People reports that Sweeney delivered Megan Hope Sanov a few minutes before midnight; apparently mother and child are doing fine, and neither new job losses, bad remakes, Rinna/Hamlin reality shows nor apocalyptic walrus-saxing have ensued in the hours since, so we think we're OK. As you were, Ms. Sweeney, and all our best. For real this time.

• It's a Girl for Alison Sweeney! [People]

From The Detroit Free Press:

Shanon Thomas, a 30-year-old Center Line resident who appears in the new season of NBC's "The Biggest Loser," was charged with domestic violence Tuesday after she allegedly threw a bag of flour at a tenant's face when he refused to turn down his TV's volume.

Michael Nolden, 32, rents an apartment in the basement of Thomas' Helen Street home. He told police that Thomas kicked open the door to his apartment on Dec. 16 and was yelling about the TV's volume. [...]

NBC officials declined to comment on whether the incident would have any bearing on her status on the show.

We think this calls for a Defamer Joke-Off™!

5. Nolden wasn't going to press charges until she began to crack eggs over his head, and threatened to turn the uncooperative neighbor into "a delicious reason to cheat on my diet!"

4. While Thomas's lawyer calls the charges "ridiculously overblown," the arresting officer was quick to point out the bag was the 50-pound size used in industrial baking, making it a potentially lethal weapon.

3. In a similar story, a Hell's Kitchen contestant from Roanoke, VA. was charged with A Salt with a Deadly Pepa.

2. As they carried her off in handcuffs, a despondent Thomas was heard to say, "But it was whole-grain! I swear!"

1. Thomas has been relocated to a house for battered tenants.

• 'Loser' contestant from Center Line is charged [Detroit Free Press]

Kudos to quick-thinking Ellen, who hops over her writhing guest to launch the next segment, and even heartier congrats to Sweeney, who we hope made it safely to a nearby delivery room in short order. We'll get our "It's an Apocalypse!" cigars at the ready as the story develops. [Ellen]

UPDATE: We're shocked and saddened to learn that Alison Sweeney did not, in fact, go into labor during today's Ellen episode, according to a denial from a Warner Bros. staffer. Fair enough — we wouldn't want the Doomsday Baby on our hands, either.

A New York producer named Sean Pomper issued a press release today announcing the film, a meta-slasher romp starring castoffs from Survivor, Rock of Love, The Mole, The Biggest Loser, I Want to Work for Diddy, even the Howard Stern offering Wack Pack at the Christys' Farm (!!!) — a veritable dollar-store ensemble of talent that will gather on Long Island to "ponder the question... 'Would you kill for $1,000,000?'":

[The cast is] invited to participate in a new TV Show where the prize is $1,000,000. Before the first contestant is voted off, a "freakish accident" happens, and they meet their demise. When the second and third guest "bite the dust" our contestants discover that they are not only playing for $1,000,000 but playing for their lives. [...]

"The Reality Stars are led to believe that they are competing for a prize of one million dollars, and before they realize a scam took place, the game costs them their lives," [Pomper said.] "This is a first-time acting opportunity for many of America's Top Reality Stars."

Pomper adds that shooting begins next week, with more reality-based features to come after Reality Horror Show finds its niche in the 900-section of your cable provider's channel guide. But even that exposure would be some kind of extraordinary cultural milestone we might not mind in the end. As opposed to, say, like, Zoolander 2. Godspeed, Sean Pomper!

• 'Reality Horror Night' [via PR Web]