Speaking to us in soothing tones as we submitted to candlelit massages and sipped (nonalcoholic!) "banana daiquiris," the rep insisted that Promises had done nothing wrong. "I recognize your right to use the language you want, and I understand the heart-place it was coming from," he said as our attendant, Luisa, informed us that the afternoon ashtanga yoga session would be starting in ten minutes. "But you need to recognize that your words impacted our shame-feelings, as well as our bottom line."

Or maybe it happened this way: We got a terse email from Jonathan Franks at Arlene Howard PR.

In response to a story printed this morning in Star Magazine, Promises Treatment Centers releases the following statement:

While Promises will not comment on any specific individual, Promises would like to clarify the integrity of our policy:

1) Promises is committed to keeping the identity of clients private to the best of our ability. Promises does not comments on its fees.

2) ALL client belongings are searched, as are ALL incoming packages. Rooms are subject to search at random.

3) ALL clients are treated the same and expected to follow the same set of rules with no exceptions.

Any suggestion that Promises is in any financial trouble whatsoever is patently untrue.

The suggestion that Promises would search Hollywood for a celebrity who needs rehab in an effort to garner publicity is libelous, offensive and without any basis in reality.

You hear that, America? If Tara Reid is currently secluded in Promises Malibu, fielding American Pie pitches while attempting to figure out Cooking Mama on her suite's Nintendo DS, it's because she paid full freight, not because the facility scouted around for someone to impress the Mt. Olympus housewives who've grown bored with the erstwhile Power Ranger in their group encounter sessions. Duly noted!

Previously: Promises Malibu Now Admitting D-Listers For Free With Proof Of Notoriety

The cushy Malibu compound has long been the most famous of Hollywood's high-priced rehabilitation centers, serving the likes of Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears when a detox facility is desired that won't get in the way of their clubbing. Now, though, Promises has opened its revolving doors to Hookers Ball emcee Tara Reid, and things are so dire that they were forced to bargain with her:

"Enrollment is down due to the bad economy, so in an effort to drum up publicity, they asked around Hollywood to see who wanted to stay there for free," says a source.

Promises, which costs about $1,600 a night and has treated such celebs as Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears, is giving Tara the VIP treatment. The 33-year-old gets to stay in a large room, and her incoming packages are not searched, like other guests'.

Things are bad enough when instead of serving as a last resort to those in need, Promises is scouting for personalities on their third Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew callback. In our new age of belt-tightening and personal responsibility, can Malibu rehab compounds continue to exist, or will we lose our celebrities to less splashy facilities in Montana and Arizona (where they don't even have Verizon, for God's sake)?

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Free Rehab for Tara Reid? [Star]

It was a good run while it lasted! For years Tara Reid, an actress whose only talent was to remind you of that one babysitter you had that used to sneak menthol cigarettes in the back yard, made a whole career out of dousing herself in Blue Curacao and setting herself ablaze. Lindsay Lohan, a slightly more chaste version of that same babysitter, became famous not really for her roles in movies like Mean Girls and A Prairie Home Companion, but for her hard partying, her various automobile accidents, her splendiferous fire crotch. Sure she eventually banked steeply, the left side of her fuselage ripping off, and exploded over the Andes, but it was a glorious journey for a while. And these ladies, along with Paris Hilton and every dim bulb heir to something or other boy who creaked after them, helped create a new industry of Perez Hilton bloggasm and InTouch magazine shriekery. Everyone was dancing and dancing as fast as they could, spinning themselves into Butter and then suddenly! Poof! It feels kinda over, right?

For one, the economy is in the pile of shit that's buried under the shitter. And to mirror that, Poor Tara is doing sad, "mistakes were made" magazine interviews. Lindsay Lohan is comfortably dating a deejay named Samantha Ronson (yes, dear readers, that's a woman! Maybe they'll get "married!" Keep reading Page Six to find out more!) and she's partying like a lot, lot less than she was before. And Britney is making a quiet little comeback and caring for her kids as best she can (one of them almost exploded last night, but whatevs). Doesn't it seem kind of passe now, all of that crazed going out and drunken slurring for the wobbly cameras of TMZ? It does to us! All the celebrities these days are about causes and whatnot, and so what if it's just bandwagon trendiness. If it means less reality shows about dumb idiots getting their hair dyed and chewing gum and more about people with jobs, then we're OK with it. These are very troubled days, and (finally!) the jewel encrusted partying doesn't just seem silly, it seems irresponsible and unforgivably tacky. Which means, maybe, that the terrible Perez and TMZ monsters will be slain by this economic Bellerophon once and for all and we Gawker people will just start offering tips on, like, urban gardening or something (I know a guy). They've been the ones fueling this whole wickedness. They should go first.

For further proof, just look at the mega success of the most recent High School Musical movie, which opened in actual movie theaters this time and has raked in $75 million in just three weeks. It's a rolling-up-the-sleeves tale of good kids being good and putting on a show. There's nary a swear, swill, or sex moan to be seen or heard in the squeaky/freaky clean enterprise. And for once that kinda feels OK! At its frizzy, tired, Cheez Whizzy heart, that party culture felt awfully cynical and lazy. Though there's plenty to be cynical about these days, there is also, um, Hope! and Change! and the chance—for the first time, I'd argue—for the younger generations to begin the work of making their mark, of rubbing Tom Brokaw's nose in it and saying "there's no Greatest, Tom. They're all Great in their own way."

So—maybe a little early, there's probably some defrib still to be done—we're calling it: the greasy rococo party culture of the early aughts is dead and gone. Replaced by a new can-do, a spirit of hope, change, lesbian relationships, shuddering babies, and reality shows about people doing things. Not quite a Brave New World, sure, but it's something.

What's to do is after the jump:

· Tina Turner at the Staples Center
· Monday Night Live at the Grand Ave Night Club (Crash Mansion)
· Career Fair at UCLA
· Pendulum at the Mayan

According to the Daily Telegraph, Port's new on-screen boyfriend was consorting with Tara Reid (above) less than a year ago. We're a little bit concerned that Whit-Whit is picking up the American Pie star's sloppy seconds, but In Touch reports that Port is actually canoodling off-screen with terrible new At the Movies host Ben Lyons. Who would Whitney be better suited for: the despoiler of Roger Ebert's hard-earned legacy, or the man who has touched Tara Reid's no-no place? With options like those, Whitney might be better served pulling a Lindsay.

[Photo Credit: X17]

• It's Official: Whitney Port Gets Reality Show! [Us]

In today's installment: Cameron Diaz, Katherine Heigl, Vince Vaughn, Pam Anderson, Sharon Stone, Dave Chappelle, Corey Feldman, Jonah Hill, Eric Mabius, Eli Roth, Pete Wentz, Dane Cook, Fabio, Tim Robbins, Bo Derek, Bret McKenzie, Lucy Liu, Tara Reid, Rachel Zoe, JC Chasez, T.R. Knight, Jonny Lee Miller and Angelyne!

MONDAY, JUNE 16
· Went to the Grove to see a movie when I noticed a tall dark haired man making out with a pretty young blonde who didn't look a day over 18. After a couple takes I realized it was creepy horror film director Eli Roth. He looks more attractive in person, I must admit. He and the young blonde went into The Happening. From what I have gathered, they both seemed really uninterested in the movie (which was horrible by the way) and more interested in sucking face. Maybe because his girlfriend is in high school, she's used to hooking up in movie theaters?

THURSDAY, JUNE 19
· Driving north on La Brea from Slauson I saw in the passenger seat of the car behind me the unmistakable head of Jonah Hill (Feldstein). I changed one lane over so I could see him from the side. He seemed to be annoyed by my pointing at him and had the driver of the car (female) look over at me to laugh. I was just wondering what he was doing so far south...

FRIDAY, JUNE 20
· Pam Anderson was taking in the Dodgers/Indians game in the Dugout seats tonight. She was with her 2 boys, who looked just old enough for their friends to tell them there's a video on the internet of their dad driving a boat with his penis. Also, a goateed Ben Silverman sitting nearby dressed like a 15-year old, with some girl.

· Saw Tara Reid eating lunch with two European looking types at that French cheese place in the old Farmers Market on Fairfax. Damn, that girl looked cute and smiled at my tow headed kid. Really, she was eating.

SATURDAY, JUNE 21
· Saw Cameron Diaz at Home Restaurant on Hillhurst enjoying some outdoor Saturday afternoon brunch. She had hashbrowns on her plate! Skinny celebs eat real food! How?! Honestly though, she was looking good.

· In the midst of the heat wave, Flight of the Conchords' Bret McKenzie (a.k.a., the cute one) at The Waffle on Sunset, huddled in a booth with five or six friends. Couldn't see what he was eating.

SUNDAY, JUNE 22
· Last night, at Swinger's cafe, saw Dave Chappelle eating dinner outside with a male friend. They had quite a spread going w/ french toast, waffles, and milkshakes. The kind of dinner one might order after some "happy cigarettes." ;) Chappelle seemed in a lively mood, walking around and chatting with a few people. He looked good. I wish he'd get back on TV.

· I know it's been forever, but I had to contribute: Was at the beach all day today, escaping the god awful heat, and wandered around as Will Rogers Beach emptied around sunset... and I see an adorable Eric Mabius carrying his adorable son piggyback around the beach... priceless. Maybe celebrities are not all horrible people.

MONDAY, JUNE 23
· Saw Vince Vaughn at the Greek for the Robert Plant/Allison Krauss show. He was exchanging pleasantries with Ray director and Mr. Helen Mirren, Taylor Hackford. I like to think they were discussing a possible Fred Claus 2 in which Vince's character is rendered blind after seeing Fred Claus and becomes the most beloved blues singer in the North Pole. Saw a fan come up to tell Vince how much he likes his work and Vince took some time to chat. That was so money.

· Pete Wentz at LAFF's Monday night sold-out showing of Choke. He stayed until Clark Gregg and surprise guest Chuck Palahniuk finished their Q and A, trying to get out quickly before the audience rush. At first just thought, "hmm, that little man looks like Pete Wentz" until he took a picture with a fan. Dude is WEE, but I thought it was cool he stayed for the Q and A and didn't act like a dick about pictures. My standards are so low.

TUESDAY, JUNE 24
· I saw Rachel Zoe looking as angry as crushed velvet leaving the post-premiere party for The Wackness at the W in Westwood. Was she denied entry or was it just what I was wearing?

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 25
· At George Michael's show at the Forum, there was a delectable mix of celebs in the Forum Club during intermission and after the show. You had the older actresses in Bo Derek and Sharon Stone, tv hostesses in Daisy Fuentes & Debbie Matenopoulous, former boy bander in JC Chasez, Eli Stone himself Jonny Lee Miller & his pregnant fiance (wife?) Michelle Hicks, & most importantly Corey Feldman. Corey walked around with his enormous sunglasses around while dragging around his wife by the hand just looking for attention.

THURSDAY, JUNE 26
· Pete Wentz hiding his face and pretending like I cared who he was at the Rite Aid on Fairfax and Sunset. Considered following him to see what he was buying, but then I was distracted by something much more interesting: Kleenex.

· While waiting for an elevator in the 8000 Sunset parking garage, one finally arrived and produced ape-comic Dane Cook and one of his "bros", fresh from a work-out at Crunch.

SATURDAY, JUNE 28
· 1000 year old Angelyne was pulled over in front of my loft 5 minutes ago on Cahuenga and Melrose. They searched her trunk. Another squad car pulled up to join the search!!

· Just saw Fabio @ Equinox on Sunset. If only I knew George Clooney's number, I could have texted him to come over and beat him up.

TUESDAY, JULY 1
· As I was leaving the Arclight after the horriblenessness that is Wanted (seriously, the Loom of Fate?!?!), saw Katherine Heigl and her hags, T.R. Knight and his ward, Mark Cornelson, leaving. She was trying to go incognito wearing glasses, but looked very fit. T.R. and the ward looked pretty gay and short. No sign of lapdog, Josh Kelley.

UNDATED
· It was actually a couple of weeks ago...walking down Franklin Ave on my way to Mayfair Market, I saw none other than Fabio himself, sitting at that little Japanese restaurant. Hair: still luxurious, but not as long as in his heyday.

· Two weeks ago, spotted Tim Robbins at Kika sushi on Larchmont. Let me just say, he is hot. Sarandon is a lucky lady! Side note: I happened to catch Robbins' stage production of 1984 this
weekend, which is fantastic.

· A few weeks ago, I saw Lucy Liu with a male companion at Vegan Glory, this random little cafe in a mini-mall by house. She looked beautiful, as always.

• Reid-iculous — Tara's Friends Can't Hyde Bigotry

Snyder was caught when authorities audited who was accessing personal and tax information stored on a federal database called the Integrated Data Retrieval Systems, according to the affidavit.

Authorities said Snyder had access to the database, but works almost exclusively with business accounts and had no legitimate reason to review individual taxpayer accounts. ... Snyder, 56, faces up to a year in prison and a $250,000 fine at this time if found guilty of improperly accessing IRS data, a misdemeanor.

Come on, now — if learning the closely guarded truth about how much Vanna makes to laugh at Pat Sajak's jokes and stroke huge letters for a few hours a week doesn't constitute a "legitimate reason" to bump around a tax database, we don't know what does.

[Photo Credit: AFP]

• Did IRS worker snoop? [Cincinnati Enquirer via TaxProf]

Thing You Don't Know About Women #1: "PMS is not a lame excuse to be able to yell at you. It's a great excuse."
Who It's About: John Mayer. Wouldn't you want an excuse to yell at him, too?

Thing You Don't Know About Women #2: "We really can pump our own gas. It's just that we've got this fantasy of you as a '30s-era full-service station attendant. You'd look so cute in the hat."
Who It's About: Patrick Wilson. He would look cute in any hat. Or without any hat. Or without any clothes...

Thing You Don't Know About Women #3: "We're not complimented when you call your ex a slut. She dated you, too. So what are we?"
Who It's About: Carson Daly. He was engaged to Tara Reid. Nuff said!

Thing You Don't Know About Women #4: "We're smart enough to know that smell is always the dog."
Who It's About: Craig Ferguson. He looks gassy.

Thing You Don't Know About Women #5: "Yes, we can dish it out."
Who It's About: Wilmer Valderrama. He was probably skeezing on other starlets all the time (see Lohan, Lindsay; Moore, Mandy) and deserved a stern talking to.

Thing You Don't Know About Women #6: "No, we can't take it."
Who It's About: Wilmer again. Bet he has a sass mouth.

Thing You Don't Know About Women #7: "We want to raise children. We just don't want you to be one of them."
Who It's About: LFO's Rich Cronin, solely because he was behind the lyrics: "New Kids On The Block, had a bunch of hits/ Chinese food makes me sick." Those had to be written by someone with the mentality of a seven year old.

Thing You Don't Know About Women #8: Women are meant to talk and men to listen. We don't want to be fixed; we want to be heard.
Who It's About: Kip Pardue. The insouciant smirk always plastered to his face makes us think he wouldn't be the best listener.

Thing You Don't Know About Women #9: "When we ask if you've had any work done, it's because we want to know what our kids will really look like."
Who It's About: Carson Daly. Have you seen his face recently? He looks like an entirely different person.

Thing You Don't Know About Women #10: "When we ask you how we look, it's okay to lie; when we ask you how she looks, you better lie."
Who It's About: Ross McCall. This is advice he should keep with him for the future.

Jennifer Love Hewitt: 10 Things You Don't Know About Women [Esquire]
Jennifer Love Hewitt [Who's Dated Who]

Earlier: The Esquire Map To...Minnie Driver's Dating Life
Women We Love

She's apparently booked another high-profile hosting gig Down Under—the buzz from her well-received celebrity bid-spotting performance at a Brisbane horse auction still has her booking agent's phone ringing off the hook—at something called the Hookers Ball, where responsibilities that will reportedly include competing in a wet t-shirt contest and "dress[ing] up in lingerie or even as a prostitute" will surely test the limits of her personal-appearance talents.

• Tara Reid to host 'Hookers Ball' [Ninemsn.com]

In today's episode: Arnold Schwarzenegger; Luke Wilson; Ryan Gosling; Joaquin Phoenix; Britney Spears; Paris Hilton; Tara Reid; Pam Anderson and Brandon Davis; Sandra Oh; Jon Heder; Mike Tyson; Fred Armisen and Paul F. Tompkins; Luis Guzman; Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz; Milla Jovovich; Richard Schiff and Sheila Kelley; Dr. 90210; Robbie Williams; Amy Smart; Shannyn Sossamon; Treat Williams; Shane West and Jay Tarses; Amaury Nolasco; Tori Amos; Rider Strong and Rumer Willis; In San Francisco: Rex Lee.

· Arnold Schwarzenegger (4/27) driving his Bentley convertible (top down!) on San Vicente in Brentwood. Creme suit w/ pseudo aviator-style shades. Just try to pull that off, Spitzer.

· Friday 4/27, 4-ish at the intersection of SM and 5th in Santa Monica: I'm walking towards my gym, dodging cars, homeless people, and the hipper-than-thous outside of Real Food Daily, when who do I see? Luke Wilson apparently evacuating the huddled, now-smoke-free masses crowded about the Third Street Promenade. He was alone and didn't appear to have purchased anything. Much taller and thinner than I thought he would be, definitely a lot more attractive in person than the Butterscotch Stallion.

· Saturday Night (4/28 - 9:40 p.m.) Saw Ryan Gosling and another dude buy tickets at the Laemmle Sunset 5. Half Nelson was wearing faded jeans and some kind of button-down shirt. Looked like just a regular, happy guy out going to the movies. My homo friends swear the other guy was a "date." I don't agree, but I'm not above starting rumors.

· sunday @ fiesta broadway in downtown. saw ryan gosling walk into the arcade we were in that was open during the giant fiesta. he lives nearby, i think. he was with two guy friends, no girlfriend. casually walked around, played some games.

· I was at Aroma in Studio City, yesterday Friday the 27th for lunch, and realized I was standing in line behind Joaquin Phoenix and his girlfriend. They looked very happy and in love - she was gorgeous, petite, dark-haired and looked like sort of a cross between "Amelie" Audrey Tautou and Jennifer Connolly. At one point the lady had gone somewhere and he was sitting alone with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, very Walk The Line. I got a thrill.

· While cruising down Ventura Blvd. in Studio City on Saturday afternoon, I spotted Britney Spears in her fishnet finery leaving Naked Baby Boutique.

· Paris Hilton was tooling around the VIP area at Coachella with Britney Spears' MANNY as her sherpa. She's such a douche. She had him carrying a giant backpack around for her and her idiot posse. On Saturday, she walks up to this 'tour manager' looking person and was all pouty...literally with her bottom lip sticking out and whining to him. Then, he walks off and she follows (again with the idiot posse in tow). WHY was she there?

Also, Tara Reid - hammered and swerving around at 5:30pm on Saturday with everyone trying to get pictures with her. Pretty great.

· 4/28 'round midnight Pam Anderson at The Polo Lounge with a corpulent dude around 40. She was wearing white and boobs. . .and bored enough to check out my shit. . .I think. Maybe not. Also, Brandon Davis, "oozing sweat from every pore as he oiled his way across the floor," as they used to say in My Fair Lady. Really, he seemed aimless and an utter waste of protoplasm.

· My first celebrity sighting in Hollywood -

Around 11:30ish PM on 4/27, chillin' at the Blu Monkey Bar & Lounge for a friend's b-day, when the girlfriend looks over and spots Sandra Oh!, with two unrecognizable, trendy-looking white males, one of who appeared to be a boyfriend. I resisted the urge to run up to her and say "ZOMG, I LUV YOU SO MUCH!!!" like several other people because really, Grey's Anatomy is kinda dumb. But she was good in Sideways.

· /27 Shopping for my first breast pump with my mom at the Santa Monica Pump Station (What do you mean I have to wait for the fore milk to start? What is fore milk?), my mom whispers that John Mayer is looking at baby slings behind me. Of course I think all of my financial troubles are over, since I'm going to snap a picture of him shopping for baby stuff for Jessica Simpson...when I turn around and see that it's Jon Heder of Napoleon Dynamite and Blades of Glory. Seems your hearing goes when you get pregnant, too. Anyway, he was on the phone with his wife asking what color or size or whatever she wanted. Deciding that Us Magazine would not pay me a cent for that picture, I returned my attention to the sales associate explaining why I don't want to mix nipple cream with silicone breast shields.

· Sunday, 4/28, Urth Caffe: Mike Tyson, being openly stared at by the chai latte crowd. While he was there I kept my knees clenched together and my hand wrapped around my rape whistle, just in case. He said goodbye to the people at the neighboring tables when he headed out (with his average-looking, 30ish male pal), and acted friendly enough.

· I caught the 2:20 showing of "Hot Fuzz" this afternoon (4/29) at the Arclight and while standing in the endless concessions line, I spotted Fred Armisen and Paul F. Tompkins. They were with a brunette who looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place her. They went largely unnoticed, except by me who proceeded to nerd out once they were safely out of sight. Both Fred and Paul look like they do on TV, but Paul looked a little old around the eyes. And his shaved head is not cute. Bring back the curls, Paul! I wished I could have seen where they were sitting in the theater, but by the time I got my Dibs and got to my seat, the lights were out and the previews had started. I hope they liked the movie as much as I did.

· After a dozen trips to so cal, I finally had my first sighting. While going to the ticket line for the 4/18 San Diego Padre game, I saw El Cid from OZ, aka awesome character actor Luis Guzman walking into the park with two friends. It seemed like everyone who walked past him would recognize him as someone familiar a few seconds later and do a double take. No one in my group knew who he was so my sighting got me no love until I got home to New Mexico. However how people recognized him doesn't say very much for NM (Me: I saw Luis Guzman at the Padre game. Them: Who? Me: He was in Boogie Nights, Anger Management, Carlito's Way, OZ, etc. Them: Who?? Me: He was Lloyd's dad in Dumb and Dumber II. Them: OHHHH! HIM! WOW!).

· Friday night I dined, albeit from across the room, with Ashlee Simpson and her Fall Out Boy Pete Wentz at the Hamlet on Sunset. No more man makeup please.

· Spotted model/actress/clothing designer/singer Milla Jovovich in the Target at Santa Monica & La Brea (or as we like to call that locale, Tar-Gay) late Sunday (yesterday) afternoon. Very tall. No make-up. Great bone structure. She was hanging out with a little, blonde-haired girl, and they looked like they might be buying toys. Milla was wearing a long-sleeved, peach colored, cotton top and low-rise jeans that nicely accentuated the bump on her belly. I was convinced she was pregnant, but my b/f and friend disagreed.

· Big weekend for celebrity car sightings:

Friday 4/27 11pm - I was sitting outside MILK, the new dessert place on Beverly Bl, and saw Richard Schiff and the stripperific Sheila Kelley idling at a stop sign and looking longingly at our brownie sundae while they waited to turn right in their white BMW 7 series.

Saturday 4/28 3pm - sat next to Dr. 90210's Dr. Rey at a light on Santa Monica Blvd and Lincoln. He was driving a black 911 with a Harvard license plate holder and some sort of martial arts bumper sticker (seriously, who puts a bumper sticker on that car?). Couldn't tell if he was neglecting his wife, per the usual.

· This Sunday (4/29) saw Robbie Williams hiking in Runyon with some dude. Robbie looked hot but is definitely getting old; he had a full head of salt & pepper hair and all. My friend and I were still pretty stoked to spot him though.

· Sun. 4/28, 8pm, waited behind Amy Smart for the bathroom at Coachella. Tall, skinny and tan, braless, wearing a cotton jumper so loose it afforded all in the vicinity a healthy portion of sideboob with a frequent helping of pert nipple.

· Sunday 4/29 - saw Shannyn Sossamon walking down main street, Santa Monica. Looked amazing without an ounce of make up on. My friend couldn't get over the fact that she just passed someone who got to make out with Josh Hartnett and filed the sighting away to report back to her peeps in Indy.

Sunday 4/29 - eating at Enterprise Fish Company in Santa Monica and saw Treat Williams leaving the restaurant. Could hardly wait for him to exit so I could call my mother and tell her I saw the dad from Everwood. She promplty reminded me that he was also on Brothers & Sisters this season!

· Flash! The guy who played Michael J. Fox's coach in Teen Wolf (Jay Tarses) was getting on a plane at LAX last Friday, 4/27. Now that I have your attention, so was Shane West, carefully riding the recognize me-no don't line, not wearing sunglasses in the Starbucks just inside the Southwest/USAir terminal, but rolling with a posse of lessers and talking a little too loud in his vaguely gravelly wannabe growl before 'glassing up for the gates area.

So far more people seem to know Coach Finstock.

· On 4/25, around 10AM, at Crunch while suffering through my weekly session with my trainer, noticed Amaury Nolasco (Sucre on Prison Break.) White wife beater, dark blue shorts, jumping rope. Surprisingly cut and hot in person. I'd drop the soap in his shower any time.

· I spent many years of my young life listening to Little Earthquakes, and other Tori Amos albums. Imagine my delight when I was at Shutters this afternoon (Sunday) for a little lunch, and I her having some tea (and I assume some lunch...), and wearing a camo cap and a grey t-shirt (American Apparel?). She has no boobs at all.

· Saw Rider Strong (of "Boy Meets World") fame at the Hollywood YMCA in the afternoon on Monday, April 30. That boy is all grown up and looks mighty fine. Great body, looks good with a moustache/beard combination.

· Apparently Rumer Willis Moore Kutcher (who is much prettier in person, but still very pointy chinned) works at the Marc Jacobs on Melrose. I've seen her there twice now looking appropriately hip & disheveled like the rest of the employees. When I saw her last month she was hanging out behind the counter not paying much attention to customers and again today she was behind the counter still oblivious to helping anyone. If she doesn't work there, she doing a great job pretending. Ah, the things rich people will do to get free clothes.

Special SFO Lloyd Edition:

· 4/29/2007: Saw Rex Lee (Lloyd!!!!) in the San Francisco International Airport security line. Since I'm not an LA-type, I did the fawning "you are great in your show!" He graciously said thanks. Saw him pose for pictures for others in the line. I thought about taking a picture of him in line as proof and send to my husband, but I thought I might get attacked by airport security if I took a picture of the security area!

To supplement her ever-shrinking royalty checks from American Pie and Van Wilder, hard partying actress Tara Reid is opening her very own fast-food restaurant out here in Los Angeles named "Ketchup," with doors slated to open march 31st. [...]

No word if customers will be able to receive discounted lipo-suction with their 12th purchase.

Touché! Still, assuming the suspiciously underattributed item is at least partially valid (something we're often willing to do), we think it's ungenerous of spirit to assume that just because Reid's casting dance card has been underfilled lately, the actress has been sitting idle. On the contrary—Reid has been maximizing her earning potential and squirreling away her savings from various side projects Down Under. Now, the savvy businesswoman may have saved up enough horse auction and Dodo money to have purchased a significant stake in Hollywood's next trendy eatery, perhaps even at an investment level that will give her the clout to demand a good weekend shift at the hostess stand.

• You Need a Lot of Tomatoes to Make Ketchup: Tara Reid, Restaurant Investor [EaterLA]

I was told about this posting and I needed to update you that, this was not a public offering but more of a 1 time party that was offered to celebrate and promote his movie release thru my talent buyers data base only.

It has nothing not do with him needing to make extra money but more of a celebration and promotion for the movie out in theatres now thru a friend of his asking for my assistance.

Thank you -
Mike Esterman
Celebrity Agent

So there you have it: Phillippe was looking to do some movie promotion, not trying to get into the hosting game to pick up a little mad money. This news comes as a huge relief, as the thought of the actor dropping the kids off at Reese Witherspoon's house and telling them, "Have fun with Mommy tonight. Daddy has to go to Area for a mobile phone launch party and pretend to have fun pouring vodka shots down Kimberly Stewart's throat all night," is just too upsetting to bear.

• Previously: Ryan Phillippe CareerWatch: Actor Now Entertaining Party Hosting Offers [Defamer]

No, without video, we suppose there's no way we can know for sure that the slurry, off-key karaoke warbling attributed to Tara Reid is actually hers (from a performance at Sundance this year, we're told), but we're willing to take it on faith that the stunning sounds we're hearing were emitted from Reid's golden throat. (Those obsessed with the forensic examination of all available audio evidence can compare this recording to her infamous Endless New Year's Eve Countdown in Chicago.) Truly, never have the lyrics "every now and then I fall apart" been delivered with such poignancy.

• Tara Reid Sings Karaoke of "Total Eclipse of My Heart" [YouTube]

Bonus Tara Reid link! Reid puts in a guestblogging appearance for EW's Popwatch.

• Tara Reid is the Meat in a Rapper Sandwich [TMZ.com]

Wanting to give unemployed actress Tara Reid a break from taxing party-hosting jobs that involve mental gymnastics like counting backwards from sixty while simultaneously trying not to spill the precious contents of a martini glass brimming with top-shelf alcohol, her handlers set her up with some gigs with responsibilities considerably less onerous than the ones she performed on New Year's Eve, dispatching her to Australia to hug dolphins at Sea World, then to be a "celebrity bid-spotter" at a horse auction in Brisbane. According to The Australian, Reid proved a natural at pointing at people trying to get her attention by waving paddles in her general direction:

Sydney trainer Graeme Rogerson had no idea who she was, but he was more than happy to enjoy a congratulatory hug from the star after he made the winning bid of $850,000 for a yearling from the Hunter Valley sired by Redoute's Choice.

Mr Rogerson, who trained the colt's mother, Isolda, said it was "$850,000 well spent". He joked that Reid's bubbly presence at the sale had boosted the price.

"I reckon she got an extra 150 (thousand dollars) off us," he said.

Her professional confidence restored by her successful run Down Under, Reid is anxious to return to the States and undertake new challenges in her burgeoning personal appearances career; with the new, animal-related skillsets she cultivated during her trip, she's sure to be booked up with as much local zoo and racetrack work as she can possibly handle.

[Photo: Getty Images]

• The magic touch of Hollywood glams up a day of horse-trading [The Australian]