1. The Game Plan - $16.262 million
If we were the paranoid type, we might be inclined to believe that the studios are taking a dive just so they can more convincingly cry poor as contract negotiations with the Writers Guild resume tomorrow after Friday's meltdown.

When WGA negotiators fire up their PowerPoint of all the self-congratulatory trade publication advertising they've taken out to tout the summer's string of nine-figure successes, the AMPTP will be able to counter with the embarrassing box office reports from the last several weeks, claiming that they've completely exhausted their blockbuster-making resources, and can now generate product no more profitable than family fare starring former pro-wrestlers and third-tier Ben Stiller comedies.

2. The Heartbreak Kid - $14.031 million
We never thought we'd be nostalgic for the days when Ben Stiller caught his scrotum in his zipper and ejaculated onto his own earlobe, but there you have it. These are grim times indeed.

3. The Kingdom - $9.345 million
4. Resident Evil: Extinction - $4.3 million
Having Peter Berg direct the next Resident: Evil installment is not the worst idea we've ever had.

5. The Seeker: The Dark is Rising - $3.725 million
As Fox readied its release of The Seeker, they couldn't have imagined that when the weekend receipts came in, they'd find themselves praying for even half of what Paramount fantasy bed-shitter Stardust did in its opening weekend.

7. Feel The Noise - $3.4 million
But even in this darkest of box office frames, perhaps not all is lost, as printing the words "From Producer Jennifer Lopez" on a movie's one-sheet can still save it—albeit barely—from a direct-to-video release.

• WEEKEND BOX OFFICE October 5-7, 2007 [Box Office Mojo]

1. The Game Plan - $22.675 million
Not since Vin Diesel so movingly revealed his softer, stroller-pushing side in The Pacifier has an action star so seamlessly transitioned into the family-comedy genre. This weekend, Dwayne "The Rock, But The Cuddly Kind" Johnson captured America's hearts by successfully dramatizing the parenting challenges faced by any self-absorbed NFL superstar unexpectedly saddled with a bastard offspring, winning untold millions of new fans.

We're confident that The Rock is a little better equipped to handle his success than Diesel was; Johnson doesn't seem the type to fall into the trap like the one his marble-mouthed peer's ego set for him, leading him to squander his newfound clout on impossible, eleventy-billion dollar elephant-riding dreams.

2. The Kingdom - $17.694 million
Unfortunately for Universal, producer Michael Mann's oversight of The Kingdom (which involved the legendarily demanding filmmaker patrolling the set with a megaphone, shouting, "Stop being such a pussy!" each time director/protege Peter Berg failed to make one of his actors cry after a take) didn't result in even a Miami Vice-level opening weekend.

3. Resident Evil: Extinction - $8 million
Even if the world eventually succumbs to an apocalyptic, zombie-producing plague, Sony will still find a way to produce Resident Evil sequels.

4. Good Luck Chuck - $6.3 million
A quick scan of Jessica Alba's IMDb profile shows precious few opportunities to finally abandon the modesty clause in her contract that's been holding back her career. Maybe she'll take some inspiration from formerly never-nude contemporary Natalie Portman and hook up with a quirky indie director who'll help her tastefully break the tension with some artfully lit sideboob shots.

5. 3:10 to Yuma - $4.160 million
You know who could probably use one of those image-softening family flicks? Russell Crowe. We're seeing him in The Manny, the story of a former Secret Service agent who grudgingly accepts the most challenging assignment of his life: protecting the children of a highly public failed marriage from the well-meaning, but hilariously incompetent, parenting efforts of their pop star mother.

• WEEKEND BOX OFFICE September 28-30, 2007 [Box Office Mojo]

· Comic book adaptation specialist David Goyer (credits in this area too numerous to mention) will direct a feature based on the graphic novel Baltimore, or the Steadfast Tin Soldier and the Vampire. [Variety]
· Competing fish-out-of-water comedies clash at the box office this weekend, as Jamie Foxx tests the tolerance of uptight Saudi Arabian locals for his hard-partying American ways in The Kingdom, and The Rock's quarterback finds himself lost in the world of single parenthood, where facing down his adorable daughter will prove far scarier than taking a hit from a 250-pound linebacker in The Game Plan. Fun! [Variety]
· Matt Stone and Trey Parker are producing 10 episodes of Kenny vs. Spenny for Comedy Central, a Canadian series in which two friends challenge each other to things like staring contests, sleep deprivation marathons, and dead-octopus-hat-wearing endurance tests. [THR]