He tells Extra via webcam declaration that Pappas "told some of our business associates" of the breakup before telling him. "She came back to Colorado [after some time away] and told me, ‘I love you, but I’m not in love with you.’…I picked her up from the airport and she told me while I was getting her bags." If there was ever any question whether or not real feelings were involved, wait until you see a tearful and confused Csincsak apologizing to his thwarter "for whatever I did to make you not want to be with me.” Honestly, Jesse? Screw her. You can do way better—and will! On The Bachelor's Revenge: The Revenge-Seeking Bachelorette's Bachelor Bites Back!. Then you'll have your own six-week stab at rooting through a pile of ring-hungry hotties until you find the perfect one. (Of course, you'll have to wait your turn until that other dude she sent packing gets his.)

• DeAnna & Jesse: 'Bachelorette' Romance Over! [Extra]

I really felt like I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. I thought he was my fairy-tale ending" DeAnna tells In Touch. "But after the show was over and we settled in to our normal lives, I slowly came to realize that we are two totally different people and it wasn't going to work out."

But DeAnna, who's going to donate her engagement ring to charity, isn't totally turning her back on love. "I still believe in love," she says. "More than anything, I want to find someone I can spend the rest of my life with," she adds.

We're wondering what to believe anymore, as if ever we believed in someone's promise of "many years of whip creamy cheesecake" together, it was Jesse's heartfelt pledge to DeAnna following the final-rose distribution. Still, we're heartened Pappas has not yet "turned her back on love," and we're committed to joining her on her search for The One, as many reality shows as it takes.

• In Touch Exclusive: The Bachelorette's DeAnna Pappas calls off her engagement [In Style]

First, the runners-up:

No. 10 – Rob & Amber, Survivor
No. 9 – Sara & Grissom, CSI
No. 8 – Ryan & Marissa, The O.C.
No. 7 – Trista & Ryan, The Bachelorette
No. 6 – Kate & Jack, Lost
No. 5 – Billy & Alison, Melrose Place
No. 4 – Clark & Lana, Smallville
No. 3 – Boris & Natasha, The Bullwinkle Show (ed. note: ???)

And the top two, excerpted from TV Guide:

No. 2 – Tom & Lynette, Desperate Housewives: She has him canned from her ad firm, hates mothering and almost cheats on him with a pizza guy. He, in turn, takes it like a tool as penance for lying about his secret kid. Forget Wisteria Lane’s occasional homicides, the real mystery here is why these two aren’t in therapy.

No. 1 – “Gizzie” (George & Izzie), Grey’s Anatomy: First off, could the combo name be any uglier? And secondly, ewww. It was like watching a faded prom queen and her slightly dim-witted brother get it on…at the expense of George’s marriage to Callie.

While we're a little shocked that Boris & Natasha made the list over, say, Hills villains Heidi & Spencer, we can't help but wish TV Guide had extended its expose to include characters from decades long since past. After all, everyone knows that Shirley and the Big Ragu were, like, sooo passé (all the cool kids 'shipped Laverne and Squiggy), and Donna's marriage on The Donna Reed Show? OMG, could she have been more of a Mary Sue?!

• TV Guide

"We tried hard to make it work but we realized that we were both heading in different directions," they said in a statement Thursday. "We truly care about each other and will remain close friends."

Engaged since the May 12 finale of the reality show, the pair have fought off breakup rumors since June when Grant, a global financier, moved out of the actress' L.A. pad.

"I never really moved in there," he tells Us Weekly in its latest issue, on newsstands now.

This news bodes not well for all other series franchisee couples: Anyone who tuned in to the tear-jerking finale—in which BBG dropped to one knee and, finally at a comfortable eye-level with Lamas, slipped an obsessively documented engagement ring upon her finger—would be forgiven for assuming that his swoon-inducing pledges of "I love you. Monkey. Will you marry me?" were nothing but genuine. We pin our competitive-reality-romance hopes now on The Bachelorette's DeAnna Pappas and Jesse Csincsak, praying that when the snowboard instructor scribbled "many years of whip creamy cheesecake" on a list of proposal talking-points, that he indeed meant every word of his decadent, strawberry-topped romantic pledge.

• Bachelor Matt Grant & Fiancée Shayne Lamas Call It Quits [Us]

It was a two-hour nail-biter (followed by an After the Final Rose, "Yes, I totally married the guy in the pink shoelaces—isn't that hilarious?! That's how much I really love this person for all of eternity! I saw past those really gay shoelaces!" tell-all) that delivered ABC the highest ratings of the night. In it, Pappas had her two final suitors join her on a trip back to Georgia to meet her parents—on the one hand fun-loving snowboarder Jesse, on the other hand, kindly single dad Jason, and on the third hand, Pappas herself, trying to keep track of who she was at any given moment. Ultimately, she chose the guy lugging the winter sporting equipment, not the the baby carrier, as her One; to the visible dismay of Pappas's father, the two TV lovebirds managed to pull away from their mutual tractor-beam gaze long enough to inform a cooing studio audience of their plans to marry in May of next year.

• The Bachelorette [ABC]
• Your the one [Evil Queen Magda]

• The Bachelorette

In the clip above, Pappas spends the requisite amount of time necessary to ensure professional snowboarder Jesse was fully prepared to give up snowboarding at the drop of a touque should she ask that of him. Satisfied that he would, he was then presented with his Fantasy Suite All-Access Lift Pass—a mere formality before that evening's marathon session of naked shredding was to begin. But that Jesse—he's a pip! Click play to see what it was he did that instantly drained all the color from Pappas's face, and led her to declare, "Oh no. I don't think you understand how this works, little man. I invite you to the Fantasy Suite—you accept. Re-read the contract if you must. Now I'm going to leave this table, head upstairs, and leave the door unlocked. If you do not slip into the room five minutes later—completely naked and fully prepared to rock my reality-whoring world—then prepare to lose everything you hold dear. Your parents. Your precious 'snowboarding.' Your little sports-agenting fantasy that doesn't have a hope in Hell of coming to pass. Do you understand me? Am I understood? Very well. See you upstairs."

• The Bachelorette

• The Bachelorette [ABC]

Moments later, there was DeAnna, tearfully castigating the rest of the shirtless and more attractive (and therefore safe) bachelors, explaining that, "[Sniff] Right now I should be the happiest girl in the world, and you're all breaking my heart. [Louder sniff.] K? [High-pitched, squeaky voice:] Y'all feel good about that?" They did not, not one bit, and before long they were falling all over their shirtless selves to make things right again with the whiny woman of their dreams—perhaps because only she understood what it's like to sit back idly as your pre-selected life-mate whores it up with a houseful of reality show contestants. A surprising double bachelorcide was soon to come, with Robert—the man who started it all—icily dispatched, followed by sweet-natured Chicago lawyer Fred, both of whom Pappas felt she couldn't picture "making a life with," i.e. didn't look good enough with their shirts off. [The Bachelorette]

To DeGeneres's credit, she then dispenses with the niceties, and crystallizes what this dick-measuring pageant is really all about: All the bachelors were required to stand in a chorus line, then drop their pants for a package-scrutinizing contest featuring Ellen's own junk-isolating, cling-fit boxers. While it's difficult to make out on the video above, in 46-inch HD (and aided by DVR FreezeBulge™ technology), it became overwhelmingly obvious that Jesse, the wacky professional snowboarder, was master of the half-pipe in more ways that one. He therefore gets the Official Defamer Squeal of Approval; all other takers, including disconcertingly pinheaded frontrunner Jeremy, can now go home.

• The Bachelorette [ABC]

Well, this time, DeAnna's in charge—so watch out, fellas! Unfortunately, she's a complete drip, and watching 25 desperate men enact their bizarre, species-specific mating dances (everything from duck calls, to karate kicks, to special-needs abs exhibition) isn't nearly as entertaining as watching 25 French-manicured bitches punching each other's wombs in a no-rules battle royale for the trophy husband of their dreams. Still, just as we were ready to pack it in and declare this manhunt a washout, who should saunter along but performance-enhancing-drug- and tribal-tattoo-enthusiast Greg, who, eliminated in the first round, promptly liberated himself from the constraints of that evening's formal dress requirements. Greg, you will be missed. Run free with the ca-yotes, our prince among men.

• The Bachelorette [ABC]