesting whatever scraps are left for him.

Brett Ratner: King Of The Jury Box [Defamer]

Damien Possesses Mickey Mouse

Mark — Tue, 06 Jun 2006 16:59:02 EDT

The evil promotional procession of The Omen's instantly recognizable triple sixes etched into the sky above Fox's Century City lot late yesterday (see included photo, sent in by a reader who just knocked a millennium off his purgatory sentence) by the studio's infernal biplanes was merely the first stage of their airborne marketing blitz. Another operative informs us that Fox's airborne, fork-tailed terror squad continued down to Anaheim, briefly turning the Magic Kingdom into the Most Satanic Place on Earth:

"The 6-6-06 skywriter did his thing over Disneyland [yesterday]. DISNEYLAND. People's reactions were hilarious. One woman even broke out a full-sized Bible. Icing on the cake: the skywriter messed up the dashes, cutting through the first two sixes. I personally found this to be the best attraction of the day!"

It's clear that now Fox has entered into a pact with the Dark Lord (one more diabolical than even Rupert Murdoch himself), there is no temple they won't desecrate to further their nefarious ends.

Either Fox Is Promoting Another Movie, Or The Antichrist Has Just Been Born [Defamer]

Defamer ConflagrationWatch: Sony Lot No Longer Burning Down

Mark — Tue, 06 Jun 2006 15:00:23 EDT

As a service to our readers on the Sony lot who might not be checking their inboxes as frequently as they should, we pass along this interoffice e-mail blast reassuring employees that their place of work has not, in fact, burned to the ground.

SPE Employee Communications 06/06/2006 09:08 AM To: SPE Employee Communications/LA/SPE@SPE, All SPE Lotus Notes Users - West Coast, Subject: Incident On Lot
You may have heard reports this morning of a fire on Stage 27 on the Sony Pictures Studio lot. We want to let you know that the fire has been extinguished, and there were no injuries. We are open for business today but we would appreciate it if you would refrain from visiting the fire site. We will continue to provide you with relevant information as it develops.

Thank you.

We can't help but note that that today is 6/6/06, which makes us suspicious that Fox might have felt that spreading some hellflame on a rival's turf would be a much more effective reminder about The Omen's release than some silly skywriting over Culver City. Arson really is the next logical promotional step.

Either Fox Is Promoting Another Movie, Or The Antichrist Has Just Been Born

Mark — Mon, 05 Jun 2006 21:49:32 EDT

A nicotine-addled Defamer operative just submitted this report about Fox's latest skywriting-based attempt at movie marketing:

Was having my 5:17 smoke and noticed a big 6 in the sky over the Fox lot....couldn't see if there were more 6's, but I'm guessing the mark of the devil is gonna hover over us to commemorate the opening of "The Omen"? I'd send a pic if I had a camera phone...

It should go without saying that cameraphone photography of the Fox publicity department's wispy, airborne Number of the Beast (blogger's rendering at left) is heartily encouraged, as is the sharing of any misguided News Cafe promotional menus offering Beelzebub's Infernal Meatloaf.

Previously: 6-6-06: Marketing Friend Of The Beast [Defamer]