When R.J. Cutler's documentary (out August 28!) about the making of Vogue screened at Sundance, the gossips picked up on Miller being called "toothy, and we finally have the moment between photog Mario Testino and design director Charles Churchward (who left the magazine last summer) discussing her dental work and how much work her neck is going to need to be presentable. You heard about it, but seeing it is even worse.

If you think that is bad, just wait to see the face that she elicits from the usually stoic Anna Wintour when she first sees Miller in the dress that she is meant to wear on the cover. It is somewhere between disgusted surprise and unamused scorn.

Is Miller the only celeb who would agree to be on the cover of the issue knowing they'd have to deal with the accompanying potentially unflattering documentary footage? Maybe Anna's face says, "Jesus, this is what I'm forced to put on the cover of my magazine?!" And if so, what a way to repay her.

Just like she can't help getting on Anna's bad side, Sienna can't really be blamed for the cinematic abortion that is G.I. Joe (actually, she's one of the best parts about it), but its release seems like the perfect time to go after her. Dragging out the dead horse about the famous-for-being-famous for a few more pounds, Amy Argetsinger uses Miller as the lynchpin for her lynching of the "famesque."

Right about now you're thinking, "Who's Sienna Miller again? Remind me why I'm supposed to know her?"

It's okay! There's absolutely no reason you should know who she is—not even if you're a religious follower of the celebrity press that tracks her so closely. She's an actress, but odds are you've never seen a single one of her movies or TV shows. Miller is a pioneer in a new kind of fame that is changing our celebrity culture, a fame that is increasingly disconnected from the star's success in the field for which he or she is ostensibly famous.

That is a new kind of fame? As Argetsinger points out, people have been obsessed with people for no particular reason since Zsa Zsa Gabor, but still Argetsinger needles Miller through her entire article.

Sure, Miller may be most famous for baring her tits and sleeping with married men, but it's gotta suck when you become the celeb punching bag du jour.

An entire batch of character file cards were obtained by HissTank.com, a Joe-devoted website whose URL looks very different without selective capitalization. The cards, whose photography and costumes suggest they were taken in a child's basement, reveal Gordon-Levitt (to our left as an origin story version of Cobra Commander), Christopher Eccleston (below, as a pre-masked Destro), and many, many more paycheck-seeking actors. We've included some of the corniest here; print them out, affix them to popsicle sticks, and then play your own game of Joe where the real battle is over whose quotes will be significantly lower after this film comes out in August.

• G.I. Joe Movie Rise Of Cobra File Cards Hi-Res Images [HisStank via /film]

Sadly, the main one isn't present in this spate of Matrix Reloaded-reminiscent characters posters: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who's been cast as the villainous Cobra Commander. That sort of unconventional choice almost makes us want to see the finished film; then we remember that it's directed by bigger-budgeted Peter Hyams clone Stephen Sommers (Van Helsing, The Mummy) and suddenly, all the CG in the world wouldn't be able to place us in a theater seat.

• New G.I. Joe Rise of Cobra Posters! [LatinoReview]

The allegation comes courtesy of Crazy Days and Nights, the blog that first broke the scoop that T.R. Knight would be exiting Grey's Anatomy (the rumor also appears to mesh with the recent blind item from EW's Michael Ausiello about a fired actor who hadn't yet been given the news). Here's CDaN's take on the matter:

I don't know the reason. I don't know if it is because of Sienna or because he was sleeping with someone else on the show or if he just wandered the set looking for twinkies all day and not working. All I do know is his publicist says Balthazar has not been fired, and I of course say his happy ass was canned just in time for the holidays. Balthazar was let go. Dismissed. Given a pink slip. Shown the door. Do you know how hard it is to get fired from a job like this. He must have done something completely f**ked up like snorting mercury or something with Piven in the back room while they looked at porn videos of the daughter of the producers.

Yes, yes, it could be that, or it could be the fact he very visibly stepped out on his family with Miller, the ex-girlfriend of his Brothers & Sisters costar Matthew Rhys. We'd like to advance a dark-horse theory, though: why was Getty's entirely superfluous character even on this show anyway? As the soapy series continues to introduce new secret sisters, secret brothers, secret thought-they-were-sisters, and inevitably, secret Sally Field evil twins, is the stolid, storyline-killing Getty worth his tabloid taint?

[Photo Credit: AP]

• ***Exclusive*** Balthazar Getty Fired From Brothers And Sisters [CDaN]

Clint Eastwood
Not sure he really needs replacing (or can be replaced at all), as he's sort of a singular cultural institution unto himself. But if we're in the mood for a gruff, crime fightin', six gun shootin', conservative with a puddly sentimental heart, then I think we need look no further than Keanu Reeves. Don't go crazy! Yes, I understand that there was a grumbly gravitas that Eastwood brought to his silly actioners that Keanu decidedly does not bring to his, but they're kind of the same. Both, frankly, can't act for beans but it doesn't matter! There's something criminally appealing about them. They're dazzling us with their flat line delivery while pickpocketing our souls! Plus, Keanu's 44 now (can you believe that??) so he'll soon be ambling into safely Grizzled territory. Then he can start directing pictures about weary men in the weary world who wearily do weary things, like kill their molested childhood best friends or kill their ladyboxer protege, just like Clint! Just think, in thirty years time "Whoa." will be the new "Make my day."

Joaquin Phoenix
Well, this is a little difficult because he wasn't really that much of a movie star to begin with. But the Oscar-nominated star of Gladiator and the Johnny Cash biopic Walk The Line was getting big. He's got that brooding strangeness, a willful devotion to his craft resembling an angry Johnny Depp. So who could fill these curious little worn-out shoes? How about similarly-faced Gossip Girl fop Ed "Chuckles Bass" Westwick? He plays in a band, just like Joaquin! And he's shown some prissy talent and a penchant for looking gloweringly stupid while offering terse, wannabe cryptic answers to inane interview questions. Whether he's got the weird talent that Phoenix has (had?) remains to be seem. But right now he's shaping up to be a fine candidate.

Nicole Kidman
OK, she's not "officially" retiring, but she did mention it off-handedly in an interview recently! An icy internationalist with a taste for the artsy out-there movies and the big commercial films? Kidman is sort of a dream come true for Hollywood (or, at least, she was until she had a long string of bombs—The Invasion anyone?—and her face became strangely plasticine). Does any young actress have her strange, sad alien grace, those same purring smarts? Harry Potter sidekick/burgeoning sex symbol Emma Watson might in a few years. As might a couple other young actresses. But really Sienna Miller seems best poised to take the mantle. She's not American either! And she became famous for dating a famous guy (Jude Law) before she became a famous actress (is she a famous actress yet?), just like Nicole did with a now-forgotten character actor named Tom Cruise. She's cold and probably talented and already inured to the tabloid frenzy.

Angelina Jolie
Luckily, gloriously be-lipped charitably minded multi-culti talented actresses just grow on trees. We kid, we kid! Angelina Jolies are pretty rare! There are like only two of them per billion people. Which means 11 others exist, and we must find them. Who else can shoot guns and throw knives convincingly one minute, then sob and moan and act a little nuts effectively the next? Maybe this young Kristen Stewart from Twinklight could do it. She seems weird and grumpy and above-it-all. Someone put an Uzi in her hand and she how she does. Though she doesn't have the natural beauty of Jolie. Oh fuck it. You know what? She said it would probably be thirty years before she retired anyway. The new Angelina Jolie is Angelina Jolie. She's only 33 after all. (Can you believe it?)

Really the problem is that the whole talent pool has become so diluted. We're not saying that there aren't talented, beautiful people anymore, just the opposite. There are way too many out there. Meg Ryan was in every romantic comedy for a few years. That was it. No one else. Now we've got Elizabeth Banks and Kate Hudson and Sandra Bullock (sort of?) and Anne Hathaway and etc. etc. Too many. We blame the internet. We're not sure why, but this is probably its fault.

Boomp3.com

Occasional actress Sienna Miller took her recent yoga lesson from the studio into the mean streets of Hollywood on Monday, where she performed a series of street contortion exhibitions with a comely partner. Miller explained, "As an actress, most people focus in on my face and my breasts, but I have spent my summer learning how to use my whole body in my performances. I hope it will demonstrate to people that I am the total package." After clicking play on a yellow Sony Sports boombox, the sweet sounds of Enya provided the soundtrack for a surprisingly erotic routine from the two blondes and drew many curious onlookers to the front of Grauman's Chinese Theatre. Across the street, a man dressed as Spiderman said, "I hope this show isn't a permanent thing because they're going to steal a lot of money from us. A guy in a costume from the 99 Cent store can't compete with two girls turning into a pretzel."

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

• Sienna's house vandalised [The Sun]

Keep in mind this is the same script Universal bought more than a year ago for seven figures, piling on none-too-cheap rewrites by Brian Helgeland and now, according to Patrick Goldstein, British playwright Paul Webb. But that's the least of his problems, said Uni chair Marc Shmuger:

The original script had enormous appeal because it had what Hollywood craves—a great part for a big movie star. But it wasn't exactly the kind of character Scott imagined for his vision of Sherwood Forest. "The script had the sheriff of Nottingham as a CSI-style forensics investigator, set in medieval times," Shmuger explains. "It was really well written, but Ridley's interest took him in a different direction." ...

The delay could help on one front. Crowe, who has looked, shall we say, like he's been feasting on the king's venison in recent films, needs to lose some weight before he's ready to play such an athletic part. (After all, he's not playing Friar Tuck in this movie.) As encouragement, the production team plans to send Joe Abunassar, a top Las Vegas-based trainer who works with NBA stars, to Australia to get Crowe into fighting shape.

So old-fashioned! Everyone knows the Seth Rogen Stretch-and-Retch is the wave of the future. In any event, Shmuger confirms the studio still wants Nottingham, but all signs point to a mid- to late-2009 shoot for a 2010 release, which we take to mean that the U and Nottingham producer Brian Grazer should default to Ron Howard by the time you finish reading this. Alas, Ridley, you were close.

• 'Nottingham': Will Russell Crowe ever romp in Sherwood Forest? [LAT]

boomp3.com

Balthazar Getty anxiously paced the arrivals section of LAX on Monday. The Lost Highway star said that usually his wife picks him up from the airport, but since all the recent nastiness involving Getty and British bicycle Sienna Miller, she might be getting some revenge on him by leaving him stranded. Getty said, "What's that line from Airplane? Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue? Well, replace 'glue' with 'cheating on my wife' and that about sums this situation up." Getty paced around awhile before hopping on an Enterprise Rent-A-Car shuttle.

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

According to The Mirror, the problem was addressed with CGI: "A merkin or pubic wig simply wouldn't have done the trick, but luckily computer wizardry came to the rescue. Sienna's private parts were digitally enhanced, giving her a rather unruly, loud and proud bush." To our knowledge, this would make it the first major motion picture to require computer-generated pubes. We imagine before long, digital animators will tout proudly in DVD bonus materials how more powerful processors and advanced programming techniques now finally allow them to achieve the look and movement of real body hair.

Pictured: A shot of one of the naked Miller scenes in question. Her nether regions are tastefully censored by Andy Serkis, who can literally play anything with a motion-capture suit on, including a merkin. For the unobstructed photo and many more, head to Egotastic.

• Sienna Miller's private parts digitally enhanced for film Hippie Hippie Shake [www.mirror.co.uk/]

Though Cameron told Jay Leno she "just loved" her new brown hair back in 2006, Timberlake didn't appear to share the sentiment, initially moving on to very blonde ScarJo, then the more natural brunette Jessica Biel. But maybe Diaz should have seen it coming - in the same Leno interview, she said her new dye job was attracting more "introspective" men. JT may be many things, but pensive? And as hard as we try to erase the memory from our collective mind, the sight of Smartest Dumb Blonde In The World, Jessica Simpson, sporting those dark hues while desperately installing her chin on John Mayer's shoulder did little to inspire the crooner's signature O-face.

Yes, a nanny and various False Terribles are mostly to blame for the split between Jude Law and Sienna Miller, but only months after cutting off her Alfie-saving blonde waves for the underrated Factory Girl, Law just happened to fall for the long straw-colored tresses of the otherwise aesthetically incomparable nanny. Similarly, Gigli is mostly at fault for ruining what may be the union responsible for all Brangelina and TomKat-style celebrity couple name combos: Bennifer. But that awkward curly housewife cut didn't help. Neither did Aniston's self-proclaimed "regretful" decision to cut her trademark Rachel off during what we would later learn to be her final days of marriage with Brad Pitt — after all, we all know how that story ended.

[Photo credits: Getty, Splash, Beauty And The Bath]

• IS BOYISH KATIE HOLMES TRYING TO STAY A CUT AHEAD OF EVA AND VICTORIA WITH THE DEATH OF THE 'POB'? [Daily Mail]

Looking better in these highly scandalous photos than the last time she showcased her assets, Miller almost tempts us to forgive the fact that she's accompanied by a (handsome bad boy allure aside) greasy adulterer with four kids and a surely devastated wifey at home. But not even shaggy string bean Ryhs Ifans making Sienna look like the victor in their icky, paranoia-filled break-up by using saccharine song lyrics as the soundtrack for his pity party can stop us from stuffing our Team Sienna t-shirt in storage for the time being.

[Photo credits: Splash via Egotastic]

• SIENNA MILLER NAKED PICTURES WITH BALTHAZAR GETTY [Egotastic]

Posters (and reactions) after the jump!

At left, we have Step Up star Channing Tatum as audiences are most used to seeing him: buried under several layers of clothes. Next to him is Snake Eyes. Though he looks reasonably cool, ninjas didn't help cartoon adaptation Speed Racer any. One suggestion to Sommers to avoid ninja ignominy: add more ninjas. And finally, at right, there's Sienna Miller uncomfortably slumming as Baroness. Coming so soon after Cate Blanchett's Eastern-accented Indiana Jones villainess, we can only hope that Miller, too, gets a chance to fight off CG monkeys while driving a Jeep.

• G.I. Joe Promo/Teaser Poster! [Latino Review]

Harrison Ford, Outed by Helen Mirren: "She considered him 'the nicest, sweetest guy you could want to meet. But he can't kiss - he finds it impossible to kiss on screen.' Then, she added: 'He's probably not very good off screen either. It's not just me - other actresses agree. Whenever we get chatting off screen and we get around to talking, we come to the same conclusion.'"

Jason Segal, Outed by Alyson Hannigan: "Alyson refused to kiss him or do any romantic scenes with him, because he smelled like smoke. He thanks her for forcing him to do that because now he not only smells better, he feels better as well."

Orlando Bloom, Outed by Keira Knightley: "Keira Knightley claims Johnny Depp is a better kisser than Orlando Bloom...When quizzed on who she thought was the best kisser out of the two actors, she told InStyle magazine: 'Johnny Depp certainly wasn't bad.' Despite Orlando's gushing praise for Keira's kissing technique, he did admit he found it 'peculiar.'"

Steve Carell, Outed by Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson: "I just see Steve Carell's lips. 'So the bottom of a cat's paw - the soft supple part underneath - that's what Steve Carell's lips are like. But his tongue is like kitty cat litter. That's the physical experience.'"

Woody Allen, Outed by Helena Bonham Carter: "He tells you up front certain ways of kissing he does not want. No exchange of liquid is permitted. It can be a bit offensive because he makes no effort at all."

Angelina Jolie, Outed by James McAvoy: "I can tell you what it was like to kiss her on a film set: It was awkward, sweaty and not very nice."

Tom Cruise, Outed by Thandie Newton: "Kissing Tom Cruise was slightly icky and sort of wet. I'd really go home at the end of the day actually moaning about how hot it was and how many times we had to do it."

Victoria Beckham, Outed by Corey Haim: "She does this little grr gnaw thing that felt like a girl gnawing on your lip."

Sienna Miller, Outed by James Franco: "The British beauty's toothache made filming a nightmare. Franco admits filming the scene was far from enjoyable and had to be cut short when his co-star complained. He says, 'I think we kissed once in that film and it wasn't at all intense - there was no rolling around or anything. Sienna's molar was giving her pain so she called the dentist!'"

Leonardo DiCaprio, Outed by Virginie Ledoyen: "I think Leonardo is a nice guy. But I don't want him as a lover. There [was] no honest passion. No real sensitivity in our love scenes. In our underwater love scenes all I could think of was not drowning. I can't even remember his kiss."

[Photo credits: Getty, Wire Girl, Showbiz Spy, Renee Ashley Baker, NetGlimpse, Wireimage]

• JAMES MCAVOY: KISSING ANGELINA JOLIE WAS 'NOT VERY NICE' [ITW]

So far, Keira has shown off her size A's in a rough outdoors sex scene from Domino opposite Edgar Ramirez, under dim bedroom lighting in Silk with Michael Pitt and The Jacket with Adrien Brody, and flashed her rack in The Hole. And of course, we all remember her wet nude-ish scene from Atonement, mainly because it occurred during the first 20 minutes and everything in the film following that image was boring in comparison. But Knightley has shown off her body just as often as she's confessed to using body doubles. Though size-enhancing makeup was used in the Pirates movies, an actual body double was used for the Domino scene. As Keira herself said, "What a bum! I wish I had that bum." And it has been rumored that, despite doing her own underwater scenes in Atonement, Keira hired a foot double for other scenes in the film. So all this self-esteem and delight in her body seems exclusive to her self-professed "flat" chest. As for her feet, ass, and singing voice, Keira's just as insecure as the rest of us.

[Photo credits: Celebflix, Nudography]

• KEIRA KNIGHTLEY HAPPY TO GO NUDE ON FILM [People]

Just like the buzz leading up to the modestly successful Boleyn, Keira Knightley and Sienna Miller's Edge Of Love has received mixed reviews based on advance screenings. While Var says "it's all over the map, veering between artsy stylization and hum-drum, sometimes almost twee melodrama," THR thought the sweeping drama "succeeds as a deeply involving study of men and women caught up in a whirlwind beyond their control." Which leads us to defend our predictions that, just because Keira and Sienna lack Scarlett's curves and Natalie's perfect teeth, their Lohan/Ronson-esque behavior in public leading up to the film's release date will coincide perfectly with this particular flick's dose of understated sexiness. Rather than two tense women stuck in painful satin ensembles lingering around dim castles and fighting over some rich guy (Boleyn), Edge will feature Keira and Sienna battling it out over romantic Welsh poet Dylan Thomas, all the while wearing thin summer dresses and falling all over each other in Britain's windswept countryside fields. Who needs cleavage when, between the two of them, we'll see stems for days?

[Photo credits: Splash, Getty

• THIN AND THINNER: SIENNA MILLER AND KEIRA KNIGHTLEY CYT LINE FEATURES AT RED CARPET PREMIERE [Daily Mail]