Nellie McKay had a great show at the Troubadour [last night], but had a minor...actually, pretty severe on-stage meltdown near the beginning.

She was talking to the audience about the problems she's been having with Sony and someone shouted "Shut up and sing!" This seemed to touch a nerve with dear Nellie. After politely explaining to the miscreant that "If this continues with Sony, I will leave the music business, BITCH. And NEVER SING AGAIN," she started screaming and crying and "They say I'm just pulling a Barbra Streisand," and "You have NO IDEA WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH," and corporations are raping the world, etc. etc. As the audience, who had previously been laughing and hawing at everything she said, stood there in uncomfortable silence.

It was very Fiona Apple. Then she pulled it together and played for another hour and a half (in that respect, perhaps not so Fiona Apple). Despite this, awesome show. Love her.

In a recent LA Times review of her Wiltern show, Apple's stage demeanor was likened to an exorcism ("...she clutches her dress, twists her head and shakes her shoulders as if trying to exorcise the building tension inside"). Paired with the McKay report, it safely sounds like we are entering a Golden Era of Cute Singer/Songwriter Chicks on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown. Look in coming months for forever cred-hungry Ashlee Simpson to once again ape the wild antics of her musical mentors, though her psychotic between-song patter threatening never to sing again will likely be greeted with thunderous applause.

• Beware the sour Apple [LA Times]

Fox has dropped the guillotine on frosh drama "Head Cases," making the quirky legal drama the first casualty of the 2005-06 season.

Production was halted and producers, including 20th Century Fox TV, were informed of Fox's decision late Thursday. Six segs (including the pilot) had been shot, leaving four unaired episodes on the shelf.

• Fox cutting off 'Head' [Variety]

JessicaGawker: DespHousewives is a comedy?
JessicaGawker: i didn't know they did hour long single cam comedies about murder
MarkDefamer: yup! ABC is greedy
MarkDefamer: it was a comedy at the Globes too
JessicaGawker: so odd
MarkDefamer: but Lost has no shot at drama
JessicaGawker: true
JessicaGawker: but DH is NOT A COMEDY
JessicaGawker: DEAD BABY KILLING STUFF
MarkDefamer: it's a better comedy than Will and Grace
MarkDefamer: i'll laugh at dead babies before Cher jokes
JessicaGawker: true.

Finally, detente! Will & Grace isn't funny.

• 'Desperate Housewives' Emmy bid as comedy debated [Reuters]
• Emmy Nominations Announced, Cat Fight Warning Issued [Defamer]

A close-up of the cuffs follows after the jump.

UPDATE: We asked, you answered—the explanation follows after the jump.

Thanks for the quick answers to the handcuff "mystery," one that was easily "solved" by "watching the show":

I saw the show...Richard Zanuck told a story about a practical joke in which he sent a telegram back in the day to Robert Evans pretending to be from the producer of Lawrence of Arabia. The telegram said that the producer was interested in Evans for the role of the Arab in the film and that Evans should fly out to London. Zanuck didn't think Evans would really fall for this, but he did and ended up flying to London for no reason.

On the show, Evans told Zanuck that now that he had his confession, he was going to have him thrown in jail for that practical joke. Robert Evans summoned a "police officer" who was dressed as a security guard to come and arrest Zanuck and the "cop" put the cuffs
on Zanuck. Nobody believed this was a real cop for a moment...but they politely laughed at Evans "clever" stunt anyways.

• Sunday Morning Shootout [AMCtv].com

Well, you're invited if you're hanging around the Fox lot and like your lunch to double as a reminder of the network's summer TV offerings. In about an hour, Fox will once again offer its huddled masses another repast of intramural promotion, grilling up "Conceited Cheeseburgers" and "Troublemaker Turkeyburgers" (oh, the beef-eschewing set is so naughty!) to honor their new reality show, Princes of Malibu. Save those free frisbees—they can conveniently double as platters for the severed heads of fallen programming execs should viewers fail to turn out to watch the spoiled scions of The 'Bu (think Growing Up Gotti, but with more "Duuude" than "Yo") butt heads with their meal-ticket dad.

The full menu follows after the jump. Your mouth is watering already.

BRANDON & BRODY'S CLASSICS:

HIGHLIFE HAMBURGERS

CONCEITED CHEESEBURGERS

TROUBLEMAKER TURKEYBURGERS

VIVACIOUS VEGGIEBURGERS

HANG TEN HOT DOGS

MALIBU MARINATED CHICKEN BREAST

PRINCES' POTATO SALAD

BY-THE-"SEA"SAR SALAD

SURFSIDE SWEETS:

ASSORTED PIES & ICE CREAM

$7.50 tax included

• Princes of Malibu [Fox.com]
• Previously: Corn Dogs Take Away The Pain

• Dancing With Kelly [Fleshbot, NSFW]
• ABC glides to Wed. win with dance show [THR]

Twelve reality-TV writers, assisted by the Writers Guild of America, west, filed a class-action suit in the Superior Court of California today charging eight television networks and production companies with gross violations of California's labor laws governing payment of overtime, wages, and meal periods.

"These violations of California law are no mere accounting errors," said WGAw president Daniel Petrie Jr. "They are deliberately designed to deny these writers the basic rights and legal protections of fair wages, overtime, and a meal break. Unfortunately, those cases are not unique. It is but one example of the pervasive conditions we have found in reality television productions–and it underscores why so many reality writers and editors have come to the Writers Guild seeking union representation."

The writers who brought the suit worked on such reality shows as The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Are You Hot?, The Two Timer, The Will, The Starlet, and The Real Gilligan's Island. They were given such various job titles as Assistant Story Editor, Story Assistant, Story Editor, Story Producer, Segment Producer, Supervising Story Producer, Producer, and Senior Producer.

In a nice multimedia flourish (who says the Guild is ignoring the internet?), the WGA has also posted sample paystubs that demonstrate the difference between what the non-union reality writers were paid for their 84 hour work week, and what they should've been paid* under California law (i.e., much more). But really, whatever writer put the words "Shut up and let me look at you" into Lorenzo Lamas' mouth on Are You Hot? is owed riches far beyond what even a strict interpretation of labor laws could possibly allow.

[*As anyone who's ever drawn a paycheck from a studio or network knows, this stuff can get mind-meltingly complicated.]

• Reality Writers Sue Major Networks [WGA.org]

Many of Ari's showdowns take place on cell- or speakerphones while the men are in motion, a device that allows Mr. Piven to bring the full force of Shakespearean monologue antics and scenery chewing to what might otherwise be television's monotone pseudo-naturalism.

But no one wants standard television acting from Mr. Piven. For him the writers produce Pacino-caliber rants, armored personnel carriers of uninterruptible braggadocio that Mr. Piven floors for several sentences until, in response to a question, he jerks the wheel hard to the left.

Make sure and click through to the article, which has a supplemental slideshow presenting Heffernan's margin-doodles of lovingly inked hearts encircling the words "Mrs. Virginia Heffernan Gold-Piven" and "Hug ME out, bitch" rendered in schoolgirl-crush calligraphy. Don't get us wrong, we love us some Ari, but for moments like this, which raise the show from Hollywood jackass lifestyle porn to must-see programming:

To the assistant of an elusive executive, he offers dictation: "I want you to pass this message along to Dana. Tell her that I still have the pictures from Cancún. Tell her that I'm going to start a Web site. I'm going to take a full-page ad out in The L.A. Times advertising it. Tell her it will be called I'mahollywoodexecutivewhore.com and that no password or fee will be required. Tell her I want a call back."

• Ministering Agent: 'Entourage's' Shark Proves Warmblooded [NYT]
• Previously: Ari Gold Takes Two Hundred Percent [Defamer]

• I think I'm gonna love you for the rest of my life [FourFour via cityrag]
• 
  
• Whitney And Bobby Steal Your Summer

• GRAPHING VALERIE [Feh]

[Photo: Animal Magazine]

• ‘Entourage’: Ari Gold’s Boner Pills [Defamer]

THE cast of HBO's "Entourage" sat down with CNBC's Donny Deutsch the other day in Las Vegas and revealed how they deal with so many female fans — Viagra. "I did crack one open once, and if your turnaround time is 36 minutes . . . it gets it down to 16 minutes," admits Jeremy Piven in the interview airing tonight.

Last night's Viagra reference seemed a little too jokey and off-handedly generic to be product placement (unlike that subplot involving the Apple Store—you're nobody in this town if you're not standing on line for three hours to get help with your iPod), but maybe Piven will score a lifetime supply from Pfizer for his plug on Deutsch. Watch out, Entourage groupies, for you're about to be pleased all night long (in between sixteen minute "turnaround" intervals). And if you can withstand all the pleasure, maybe you'll get to play a one-line shopgirl (practice now: "Vince, you'll look totally hot in this!") sometime in season three.

• FAST TURNAROUND [NY Post]

• RUG IT OUT, BITCH. [Feh]

At one point, [actor John] Terry [who plays Jack's father] was asked to sign a photo using his character's name. He paused, searching his memory. "Christian Shephard," the woman offered. Is that with one "p" or two, he asked. Someone pulled out a program and supplied the correct spelling.

How is the "Losties" movement supposed to gain any traction if the kind of bit players that are fanboy convention staples don't even know the names of their characters? They probably even forgot to fill the ballroom with virgins.

• An island of Losties [LAT]

"I'm into low costs and big profits, and I bet I make more money than the execs running the studios - none of whom are over 6 feet," said the 6-foot-1 Mr. Williams during a recent interview in the Sunset Strip offices of his management company, Parallel Entertainment. [...]

According to Mr. Foxworthy, Mr. Williams conceived the Blue Collar tour as an alternative to the hugely popular Original Kings of Comedy tour of the late 1990's, which resulted in a concert film featuring Steve Harvey, D. L. Hughley, Cedric the Entertainer and Bernie Mac that sold $38 million in theater tickets.

"That was a show for urban hip people," Mr. Foxworthy said. "But that show left out the people who were not hip. They're the ones who wake up every morning and go to work and go to war, and, dadgum, there's a whole lot of 'em out there." [...] So, just who is the audience watching "Blue Collar TV" and paying all this discretionary income for the merchandise? Both Ms. Mitchell and Michael Clements, the co-executive vice president for comedy development at WB, labeled the audience as "diverse."

Yes, but don't the necks of their incredibly "diverse" audience skew toward the red end of the spectrum once you remove the "under-six-foot-studio-execs" and the "urban hip" crowd? And we're going to assume that they're not exactly ushering the "edgy interior decorators" into their Big Redneck Tent for a stimulating discussion of deer-hunting, either.

• Red State Humor Turns Blue [NYT]

"Ari used to represent Jeremy, and Jeremy says he fired him. Ari says he fired Jeremy," Wahlberg said. "I believe Ari, because Jeremy's probably had, like, 30 agents!"

Wahlberg confided that he's had his own issues with Emanuel.

"There's been a couple of physical altercations. You know what? He's pretty feisty," Wahlberg said. "We're on-again, off-again. Mistakes are made. S—- happens."

Endeavor's in-house flack, Michael Donkis, wasn't amused.

"I don't believe there were any altercations - and perhaps Mark is joking," Donkis told me. "They have a close relationship."

How long are we going to have to wait for the inevitable, in-jokey Emanuel cameo (if he's done one already, we missed it), where the agent and his HBO doppleganger grapple for the affections of Adrian Grenier ("Hug this out, bitch!" "No, you hug this out!")? And will it be the real Grenier, his character Vincent, or a Calvin Klein ad-era Marky Mark? Can the loser of the Ari-Ari war be forced to rep the profoundly sad Valerie Cherish of The Comeback, a truly humiliating punishment? We have to stop considering the reality-bending possibilities immediately, lest our brain smooth out any further. This shit's way too heavy for Monday morning.

• Piven adds acidity to toxic agent [NY Daily News]

The first thing comedian George Lopez says about the new kidney his wife, Ann, gave him in April, is what you'd expect from a funnyman: a joke.

"This is a Chicano's worst nightmare," he quips in the voice of his cynical stand-up character, the hard-boiled barrio bad guy. "Something that makes you owe your wife — forever!"

Yeah, we stopped reading right there. Good luck with the dialysis!

• Lopez's show goes on [LAT]

Hey everybody...hope you are enjoying the Memorial Day weekend! I'm not sure if you've heard or not, but I will be competing in a new show on ABC called "Dancing with the Stars"...(yes, my hair is now brown! :) ) It's a live show where there are 6 celebs paired with pro ballroom dancers (I know...another crazy show!) and I am one of the "celebs". Every week, we will be eliminated or asked to continue onto the next week to do new dances, based on the votes of 4 judges as well as America...that's where you come in.

I know that everyone's lives are busy these days, but I'm writing this to ask for your help because I would love to be able to continue on in the show for as long as possible so that I can perform what I've been rehearsing over the last month. It's been a lot of fun (and has finally gotten me to work out again!), but the longer I'm in, the more fun I'll have, and the more proud my partner will be, which I'm really hoping to accomplish. :)

I honestly am not sure when it will be airing in all of the time zones, but I do know that we will be filming it from 6-7 pm pst on Wednesdays, and it's supposed to be Live. They will flash the number to call or where to write online to vote for me a few times during the show. If you can vote via phone, the voting will be open for one hour after the show has ended (in your time zone). They will allow 5 phone calls from each phone line, so if you have more than one and have the time, anything will help! If you are more comfortable or have easier access to a computer and would like to vote online, you will be able to do so on the show's website after the broadcasts on Wednesday nights through the following Tuesday night at midnight (just before the next show is scheduled to air). However, you will only be allowed to vote once per email address in that time frame. If you have more than one address and can make your vote online in those 6 days, I would LOVE it if you could. Bottomline, I'd love to stay in the competition as long as possible because it has really been a fun experience and has gotten me back into my dancing shoes (although the ones I have to wear for this show are SUPER uncomfortable!). I'm hoping that with this email, I'll be able to secure a good number of votes to get as close to the end as possible. If you could forward it on to your friends, please do!! The more votes, the better!

Thanks and wish me luck!
:) Trista

ps...if you do forward it, could you possibly remove my address from the forward, just for privacy reasons? Thanks!

Step to it, people! If you don't start clapping, our little Tinkerbell's going to fall out of the sky and right into a part-time gig slinging martinis at The Standard!

Underscoring the growing clout of the TV-DVD category, "Chappelle's Show: Season 2 Uncensored" chalked up first-day sales of nearly 500,000 copies, setting a new TV-DVD sales record, according to Paramount Home Entertainment.

Within a week of its May 24 release, sales of the hefty three-disc, $37 package topped 1.2 million units, Paramount said [...]

That's 200,000 units more than the sales tally in early May, when Comedy Central announced Season 3 of Dave Chappelle's highly rated sketch comedy show would be postponed indefinitely...

The cynic in us automatically goes into full-bore, tinfoil helmet mode, wondering if Paramount somehow induced the star to flee the country by messengering bean-bag-chair-sized bags of weed to Chappelle's house and secretly piping in the ghostly voice of idol Rick James urging the comic to "Flee to South Africa, bitch, they all want your MONEY!" And if they didn't do it the first time, Chappelle will now know to ignore paranoid ghosts bearing kind bud, especially if the apparition pulls up in a van plastered with ads for the Season 2 DVD.

• Chappelle raises bar of TV-DVD [THR]