A source, who overheard the rant, said Lindsay was screaming: I can't believe you would ever f***ing do this to me, I should have listened to everyone. I should never have f***ing trusted you."

The Mean Girl continued: "It's everywhere now, all over the net, everyone's seen it, how f***ing could you?"

Alas, as we now know, he would have if he could have. Really though, with our scandal-starved eyes scanning even for the secrets of Gossip Girl/NSYNC alum bromance, we must now leave this mess behind us until the next pixelated, would-be-starlet blow job compels a more robust visitation of the evidence. Or until later this morning, whichever comes first.

• Lohan rant over Best sex tape [The Sun]