Enjoy the attempt to figure out who's who—it took us ages before we realize that the cleaned-up, preppie young man to the right was Jackass star Steve-O. It's amazing how a bath, some nice clothes and a thorough airbrushing can turn your ordinary, drug-addicted exhibitionist into someone vaguely reminiscent of a nice college basketball player. Publicity team, you've degaussed your way into our hearts.

• Dancing With The Stars - Season 8 [Zap2It via ONTD]

Bronze, silver and gold medals awarded after the jump:

On the dais accepting his bronze medal is actor Leo Fitzpatrick, best known for his work in Kids and The Wire. As our tipster Alexis said, "Leo Fitzpatrick as Michael Phelps FTW. Down to the lisp."

No stranger to death-defying feats is our silver medalist, Jackass participant Steve-O (suggested by StylusPictures). However, we think drug testing would disqualify him.

Cue up the National Anthem and follow it with Emmy fanfare, because our gold medalist is none other than Saved By The Bell alum Dustin Diamond. An unconventional choice to be sure, but at least we know he likes getting nearly naked in front of a camera (and that he's probably into water sports). Congratulations to his very own Bela Karolyi, commenter everfade!

• PREVIOUSLY: help Us Cast the Michael Phelps Story [Defamer]

Even after our third disturbing screening of the "professional clown" doing his act, we still can't figure out which cocktail of drugs to be scared of. His nostril tells us it's nose candy, the nonsensical musings on the Big Picture tell us it's medical marijuana, but the constant laughing at his own jokes tells us it's too many swigs of Grandpa's lemonade. Perhaps our mother was right and we should fear all three?

• SIMPLY TEACHING BIG REGG HOW TO JUGGLE... [YouTube]
• STEVE-O VIDEO: 'WHO CARES WHEN YOU DIE?' [Us]

Draped sensitively over the makeshift Dr. Pepper pipe he used only moments before, we think it's safe to say that the Ralph Lauren company can expect a steep uptick in sales of their fetching Polo boxer shorts after the Xtreme stunt idiot's manplums wind their way 'round the internet.

• Steve-O = Comic Genius [SplashNewsOnline]

Jackass Steve-O walking alone down Sunset Blvd. near Fairfax, openly hitting on a nitrous-oxide delivery device. The device has a little canister of NO2 attached to a larger can attached to a breathing tube. Steve-O was flecked with some kind of paint all over and laughing like an effeminate hyena between nitrous hits. Naturally, nobody on the street so much as batted an eye. I looked around for cameras but didn't see any. If he wasn't shooting for the show, I admire his commitment to being an off-screen jackass.

As you may recall, nitrous oxide is the very same brain-melting delicacy Steve-O claimed to have fed Paris Hilton before she crashed her Bentley outside club Element. We challenge any and all operatives near the area to capture and send photographic evidence of the cackling girlie-dingo currently stumbling down the boulevard.

• Previously: Steve-O Admits To Pumping Paris Full Of Happy Gas Before Crash [Defamer]

The Best Week Ever blog has video of Steve-O's Jackass Number Two premiere red carpet wee-wee-trickling misadventures. (Those hoping for a glimpse of the Pecker-O will be disappointed to find a dancing BWE logo obfuscating the oft-punished goodies, but you can always go back to our original photo post for an unobstructed view.) Co-star/walking Budweiser billboard Johnny Knoxville seems completely over the proceedings, saying, "You're on your own, kid," with a thought bubble magically appearing above him a moment later reading, "I shoulda ditched these retards for the Wilson brothers a long time ago."

• ICYMI: Some Wasted Jackass Holding His Unremarkably-Sized Penis, From Which Urine Sporadically Drips, While Being Filmed On the Red Carpet of His Movie Premiere [BestWeekEver.tv]
• Previously: Steve-O Irrigates The Red Carpet [Defamer]

· "There is a point, however, at which the movie becomes simply sickening...[F]eats of grossness are accomplished that are so vile even the hardiest among the cast cannot suppress the upchuck." [Seattle P-I]
· "Projectile vomiting figures prominently during other episodes, and the camera never turns away...Indeed, it remains firmly affixed on the effluence, as auds are left to ponder various meanings of the term 'gag.'" [Variety]
· "These eight or so merrymakers join Knoxville in stunts designed not only to break teeth, bones and the human spirit but also to activate gag reflexes—cameramen are seen vomiting, as are sound guys and, with surprising frequency, the stars themselves. I myself experienced dangerous nausea levels for three or four hours after the movie ended. Seriously." [Chicago Tribune]

· "Steve-O is by far the craziest and is able to get most of his crew to vomit after each antic he performs. Much of it is too disgusting to repeat in mixed company, but know there are several scenes that will cause even the most iron-stomached person to gag." [Arizona Republic]
· "These clowns are so good at what they do (or is it that they're so wonderfully inept?) that their film is often drop-jaw funny. But be forewarned, when you're not laughing out loud you could well be trying hard not to lose your lunch." [Atlanta J-C]
· "Whether you laugh, shriek or fight the urge to puke reveals as much about you as years of psychotherapy. [Star Tribune]
· [Y]ou'll probably spend as much time wincing as you do laughing your ass off....You'll laugh 'til you puke, if you don't puke first." [Film Threat]
· "[A] sequel that's even wilder, funnier, extra-depraved and more gag-inducing than the seemingly incomparable 'Jackass the Movie.'" [THR]

At last night's premiere at the Chinese Theater, Jackass Number Two star Steve-O, subtle master of physical comedy, sensed that having a baby alligator chew his scrotum or allowing one of his co-stars to attack his genitals with a jackhammer would be too showy a display of the playful irreverence that is the troupe's trademark, even on such a special occasion. Instead, he opted for the simple, elegant act of urinating on the red carpet, much to the delight of the throng of fans, wire service photographers, and tourists transfixed by every drop of his golden stream.

Gawker notes that the photos were too hot for Reuters, but the folks at Getty Images seem a little less prudish about Steve-O's performance art. A completely NSFW version of the photo is after the jump. You've been warned.

[Photo: Getty Images]

I want to thank Nicole Richie. Seriously...We worked at the same production company...Nicole Richie said she wanted to meet Steve O. I got an unsolicited e-mail from Nicole Richie, saying "let's hang out, let's party." The first time I met her I was awake for the third day in a row on a cocaine binge. The second time were getting out of her car—I dont drive, I dont even own a car—we get out of her car and paparazzi are runing from every direction around the car popping our pictures, thumbs up, "YEAH!" Lovin' it...and I'm like, this is the kind of scrutiny I want my life to be under.

Nicole Richie brought me the attention from paparazzis that I've been craving all my life. My life was an agonizing wait to get to Hollywood. And thanks to Nicole Richie I finally got the attention that I wanted, and I just couldn't be a cokehead under that kind of scrutiny and so it's been now seven months almost to the day since I've touched cocaine, and I thank Nicoel Richie for that. She never did before. But I've seen her eat so much I'd think she's bulimic before anorexic.

We're not exactly sure how Steve-O chose to eliminate cocaine, as opposed to, say, any of the approximately four dozen other illicit substances coursing through his veins at any given moment. Nonetheless, we applaud his adoption of his cleaner-living lifestyle choices as a means to achieving lifelong goals of appearing alongside 73 pounds of primo paparazzi chum in the pages of Us Weekly. And what better way to repay his red carpet sponsor than by letting the world know that Richie in fact eats enough food for a family of four—she just happens to circumvent any of its permanent effects by making a quick, index-finger-enabled deposit into her Gustto bag before opening her car door and smiling for the cameras.

• Steve-O Says Nicole Richie Got Him Off Cocaine [DailyCeleb.com]