Right off the bat, Finke admits she's not into lists, writing:

"Last year I was on Elle's Women in Hollywood power list; this year I was asked to write it. That's ironic, because I hate power lists more than one-size-fits-all spa robes. These influential jobs are not necessarily comparable. Are the casting directors I included more important than the cinematographers and film editors I didn't? So what I have is a very subjective roster of women I deem essential to a town run by alpha males who don't play well with others. Women in general do."

The List is split up into sections; there's The Movie Executives; The TV Executives; the awfully titled "The Wives & Daughters." But first and foremost there's The Talent — which includes Tyra Banks, Beyoncé, director Kathyrn Bigelow, Miley Cyrus, Ellen DeGeneres and Tina Fey. Also on that list? Michael Patrick King, whom Finke calls "2009's honorary female." Finke explains:

He gave us the best years of Sex and the City on TV and can be credited for reviving the chick flick in Hollywood when the movie version grossed $415 million.

The commenters on Women In Hollywood are split. One writes:

I just dislike that she left out a woman in order to include Michael Patrick King as an "honorary female". It is not good to be told that a man knows and produces women's films better than women.

But another replies:

That bugged me as well… but then I thought, well… It's the biggest film starring a cast of women of all time. He may not be a woman, but his film surely did something great for women in Hollywood, especially with a cast of women 40+.

Here's the question: If a man sympathetic to women is in power, is it as good as a woman in power? I'm going to go with: No. Because the more women pulling strings and making executive decisions the better. But since Finke makes a point about the SATC franchise being a powerhouse — and generates some buzz by including a man — she gets a pass from me. Disagree?

The Most Powerful Women in Hollywood According to Nikki Finke [Women In Hollywood]
Nikki Finke's Power List [Elle.com]
Nikki Finke's Deadline Hollywood

Earlier: Hollywood Heavy Nikki Finke: Victim Of Misogyny, And Misogynist Extraordinaire

MSNBC entertainment sleuth Courtney Hazlett has spent days tracking down sources, rummaging through trash and breaking legs to come up with the latest spoilers from the series-turned-movie sequel. And, no, they don't concern Samantha's hormone therapy. Thank god.

No, this one involves real testosterone: the ladies and their nameless friends — seriously, these broads rarely talk to anyone else but each other — will allegedly head to Connecticut to watch their homo friends Stanford and Anthony get gay married. Everyone will wear crazy outfits and toss out a string of double entendres and generally have a fabulous time.

Life & Style is reporting that the shooting schedule calls for a wedding scene to take place at a Connecticut Inn, and the guest list includes Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda, plus Carrie's pal Stanford Blatch and his mother and father.

"All signs point to a gay union between Stanford and Anthony Marentino, who's required to wear a black tuxedo in the scene," according to the magazine. "Slated as the entertainment: Liza Minnelli."

Other plot details include a trip to Morocco (Dubai's authorities disapproved of all the sexy talk, we suppose) and perhaps a Miley Cyrus citing, which would dampen our gay spirits. Why is she everywhere?!

The scene in question provides hints at two "big" twists awaiting Samantha. The first: she calls Smith Jerrod, who she, duh!, broke up with the last one. This shouldn't come as a surprise: it would be damn foolish for writers not to include Smith, for the lady fans — and the boys, too — just love the actor who plays him, Jason Lewis. If there's one thing almost as important as Sex's fashion, it's the men, and the writers know viewers want to see plenty of them.

The second plot point? Samantha, who's fifty, tells her assistant to pick up hormones. Like, OMG! This 50-year old's going through "the change," something that she, Carrie and the other girls will no doubt discuss in gory detail. Please, god, let them not discuss how to handle the inevitable dryness "down there" and how to prepare for post-menopausal entry.

The assumption when any television show hit ends its run is that the stars will go on to fame and fortune and other projects. Sometimes that happens and we never hear from them again (see Friends and inexplicably Full House) but when it doesn't, they all rush back to familiar territory to jump start their careers. Here's are scale from the worst to best.

Dynasty
Final Episode: May 1989
Breakout Stars: Heather Locklear, Emma Samms (just kidding)
Reunion: Dynasty: The Reunion aired in August 1991. The came back for another go-round Dynasty Reunion: Catfights and Caviar in 2006.
Cause: There were some cliffhanger plotlines to tie up, and really, nobody was doing anything else. Also, shoulder pads were about to go out of style, so they had to do it to save on the wardrobe budget.
Held Out: 2 years
Respectability: So bad it's campy.

Firefly
Final Episode: August 2003
Breakout Stars: Does anyone beside us and hardcore Joss Whedon fans even remember this?
Reunion: Serenity hit movie theaters in September, 2005
Cause: To try to get someone, anyone, to finally watch this thing. It failed.
Held Out: 2 years
Respectability: Did it have any to start with?

Sex and the City
Final Episode: February 2004
Breakout Stars: Sarah Jessica Parker, who was the biggest show when the series started. Everyone else found out there really aren't any roles for women over 30.
Reunion: Sex and the City: The Movie came out in May 2008 and broke box office records. A sequel is planned
Cause: These ladies needed a way to make some money. And, obviously, cosmo-swilling Midwestern "fashionistas" demanded it.
Held Out: 4 years.
Respectability: Shameless.

The X-Files
Final Episode: May 2002
Breakout Stars: David Duchovny, who was only a recurring character on the show's final two seasons, is doing quite well on Californication.
Reunion: X-Files: I Want to Believe, the second movie based on the show, failed at the box office in July of 2008.
Cause: We still haven't figured this one out.
Held Out: 6 years.
Respectability: Pretty lame.

Seinfeld
Final Episode: May 1998
Breakout Stars: All of them, but the biggest has been Larry David, now of Curb Your Enthusiasm who wasn't even an actor on the show. Julia Louis-Dreyfuss is still holding down The Adventures of Old Christine. Jerry Seinfeld sits in his house and counts his money, only leaving occasionally to do stand-up, American Express commercials, and The Bee Movie. Jason Alexander had a few failed sitcoms and KFC commercials. Michael Richards had a racist rant that ruined his career.
Reunion: On the cover of Entertainment Weekly August 2009.
Cause: They'll all guest on Curb Your Enthusiasm this year, where a Seinfeld reunion becomes a meta plot point. For a giggle. They're all still rolling in residuals.
Held Out: 11 years.
Respectability: High.

Facts of Life
Final Episode: May 1988
Breakout Stars: Nancy McKeon was a Lifetime fixture before going to rock the tween set on the Disney Channel's Sonny with a Chance. George Clooney did two seasons.
Reunion: The Facts of Life Reunion aired on ABC in November 2001
Cause: Because the gays thought it would be fun and Mrs. Garrett wasn't getting any younger.
Held Out: 13 years.
Respectability: Surprising good. This also seems to be the exception that proves the rule, either that or all the girls have given up on acting careers.

Saved by the Bell
Final Episode: May 1993 (we're not counting The College Years, which ended in 1994)
Breakout Stars: Mark-Paul Gosselaar did the later seasons of NYPD Blue and is now a hit on cable's Raising the Bar. Tiffani Amber Thiessen did 90210, Two Guys, A Girl, and A Pizza Place, Fastlane, and Good Morning, Miami. Elizabeth Berkley did Showgirls and became a Hollywood punchline, Mario Lopez danced with stars, and Dustin Diamond released a sex tape.
Reunion: The cover of People in August 2009.
Cause: Because it was either that or Jimmy Kimmel.
Held Out:16 years.
Respectability: Amazing!

Okay, so Entourage has been compared to Sex and the City in a great many places, most notably Entertainment Weekly and Slate. But when you really examine the text, you can see that some themes have definitely been recycled.

Sunday night's episode "Murphy's Lie" continued to play into the themes established by the SATC foursome. Listen to the guys discuss Eric's little slip up:

Or Eric channeling Charlotte as he tries to prevent breaking up with his current girlfriend while still pining for his ex:

I understand that the testosterone soaked words and visuals can obscure the nature of the text. So I pulled two random scenes for this season and subbed in the different characters. It works almost a bit too well.

[General Scene Changes: Charlotte has Eric's lines, Samantha has Drama's lines, Miranda has Turtle's lines, and Vince has Carrie's. I left the name Sloan is because it's unisex. All references to she have been changed to he, and pussy was replaced with dick. Other than that, the script is as it plays.]

Charlotte (E): How pathetic are you guys?

Samantha (D): Pathetic? Us? Who tells a first date that they love [him]?

Charlotte (E): Aw, yeah right, I told [him] I loved [him].

Miranda (T): You looked like you were going to tell [him] you loved [him].

Samantha (D): My point exactly.

Charlotte (E): Whatever.

Carrie (V): Aww, [Char], [they're] are just bitter because you're on a hot streak.

Charlotte (E): Thanks [Carrie].

Samantha (D): The girl's got more [dick] the last month than the previous 29 years. I wouldn't call it a hot streak, I would call it entering the twilight zone.

Miranda (T): That's what being a successful [gallery] manager does for ya.

Samantha (D): So you're saying it has nothing to do with [her], just the business card.

Miranda (T): Yup.

Samantha (D): Ah. Now I get it.

Miranda (T): So you've been banging all these dates, [Charlotte]?

Samantha (D): [S] he [w]on't bang ‘em that quickly. [Charlotte] needs to be wined and dined for at least a month.

Carrie (V): No, no, no, I think I heard banging last night. Was there banging[Charlotte] ?

Miranda (T): Well, was there banging?

Charlotte (E): Can we talk about important stuff, please?

Carrie (V): So how's Sloan?

Charlotte (E): What do you mean?

Carrie (V): I mean, how is [he]?

Charlotte (E): Oh, [he's] good.

Carrie (V): Was that a weird question?

Charlotte (E): No.

Carrie (V): Because you sure answered it kind of weird.

Charlotte (E): Did I?

Carrie (V): Yeah, didn't [s]he?

Miranda (T): Yeah.

Samantha (D): Kind of weird.

Miranda (T): You're getting back together with Sloan?

Charlotte (E): No.

Miranda (T): After one cup of coffee?

Charlotte (E): No!

Samantha (D): You're back in love with Sloan?

Miranda (T): One cup of coffee is all it takes with this [girl]!

Charlotte (E): It was a friendly meeting!

Miranda (T): Ah.

Carrie (V): A meeting.

Miranda (T): A meeting that [he] called for!

Samantha (D): It's all the [guys] [she's] been getting. [Dick] can smell other [dick] and then they have to pounce on it. That's why when you're on a hot streak, you have to press it like blackjack.

Miranda (T): Are you pressing it with Sloan, [Charlotte]?

Charlotte [E): Forget it, I'm done with this conversation.

Next Time: The Entourage Boys Take on the Sex and the City Script!

Related: Extended Fourplay [Entertainment Weekly]
It's A Guy Thing [Slate]

And luckily for you, the people doing the extras casting for the Sex and the City sequel are actively seeking fresh bodies. The breakdown includes requests for many people who fit squarely into the Gawker reader demographic (except for professional soccer players...we doubt they even read Deadspin), so here's the casting notice they sent out today:

Grant Wilfley Casting is holding an open call for background performers for SEX AND THE CITY 2.

Seeking SAG and NON SAG to play:

Fashion Models, Celebrity types, Upscale Socialites, Fashionistas, Urban Club goers, Gays and Lesbians, International types (Middle Eastern, Arabic, Asian, European, British), Professional Soccer Players.

Open Call:

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Metropolitan Pavilion

125 West 18th Street

between 6th & 7th Avenues.

SAG: 10am- 12:30pm

NON-SAG: 1:30p-4:00p

Email a recent picture and contact info to: sexandthecity2@gwcnyc.com if you cannot attend the open call.

So what are you waiting for? Get out there and make those crazy silver screen dreams come true! Be sure to say hello to our pal aspiring dominant actor Arthur Kade for us when you see him standing in the line at the casting. And of course, don't be shy about filling us in on the whole experience, okay?!

Oh good for you Carrie, girl! Chris Noth aka Mr. Big aka John James Preston has signed on to be in the next Sex and the City movie. So I guess that means he and Carrie have stayed together. Do I hear the pitter-patter of little Manolo-clad feet? (Hm, sort of!) [Variety]

Disney has picked up the comedy Boss about a dad whose 21-year-old son somehow becomes his, um, boss. Wasn't this movie already sorta made with Topher Grace and Dennis Quaid? Ah well. Expect some sadsack like Tim Allen to get involved and then some shitty little shit to play the little shit. [Variety]

Because disease is very dangerous in spaceships, Star Trek has delayed its Mexican release date due to the swine flu outbreak. [Variety]

Slow and steady actor Danny Huston has signed on to play Poseidon, god of the sea, in the new Clash of the Titans remake. Scottish actor Kevin McKidd is also playing Poseidon soon, this time for the Chris Columbus directed comedy Percy Jackson. It's reported that in both movies there's a volcano that erupts and then a meteor hits earth while Truman Capote looks on bemusedly. [THR]

Jeffery Katzenberg announced the strongest first quarter ever for his DreamWorks Animation, and that he'd be staying on as CEO for another four years. Hits at DreamWorks have included Monsters vs. Aliens, Bee Movie, and the Madagascar franchise. You know, all the not-Pixar ones. [THR]

Movie stars steal theater folks' roles again! Though Cynthia Nixon and John Slattery played the roles in the well-reviewed Broadway production, square-jawed Aaron Eckhart and bugle-lipped Nicole Kidman will be starring in the film adaptation of David Lindsay-Abaire's play about a dead kid, Rabbit Hole. Oddly, John Cameron Mitchell, of Hedwig fame, will helm. The theateriest movie news ever! [Variety] And speaking of Sex and the City people, Warner Bros. and New Line have finally set a date for the big SATC movie sequel. Set your lipgloss to stun and mark your pink martini calendars, because on May 28, 2010... your sequined dreams will be realized once more. The story of grief and loss and life changes as the three gals make the tough decision to put Samantha in a home is sure to be a crowd pleaser. [Variety]

That twee-looking little indie movie about hipsters and babies and stuff, Gigantic, starring Zooey Bechamel, Paul Dano, and John Goodman, has won the top prize at the AFI Dallas International Film Festival. So, it must be good! [Variety] Meanwhile, in bizarro land, Julian Schnabel and Patton Oswalt have won awards at the same festival. [Variety]

Showtime has picked up two new series. They'll likely run with the comedy Ronna & Beverly, about two middle aged Jewish ladies in Boston (!!), and the Tim Robbins-produced drama Possible Side Effects, starring Josh Lucas. Sadly for someone probably, they've passed on the Matthew Perry series End of Steve. [Variety] More cable bad news: the season two finale of FX series Damages was down 32% from last year in the ol' ratings department. Though, a third season has already been ordered, so no worries. [THR]

The terrific Rosemarie DeWitt is joining the cast of John Wells' Company Man, alongside Chris Cooper, Kevin Costner, Tommy Lee Jones, and Ben Affleck. They're filming in Boston, so I'm gonna have to run home and gawp at them like a regular weirdo or something. [THR] Amaury Nolasco, from Prison Break, has been cast in the Hunter S. Thompson adaptation The Rum Diary, starring Johnny Depp. It's filming in Puerto Rico, so if you're there, go and gawp like a standard strange-o. [THR]

One of the many perks of living in countries like Slovakia, Romania, and the Czech Republic? You get to watch the precious premium cabler the MGM Channel. Well now those of you in jealous Slovenia can relax. They've finally brought the network to you too. So good. All is well in Central and Eastern Europe. [Variety]

E! reports that all key figures have signed on for a Sex and the City sequel, with shooting to begin "this summer with a release date sometime in summer 2010." New Line clearly has in this franchise a big taffeta cash register on their hands, and we doubt they'll stop until Sex and the City 8: The Varicosing, when the fabulously decrepit four are depicted applying lotion and exploring their own post-menopausal bodies in a bubble bath, while bemoaning the days when you could "still get a decent Cosmo for less that $48, and the Isadora Duncan-style of Greek dancing was still the rage."

• Sex and the City Sequel: SJP & Co. Make It Official! [E Online]

The cinematic events which apparently heralded this sea change were Sex and the City: the Movie, Twilight, and Mamma Mia. In other words, women had promiscuous sex, had sex in the city, and didn't have sex with vampires, and amidst financial turmoil and political change, we ate it up.

However, all this is positively Bergman-esque compared to 2009's distaff-themed offerings. Says the FT,

This year women will be targeted even more precisely. One sub-sub-genre to emerge is feature films adapted from self-help books, notably French Women Don't Get Fat, which instructs women they can stay slim while still scoffing the air in the éclair choux pastry, and He's Just Not that Into You , which proffers advice such as that if a man runs away from a woman he is not in love with her.

The article quotes one feminist's dismayed response to this trend: "Self-help books send out the message women need to improve themselves instead of being happy with who they are." Well, that seems a tad unfair. For one thing, as self-help books go, these two are fairly common-sensical: both were remarkably short of psychco-babble and long on clearing up misconceptions, albeit obvious ones. There's a reason these books were such runaway bestsellers that they caught Hollywood's roving eye, and it's more than just numbers. Self-help offends people by its lack of artifice, its vulgarity, but chick lit and women's fiction hews to a similar formula of control-wresting and triumph. After all, a film like Sex and the City or Mamma Mia is no more virtuous for wrapping its self-help cliche's in shoes and ABBA; the self-help films will simply make no bones about it. The irony is, the end result will probably not be too different from what Hollywood's already turning out.

However, it will be interesting to note whether the stigmas of self-help carry over to its cinemazation. After all, a woman who can justify seeing Sex and the City for a laugh or Twilight in the name of cultural anthropology - no small class of women, I'd wager - might have a harder time pulling the trigger for French Women Don't Get Fat in widescreen. We like to be silly, not to feel stupid. Whether or not one finds the self-help film trend dismaying in itself, one can't deny that the "woman/smart " divide is being made nakedly stark. In removing all the artifice from what have essentially been self-help movies all along, Hollywood's ironically respecting our intelligence. And I wonder if that might not, also ironically, result in a backlash of denial - not the kind of escapism anyone wants.

Year of Women [FT]

Dean Winters
Role on Sex: Carrie's fuck buddy John McFadden. After her second massive break from big, Carrie attempts to make her fuck buddy John into a real boyfriend. This attempt fails miserably.
Where Is He Now: Since his hard time in Carrie, Dean Winters moved on to greener pastures: he has a recurring role as Liz Lemon's hilariously deadbeat boyfriend on 30 Rock, Dennis "the beeper king" Duffy. He also has a recurring role on Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.

John Slattery
Role on Sex: Bill Kelley, an up-and-coming politician and total silver fox. His relationship with Carrie fizzles because he's obsessed with golden showers.
Where Is He Now: As silvery and foxy as ever, John plays slimy-yet-handsome ad exec Roger Sterling. He also had a recurring role on Desperate Housewives, but our hearts belong to Roger.

David Duchovny
Role on Sex: Carrie's erstwhile high school boyfriend Jeremy. He lives in Denver, but has taken a trip out East so he can go to a mental institution. His relationship with Carrie is a no-go because of his mental fragility, but that did not preclude them from knocking the boots a couple times.
Where Is He Now: We all know that David stars as a sex addict on the acclaimed Showtime dramedy Californication and also in his actual life. He was already a bona fide TV star before his time on Sex, but perhaps his time in Carrie-land inspired him to take the more emotionally complex role of Hank Moody on Californication.

Craig Bierko
Role on Sex: Creepy jazz-obsessed Ray King. Things do not work out with Carrie because he can barely hold a conversation that doesn't involve music.
Where Is He Now: earlier this year, Craig starred in a Fox sitcom called Unhitched with Rashida Jones. He played Jack 'Gator' Gately, a 35-year-old who recently divorced his college sweetheart. He is back in the dating scene and totally clueless. Even though it was produced by There's Something About Mary scribes Bobby and Peter Farrelly, the show was canceled after six episodes. However, we know that Carrie holds a leprauchan-ish pot of gold between those gams of hers, so we have high hopes that Craig's TV career will rebound in the near future!

The novel follows Julie Jensen, a single New Yorker in her late 30s, one of those typically fictionalized females with a nonspecific media job (this one's in book publicity!) and four of her unmarried 30something friends. (See, it's so totally different from Sex and the City because there's five of them.) Anyway, the premise is that our heroine Julie can't figure out why she and her friends, all attractive, successful ladies, can't find husbands. She's sick of her job, so Julie pitches the following idea to her boss:

I was frankly tired of America, with all our indulgences and our myopia, I was stuck and tired. And suddenly I realized what I wanted to do. I wanted to talk to more single women. I wanted to know if anyone out there was doing this single thing any better than we were. After reading all the self-help books that I have, it was ironic — I was still looking for advice…so on Monday, I walked into my boss's office and pitched her an idea for a book. It would be titled 'How to be Single' and I would travel around the world and see if there is any place in the world where women are better at being single than here.

And taking a trip around the world to figure out why you're still single isn't indulgent at all. Look, I know there are myriad societal pressures on women to get married and have babies. However, the book pretends to be attempting to answer a societal question when really, it's trying to answer a personal one: why is Julie still single. And the answer to that question is explained in the first chapter. Julie's friend Serena says, "It's no mystery. You dated bad boys until your mid-thirties, and now that you've finally come to your senses, the good ones are all taken." Which isn't entirely true, but it does say something about the choices that Julie makes. She spends most of the novel dating a French dude with an open marriage. Not really the road to white picket fences! Then after 350-odd pages of navel gazing masquerading as multicultural quest, Julie comes upon what she admits is a total cliche. "I wondered again how I could sum up what I had learned from the amazing women all over the world…I think we are going to have to love ourselves. Fuck."

And that last word describes how I felt after spending so many pages with another utterly self-obsessed female character. Tuccillo is certainly an engaging writer and the book is something of a page turner, but when this movie comes out to inevitable fanfare and Sex and the City tie-in marketing, I suggest saving your $12: you probably already spent that much watching Sarah Jessica Parker and her monied buddies tromp around New York. Or you could see it anyway and be like Julie: making the same mistakes over and over and then whining about it.

New Line options Tuccillo's 'Single' [Variety]
How To Be Single [Amazon]

The dollars aren't disclosed, but follow the jump for a depressing if fascinating array of blockbusters for sale, the brands that bought them and the ultimate recognition of their unholy unions:

Most Mouthwatering, placement most likely to prompt an immediate purchase: Louis Vuitton in Sex and the City

Perfect Fit, best chemistry between a brand and a film: Manolo Blahnik and Sex and the City

Welcome to Reality, fictional brand that you would most want in real life: Stark Industries in Iron Man

Scene Stealer, brand that stole the spotlight from its human co-stars: Ford Mustang in I Am Legend

Bomb, placement that ruined enjoyment of a scene: Nokia in Cloverfield

Odd Couple, most awkward and seemingly ineffective product placement: LG mobile phone in Iron Man

Film Whore, film that most “sold out” for product placement: Sex and the City

We were surprised to not see Transformers and its over-the-top GM endorsements singled out for anything other than the "E.T./Reese's Award for Achievement in Press Coverage," but there you have it. Other underrepresented films included Juno (Tic-Tacs, though no mention of Sunny Delight), Wall-E (Apple, plus a nod for its pseudo-chain Big 'N' Large), 21 (Planet Hollywood) and even Alvin and the Chipmunks (Fender guitars). As for 2009's early front-runners, your guess is as good as ours: We figure Tropic Thunder's doomed mock campaign for Simple Jack should at land somewhere, and let's face it — there has never been as craven a placement as a movie simply called Milk. Shame on you, Gus Van Sant!

• 2008 brandcameo Product Placement Awards [brandchannel]

Beginning in 2001, when she forgot to thank her husband during her Best Actress speech at the Golden Globes, Parker has been blabbing to many a tab about just how “treacherous” her 11-year marriage is. Just two years ago, she said in an interview, "I feel bad that he’s not on the market...He’s just getting to his prime and I’m holding him back. Every now and then I see him with a woman and she’s really smart and beautiful and I’m like, ‘God they have great chemistry. They’d be great together.’” Not to mention her recent delight in telling NY Mag that he “doesn’t have enough friends.” Ultimately, the fact that Broderick has been trysting all over town making late-night visits to the mystery woman’s bedroom (and lasting 30 minutes, no less!) sounds like a dream come true for SJP. All her wishes have come true: on the market? Check. More friends? Nailed one. Plus, her remark in the same NYM piece that “Broderick says, ‘That’s your fault!’ when he sees a thong poking up from low-slung jeans” must feel oh-so-satisfying. Parker can even claim responsibility for Matty Cakes’ newfound happiness inside those thongs he apparently stares at every time they leave the house together!

[Photo credit: Splash]

• EYEWITNESS EXCLUSIVE: MATTHEW BRODERICK CHEATS ON SARAH JESSICA PARKER [Star]

And coincidentally (?) the lads at Maxim have backpedaled on their brutal Rex Reed-like criticism of Parker last winter, when they crowned her the Unsexiest Woman Alive.

In a rather pathetic effort to make amends, the August issue tries to make up for the bullying piece with a shiny new judgment of Parker's appearance. Too bad it’s just a brilliant use of semantics, twisting the same exact insult into a more flowery-sounding version of its original assessment: "This Barbaro-faced broad [needs to] pull her skirt down, Secretariat, we'd rather ride Chris Noth." (Um, we hear Details is hiring?)

To which SJP memorably respondedat the time: "Do I fit some ideals and standards of some men writing in a men's magazine? Maybe not. Am I really the unsexiest women in the world? Wow! It's kind of shocking... It's condemnation, it's insane. What can I do?"

Well, SJP? Apparently, get that mole removed and, voila! You're now the magazine's "Unexpected Crush." Congratulations! We think! Sort of!

• LATE AMENDS [NYP]

There’s nothing wrong with Sarah Jessica Parker that couldn’t be cured by wart-removal surgery. That growth on her face just gets bigger with every close-up, and in the full-length movie version of Sex and the City it’s so distracting you can’t concentrate on anything else. It’s not a beauty mark. I guess you can’t tell a co-producer anything, but listen up, girl. At this point, you would make a wonderful Halloween witch.

Even though it's nearly two months later, we're still just as flabbergasted as we were the day that we first read this. It's one thing that this quote got written in the first place, but what really irks us is that this bilious diatribe actually got past an editor and actually made it into print. Congrats, gents ... hope you sleep tight tonight!

In past interviews, Parker has responded to the many accusations in the press that she's undergone all sorts of rhinoplastic magic, the actress has said:

"I've had no Botox, no collagen, nothing. I have lines, but if some of my peers weren't having things done, I wouldn't think about it."

"It’s mad. It seems no one can move their foreheads any more and their faces are all fluffy and bouncy.”

"I don't want to do things that I think are unnecessary and I wish that more of us felt that kind of courage. I think it'd be better for everyone...It's just genetics and I don't deserve it. I'm one of the lucky ones I guess."

As any fellow SATC devotee knows, Carrie Jessica Bradshaw Parker spent every episode of the series proudly refusing to hide that beauty mark, endearing her to women across the globe and making the iconic lovelorn heroine that much more relatable. And taking into consideration yesterday's display of what a little moonlight and makeup can do to a girl like Gwyneth Paltrow, we're tempted to take Parker, self-righteous as she may be, for her high and mighty word.

[Photo credits: Reuters, Getty]

• HAS SARAH JESSICA PARKER REMOVED HER FAMOUS MOLE?

MAYBE seeing themselves on the big screen was too much to take for "Sex and the City" stars Cynthia Nixon and Kristin Davis. Apparently, soon after the movie's release, they both paid a visit to Roosevelt Hospital on 10th Avenue for minor surgeries. "Cynthia had a breast augmentation and soon after, Kristin had the varicose veins on her legs removed," said an insider.

"They both made sure they did it on the quietest day of the week." It could explain why Davis always wears long hems. Nixon, whose rep denied the surgery, could have been disappointed with her topless scene. Davis' rep had no comment.

So what, we say! A small procedure can do wonders for one's outlook and self-esteem, and if we happen to spot Kim Cattrall emerging from a Beverly Hills cosmetic surgeon's office, savoring a fresh lease of life as she struts down the street flaunting her new 38-DDDs, cat's whiskers, and bagel-sized lips, we plan on giving her the most bellowing, "You go, girl!" our diaphragm can muster.

• CELLULOID FLAWS [NY Post]

• 'Sex and the City' and 'Flight of Conchords' fans go out on the town in style [LAT]