Surf's Up With Matthew McConaughey

Douglas Reinhardt — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 12:55:00 EDT

The waves of Malibu apparently weren't too kind to hunky actor Matthew McConaughey over the weekend. The Fool's Gold star seemed rather honest about his lackluster surfing performance in the famed Pacific Ocean. McConaughey said, "I could say that I wasn't feeling the vibes because I wasn't feeling the ocean breeze bouncing off my pectorals, or I could say that I saw a dolphin and I got a bit scared that it was going to go after my driving paw. That wasn't it though. I was just no good out there. That, and there were too many people." McConaughey seemed frustrated by the amount of people hogging all the of the waves and wished that the politicians would fix the global warming problem soon. McConaughey added, "It should be cold in September. Or, at least chilly, you know?"

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Battle At Paradise Cove: Matthew McConaughey's Surf-Toughs Pummel Beach Paps

Seth — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 14:05:00 EDT

The heat, a killer surf, and a clear shot of Hollywood's favorite shirt-eschewing leading man was a recipe for disaster this weekend. Having returned from his recent Nicaraguan escapades a proud flop-owner in search of his missing flip, Matthew McConaughey combated our city's punishing heat wave by hitting the tasty breaks of Malibu's Paradise Cove. It was there that several upstanding members of our city's paparazzo community—hoping to catch that elusive, $1 million photo of McConaughey hanging toes to the nose while clutching his newborn—were confronted, and ultimately assaulted, by an intimidating and unruly mob of board-shorted surfing henchmen. From the LAT:

"They formed a semicircle in front of his camera and they said they didn't want him to film," said Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department spokesman Steve Whitmore. "They got into an argument, and he indicated that he received injuries. . . . [They] took the video camera and threw it in the water." [...]

One of the group of apparent paparazzi on the x17online video appeared to argue with the surfers, saying that the beach was public property and he had every right to be there.

"This is public property, this is public property," he said.

The video then shows two beachgoers chasing one of the paparazzi, dragging him into the water and kicking him.

Two videos from the event—one from TMZ.com, above, and another at X17online.com—demonstrate the extreme lengths to which this Brotherhood of Drunk Beach Assholes Doing Righteously By Their Superstar Brah will go towards safeguarding McConaughey's access to the epic waves that sate his untamable, surf-hungry spirit. The battle has only begun.

Paparazzo says surfers in Malibu attacked him [LAT]

Gawker: defamer, surfing

Surf's Up With Matthew McConaughey

Battle At Paradise Cove: Matthew McConaughey's Surf-Toughs Pummel Beach Paps