Come on. I mean, you couldn't go with the Bond-girl year? You didn't like the orange bikini? I liked the orange bikini. That would have been a pretty good year. Or what about the Monster's Ball year? That was a sexy moment. Couldn't you have packaged that up with some list of the best movie sex scenes ever? That would have been very easy, very magaziney...There are billions of women on the planet, but let's just say for shits and giggles that I am the sexiest woman alive. [...]

Berry's favorite male body part, and more styling-challenged photos of her in old Esquire covers after the jump!

A little later on, Berry opens up about what turns her on in a man, besides the obvious requirement of being a ravishing French Canadian model:

When it comes to what I think is sexy about men, I like forearms. That's my body part. They're generally exposed, available, a little bit vulnerable. A forearm is different with every man, and when it comes to forearms, size matters. I don't like them slight. [...]

What else? Ah, yes: the big O. You know that stuff they say about a woman being responsible for her own orgasms? That's all true. And in my case, that makes me responsible for pretty damned good orgasms these days. Much better orgasms than when I was twenty-two. And I wouldn't let a man control that. Not anymore. Now I'd invite him to participate. I'll tell you this: I've learned my tricks. I know what I like. I do not wait around. I initiate. And I'm not all about frequency. I favor intensity.

And here we thought we were the only ones who associated intense orgasms with thick, hairy forearms! We raise a fist in solidarity, sister!

• Halle Berry Is the Sexiest Woman Alive, 2008 [Esquire]

Boomp3.com

At the New York Film Festival, a group of scientists seized upon the opportunity to finally ask the question: Is Angelina Jolie the sexiest woman on the planet? The collective closely examined the speciman in her natural environment, the Gotham premiere of her latest film, Changeling. After much deliberation, the scientists concluded that she is in fact, the sexiest woman alive. Dr. Myers, the lead scientist for the study said, “I mean, it’s all there. The eyes, the lips, etc. All arguments and bets can be settled, science has officially declared Angelina Jolie to be super bangin’.”

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.