When cops showed up, Kristina was lying on the ground outside their apartment "wearing only blue jean pants" and "bleeding from her nose," while Karissa was standing over Kristina asking who had done this, "as if she had no idea what had happened."

Best part: a neighbor said he witnessed the one twin kicking the other twin in the face, though "he could not identify which sister was which." Karissa eventually fessed up.

We beg to differ, TMZ; the "best part" is almost certainly that Kristina wore nothing but "blue jean pants" to the outdoor rumble with her twin sister, thus providing a pugilistic back story for what will almost certainly be a tastefully topless recreation of the incident in the pages of Playboy. Hef, enjoy your makeouts with the twins while they last, but if you take a Jimmy Choo to the face that was meant for Kristina, don't say we didn't warn you.

• Hef Twin Busted for Catfight with Her Sis! [TMZ]

In it, Alec describes how he unwinds after a long week of delivering crackling zingers on one of TV's best-loved comedies: curling up with one of little brother Stephen's flesh-friendly cable classics. These weren't merely the product of a lesser-Baldwin's "soft-core porno career on Skinemax," as Alec dismissively refers to them; rather, they were artistically uncompromising works that just happened to also be erotically charged thrillers. Stephen may have abandoned the genre since having located the Jesus-occupied quadrants of his heart. Luckily, however, films like Zebra Lounge, Spider's Web, and Bound By Lies will live on so long as horny 13-year-old boys with no access to the internet for whatever reason continue to wander into their parents' basement at 3 a.m.

• Emmy Watch: Baldwin on Baldwin [THR]