· 30-second ad spots on the final episode of ER — featuring George Clooney, Noah Wyle and Anthony Edwards — are going for the low, low price of $425,000. We'll take two.
· The existential crises of Garfield Without Garfield have felt uniquely harrowing this week. At least add Odie back in or something.
· Flaxen-haired Jared Leto is out and about at this weekend's Oscar festivities. Consider yourself warned.
· ZOMG Google Earth found Atlantis! Maybe? Never mind.

· Can't wait for Watchmen to glimpse some computer-generated wang? Then get a load of GTA4: Lost And Damned Mr. Stubbs. [via 1Up]
· If you meant to see Fireproof, Kirk Cameron's $33.5 million-earning firemen-and-faith movie, but never got around to it, here's some highlights, beginning with an uplifting scene in which Kirk finally tells off his nag of a wife.
· People talked to most adorable Top Chef contestant of all time Fabio Viviani, who was [SPOILER ALERT!] eliminated on last night's episode. They do an admirable job of preserving his broken English. Sniff. We love you, Fabio.
· J.D. Fortune, winner of Rock Star: INXS, toured with the band for 23 months, then was unceremoniously fired at a Hong Kong airport. He's now living in a car, which if you aren't aware, is one step away from homeless.
· The Oscars secret is out, and it's three little words that will blow your minds: Hugh. Jackman. Blingees.
· American Idol's soulful griever Danny Gokey beat out Tatiana, the most loathed Idol contestant in history, to advance to the top 12. But watch out Gokey: Adam Lambert is coming, and Cher's "Believe" isn't the only trick up his sleeve.

· For the record, before Jerry Bruckheimer became a producer, movies about pirates, Air Force pilots and black people were virtually non-existent in Hollywood. You're welcome, America.
· The good news: Jane Fonda is back! The bad news: She's trapped on Broadway.
· We're as surprised as you are that Hugh Jackman would actually deign to rehearse for the Oscars. Not since Bill O'Reilly was a man ever more capable of just fucking doing it live.
· It's hard to tell exactly who came out on top in the fight-marred Ultimate Praying Championship between Greece and Armenia. Anyone got any ideas?

· Yeah, so that Octomom reality horror show? Not happening — at least not on TLC.
· Screw that list of Hollywood's most bankable stars. The indispensable Temp X offers up the only list that really matters on the lot: Hollywood's most bankable production assistants. Hire them.
· Enjoy him while you can: Don Johnson may never have to work again if he can convince a judge he's owed about $225 million in revenues from Nash Bridges.
· McG. Cars. Obstacle courses. Run for your life.

· We defy you to read the story of lost little Oscar No. 3453—the WALL·E of accidentally misrouted kudoware—and not get a little choked up.
· Little Gold Men imagines a Oscars red carpet with no stars. It's so very sad.
· But not as sad as The Saddest Male Models In The World, Part II!
· Jessica Simpson is exploring her fashion options lately. Muumuus, skorts, Snuggies™—anything's fair game.
· Wow. Lindsay at Videogum is the best 30 Rock Easter Egg hunter we know. Check out those Golden Arches. Amazing.
· Michael Jackson may have contracted a severe staph infection. Cobra retreat. RETREAT!
· We honestly had no idea John Wayne Gacy had a Flickr stream. He's been keeping so busy! (Bonus nightmare fuel: video.)
· Meet the newest The Bachelor, ladies. He's a single dad, and he's totally adorable.

· On the Anna Nicole opera: "It is not going to be tawdry, it is going to be witty, clever, thoughtful and sad." Well, without even hearing a note, we can definitely say they've not remotely captured Anna Nicole. [LAT]
· Guess who's having the hottest Oscars after-after-party for the second year in a row? That's right: Indecipherable Unisex Symbol! Awooooooooo-ah! Hundalasiliah!
· "You're not my mummy: Mother's makeover on This Morning reduces baby son to tears" [Daily Mail]
· Here's a slideshow of disgraced celebrity pitchmen and women. Ah, yes...Phelps, Vick, Stone...they're all here.

· You thought he dead, but he no dead. The Bachelor rides again.
· Lady in the red dress, you can leave now. Hugh and Oscar would like to be alone.
· A pair of bored-looking black cats wearing F.E.A.R. 2 tanktops will be striking that very thing into the hearts of Londoners this Friday the 13th.
· Here you are, America: A pretty reliable leaked list of your Idol Top 36. We seriously cannot believe Charles Nelson Reilly made it. Judy Garland made it, too! Ugh.
· Uh, who the hell was shooting Casey Affleck stripping at airport security, and why does that make us fear for our own safety?

· It's as if the makers of Crank 2 snuck into our bedroom at night, read our diary, and put every one of our sexual fantasies into one movie poster. They even used the black jumper. We love the black jumper!
· Once upon a time, Paul Rudd doing it for a paycheck meant appearing in kick-ass Hong Kong action movies; now, it means Eva Longoria ghostcoms. What happened?
· Screw Wii. Tonight we're obliterating a centipede with our own virile stamina.
· We have one request of our lucky new owner: one of these in the hallway.

· Courtney Love giving some sexy side-blob. Down boys.
· Your first glimpses of Tron 2: Wario's Revenge will be at San Diego Comic-Con, io9 reports.
· A History of Shit in the Movies.
· Tony Kushner said a decision on Lincoln should be made by next week, a greenlight resulting in the Steven Spielberg biopic being "out by Christmas."

· Angelina Jolie is fishing for orphans off the coast of Thailand. Meanwhile, here's the natural progression.
· The Top 10 Celebrity Twitterers. (Shaq, it was always you.) And in case you feel like you've been left behind, Celebrity Tweet is here to help.
· Here's four pages of True Blood swagpires sucking every last freebie drop from the HBO Luxury Lounge.

· You know when someone does a funny bit, and then goes on with it so long it ceases to be funny, then continues until it actually becomes funny again? This Jimmy Fallon parody of the Christian Bale rant is exactly like that, minus the first and last parts.
· The AP is suing HOPE poster dude/Coachella performer/shamelessly longwinded self-promoter Shepard Fairey for using their image without credit or prior permission. Tell Losanjealous how you feel about that in their poll on the matter. (We're firmly Team I totally blame Coldplay!)
· Chewbacca is a gigantic Veronica Mars fan. Don't get him started!
· Michael Phelps has been dumped by Kellogg's over his bong photo, yes. What's more, a 25-year-old Japanese sumo wrestler named Wakakirin was banned from the sport for a weed arrest. When will this insanity stop? Snowboarders—we need your guidance, now more than ever.

· Look, Shane Hurlbut interrupted the emotional lynchpin of the entire Terminator Salvation story! Now people who dress up as its characters for Halloween might wind up looking totally ridiculous.
· "Penn. Rourke Hathaway. Streep. We're on a first name basis." Um...are you sure about that, LAT?
· Vanity Fair gets a sneak peek at NBC's fall schedule.
· "Goddamnit, Shirl—Nazi zombies again! Traffic's gonna be backed up for miles. Better call your mom."
· Wired counts down the Top 10 Celebrity Rants Caught on Tape.
· Dancing with the Stars casting rumor: Denise Richards and Steve-O. Two more reasons not to watch!
· Well, lookee here: Bikini Girl rides again.
· And because we can't resist: one more Bale mashup, this time with seminal Disney newsboy musical, Newsies.

· Just for the record: David Poland is completely above suggesting what he's clearly suggesting about Gus Van Sant and Dustin Lance Black. Got it?
· Warning: Oscar surprises ahead, which may or may not include Jack Palance's disinterred corpse doing hydraulics-assisted push-ups.
· It's the Christian Bale And I Are Done Professionally T-shirt. Get 'em while they're hot.
· Fox gets edgy with its promos: Check out their vintage grindhouse-style double-feature spot for Terminator and Dollhouse. We've never been more excited to El Fuego Our Fridays!

· Did you notice any promotion for NBC's David and Goliath show, Kings, on the Super Bowl? No, you didnt. THR wonders if that has something to do with its quality.
· Here's the legendary Bill Hicks's Letterman set, introduced by his mom 16 years later, that we told you about on Friday. The most amazing thing? That the Billy Ray Cyrus bit is as topical as ever, even though Miley was just a twinkle in her father's pants at the time.
· The Summit/Lionsgate merger is not happening, from what we hear, and what Deadline Hollywood Daily hears, too.
· Jesse Metcalfe's fur-flecked manjugs distract you momentarily from the world's stupidest fucking tattoo.
· We dare you to reach in there and grab some melon tonsils.

· So Eat Pray Love appears to be languishing in turnaround. We're not really sure what that portends for Warners' parody project, Drink, Play, F@#K, or, for that matter, our own proposed sequel—Puke, Broke, AIDS.
· "No, so honestly—whose Bat-voice sounded less stupid? Bale's or mine? C'mon. You know the answer—you just don't wanna insult your pal."
· Here's some video of Gwyneth Paltrow exposing her left breast seductively in Two Lovers. You know—this is where we start thinking we've been ruined forever by Spain...On the Road Again, because we instantly started craving paella at the first glimpse of nip.
· Dave Holmes presents the "Is this line from...The United States of Tara or the "Just Say No" Episode of Punky Brewster" Challenge! It's guaranteed to be the most fun you've had since our own Who Said It: John Cusack, Diablo Cody Or Bob Ross? trivia game.

· Nielsen distributed an office memo saying it was going to disable the "reply to all" function on all forthcoming e-mails. It's an efficiency measure. Seriously.
· NBC has ordered a pilot based on Ron Howard's 1989 film Parenthood, which—along with shows based on 1983's V and 1987's The Witches of Eastwick—points towards a disturbing new trend in which network execs rely perhaps too heavily on child-, witch- and alien-filled material to fill their schedules.
· The Carpetbagger tries not to be trampled by a herd of stampeding accountants during the annual Running of the Oscar Ballots.
· Milk screenwriter Dustin Lance Black will be on hand to sign copies of Milk, the Shooting Script at Book Soup. Gus Van Sant will then re-sign it in such a way as to cut out the boring parts and give the whole signature more emotional heft.
· "Two Dads is taken? But I promised them! First Prop 8, now this. How about 'dadz' with a Z? Really? Perfect! They'll be so pleased."
· "Pussycat Dolls Jessica transforms into the alien from Star Trek"

· A tipster writes: "CAA is no longer validating parking. So if you are there for a meeting before 5pm, you have to pay $35 for parking." Is this true? Let us know.
· Meanwhile, blowing some dude in the bathrooms is still free of charge. (Same as on the Disney lot, too, Green Sweater Guy.)
· Finally—the first 3-D porn is shooting. Good thing you're wearing plastic glasses.
· We love nothing more than some gefilte celebrity: Here's the perfect British movie star, comprising Hugh Grant's hair, Daniel Craig's eyes, Orlando Bloom's nose, and Ewan McGregor's jaw. Result? Um—positively gorgeous!
· NBC finds a captive audience in American Airlines flights.

· The Soup might have found a worthy heir to Spaghetti Cat: Stains, the cupcake-coveting, hypnotized dog. (PS. Nice touch with the Tim Burton music. Stains really deserves his own stop-motion animated movie, perhaps surrounded by a gentle cupcake snowfall.)
· Speaking of cupcake snowfalls, Jessica Simpson appears to have spent Christmas eating her way out of an icing avalanche.
· Prepare to get aroused by Shirley Jones.
· Defamer contributor Nick Malis keeps riding the wave of his Cute Things Falling Asleep blog. He was a guest on The Bonnie Hunt Show today, plugging his latest—Cute Things Laughing.
· Videogum reviews the second completely stupid (but not as utterly completely stupid as the pilot) episode of The United States of Tara so you don't have to. She has multiple personalities! She's so wacky, but touching, too.

· Every year, Waxy.org does some impressive spreadsheet analysis of how Oscar-nominated movies are faring in the online piracy sector. Findings: Only Rachel Getting Married isn't available .
· Nervous lawyers pull the plug on Ashton Kutcher's Twitter Nation of D-boys and D-girls.
· Your American Idol David Cook will hit mostly college campuses on his first U.S. tour, to be followed in subsequent tours by malls, county fairs, and, finally, cosmetology conventions nationwide.
· We hear crafts are getting big in these hard times, and what better place to go for your knitting supplies than your own pet!
· We didn't think there was any way you could ruin pancakes. We were wrong.

· Bob Iger, on the other hand, had an 11% sweeter 2008 than the year before. He's the happiest honcho on Earth!
· Vulture casts The Miracle of Flight 1549, with the unusual choice of The Magnetic Fields's Stephin Merritt in the role of that talkative dude you might have have seen here, or on just about any other news outlet in the hours following the emergency landing.
· Does anyone recognize Wheelie Boy from the 1971 motocross documentary On Any Sunday? Somebody's looking for him.
· Wondering where Lonny Ross was in last night's 30 Rock? Well then, stop fast forwarding past the commercials!