Our story begins behind a fence. You see, pop stars have to build up walls, to keep out the world — fame is a cage, really. These three hardened, sharpened points represent the past, present, and the future.

You may think this statue means the car has arrived at a polo club. But the horse is a symbol of the yearning to be free. Native Americans equated horses with spirit winds and messengers. Horses also stand for strength and hard work. Hello? Britney works hard for the money, so you better treat her right!

Product placement.

Our heroine emerges. No one greets her.

The choice to shoot Britney framed by the crotch of a horse is to remind us that she is a mere human, a small person on a large planet; fragile. Also: Thin, now.

Product placement.

Our heroine has magically changed clothes. She descends a staircase — goes down the rabbit hole, if you will, deep into her subconscious. There's a light on. And a package with some balls. You do the math.

She peeks around the corner.

A man is finishing getting dressed, which means we — er — she just missed him bare-chested. Damn.

Like many men who exist only in one's subconscious, he remains faceless. Also, there are no razors in the subconscious.

Suddenly, the man is astride a muscular steed, brandishing a polo mallet. Note the number 3 — the most mystical number. Three is the first odd prime number, and there are three types of molecular bonds. There were three witches in Macbeth; Adolf Hitler's Empire was the 3rd Reich; shamrocks have three leaves; three little bears, three billy goats gruff, you always get three wishes and there's a Christian Holy Trinity. Britney Spears is only female artist in music history to have her first three albums debut at number one. She married her first husband, Jason Alexander, on January 3. She got engaged to Kevin Federline three months after they met. The book Britney wrote with her mom, Britney Spears's Heart to Heart, was printed by Three Rivers Press.

Shakespeare often made puns about riding — meaning sex. Some believe that when a young woman gets really into horseback riding, she is channeling her sexual urges.

In any case, Britney has changed her ensemble again, so she can watch the action. Note how she wears all black, to signify how deep and dark she is; the white room reminds you: None of this is really happening.

She looks out on the cold, isolated landscape to find her Faceless Man; and the sexy freedom of him straddling a horse. Somehow you can tell that she thinks he holds all the answers, all the keys to the mysteries she can't solve.

But he's just playing with his balls.

It's disappointing, to say the least. This is her subconscious fantasy, dammit!

Product placement.

Product placement. And proof of empty uterus: At least she didn't have unprotected sex with the guy. Also: Thin!

…And: Scene.

boomp3.com

Following in the steps of Academy Award winner and mega MILF Gwyneth Paltrow, Hollywood's resident goodie two shoes Mandy Moore decided to reveal a bit of her kinkier side via her fancy footwear. Moore has been looking to move beyond "the girl everybody loves and cares for" parts into something more meaty and interesting. Moore said, "The good girl rarely wears a shoe that could be used a weapon to murder somebody. I want people to be AFRAID of what I could do with my shoes. I'm sick of people of wanting to hug me and talk about how much they loved A Walk To Remember. I want to be scary, yet adorable." Upon completing her diatribe, Moore tripped and fell and muttered something under her breath about how she should've never listened to her stupid stylist in the first place.

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

As we witnessed a few weeks ago, Gwyneth debuted her new S&M-esque contraptions at a Manhattan benefit, and seems to have grown so fond of shockworthy shoes that she's traipsing around Europe displaying even higher heels, strappier boots, and a pair of Louboutins reaching seven inches high. Paired with her new, shorter hairdo, we're warming up to the newly daring Gwyneth. Soon enough, we may even forgive her for naming her kids after fruits and sea-dividing religious leaders.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

• GWYNETH PALTROW PARADES HER CONTINUING OBSESSION WITH KINKY HIGH HEELS [Daily Mail]

But now we have the shoes. Paris is famous for her monstrous size 11 feet (which eerily resemble those of the skeletons that hang in biology classrooms), often revealing grotesque bunions from her ill-fitting shoes. And if her feet look like shit in $500 shoes, we can only imagine the foot pain induced by the $80 knock-offs she supposedly came up with.

So what's the next design innovation from Miss Hilton? She's already given the world the opportunity to copy her two least attractive body parts. We can only assume bras are next.

[Photo Credit: Rex]

• Paris Hilton launches shoe line.... and models them with her own terrifying size 11s [Daily Mail]