First: Unless your name is Olivia, Ophelia, Obama, Odetta or, of course, Oprah, you may not find it exciting that nearly everything Oprah sells has an O on it. At first it was extremely distracting. Then you get used to it. Onward!

First stop: O Baby. There are cute sets you could pick up if you're going to a baby shower.

These bibs are bestsellers, Oprah says.

These are a lot funnier, don't you think?

The critters on this tee aren't just random; they're animals found in South Africa. Oprah has a vision!

While the puppy polo is cute, it just makes a lot more sense if your dog's name is Oscar, or Oakley.

When the Os make a pattern, like on this leash, they're less Obnoxious.

The apparel for women consists of lots and lots of workout wear. Three different kinds of yoga pants, all kinds of hoodies and sweatshirts, and almost everything has a tiny embroidered O. Obese? No excuse!

There are T-shirts with Oprah phrases on them…

…Which are either inspirational or rather demanding, depending on your mood.

Oprah has an entire section called "cashmere." This sweater comes in sizes up to XXXL, which almost never happens with cashmere, so that's great. The O logo? Not so great, when the sweater is $120.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but, I might buy this sweater. It's just so freakin' cute! Cashmere, with rouched sleeves. And look ma, no logo!

For men, Oprah offers Harpo logo tees, which is just not ever going to happen. Catch on, I mean. Never.

Ties seem more likely: You can't even tell there a million tiny Os on each one.

The "Home Living" section has some really gorgeous items, like these handcrafted beaded glass bowls. They're from Sizwe Umoya, a group of rural Zulu wire-weavers in South Africa. Oprah is soooo on-message.

These baskets are also handcrafted, but I'm just going to go ahead and say it: Meh.

I might buy this pillow, Oprah. Okay? Winning me over.

Oprah loves tea, so there are plenty of teapots, trays, dessert plates, cups and mugs to choose from. Still, only the Obamas, O'Connors and Onassises should have O teapots.

This O tray is pretty damn cute. And the colorful acrylic glasses are perfect for cocktails by the pool. Not that I have a pool.

Oprah says this makeup bag is a top-seller. The logo starts to grow on you after a while. Like fungus.

These makeup bags are even better: Metallic is chic, and the logo's been reduced to a mere zipper pull. Subtle!

Ladies and gentlemen, Oprah luggage. For traveling to Ontario, Oman, or, oh, Ohio.

For some reason, this piece of luggage seems even worse than the others. At least the previous ones had a sense of humor.

An Oprah nOtebook makes sense somehow.

Oprah notes: Vadgetastic?

The keychain that started it all!

Last, but not least: The O ornament. Oprah is practically a deity at this point, right? Happy Holidays!

The Oprah Store goes online [UPI]
The Oprah Store [Official Site]

In our ongoing attempt to give you new and exciting ways to interact with this Intertubes Blogsite and fritter away even more of your employer's valuable time, we are happy to invite you, the reader who always believed that the whispers the voice inside your head distracts you with as you try to roll calls would make a catchy t-shirt slogan, to provide (and/or vote on! See? Interactive!) the idea for the next high-quality Defamer garment to be sold in the Gawker Shop. Here's how it works: The creative-minded can submit their slogans in the form found after the jump (after submitting, you'll be whisked off to the live, Digg-style voting), while the impatient and judgmental can jump directly to the voting page to celebrate the inspired or euthanize the feeble. And while we recognize that you are undoubtedly brimming with sloganeering genius, we prefer you not drain your reserves too quickly, and so limit you to a single submission every half-hour. Get to work, before the Lindsay Lohan-related idea you had is rendered obsolete by a newer and more suspicious emergency surgery.

• Gawker Shop

We tried putting together a comprehensive Defamer Holiday Gift Guide for our readers, but then it hit us: a list of wonderful things you might buy for people you cherish and/or need favors from should begin and end with the fine garments on sale at the Gawker Shop. Is there a better way to express your love than in t-shirt form? Wait, this one is easy, so we'll answer it for you: No, there is not. And as a special enticement to make an already ludicrously easy gift-giving decision even more simple, the Shop is offering a special, pre-holiday 20.69% discount on our Defamer-themed Bathroom Stall VIP Club Member and Your Assistant Hates You models, with the latter style the perfect way to remind your boss of your warm feelings towards him during this festive season. Hit the shop and buy, buy, buy, for time is running out to have your purchases shipped before you abandon our fair city for the holidays.

• The Gawker Shop

With the mall-clogging horror of Black Friday behind us, we think it's finally safe for us to make a new appeal to your culturally ingrained imperative to completely drain your savings during the holiday season: Why let your hard-earned money languish in a corporate usurer's vault when you can easily convert your liquidity into a far more practical, t-shirt form? Time to get a-clickin' and a-spendin' at the Gawker Shop, where a staggering variety of cottony, slogan-bearing delights await you, like the pictured "George Clooney Stalked Me" model, a garment so universally coveted that it's now only available in a men's medium size. Those headed home from Los Angeles this holiday might want to treat themselves to our classic, Defamer-themed "An Agent Ate My Baby" and "Hollywood Kicked My Ass" styles, shirts which make awkward explanations about the recent work-related misfortunes that have left you suddenly childless and/or jobless completely unnecessary. Feel free to browse the online store (which is refreshingly free of images of porny nineteen-year-olds lounging around in our products) while you decide on the dozen or so shirts you will eventually purchase. Consume: it's what we do between Thanksgiving and Christmas to make the pain go away.

• The Gawker Shop

Every so often, we're able to convince our bosses to devote some blog-time to promoting the sale of some t-shirts they've coincidentally just reprinted and would otherwise be content to let languish in some dusty cardboard boxes in the Gawker Media Warehouse. Accordingly, today we're happy to announce the rearrrival of our wildly popular "It's Like, Yeah, Motherfucker, I'm Fine" shirt, which long ago completely sold out but has now returned to tantalize you, the savvy, voracious consumer of garments featuring defiant expressions of spiritual and physical health once spoken by Lindsay Lohan. Buy, and buy now, for failure to do so would be madness itself.

• It's Like, Yeah, Motherfucker, I'm Fine [Gawker]

[*In 2006 US dollars]

• Gawker Shop

[Surly Girl owner Alison] Muh retorts, "I am a small, new business trying to pay my astronomical rent. I cannot afford to lose a sale. Antonio was parked in front of my store and took up two parking spots all day ... He was paying off parking enforcement with free food, which is why they let him park in a two-hour metered zone for over six hours a day. On one day alone, I counted more than 20 shoppers who could not walk through [Antonio's] unruly line to get to my store. I begged my landlord to help me find a good solution for everyone. We finally approached Antonio directly and he yelled at us."

Sony Pictures staffer Leigha Lindsay sent Surly Girl staff an e-mail with a subtle threat: "Have you had a turkey dog? A burrito? A tuna sandwich? I ask that you take this into strong consideration as bad press is not beneficial to your store."

We must commend Muh, who could have easily replied to the angry industry luncher with a counter e-mail along the lines of, "Well, have you ever tried a Large Hamptons Hobo? A flower bangle? A Laguna Tote?!" Here's hoping the two businesses find a workable solution, and that life on the bustling boulevard gets back to normal soon. After all, there's really no reason why you shouldn't be able to pick up a couple kosher dogs with everything for you and your latest purchase, who probably hasn't been fed in days.

• HOT DOG HASSLE IN HOLLYWOOD [NY Post]
• Previously: Defamer Holiday Deal Alert: Orphans Half-Off At Kitson [Defamer]

• It's Like, Yeah, Motherfucker, I'm Fine [Gawker Shop]

• Gawker Shop

• Angelina Jolie’s Nefarious Plan Coming Together [Defamer]
• Brad Pitt And The Ethiopian Prisoner [Defamer]

• Gawker Shop [shop.gawker.com]

The holidays are coming! Consume!

• Gawker Shop [shop.gawker.com]

What were we talking about? Oh, right. The folks back at the Gawker Media Retail mothership have generously decided to help fill your seasonal gift-giving needs by offering some brand-new t-shirts at our online shop. We're featuring the first Defamer-logo'd shirt (pictured at left), which illustrates in vivid detail what you'd like to do the next time your cruel boss asks you to "put a pin in it" while he attends to the pressing matter of his Free Cell game. You, however, are too smart to resort to actual violence, knowing that one day you'll be running this town, and will serve your ice-cold revenge in due time. Until then, why not channel your rage into an impulse t-shirt purchase? Go on, do it now, before the boss returns from lunch and begins a fresh round of afternoon torture. You owe it to yourself.

• Gawker Shop [shop.gawker.com]