• The dream has ended for Shrek: The Musical. The stage adaptation of the cartoon which attempted to change the Great White Way forever with this revolutionary classy dramatic rendition of a farting contest (we're not kidding, watch the clip), finally accepted the call of gravity just under a year after its debut. [Variety]

• The immediate fate of Roman Polanski is unclear today. After reports earlier this week that he would not fight extradition to the US, today the picture is muddier, with his legal team apparently hotly debating the question. [Hollywood Reporter]

• This Is It, the documentary based on what would have been Michael Jackson's concert series, is headed for a big opening, with 1600 of its showings already sold out. [NY Times]

• David Fincher has signed on to produce a TV series based on the British political thriller House of Cards. The novels which were adopted into a classic trilogy of mini-series by the BBC a decade ago portray the rise and fall of a ruthless British Prime Minister. [Hollywood Reporter]

• Signaling to the world's geek community that it is time to hurry up and say their last goodbyes, Fox has announced it is pulling Joss Whedon's Dollhouse from its November sweeps schedule. [Hitfix]

• Technicolor has finally taken its place on the bandwagon to shove 3D - and its accompanying higher ticket prices - down the world's throat, announcing it has found a solution that will allow non-digital equipped movie houses a conventional means of projecting 3D. [Variety]

Today, rumor has it that the first gag order has been issued; Mashable says Dreamworks inserted an anti-Twitter clause into Mike Myers and Cameron's Diaz's contract for their work on the fourth installment of the Shrek series, committing them, we presume, to keep all details of the upcoming cartoon off the social networking platform.

At first glance, the notion that anyone on Twitter would give a damn about details of Lord Farquaad or the talking donkey backstage hi-jinx seemed delightfully self-absorbed and misguided of Dreamworks. But on closer examination, with football games scores and weather news regularly trending on the site, perhaps viral media has reached such a saturation point that even fourth installments of over the hill children's cartoons are in danger from the new world. Can TMZ Girl be far behind?

On the other hand, Hollywood, is such a Draconian zero-tolerance approach really the best way to stir up excitement for a franchise that should have been put out of its misery several films ago? Maybe unfettered Twittering about Princess Fiona's wardrobe malfunctions are the one hope you have of stirring up a little enthusiasm.

· Sundance's high-profile "Premieres" titles have been revealed, including Jack Black/Mos Def/Michel Gondry project Be Kind Rewind and Alan Ball's directorial debut, Towelhead. [Variety]
· Running out of new episodes of its scripted series, NBC is cramming three extra hours of reality shows onto its early 2008 schedule, with American Gladiators, The Biggest Loser and 1 vs. 100 filling timeslot holes caused by the strike. "We're kicking off the New Year with a craptastic, writer-free bang!" crows NBC's head of alternative programming. [Variety]
· Cameron Diaz's Christmas wish is granted as Shrek the Halls puts up "socko" (translation: huge) Nielsens Wednesday night, ensuring that future generations of children will be spending the holidays with their favorite Santa-ogre. [Variety]

"It's proved that when you offer people great stories that also deliver state-of-the-art effects and stunts, they want to go out and experience it together. It becomes an event," said DreamWorks CEO/co-chair Stacey Snider, whose studio and Paramount turned out "Transformers."

Of course, it doesn't hurt when those great stories, state-of-the-art effects, and amazing stunts enhance a communal experience constructed around hugely successful animated ogre, spandex-clad superhero, or sexually ambiguous pirate franchises, but whatever. This is not a time for cynicism, it's one for celebration: As we speak, famously generous Paramount emperor Brad Grey is finalizing his plans to end August with a Free Bag of Money Social on the Melrose lot, in which he'll personally reward each employee for their contributions to Shrek the Third and Transformers' incredible run of success.

[Chart via Digital Variety]

• Hollywood hits new highs [Variety]

• Open Call Audition in Los Angeles Jume 20th [iwanttobeshrek.com]

Shrek's not the problem. It's the awkward inclusion of a transvestite and the uselessness of the character himself (herself?) in the story that is troubling.

Right in the midst of a warm "traditional family" setting, the film writers place a man dressed as a woman in with Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Snow White (the good gals). The crossdressing character simply doesn't make sense, except as a ploy to desensitize children and parents to transgenders.

Well-meaning parents who plan to take their kids to see a movie that grossed $122 million in the opening weekend should be aware . . . it's the subtlety of the movie makers' agenda to desensitize that could be more harmful to your children than encouraging them to eat sugary cereals in the morning.

The creative team would likely counter this by explaining that Doris simply suffers from a rare estrogen-deficiency that gives her more masculine features, plus a predisposition towards wearing suspenders and declaring extremely mediocre movies "really terrific!" Still, we applaud the Illinois Review for boldly calling out what's clearly an insidious promotion of the Hollywood Pink Agenda—an immoral campaign for the souls of our children which won't stop until every single one is brainwashed into thinking it would be really cool to get some hormone treatments and wear gender-inappropriate clothing to school, "just like the funny man-lady in the Shrek movie did!"

• Shrek: a strange setting to promote transgenderism [Illinois Review via GoodAsYou.org]

1. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End—$115 million

Per God and Disney's projections, audiences gobbled up the final installment to summer 2007's Trilogy of Substandard Threequels to Movie Franchises That Have Long Since Squandered Their Creative Capital, netting Captain Jack Sparrow and the gang a (Four-Day) Memorial Weekend box office record to call their own. Even so, Buena Vista VP Chris LeRoy doesn't "like to put too much emphasis on what the opening weekend means," particularly because this opening weekend means his movie was outperformed by Spider-Man 3, Shrek the Third, and even its own predecessor, Dead Man's Chest. Still, interest in the adventures of an eyeliner-addicted pirate still grappling with his sexuality well into middle-age appears to be showing no signs of waning, and so a fourth installment, Pirates of the Caribbean: Ghosts of Jack Sparrow's Pre-Sellout Career, could very well sail into cineplexes by summer 2008.

2. Shrek the Third—$69 million

The dream is ogre: A steep, 43 percent decline in business doesn't bode well for the green monster with the bastardized Canadian brogue. Poor word of mouth could be to blame, but one mustn't discount the influence of this widely run McDonald's commercial, which helpfully reminded audiences just how annoying the Shrek world is.

3. Spider-Man 3—$18 million

Spidey and friends crawl past the $300 mil domestic mark, but the movie is a runaway hit with foreign audiences (Asians have Tophermania!), putting its total gross at just over $800 mil. No movie was ever more deserving.

4. Bug—$3.3 million

If they had just added "-Man" to the title, Lionsgate could have increased their take ten fold.

5. Waitress—$3 million

We're all for the pie-therapy espoused by Adrienne Shelly's final film. Nothing makes the pain go away like sinking one's face into a freshly baked crust, effectively blotting out the world's troubles with the smells, sounds, and textures of still-warm strawberry-rhubarb filling.

• WEEKEND BOX OFFICE May 25-27, 2007 [Box Office Mojo]

1. Shrek the Third—$122 million
Congratulations, America: You've given Shrek the Third the all-time biggest opening weekend for an animated movie (displacing the last Shrek movie, of course) and the third-biggest weekend ever for films about spider-themed superheroes, ambisexual pirates, or computer-generated giants with puzzling Scottish accents. Well done! We once mused about moviegoers being mercilessly penetrated again and again by the insatiable monster's engorged green member, but this time around it seems more like defeated parents are grudgingly lining up to give a back-of-the-theater handjob to the bored ogre in exchange for 93 minutes of not having to entertain their children.

2. Spider-Man 3-$28.5 million
Meanwhile, with box office nemesis Shrek not fully launched internationally, Spidey pulls in another $49.6 million overseas, raising its international gross to (get ready, it's gonna be a big one) $465 million. We won't even list the overall worldwide figure for fear you will faint dead away at your desk.

3. 28 Weeks Later—$5.150 million
"Hold on a for a hell of a ride!" exclaims Rolling Stone pullquote-whore Peter Travers, in a one-sheet-ready turn of phrase that virtually guarantees we won't see this movie until it hits Netflix.

4. Disturbia—$3.675 million
This week's Get To Know Your Former Biggest Movie Star in America Fun Fact: Shia celebrates both Christmas and Hanukkah! Truly, this is a burgeoning matinee idol who can unite moviegoers of all faiths.

5. Georgia Rule—$3.493 million
By the end of May, the studio should finally make back the money it lost from production delays related to Lindsay Lohan's various battles with dehydration and exhaustion.

• May 18-20, 2007 Studio Estimates [Box Office Mojo]

· S Day is finally here, and Tim and Eric couldn't be more excited about it. Really.
· Posthumous note to Jack Valenti: If you're playing Truth or Dare with the 1991 Madonna, you always take dare. Always.
· Ah, we knew there something wrong with the way Britney Spears dresses, and now we can put our finger on exactly what it is. [via goldenfiddle]
· Worn down by months of unironic posts about Matthew McConaughey's abs, Reese Witherspoon feeding parking meters, and Hyde's guest list, a writer at TMZ finally loses her shit.
·Hey, unicorns! Flying ones!

"I just caution everybody: for 'Shrek' it's not where we start, it's where we finish," Katzenberg told reporters at the Cannes Film Festival where he is promoting a new animated film, "Bee Movie," from comedian Jerry Seinfeld.

"I hope we have a very, very good weekend, but I don't expect us to set any records," Katzenberg added.

A visibly dejected Katzenberg then sighed, raised a hand to his furrowed brow, then continued. "I guess we'll have to see what happens. I've done all I can. If we don't open as big as we'd like, we'll have to try something different for the second weekend. Maybe I'll make Mike Myers put on a Shrek suit, take him up in a hot air balloon over the Ocean's 13 premiere next Thursday, then push him out and hope he crushes Brad Pitt to death while he's talking to a camera crew from E!. Maybe then people would care, go see my movie. I dunno, whatever."

• DreamWorks chief downplays Shrek box office record [Reuters]
Previously: Justin Timberlake Ducks Out of Shrek-Whoring 'Idol' Duty [Defamer]

A Happy Meal with Apple Dippers, all-white-meat chicken McNuggets, and low-fat milk will be featured in television commercials and on posters in McDonald's restaurants. Shrek will also appear on packaging for the milk and apples. [...]

McDonald's will also use Shrek to promote physical activity through games on its Web sites that require both online and offline play, Dillon said.

While undoubtedly some innovative and effective ideas will be conveyed through the Shrek interactive fitness campaign, we think that ultimately the key to unlocking healthier eating habits among America's youth lies in the single zero-calorie draw in every Happy Meal: The toy. We doubt any child will even notice they're being plied with smarter food choices as they excitedly unwrap the Puss n' Boots My First Glucose Monitor and Donkey's Own Bodyfat Calibrator included with every purchase.

• Shrek on a diet in McDonald's Happy Meal gig [Yahoo/Reuters]

At some point during American Idol's recent blockbuster-pimping Shrek-tacular, in which DreamWorks mogul Jeffrey Katzenberg and incomprehensibly accented sidekick Antonio Banderas consumed a puzzling amount of screen time in plugging their upcoming animated product, virtually every one of the show's millions of teenage fans probably found him or herself wondering, "Hey, who's this awkward little bald man trying to sell me on a movie I'm going to go see anyway?" Slate's Kim Masters claims to have solved the mystery: Katzenberg was supposed to drag Shrek star Justin Timberlake onto the show, but perhaps still feeling a little dirty from whoring himself out for a duet at the Grammys, the singer escaped the country, avoiding the promotional duty. All in all, we're pleased that's the way things turned out; had Timberlake shown, we might've been denied the wonderful moment (at about 43 seconds in the above clip) when Katzenberg—just moments after showing off his Oscar—somewhat bitterly remarks that the Idol hopefuls are achieving their dreams much faster than he did, stopping just short of adding, "But, you know, hard work and stuff like that takes a lot of time. You can't karaoke your way to running a studio. Just sayin'."

• The Missing Timberlake [Slate]

"Why would young children follow Shrek's advice about healthy living and ignore his entreaties to eat Happy Meals and Pop-Tarts?" [Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood director Susan] Linn wrote. "If government agencies are serious about combating childhood obesity, they should stop cozying up to industry and start taking real steps to end the barrage of junk food marketing aimed at children."

Penelope Royall, the HHS deputy assistant secretary for disease prevention and health promotion, stressed that the public services ads were using Shrek to promote exercise, not foods.

"Shrek is a good model, especially for children who can benefit from more exercise," Royall said. "He doesn't have a perfect physique, he's not a great athlete. ... We hope children will understand that being physically fit doesn't require being a great athlete."

Indeed, Shrek is an admirable role model for less-active children—it's not as if that other brogue-afflicted Mike Meyers character, Fat Bastard, was being employed by the Department of Health and Human Services to warn the youth of America, "C'mere—I'm gonna eat ya! Just like yer genna eat yer vegetables!" Similarly, they might want to consider other areas for which the Shrek characters can provide further hypocritical health advice, perhaps spinning off the franchise's resident hot-blooded cat-slut Puss in Boots into his own public awareness campaign about the risks of contracting various strains of HIV, feline and otherwise.

• Activists: Drop Shrek From Health Ads [AP]

We’re told the Shrek team’s frustration came to a head at a story meeting about three weeks ago. “They were working off the boards and had Justin come in to do preliminary vocals, and he’s just not a voice actor,” says the source. At one point, DreamWorks animation czar Jeffrey Katzenberg even joked that “he would give $10,000 to any employee who could make Justin and Cameron split up,” the source says. “As long as she’s dating Justin, he’s in the movie.”

Not surprisingly, the flacks were all ‘N Sync denying the story. Timberlake’s publicist, Ken Sunshine, dismissed claims that his client is having difficulties with the part, and Diaz’s rep, Brad Cafarelli, insisted that “Cameron had nothing to do with casting.” Asked about Katzenberg’s offer, a DreamWorks rep said, “That sounds very stupid. He would never say that.”

Please don't tumble out of your desk chair when we say this, but we're with the DreamWorks flack on this one. Say what you will about Jeffrey Katzenberg, but he's a savvy businessman [Ed.note—Please suspend your disbelief for the purposes of the oncoming punchline.], and he certainly realizes that it would be much easier to have Timberlake murdered. Orchestrated break-ups are often messy, expensive, and drag on for months, incurring all sorts of unexpected costs.

• Will Cameron & Justin Wreck Shrek? [Radar Online]