But what of Jan—the oft-forgotten middle-child, who had seemingly clung to the straight-and-narrow? Well, if this clip from the Brady Week edition of the new, Christopher "Peter" Knight-hosted Trivial Pursuit: America Plays is any indication, Eve—while far from the most badass of the Brady bad girls—can drop a well-placed F-bomb with the best of them. (And yes, the scandalized fellow to her left is Mike "Bobby" Lookinland. According to the show's website, Maureen "Marcia" McCormick—estranged from Plumb since she spread rumors the two had experimented with Bradysexuality—was the only no-show. Hmmm...) [YouTube via VampireHours]

Maureen says she hit rock bottom shortly after auditioning for Steven Spielberg for his then-film, Raiders of the Lost Ark. "It was one of the worst auditions of my life," she says. "I was asked to meet Steven Spielberg. I was high and I had missed my meeting with him. I was totally spaced out... been up for days. He offered me an orange...he probably thought I was sick."

Just think of the alternate universe in which Marcia Brady would have replaced Karen Allen in Raiders of the Lost Ark, thus ensuring a post-Celebrity Fit Club comeback in this year's Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Sadly, McCormick's involvement in the franchise likely would have led to a whole new round of unsettling revelations ("One time, while high on opium, I took on Harrison, John Rhys-Davies, and that guy whose face melted off"), but after South Park has had its turn with Indy, is there really any more despoiling left to be had?

• McCormick Talks Cocaine, Abortions & Syphilis [The OK!]

It led her grandmother to die inside the walls of an asylum, which in turn caused her grandfather to take his own life a week later. Her mother then contracted the social disease. McCormick herself—while playing the perfect all-American girl on screen—was also secretly terrified that she too had caught it, counting down her last moments of sanity as she brushed her hair an obsessive 100 times. If that hasn't ruined The Brady Bunch for you forever, perhaps you'll be just as thrilled to learn that McCormick came thisclose to losing her virginity to Barry "Greg" Williams, that she also harbored a crush on her gay father, and that a casually tossed off comment about having kissed Jan (and liking it) has led to her estrangement from Eve Plumb. Harsha, harsha, harsha!

The interview:

• The Today Show

Production began last night on a pilot that a group of plucky producers hope will become the next big reality craze, Rollin' Sushi With The Stars. Combining elements from Bravo's Top Chef and Dancing With The Stars, Rollin' Sushi With The Stars is about discovering the celebrity with the greatest California Roll rolling ability. So far, the producers have only convinced two people to join the cast — veteran reality stalwarts Christopher Knight and Adrianne Curry. When asked about his involvement with the pilot, Knight said, "Well, we saw a camera setting up down the street from our house and we were like, "We haven't been on TV in weeks and these lavalier mics are just collecting dust. Turns out the producers were looking for some top notch talent and kaboom! We're creating some TV magic. After this, we'll definitely be able to get a table at Nobu."

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

In a twisted way, sweet old Carol Brady was reportedly the first to open fire in what MSNBC describes as a nasty ongoing fight with VH1 reality standby Knight, all taking place on the very un-Brady battlegrounds of MySpace and personal blogs. In an otherwise innocent attempt to promote her latest TV flick on one of those Television For Ladies networks, Henderson was prompted to discuss her appearance on Knight's first post-Peter breakthrough role in The Surreal Life, where he met current wife and co-star of his second romp through reality show wasteland, America's Next Top Model winner and celebrity stoner Adrianne Curry. And Flo painted a not-so-pretty picture of the lovebirds, claiming VH1 producers were the masterminds behind the pair getting hitched, calling upon her to egg on the union, a coupling Henderson did not approve of whatsoever. In the rare instance when much-needed publicity looks plausible, Curry had her goons fight back on a minor entertainment website, following up with a conflicting apology on her blog. Eager for a little press of his own, Knight released a very sexist statement about silly women and their tendency to bicker when "generational differences" are involved, successfully making all things Very Brady very, very loathsome.

[Photo credits: Brady Residence]

• SCOOP [MSNBC]

Except the kids are usually the ones hiccuping wine all over the room the morning after an irresponsible, ill-advised bender, but whatever. The rest of the Olsen's saga really must be seen to be believed; thankfully, we can help you with that after the jump!

• 'Cindy Brady' Admits Being Hungover, Warns of Getting Sick on Denver Radio Show [Fox News, clip via Redlasso]

The book publisher for Maureen McCormick, who played Marcia Brady on the 1970s sitcom "The Brady Bunch," is shooting down rumors that she had a lesbian on-set affair with co-star Eve Plumb, who played her younger sister Jan.

"We are verifying that it is not true," said Debbie Styer, senior vice president of group publicity at William Morrow, the book's publisher. "The real story of what happened in [McCormick's] life and behind the scenes of the show will all come out when the book comes out."

• Lesbian Bradys? Publisher Denies Report [abcnews.go.com]

[Maureen] McCormick's tell-all, Here's the Story, won't hit bookstores until 2008, but publishers are already buzzing about the big reveal. [...]

A source tells The National Enquirer, "The most explosive comments will be how the then blonde, blue-eyed cutie developed a crush on Eve Plumb, which led to some sexual play.

"This book will certainly come as a shocker. While Maureen is not a lesbian, she reveals there were some sexual hijinks going on behind the scenes.

This news came as a complete shock, and we have since been replaying Brady moments over in our heads, wondering if the truth had been staring us in the face all along. One thing is for certain: Jan's cries of, "Marcia! Marcia! Marcia!" now take on ominous new implications. We can only hope the disturbing Brady revelations end here, and Peter isn't compelled to share deeply repressed memories involving his father, the garage, and a basketball pump that would lead him many years later into the reassuring arms of a slightly deranged reality TV model-search winner.

• 'Brady Bunch' Star Reveals All About Lesbian Fling with TV Sister [Hollywood.com]