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August Blahs Hit Hard as Scummy 'Mummy' Threatens Bat-Superiority

STV — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 12:05:00 EDT

Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your regular guide to new hits, misses and dead ends this weekend at the movies — and considering our sudden passage into the August filmgoing doldrums, we could use all the guidance we can get. Still, Batman's dark shadow stretches into its second week while another, stinkier franchise will do all it can to vanquish The Dark Knight at the box office. Meanwhile, we fear for Kevin Costner, have a film-festival darling in mind for this week's Underdog pick, and have a bleary-eyed glance at the latest DVD releases as well. As usual, our opinions are our own, but they're also essentially failsafe, so read them and weep! Literally!

WHAT'S NEW: Barring some Joker-emulating fanboy's cackling sabotage of a few thousand projectors nationwide, this will likely be the week The Dark Knight slips out of first place behind The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. Make that "first place at the box office," that is — not necessarily in our hearts, where the roundly loathing critical reaction to Mummy doesn't have us too confident in its overall superiority. But that's August for you, and despite the Batmobile at its tattered heels, The Mummy's awfulness shouldn't keep about $52 million worth of American ticketbuyers away. Sorry about that. Or, if you're up for a counterprogramming schlep to Norwalk, Lionsgate's buried Clive Barker adaptation Midnight Meat Train finally opens in one theater. Again, welcome to August. It can only get better. Really.

THE BIG LOSER: In fairness, we're checking out Swing Vote this weekend, so we don't know for ourselves yet whether or not it's a joy to behold. But let's recap for second: Kevin Costner's latest is the story of an alcoholic single dad whose vote is discovered to hold the key to a presidential election. Its plot is essentially lifted from a 1939 John Barrymore film. It's over two hours long. Costner financed it himself, and best promoted it Wednesday night as Conan O'Brian's Chinese-restroom-tour sidekick. Kevin, we really are puling for you, but why are we not encouraged?

THE UNDERDOG: Speaking of counterprogramming, the small drama Frozen River is about as antisummer as its gets: A broke single mother (Melissa Leo) in frigid upstate New York, whose American dream consists of a new double-wide and a Christmas with actual presents under the tree, falls into an immigrant-smuggling ring with a young Native American woman (Misty Upham). That's it — that simple, that stark, and quite strong. And don't hold its Sundance Grand Jury Prize against it; for every brooding indie convention into which it trips, Leo and Upham dig out with help from writer/director Courtney Hunt's elegant eye and gut-punch plot twists. It's not an August miracle or anything, but it's easily the best thing opening in town this weekend.

FOR SHUT-INS: New DVD releases include Martin Scorsese's Rolling Stones concert doc Shine a Light, the 25th anniversary rerelease of WarGames, and a three-way tie for Must-Have-Right-Now Box Set: The Hills: The Complete Third Season; Beverly Hills 90210: The Fifth Season; and Girlfriends: The Fourth Season. Don't rush off to buy them all at once — we have a feeling they'll be there for a while.

So are we worrying too much? Is The Mummy 3 ready for misunderstood masterpiece status? Or is that Swing Vote? Or will Heath Ledger surge back to make fools of us all? We're up for anything at this point in the season — fire away below, and help us count down the days until Pineapple Express.

Brendan Fraser, Habitual Line Cutter

Douglas Reinhardt — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 14:40:00 EDT

boomp3.com

The Mummy: Tomb Of the Dragon Emperor star Brendan Fraser used the oldest excuse in the book ("I'm the star of the films that this ride is based on!") to get ahead in line for the "Revenge Of The Mummy" ride at Universal Studios Hollywood. Fraser flexed a few muscles and signed some autographs for the park's guests until his pen ran out of ink. Fraser then explained that the ride needed his final approval before being officially opened to the public, then cut in front of a whole pack of 9-year-old boys who had slept in line for the ride overnight.

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Maria Bello Discovers She's "A Cheaper Rachel Weisz Type"

Mark — Mon, 14 May 2007 15:58:28 EDT

· Maria Bello has been cast in the role of "Much Cheaper Alternative to Oscar-Winning Actress No Longer Willing to Slum It in a Mindless Sequel" in the next Mummy installment, replacing Rachel Weisz. [Variety]
· Spider-Man 3 pulled in another $85.5 million internationally, bringing its worldwide box office to $622.1 million. [THR]
· NBC demotes Law & Order: Criminal Intent to its USA Network (with second-run episodes appearing on the network mothership), while the Original Recipe L&O will stay on the Peacock, avoiding a possible banishment to TNT. [Variety]
· CBS goes pre-upfront pick-up crazy, bringing pilot dramas Twilight (about a vampire P.I.) and Laughlin (guy dreams of opening a shitty casino in Laughlin, NV!) to series. [THR]
· Madonna's husband is finally getting back into directing incomprehensible, low-budget gangster films, and will team with Joel Silver's Dark Castle Entertainment on the "action comedy" RockNRolla this summer. [Variety]

Hollywood PallbearerWatch: Spielberg, Arnold Draw Honorary Duty At Valenti Funeral

Mark — Tue, 01 May 2007 14:57:41 EDT

· 3,000 attend the Spider-Man 3 Tribeca Film Festival premiere in Astoria, Queens, uncharitably described as "roughly the east coast equivalent of Van Nuys." We hope nobody from Var is planning any trips to that borough in the near future, as we fear for their safety after that slight. [Variety]
· The U.S. Trade Representative puts China and Russia on notice, naming the two nations as the world-leaders in copyright theft, and threatening them with visits from DVD-sniffing wonderdogs Lucky and Flo should they not demonstrate a commitment to stopping movie piracy. [THR]
· "Magic" screen test chemistry lands 26-year-old Australian unknown Luke Ford a key role in the next Mummy movie, a casting move that may allow Universal to jettison Brendan Fraser after this installment and continue the franchise with cheaper talent. [Variety]
· Steven Spielberg, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Fox's Peter Chernin, Disney's Bob Iger, and dozens of others pull honorary pallbearer duty at Jack Valenti's Washington, DC funeral. [THR]
· Peter Jackson is shopping around his spec adaptation of Alice Sebold's The Lovely Bones; predictably left out of the bidding war fun: New Line, whom Jackson is suing for untold millions in Lord of the Rings royalties he claims to be owed. [Variety]
· In a move meant to recognize the breadth and quality of the original programming that plays above its famous scrolling grid of television listings, the TV Guide Channel boldly rebrands as TV Guide Network. [THR]