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Spider Man star Tobey Maguire showed the paparazzi that they wouldn't like him when he's angry while attempting to leave Madeo in West Hollywood. The persistent flash from the cavalcade of paps enraged Maguire, but it was their relentless begging for Maguire's leftovers that really set him off.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

1. Wall-E - $62.5 million
Realizing that their last vision of a dystopian future-Earth—2006's Cars, in which automobiles ruled the planet, fueled by an endlessly replenishable supply of human livestock bred in subterranean people-farms—was perhaps a little too dark a subject matter for their intended family audiences, Pixar decided to simplify this time around. The result: A nearly silent love story featuring a binoculars-on-treads that critics are hailing as a modern classic. Disney can only be overjoyed with the results: Wall-E earned the second-highest June opening of all time, and Pixar's third-highest debut, behind Finding Nemo. The only person to come away disappointed? Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak, who saw in the parable a painful metaphor for his failed attempts at winning the heart of his own Extraterrestrial Vegetation Evaluator, Kathy Griffin. Upon returning home, he instantly set upon smashing any remotely Wall-E-ish thing in his garage to pieces— which included the Segway they rode on their first date, and an early Apple prototype made from parts of a Speak n' Spell and a hand-mixer.

2. Wanted - $51.118 million

But were Wall-E the only record-breaking Box Office Miracle™ this weekend, for more mature audiences (read: 14-year-olds with patchy facial hair and highly suspicious drivers licenses issued by the State of Hawaii) flocked instead to this visually arresting, swervy-ammo shoot 'em up. Among the paradigm-upending innovations conjured up by director Timur Bekmambetov (a proud Kazakh export and delicious retribution for three years of humiliating, "In my country we have a pen outside for the animals and womens!" jokes): Angelina Jolie illuminated by fluorescent drugstore lighting, James McAvoy's transformation from turtle-faced office-nerd to action hero, and Morgan "God" Freeman getting all MF-bomb-droppin' badass again.

3. Get Smart - $20 million
If you think you might enjoy Steve Carell pretending to talk like a deaf person, then being referred to as a "retard," then doing a dance routine with an obese woman who—wait for it—actually ends up being light on her feet...then Get Smart is the movie for you!

4. Kung Fu Panda - $11.746 million
Sure, you can round-kick. But tell us this, Kung Fu Panda: Can you walk on 30-foot-high tree-stilts? We didn't think so.

5. The Incredible Hulk - $9.226 million
We've taken a cue from Incredible, and started wearing a wristwatch pulse-meter ourselves, in a similarly feeble attempt at avoiding waking up naked somewhere in the British Columbian wilderness after a particularly destructive Midori Sour bender.

• WEEKEND BOX OFFICE June 27–29, 2008 [Box Office Mojo]

1. Get Smart - $39.2 million
The middling-at-best TV adaptation claimed the weekend essentially by default, but it also fell almost $1 million short of the $40 million opening it needed to trigger its principals' rumored sequel clauses. Will Warner Bros. call it even and commission a script by lunch? Is Anne Hathaway renegotiating with her bad-boy paramour for further "publicity consulting" in 2010? Will Steve Carell meet Don Adams at the Get Smart 2 premiere? Only time will tell!

2. Kung Fu Panda - $21.7 million
The ursine pugilist enjoyed one last top-five weekend before Pixar's Wall-E comes along on Friday to show him what true box-office violence looks like.

3. The Incredible Hulk - $21.5 million
It might look underachieving, but don't worry! A 61% drop is exactly the kind of declining potency Bruce Banner has been searching for all these years. In a couple of weeks it'll be like none of this ever happened to him.

4. The Love Guru - $14 million
What more can we say? His karma was huge.

5. The Happening - $10 million
Manoj's Mint experienced an even steeper plunge than Hulk, driving the stroppy writer/director/profit-participant to challenge Mike Myers to a winner-take-all Bad Idea Marketplace showdown in which next weekend's lower performer flees theaters by noon Monday. We hear Paramount is said to be considering it.

Honorable Mention — 16. Kit Kittredge: An American Girl - $223,000
A few weeks after its previous release — the foreign-language epic Mongol — opened at $27K per screen, the penultimate Picturehouse film Kit Kittredge swung a staggering $44,600 per-screen average in the five cities where American Girl has retail outlets. That should hopefully make the box-packing around the office feel like it's going a little quicker.

Naturally Marvel boss David Maisel will be doing victory laps for rest of the season, but after the jump, join us in parsing a bizarre contrarian argument gaining traction against the studio's acknowledged re-do of Ang Lee's brooding 2003 Hulk. Hint: It's bullshit.

You can start to see it in the raw numbers put out today at Box Office Mojo, where a comparison of Hulk '03 and Hulk '08 indicates the latter film underperformed its predecessor by $7 million after five days in release. The inference — intentional or not — is that after all that Marvel did to disown the first Hulk, the second couldn't even keep up. Such hubris, right? Such a letdown! At least that's the read laid forth in a more explicit crack analysis at The Playlist:

Ed Norton's The Incredible Hulk (notice no director mentioned here), was [an] enjoyable action-packed flick, that has been a smashing success, toppling the box-office this weekend and erasing the memory of Marvel's original embarrassment, right?

Not quite. The Incredible Hulk, directed by Louis Leterrier, opened this weekend with a winning $55.4 million, but it was well off the opening of Ang Lee/ Eric Bana's 2003 version of the green monster film which opened five years ago to a substantially larger $62.1 million. Marvel is calling this new version an unqualified success, but of course you're not reading this truer story everywhere (of course its the Aussie press have to make a note of pointing this out, not in the name of fairness of course, but because Bana is Australian).

You're likely to hear more of this crap as the trades latch on in the weeks ahead, but pray along with us for a moment that the big green apples and oranges are seen for what they are. To wit, Hulk '03 opened with high expectations opposite a shitty rom-com (Alex and Emma) and the self-immolating From Justin to Kelly; the summer releases that preceded it — X-Men 2, The Matrix Reloaded, Bruce Almighty — had far less legs than Hulk '08's competition from its own studio, let alone Indiana Jones 4 and Kung-Fu Panda. Mix in The Happening, which pulled away at least $5 or $6 million, and you've got a reasonably well-performing franchise opener.

It's really pretty simple, and we wouldn't recommend relating its trajectory to that of Lee's film in polite, sentient company. Was it an "unqualified success" or the blockbuster that Marvel wanted? Of course not. But in the clogged-up context of Summer '08, it's a good showing for a decent film nobody should be ashamed of — stroppy star and, ahem, "Aussie press" be damned.

• 'Hulk' vs. 'Hulk' [Box Office Mojo]

• A Bigger, Badder 'Hulk' Tops The Box-Office? Not So Fast... [The Playlist]

CNN: Well, how much fun did you have playing this role?

Hurt: I don't call it fun, I call it work. If it was fun, they wouldn't call it work. I mean, play is play, fun is fun and work is work. They're different.

Hurt: I work hard, even if it's supposed to be fun for someone else, it's work for me.

CNN: You [worked with] a great cast of characters — really accomplished actors and actresses, that really take their craft seriously. So did you have a great time on set with them?

Hurt: It's not a party.

CNN: But it's nice to be around people who like to work as hard as you do.

Hurt: I like to work. I'm glad, I'm privileged to have work. But I approach it that way and I don't go ... I'm not going out at night. I'm not going to party. I'm going to go do something that will make me break a sweat.

Still unconvinced that the summer-blockbuster-making process isn't something akin to sleepaway camp for famous people, the CNN reporter then pressed, "Well, but let's say you're at the premiere party. And, like, there's an open bar, and all the people who made the movie with you are there—like Edward's there, and Liv, and...Tim! Can't forget Tim—and everyone's eating from the fondue fountain and having cocktails and just toasting to a job well done. Then is it fun? Is your job fun then?" at which point Hurt was reduced to using a nearby bowl of fruit to fully illustrate the concepts, with green apples representing "work," nectarines "fun," and a single, ripe banana standing in for the concept of "play."

• 'Hulk' actor: 'It's not a party' [CNN]

1. The Incredible Hulk - $54.538 million
For first reactions to The Incredible Hulk—Universal's attempt at "rebootting" the Freakishly Betrapezoided One's franchise—we defer to non other than Hulk-fan-on-the-street Dante Reno. Approached by Variety for comment, Reno proudly gestured to the area of his brain once designated for foreign languages, which, after two punishing hours of Dolby Digital Cinema Smaaaash™ effects, had now solidified into a useless clump of scar tissue. Still, that smile, and the words, "Aw, dude it was awesome," suggests to us that it was all worth it. Hulk back. Hulk smash. Hulk good.

2. Kung Fu Panda - $34.321 million
Crossing the $100 million divide this weekend was DreamWork's literal-minded Kung Fu Panda, in which ancient Asian fighting techniques named for animals were transformed into an adorable CGI menagerie of martial arts masters. It's a clever conceit that will be used to lesser success in direct-to-DVD companion title Yoga Cow, featuring the voice talents of Larry the Cable Guy as Downward Facing Dog and Cameron Diaz as Squatting Fish-Lotus.

3. The Happening - $30.5 million
Manoj laughs last, as what was sure to be his Lady in the Water bellyflop follow-up—a woodenly paced arborcidal thriller promptly tossed by critics into the chipper— wound up bringing in a very respectable $30.5 million from horror fans looking for some Friday the 13th thrills. (They got some, plus Mark Wahlberg "placating a ficus.") Having established his bankability once more, there's virtually no limits on where director M. Night Shyamalan's imagination might take us next—perhaps a religious allegory set in rural Pennsylvania, where a film critics' convention threatens the very fate of the Shrimphrogs, an ancient race of clog-dancing extraterrestrial amphibia. (With, of course, a cameo by the director as the NASA scientist who first discovers their existence.)

4. You Don't Mess with the Zohan - $16.4 million
There really is a Zohan! His name is Nezi Arbib, and he lives in San Diego.

5. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - $13.547 million
Want even more Jones excitement? Stay tuned for the further adventures of franchise inheritor Greaser LaBeouf, in...Mutt Williams and the 'Slap Me Harder, Faggot!'. SUMMER 2012.

• WEEKEND BOX OFFICE June 13–15, 2008 [boxofficemojo.com]

"We're trying to resuscitate this franchise from the fucking cellar!"

We kid, we kid. We applaud Ed Norton for his willingness to poke fun at the public and industry perception of him (and also for not caving into the pressure to turn this into an unbearable "I'm Fucking The Hulk" sketch). And while we would've liked to have seen him add a bit of pseudo-intellectual heft to the normally inane talk show publicity circuit, it's worthwhile to note that he did hit the red carpet at the film's premiere and resisted the urge to heckle Liv Tyler when she botched Coldplay's name at the MTV Movie Awards. And while we doubt that the lack of Norton on Letterman made any real dent in Fanboy Nation's appetite to cream their purple jean shorts at the multiplex this weekend, there is one question that remains unanswered that would make for the journalistic score of the first-half of 2008: what does Ed Norton really think of the film?

• Jimmy Kimmel Live! [ABC]

WHAT'S NEW: Edward Norton still may not be doing much to promote The Incredible Hulk, but once all the behind-the-scenes drama died down and we actually got a chance to see the film, we realized, "Hey — this isn't so bad." Or rather, it is what it is: A loud blockbuster for 14-year-old boys, with top-to-bottom miscasting (with the exception of a pathologically brutal Tim Roth) exacerbated by action auteur Louis Leterrier's hamfisted touch. But! It is kind of spectacularly dumb, arresting summer viewing — we've heard it described as King Kong meets The Bourne Identity, which is just about perfect — and predictions of a $55-$60 million opening might even be understating things. It certainly won't get much competition from the paucity of what's around it this week, particularly...

THE BIG LOSER: The Happening has miserable word-of-mouth and an R-rating working against it, and while we can't add much beyond our previous dispatches and what our own Reviewer X mentioned here on Monday, we can say that we'll be pretty shocked if Manoj's Folly cracks $20 million by Sunday night. And that's probably a number Fox would be happy with, even if it means third or even fourth place overall behind Hulk, Kung Fu Panda and possibly Zohan. But this isn't Speed Racer — if this does hit $20 mil, expect a backlash to the backlash by the time we reconvene next week.

THE UNDERDOG: We alluded yesterday to the unhinged creepiness of Quid Pro Quo, a mystery/romance/mindfuck featuring Nick Stahl as a paraplegic radio journalist who, er... stumbles? Rolls? OK, happens upon a subculture of "wanna-be" disability fetishists. Among them: Vera Farmiga, who takes an immediate (and suspicious) liking to Stahl's baffled chair jockey even as their physical trajectories cross radically — hers en route to the paralysis she craves, his en route to walking again. The actors' heavy lifting saves writer-director Carlos Brooks's pretentious ass on more than one occasion, but conceptually, anyway, Quid wields the kind of strength and endurance M. Night Shyamalan only experiences these days from his hair product.

FOR SHUT-INS: This week's new DVD releases include the terminal-cancer buddy bomb The Bucket List; the Hayden Christensen teleportation adventure Jumper; Michael Haneke's American remake of his torture opus Funny Games; Zak Penn's terrific poker-culture satire The Grand; and finally, by popular demand, What's Happening! The Complete Series.

So are you Team Hulk or Team Happening? Can Manoj shatter expectations and bring home the hit he so desperately needs? Did we miss a diamond or some other, less-precious gem in the rough? It's Father's Day weekend — what does your old man want to see?

“Shame on ‘The Incredible Hulk’ for unnecessarily adding smoking to a sequel that would have been just as exciting and believable without it,” said Dianne Fenyk, President of the [American Medical Association (AMA) Alliance]. “Universal Studios and the other Hollywood studios should be especially embarrassed for using comic book movies, which they market to children and know youth will want to see, to promote tobacco.” [...]

The AMA Alliance is encouraging its 27,000 members to alert their local media and communities about the smoking in ”The Incredible Hulk,” as well as to continue pressuring the MPAA, Universal Studios and its other studio members to remove smoking once-and-for-all from youth-rated films.

Universal counters that they've made all the necessary MPAA-requested adjustments to their marketing materials; further, once the context for the film's tobacco-use is fully grasped, impressionable youths all over America will be turning "green with rage" at having to inhale second-hand smoke, and wind up "smaaaashing out" butts, just like their gargantuan hero. We're not entirely convinced, however, as the above tie-in with smooth, refreshing Kool-brand menthol cigarettes suggests to us that this is one superhero franchise that may be on the Big Tobacco take.

• americanlegacy.org
• incrediblehulk.marvel.com

• Tony Stark Appears in New Incredible Hulk TV Spot [/Film]
• incrediblehulk.marvel.com

If your kids simply must watch the Cartoon Network, they will be overwhelmed with ads for all kinds of tooth-rotting junk, including Pop Tarts, Lucky Charms, Reese's Puffs and some concoction called Froot Loops Cereal Straws. But critics say there's a different pediatric health risk on the cable channel — promotions tied to violent, PG-13-rated movies. ...

While studios can't sell R-rated movies directly to young kids, they have more flexibility — but not total freedom — in how they market PG-13 releases to children, with some limitations on when certain ads can and can't run. So instead of directly pitching the violent movies straight to little children, the studios are using a more subtle tactic: They let their promotional partners do their bidding through licensed toys and snacks.

So if your 4-year-old suddenly says he has to see The Incredible Hulk — rated PG-13 in part for "sequences of intense action violence" and "some frightening sci-fi images" — it could be that he's seen a Hulk Airheads candy spot running in the middle of the morning on Cartoon Network's Robotboy."

Angry families, meanwhile, have had enough of Hulk Smash Hands: The "Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood" has reached out to the Federal Trade Commission, which in turn scolded the MPAA. As befits their role as the story's imperious bête noire, the MPAA merely yawned in response ("The PG-13 rating is not a restrictive rating and admission is permitted by — and often may be appropriate for — children younger than 13"), thus inspiring a toy-store raid on Lil' Villagers™ Pitchfork-and-Torch Lynch Mob Sets in the first defiant, symbolic step against Hollywood's youth stranglehold.

• Teen flicks targeted at children [LAT]

And there's more: "Ant-Man also is in development," notes Variety, "with Edgar Wright attached to write and direct, but that project has yet to be dated." And some fucking crackhead fanboy just started a rumor that Matthew McConaughey leads the candidates to portray Captain America. And then, after the jump, there's the Iron Man Oscar hype. Jesus Christ — stop the Marvel gossip mill already, we want off.

We somehow (perhaps willfully?) overlooked Ken Tucker's blog post yesterday at Entertainment Weekly, where the critic is assembling his own rusty scrap bandwagon on behalf of Robert Downey Jr.'s chances come awards season:

Hey, remember the whining about the last Oscar telecast, with its low-wattage star vehicles and lower ratings, and all the hand-wringing the media, including EW, did over how to improve the Oscars? Here's a thought. Hey, Hollywood and the Motion Picture Academy: Take a closer squint at the big summer movies. Take them, ahem, seriously. As far as I'm concerned, Downey's performance should go on any short list that anyone draws up of potential Oscar nominees.

We don't object to his consideration; we do object, however, to the conjuring of Oscar "short lists" in the first week of May. Unacceptable, Tucker! You can't suck if you shut your mouth; give it a try.

Finally, and on a little more upbeat note, another tip of our cap to the Golden Schlub: Jon Favreau, who's also in EW today noting that he wants to do the sequel, confirming Robert Downey Jr. is under contract for it and contextualizing the star's massive comeback:

[W]hen you go into the Cinerama Dome ... I went up there and intro'd the movie, and as a surprise brought Robert Downey Jr. up, and then everybody jumped to their feet. It just hit him. ... It's exciting for everybody, because he's a guy that I think a lot of people wrote off. It's inspiring when somebody who sort of has his work cut out for him actually accomplishes that and comes back bigger and better than he was before. I mean, that's the American dream — and it oddly somehow relates to Tony Stark. And when art imitates life, you're onto something. I learned that off Swingers.

Congrats again to all involved, and we'll see you in June after The Incredible Hulk's disappointing $55 million opening has Marvel execs bitterly curtailing Ant-Man until at least 2015.

• Marvel unveils super schedule [Variety]

THE FULL TEXT OF EDWARD NORTON'S E-MAILED STATEMENT

"Like so many people I've loved the story of The Hulk since I was a kid, so it was thrilling when Marvel asked me to write and help produce an altogether new screen incarnation, as well as play Bruce Banner. I grew up reading Marvel Comics and always loved the mythic dimension and contemporary themes in the stories, and I'm proud of the script I wrote. In every phase of production, including the editing, working with Louis Leterrier has been wonderful...I've never had a better partner, and the collaboration with all the rest of the creative team has been terrific. Every good movie gets forged through collaboration, and different ideas among people who are all committed and respect the validity of each other's opinions is the heart of filmmaking.

Regrettably, our healthy process, which is and should be a private matter, was misrepresented publicly as a 'dispute,' seized on by people looking for a good story, and has been distorted to such a degree that it risks distracting from the film itself, which Marvel, Universal and I refuse to let happen. It has always been my firm conviction that films should speak for themselves and that knowing too much about how they are made diminishes the magic of watching them. All of us believe The Incredible Hulk will excite old fans and create new ones and be a huge hit...our focus has always been to deliver the Hulk that people have been waiting for and keep the worldwide love affair with the big green guy going strong.''

Again, we are terribly sorry to have latched on to any misrepresentations, especially the ones of Norton being a handful to work with. Sure, as EW's Gregory Kirschling reports, that legend of his commandeering American History X is true, and Leterrier does diplomatically acknowledge Norton and Marvel couldn't agree on a cut, and Norton did take a month to reply to EW... but whatever. As for Norton's claim that "knowing too much about how [movies] are made diminishes the magic of watching them," we totally agree. We will stop asking unanswered questions — like whether or not Norton will promote the film (is it too much to suggest this doesn't reassure us?) — or even being interested right away. For Norton's sake, we trust you'll do the same.

• 'The Incredible Hulk': Behind-the-Scenes Drama [EW]

Mr. Norton and Marvel, which has the right of final approval on the film, have sparred in recent weeks over trims, among other issues, said studio executives involved, who asked to remain anonymous as they were not authorized to speak publicly. Mr. Norton — who was hired to rewrite the script along with playing the lead — has made it clear he won't cooperate with publicity plans if he's not happy with the final product, these people said.

A spokeswoman for Mr. Norton said he had no comment. [Marvel chairman David] Maisel brushed off the friction as par for the course.

"When you get to this point in the process, there are always lots of passionate discussions," he said. "Edward is very passionate. He is as passionate about the Hulk as we are." (For those unaccustomed to Hollywood speak, "very passionate" roughly translates to a seven on the "he's a difficult person" scale.)

And for those unaccustomed to Brooks Barnes speak, "among other issues" roughly translates to "the Hulk effects look like they were done on a Commodore 64." Nagging specifics aside, we've heard all this before about Norton, and while we don't believe for a minute that he will sit out promotion for Hulk, we look forward to his carefully engineered sabotage of press conferences ("I dunno... Liv Tyler, you wanna answer that?") and television appearances ("Actually, Jay, let me tell you how poorly that clip was originally written...") leading up to the June 13 release date.

• What's Big and Green, and Desperate to Be a Hit All Over? [NYT]

• incrediblehulk.marvel.com

Insiders say Norton was "promised tremendous involvement and access" after Marvel invited him into the core team to rewrite Zak Penn's script. Says one insider, "There's a lot of posturing going on between Edward's camp and Marvel over how you edit the final version."

Sources also tell me that, starting last night and continuing at least throughout today, the actor will be holed up with Marvel Studios chairman David Maisel, Marvel Studios president of production Kevin Feige, and director Louis Leterrier to try to "reach an amicable resolution" to this $150+ million film feud.

We're confident that whatever discrepancies of vision have arisen between Norton and representatives from the Guild of Nervous Comic Book Rights Holders Hoping Their Valuable Franchise Isn't Mucked Again Up by Some Artsy-Fartsy Cinematic Visionary will soon be resolved, and that fanboys hungry for some Hulk redemption will soon be emerging from theaters, heartily agreeing that, "Well, he's no Ferrigno, but at least he was better than that Eric Bana-on-CGI-steroids crap."

• Ed Norton And Marvel In 'Hulk'-ing Feud [Deadline Hollywood Daily]