The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.The creepy gold casket was wheeled in and the oddness began.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Old pal Stevie Wonder sang a sad, fitting song.

Legendary producer Berry Gordy, who helped work young Michael to the bone when he was hoofing it in the Jackson 5, called Jackson the "greatest entertainer that's ever lived." Hm.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Al Sharpton stirringly, if inaccurately, told Jackson's children that there "wun't nothing strange about your daddy." Sigh.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Jackson's childhood pal Brooke Shields tearfully recounted their shared bond over being children in the spotlight. Though, unfortunately, her constant mentioning of kids and little princes struck an awkward chord.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.A crazy congresslady from Texas wandered up on stage and said that she wished she was a Jackson and that Michael was totally innocent of all those creepy charges.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Magic Johnson came up and told a few stories. But mostly he just plugged Kentucky Fried Chicken.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.R&B singer Urrrsher won the award for Most Classless of the day, by wearing sunglasses and pretending to cry. Usher, you were never a good actor, so why try and finally go for the teary clip reel at a funeral of all places?

Toward the end, a bunch of escaped mental patients were brought on to sing a "Heal the World"/"We Are the World" World Medley that left everyone looking awkward and ashamed, except for a few of Jackson's grasping brothers, who just seemed thrilled to be on stage.

In a chilling final moment, Jackson's rarely-seen daughter Paris tearfully said she loved her father and that he was great. In a haunting evocation of a cycle continuing to grind on, her aunt Janet fixed her hair and dotingly but firmly told her "Speak up, honey. Speak up." It was pretty much devastating.

So, that was that. An odd mess of a thing—part exciting, part sad, but mostly confusing. Fitting, then, for a life lived bizarrely and publicly, a life that needed a new word for famous, a life that, in many ways, really ended and disappeared many years ago. This whole event just felt perfunctory, as if no one could imagine MJ going out without a bang, but weren't really sure how to make the appropriate gesture. So it was just a mash of things, of different tones and styles.

And then it ended, abruptly and strangely, leaving us all to ponder what it was exactly that we'd just seen.

Image via Getty

1. Whatever musical-number scenario Hugh Jackman winds up dumped into must feature the USC marching band. Jennifer Hudson was lovely and dignified, and M.I.A.'s pregnancy made for an unprecedentedly skull-bending blast of awards-show history. But neither yielded the Oscar-ready, post-ironic showstopper accompanying Thom Yorke and Jonny Greenwood on "15 Steps" — just the 30-piece, drum-and-brass thing to back up those aboriginal wind-spirits in the evening's Best Song medley. By contrast...

2. Disinvite the Jonas Brothers. You can't revoke Stevie Wonder's lifetime Grammy exception for one skunky Autotune intro and his abetting in the destruction of "Superstition." But you can punish the Jonas Brothers for their pitchy, rapey "Burnin' Up" overture: Confiscate their awards-season passports, and detain them until at least a full day after the Oscars just to prevent any further talent-pairing misfortunes. Actually, make it indefinite, lest their plot against Baz Luhrmann is actually legit.

• The Grammys [CBS]

"Everything was destroyed - all of Stevie's memorabilia, photos, musical instruments, history, clothing, furniture, everything," said our source. "It's all gone. It was his main residence and he is utterly devastated. Stevie's had to put his tour and appearances on hold while he deals with this." Wonder's personal rep couldn't be reached and a rep for his label, Universal Motown, declined to comment.

Brutal. Wonder is currently on tour in Australia and New Zealand, where he'd face postponing eight shows indefinitely while attending to the disaster. Failing a mournful, Nolte-esque encomium for the torched belongings today on HuffPo, we'll piece together an inventory as details trickle out. Heartfelt Defamer condolences in the meantime.

UPDATE (9:20 a.m.): TMZ now notes: "Contrary to news reports, Stevie Wonder's house did not burn down in the L.A. fires. He just called to say it's bulls**t." So who tipped Page Six? Liz Rosenberg?

UPDATE (12:45 p.m.): Wonder's representative issued the following statement to Reuters: "I'm grateful to say that my house was not burned down in the fire. I extend my sympathies to anyone who may have been touched by this horrendous event." Us, too.

• Blaze Victim [NYP]

Today at 1pm in Century Park, just outside our building, we will host a press conference for STEVIE WONDER. He will announce his first tour in over 12 years and perform a few songs.

We would love for everyone to come out during lunch to celebrate and enjoy one of the world's musical geniuses. This is a very special event, and one we should all be very proud to be a part of.

We welcome your lunch guests and friends to join us. So, move your meals around and stay close to home....for what promises to be a WONDERful afternoon.

We only hope that this event is executed a little more professionally than the last time CAA tried to throw an impromptu party for one of its high-profile earners; moreover, our fingers are crossed that they'll refrain from doing something embarrassing that cheapens the special occasion, like force hundreds of assistants to wear replicas of Wonder's signature sunglasses and sway in unison as their beloved client sings "You Are The Sunshine of My Life."

UPDATE: An operative has sent in the set list from the brief show. And, disappointingly, no "Sunshine" was to be heard:

Higher Ground
My Cherie Amour
Overjoyed
Sign Sealed Delivered
Superstitious

• Previously: David Beckham Disappoints CAA Minions Forced To Show Genuine Enthuiasm For His L.A. Arrival [Defamer]

In today's episode: Gwyneth Paltrow and Jack Black; Robert Downey Jr.; Deep Roy; Steve Martin; Stevie Wonder; Alicia Silverstone; Aaron Eckhart; Kevin Connolly; Elisabeth ShueDavid Spade; Michael Rapaport; Wentworth Miller; BJ Novak; Justin Chambers; Avril Lavigne; Tommy Chong; Kyle Howard and Robert Patrick Benedict.

· Took my lady to the Arcade Fire show at the Greek Theatre 5/29/07. We had back row seats but the staff were looking to fill the pit with people by way of Birthdays. So happens we were able to finagle our way down as her B-day was last Thursday. Anyway, as the headliner got started I noticed the familiar face of Gwyneth Paltrow (sans Chris Martin) enjoying the show right next to my girlfriend. Just so happens she is her favorite all-time actor/fashionista so I had to take some unauthorized (crappy) pictures through the night. (See above.) We asked for a real one at the end of show but she didn't want attention brought to her. She was very sweet to my gal and even wrapped her arm around her. She still is in dreamland meeting her icon.
Also saw Jack Black and I said to him that I enjoyed his film and he replied with a nice handshake. A terrific performance made for a memorable night!

· -Friday (05/25) 9:00pm. Spotted Tim Burton's oompa loompa-muse Deep Roy in the pub drinking a martini at Ye Olde King's Head in Santa Monica. At first I thought it was Weng Weng.

-Sunday (05/27) 10:00pm. Robert Downey Jr. at Toi in Santa Monica with two teenage boys and a woman. Dressed casually, very low-key.

· I just saw steve martin leaving the newsroom on robertson alone with a newspaper under his arm. I like him. This was a tough tip to report though because it means that I have had to first accept and then move beyond the shame of being on robertson blvd in the first place for I am way too hip for that :(

· Saw Steve Martin last night (5/23) at Orso or as my friend said, "an old man masquerading as Steve Martin." IMDB tells us that Martin will turn 62 this year, so actually, he looked pretty good - sitting at a table in a brown jacket with what I believed to be an age-appropriate dinner date and then another couple about the same age. For someone so animated in the movies, in real life he moved like an over-60 man with that famous white hair looking just a little old-man thinned and combed-over. No, I couldn't tell if he was drinking Vin de Idaho through a straw or if he asked the waiter if he could "smell the bottle cap," so I'll just assume that's how it played out.

· Saturday May 26th- Stevie Wonder dining at Mauro's Cafe in Fred Segal/Ron Herman Melrose. I immediately recognized his long and lustrous dreadlocks and knew it was The Stevie Wonder. He was dining in the corner of the restaurant with a group of people at around 5pm.

· I was wondering what was up with the two yet-to-be-occupied seats on the full flight Saturday (5/26) from DC Dulles to LAX. But once we were all seated STEVIE WONDER got on the plane accompanied by his valet. (Thank goodness I'd horded frequent flier miles to fly first class.) To be in the presence for a few hours of a genius of his super awesome stature and all around amazingness made me feel er, too high (too many bad puns all around). As my dad says, there are celebrity sightings, and then there's sitting one row away from Stevie friggin' Wonder. He fell asleep asap and was catching flies the whole flight; I was worried that my crying baby would wake him. When we got to the gate his valet immediately escorted him over to the restroom where he remained while most other folks — who didn't notice him to begin with — de-planed.

Today at the Hollywood Farmers Market we spotted a haggard Alicia Silverstone. Hmm, yawn.

· Apparently, the stars were out in full force this past Memorial Day weekend, as was I, but I guess I just missed them. Here's who I did see on Sun., 5/27. Aaron Eckhart looked hot strolling along Robertson with an unidentifiable, pretty brunette. Just back from shooting Entourage goes to Cannes, Kevin Connolly looked a little antsy wandering around BLD until his party showed up - 2 hip-looking, non-famous chicks.

· Thurs 5/24: Saw onetime harried babysitter and Vegas-hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold Elisabeth Shue at LAX on Thursday night, experiencing some kind of delay at the front of the security line. Luckily, the situation was resolved without her having to send her baby through the x-ray machine to prove that it was no threat to other passengers' safety.

· Saw David Spade last night (5/24) at Stone Fire Pizza on La Cienega. He was walking to the back door with a to-go bag, alone. He looked tired and dirty.

· Saw the king of "whack white boy" cameos, Michael Rapaport at the post office on Fairfax just north of Santa Monica yesterday (5/29). Big, tall guy whose curly hair now just kind of frames a large bald spot on the top of his head. He was buying tons of stamps - five sheets of the new "Star Wars" ones and then about a dozen more sheets of some other kind. A somewhat crazy-sounding woman in line called out to him as he left, "Hey - I'm a really big fan of yours." Rapaport turned and thanked her, sincerely it sounded like, with a smile and headed out. Seemed pretty high energy, but nice. I think the postal employee waiting on him was amused by who had shown up at her window. Saw him in a Sundance movie last year called "Special" that he was actually pretty good in, but it was the kind of festival-only movie that'll probably never again see the light of day.

· On Saturday, May 26 and again on Memorial Day, spotted a very handsome and wet Wentworth Miller at the Hollywood Y. I think he was just emerging from the pool. Unlike other celebrity sightings, he did not disappoint. Tall and handsome.

· BJ Novak (aka Ryan the Temp) at the top of Runyon Canyon Monday afternoon. He was with a guy friend, and I guess now that he's going to be Michael Scott's boss he really is king of the world.

· 5/24 Runyon Canyon: Dr. Alex Karev himself (Justin Chambers) making his way down the main road with a male friend. He's got a cute little buddha belly thing going on.

· Saw Avril Lavigne and a bunch of band-member-looking types waiting for valet outside Geisha House Thursday night (5/24). She was wearing a hooded sweatshirt, short skirt, and too much eyeliner, for those who care. I was walking my dog and she ran up to pet it, then jokingly/not-jokingly accused me of buying him to pick up girls. (Couldn't really argue since I was walking a five-month-old puppy past a night club at 10:30 at night.) No sign of Deryck.

· 5/26/07, 4:30 p.m.: Here's a great one for the 12 or 13 straight guys who read Defamer: Shannon Tweed, the top-loaded blonde centerfold and soft-core skin-flick pioneer who later spit out Gene Simmons' kids, was in line alone at the WeHo Pinkberry, keeping it together in a black top, tight jeans, red lipstick and big glasses. From 10 feet away, the facelift looked like an outstanding investment; she's 50, according to IMDB, and would pass for 35 anywhere outside WeHo. She could definitely still play a tough-but-tender district attorney who falls in hot-monkey-sex love with a mysterious record producer who just might be the prime suspect in her cop ex-husband's investigation of a series of kinky stripper murders. One guy at Pinkberry noticed her and said hello, probably thanking her on behalf of his right hand during those lonely nights in high school. She got her medium yogurt-related food substance with blueberries and drove away in a silver Mercedes.

· 4/21/07 AirTran flight ATL to LAX (cheap! and XM radio)
Business Class (it was $80 more and you don't have to mix with the masses— they makes Southwest clientele look high end)
Tommy Chong with his hot blond late 40ish wife with sad hairstyle (honey, a bun with huge swaths of your long front hair left out "to frame your face" was never really a "do").
She requested in a "see who we are" way to have someone move so they could sit together. Tommy, said nothing and followed obediently and sat when she told him.

He is looking old - totally white hair, and beard paired with Hawaiian shirt, Dockers and birks with socks! (ick), but virile and sinewy arms— at baggage claim he was last seen hefting all sorts of luggage onto a self service baggage cart and then pushing the overloaded cart into the night. Wifey was no where to be seen.

· Saturday, 5/26 Sunset 5 Theatre, Kyle Howard and his mom showing the love for former Grosse Point co-star Lindsay Sloan at the 7:10pm showing of The TV Set. How cute, taking the moms out for a date on a Saturday night.

· I saw Robert Patrick Benedict from Felicity checking out his old castmate Keri Russell's film "Waitress" at the Arclight this past Saturday.