Gawker: defamer, simple life

Promotional Airbrushing Sure To Disappoint Hilton's New Lynwood Neighbors

Mark — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 21:28:33 EDT

· Maybe we're just fatigued from too much Hilton coverage, but does it seem like E! gave Paris an airbrushed rack as a going away present? Bonus: A Simple Life mugshot face-off!
· Headline begging for a bad one-liner that we're too lazy to provide: Pope To Be Named NBC Studio Head, Sources Say.
· We're pretty sure the reasons blogs were invented were to make sure it's as simple as possible to start an online feud with indie rockers who allegedly stole your basketball.
· Slow the Fuck Down, says angry Hancock Park sign-maker.
· LAist decries the inhumane conditions (i.e., exposure to Dane Cook) they were subjected to in the MTV Movie Awards Blogghetto.

Today In Celebrity-Related Graffiti: There Is No Escaping Paris Hilton

Mark — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 12:31:39 EDT

It seems that not even our fair city's unprotected walls (this one is on Melrose by Harper Ave, according to the reader who sent in these photos) can escape the ubiquity of pure unearned-fame-being Paris Hilton, with graffiti artists now appropriating the debased heiress as the muse-tard for their guerilla scribblings. We have no idea who this "Inners" person is or whether or not Hilton actually fellated him (perhaps he's a bouncer at Hyde?), but that's unimportant, as the creative force behind this piece has now inadvertently provided her with a new medium for disseminating self-promotional gossip; soon, structures all over L.A. will bear the blight of strategically deployed messages like "PARIS HILTON FUKKIN HATES NICOLE RICHIE AGAIN—WATCH THE SIMPLE LIFE: FAT CAMP ON E! TO FIND OUT MORE!"

Paris Sucked [apollosputnik's Flickr]
Paris Hilton Sucks [apollosputnik's Flickr]

Fox Decides It's Time They Made Some Money From Christians

Mark — Tue, 19 Sep 2006 12:07:04 EDT

Long feverishly dedicated to the wholesale destruction of Christian values through the broadcast of such apocalypse-inviting programming like Temptation Island, Trading Spouses, and the short-lived, but surpassingly influential, Who Wants To Fellate the Thorny, Infernal Member of Beezlebub For A Crisp Five Dollar Bill?, Fox has now decided that Christians' money is just as green as that of Hollywood-worshipping heathens. The LAT reports that the company will today reveal its plans to exploit The Passion of the Christ's staggering success by producing up to 12 Jesus-flavored films a year, at least 6 of which will actually make their way into multiplexes through its new FoxFaith label. But before they could get the God Squad on board with their attempts to raid the collection plate, the FoxFaithful had to first acknowledge the sins of their corporate family:

"The approach we took was ... 'At Fox, you may know us for our quality family programming,' " Yordy said he told the audience, against a backdrop of video clips from Paris Hilton's "The Simple Life" and the reality show "Temptation Island."
"The room just died laughing," he said. "I said to them, 'That is exactly what you expect from Fox. But that is not what we at FoxFaith are.' "

The crowd's laughter was quickly supplanted by raucous cheers as the images from these shows faded from the screen and the message, "We at FoxFaith know that all of these people will suffer eternal, soul-melting agony in the hottest fires of Hell" materialized, followed by new clips depicting The Simple Life stars Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton complaining about how unsatisfying and annoying they found the minimum wage jobs, like shoveling endlessly replenishing piles of flaming manure from Satan's three-headed horse stables, or trying to manually inseminate evil cows with the dark lord's accurs'd seed, they'd been assigned by their "totally mean" fork-tongued, goat-horned producer.

New Fox Unit to Produce Christian Films [LAT]