It's so upsetting watching two men knock Green, who's just precious, to the ground, where he was probably covered with dirt and germs and general ickiness. Oh, and they took his bag, which we're sure irked him more than the aforementioned ickiness.

First, we can't really imagine Green throwing a Christian Bale-sized tantrum. Second, though we love all things Green, he's not the best dramatic actor and, sadly, this comes off as a bad bit. Initially we thought perhaps this was to publicize something, but Green's above that, right? Maybe he's just taking the piss to see what happens.

Whatever the reason for this video, it seems phony to us, but why don't you offer your own take. We're easily influenced.

Jim Carrey will play the Devil who tempts die-hard Washington Senators fan Joe Boyd, who's sick of watching the Yankees win all the damn time, to sell him his soul in exchange for a victorious season. Carrey in that role makes sense. But Boyd, who magically becomes slugger Joe Hardy and helps the Senators win, will oddly, and sort of annoyingly, be played by noted rap video star Jake Gyllenhaal. His hip-hop career aside, Gyllenhaal's biggest brush with the musical was his disastrous (on purpose, I guess) "And I Am Telling You" warble when he hosted Saturday Night Live a while back. There's been nothing announced about the musical's most important part, the sexy vamp Lola (she gets what she wants) that the Devil uses to tempt Joe. May we suggest not Anne Hathaway. [Variety]

Will Ferrell and the always-hilarious Mark Wahlberg have been cast in The B Team, an action comedy directed by longtime Ferrell collaborator Adam McKay. The producers are working hard to nail down that title, as an adaptation of 80's wacka-wacka fest The A-Team is already in the works. [Variety]

In his continued efforts to one day assemble the world's absolute sexiest film cast, which could make the universe wink out of existence like a hard-bodied Large Hadron Collider, Woody Allen has nabbed Antonio Banderas to be in his next film, which already stars Naomi Watts, Josh Brolin, Slumdog Millionaire beauty Freida Pinto, and, um, Sir Anthony Hopkins. The film shoots in London and, every night, in the little smut movie house in Allen's head. [Variety]

The sometimes likable, other times irksome Seth Green has been cast in Robert Zemeckis' latest weirdo performance-capture movie, called Mars Needs Moms. He joins his Austin Powers mother Mindy Sterling, as well as Joan Cusack and Dan Fogler, the dude from Balls of Fury (and from the musical 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, for which he won a Tony). [THR]

In TV, Brittany Snow has been cast as a young Lily van der Woodsen in that new Gossip Girl spin-off. Funny, we thought Snow's movie career was burgeoning. Also in television: Respectable actors Denis O'Hare and David Morse have been cast in TV pilots, and Jessica Capshaw now has a gig as a lesbian love interest on Grey's Anatomy. [EW, THR, EW]

WHAT'S NEW: No one would argue that Mark Wahlberg's video-game adaptation Max Payne won't win the weekend, but with Beverly Hills Chihuahua still barking in theaters (it actually expands by 32 screens this week), the sour-cop actioner might see a tiny bite out of its margin of victory. Still, $20.8 million is a reliable bet, with Disney's purse dog settling settling with around $11.5 million.

The X factor is W., the Bush biopic which some forecasters see sneaking into second place with as much as $12 million. But to project any more than $10 million, maybe $11 million max is to overestimate it as anything more than a curio, an election-year stunt that wields neither the bite nor the influence that even we thought it would when the fall movie season began. Josh Brolin drawls and squints in fitful, fascinating bursts, and certain imagined powwows leading up to the 2003 Iraq invasion make for riveting ensemble drama. On the whole, though, W. connotes the rush job it was — undisciplined, tonally dissonant (Stone's professed empathy for Bush repeatedly knocks its head on low-hanging satirical fruit) and way, way too long. The American people deserve better, and at least until Nov. 4, they'll vote with their dollars. There will be no stealing this election.

Also opening: Seth Green's R-rated romp Sex Drive; Roy Disney's boat-race vanity project Morning Light; critic Godfrey Cheshire's acclaimed doc filmmaking bow Moving Midway; the indie tolerance drama Tru Loved; and for those of you in New York (and the rest of you on VOD), Madonna's directorial debut Filth and Wisdom. (L.A. will get its theatrical engagement Oct. 31.)

THE BIG LOSER: The Barry Levinson-directed/Robert De Niro-starring Hollywood satire What Just Happened is one of the year's finest case-studies in meta: A troubled, pedigreed film about troubled, pedigreed filmmaking, following in the flatlining tradition of every industry saga that preceded it. It false-started out of Sundance last January but finally found a taker at Cannes, and to its credit, Magnolia Pictures has aggressively pushed the film everywhere from baseball playoffs to presidential debates. Still, one half of that audience hates Hollywood, and the other half is off to see W. As recipes for disaster go — even in limited release — this one is ready to serve.

THE UNDERDOG: Is it too reductive of us to foresee good things for The Secret Life of Bees — a film featuring an Oscar-winner (Jennifer Hudson), a Grammy winner (Alicia Keys), two Oscar nominees (Queen Latifah, Sophie Okonedo) and America's favorite teen diva Dakota Fanning, presented in a nicely bundled chick-flick wrapper by the money-printers at Fox Searchlight? Like $7.3 million worth of good things?

FOR SHUT-INS: This week's new DVD releases include last summer's rapey adventure Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull; Errol Morris's dense, harrowing Abu Ghraib documentary Standard Operating Procedure; the Stephen Rea-in-Mena Suvari's-windshield thriller Stuck; and the much-awaited Nash Bridges: The First Season.

So is it time for Payne? Or is today brought to you by the letter W.? Or is this the weekend you clean up after Papi and Co.? Whatever you decide, don't leave Dakota Fanning out; her curfew is later these days, and she'll hunt you down without thinking twice. Choose wisely!

Boomp3.com

Law enforcement-lover Seth Green took a moment out of his busy schedule to show his love for the girls and boys in blue in the Big Apple. The Sex Drive star has been a fan of the coppers ever since they found his missing bicycle a few months back. Green said, “I was already to go on Craigslist to look for a replacement, but then there was a knock on my door. I opened the door and there was Officer Smith holding my cherished Huffy ten speed. I was pretty down about it, but then like a ray of sunshine, Officer Smith warmed me up. We even busted some kids for skateboarding together.”

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

This week's installment also includes: Clint Eastwood, Jerry Seinfeld, Ryan Phillippe, Kirsten Dunst and Justin Long, Farrah Fawcett, James Woods, Dane Cook, John C. Reilly, Lauren Conrad, Ellen Pompeo, P. Diddy (twice in the same night!), Jared Leto, Kevin Federline, Sandra Oh, Seth Green, Balthazar Getty, Pete Wentz, Briam Baumgartner, Zachary Levi, Ciara, Adam "Seymour Butts" Glasser and more.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 21
· Sitting in a booth at the recently re-opened Fab's on Van Nuys Blvd in Sherman Oaks at 8pm, Mr. "Hey, Spike Lee, Shut Your Pie-Hole" himself, CLINT EASTWOOD, speaking in hushed tones while dining with Sinatra's favorite opening comic, Tom Dreesen. I couldn't hear if Clint said to the waiter, "Go ahead, make my Chicken Marsala." Even at 93 [Ed. Note: He's actually only 78], Clint looks like he could kick some serious butt.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 22
· It was celeb night on Friday 8/22 at the AMC theater at the Century City Mall. Spotted PETE WENTZ standing outside with friends. His hair is flat ironed to oblivion and he is short, almost alarmingly so. Kept his hoodie on the whole time. Jessica's pregnant sister was nowhere in sight.

Then, a few minutes later, ELLEN POMPEO (that's Meredith Grey to you) walked by hand-in-hand with her hubby. Super skinny and wearing gross, skin tight white jeans, white shirt with trashy sky high black heels. They were in a rush which made her look like she walks funny because she clearly couldn't handle those heels. We decided she was dressed like a Staten Island prostitute.

We decided to hold out a few more minutes on the hope we would spot an elusive A-lister. And before we knew it, PUFF DADDY walked by sans entourage! He is indeed puffy. Mr. Mogul needs to get back to running marathons for charity. He was wearing sunglasses. At 10:30pm. And he was texting while walking briskly. Who says men can't multi-task?

· Equinox West Hollywood. PUFF DADDY (again!) makes his entourage wait in the juice bar while he grabs a steam.

· JUSTIN LONG and KIRSTEN DUNST were spotted Friday night at the Dragonfly, checking out the show Point Break LIVE! She sat behind him w/ her girlfriends, but Justin kept turning around to talk to her & see her reaction to the craziness onstage.

·Bristol Farms, West Hollywood, 5:30PM (ish). Looking determined to get out and towing a tow-headed child: RYAN PHILLIPPE. Taller than I would have expected, and beefier (but by no means tall). I don't know if he's moved to the neighborhood but the shopping cart was brimming. In case he is, a word of advice: I know it's technically West Hollywood, but the look you should be going for should be more "Daddy out shopping for groceries with my kids on Beverly" and less "Out shopping for a Daddy to buy my groceries on Santa Monica".

SATURDAY, AUGUST 23
· He's not a household name, but with 33 film and 40 television credits, let's just say I was surprised to see SEAN WHALEN selling blenders at the Burbank Costco on Saturday, miked up, dressed in a white lab coat and white paper hat. He usually plays nerds, but now he's extolling the virtues of raw food smoothies. Ouch.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 24
· Sunday night at the Radiohead show. Saw SANDRA OH with several dudes scrambling to get to their seats. She looked flustered, yet excited. Also saw SETH GREEN in line between songs waiting for beers. He was sporting a trucker hat and has a big, shaggy red beard. He looks like he belongs under a bridge waiting for three billy goats gruff.

Lastly, also saw BALTHAZAR GETTY near the beer line between songs, wearing douchey skinny jeans and chomping on cigarettes. Dude looked like he was having way too much fun, like he'd just ditched his wife and kids for a hot chick who likes to bang while only wearing a sailor's hat. Oh, wait...

· As I approached the cool 'n' groovy Santa Monica/Fairfax Whole Foods, I saw two paps outside aiming their lenses into the store. Store security blocked their view. I heard someone say, "She's the one in orange," and then noticed LAUREN CONRAD in a cute orange summer dress, casual hair, grinding her own peanut butter near the bulk grains. No, she did not have an assistant to pour in the peanuts and press the button for her. When I left she was checking out, the paps were lining up, and the Whole Foods security guys, looking vaguely energized, were preparing to escort Ms. Conrad to her vehicle.

MONDAY, AUGUST 25
· Monday night, Radiohead at the Bowl. After briefly encountering JARED LETO (dressed a bit like Shia in Indiana Jones) on the concourse leading a small scuzzy posse around and claiming that he had extra seats, I was surprised to see him all alone in the pool circle up front where I was seated (second row, yo!). Jared apparently ditched his "boys" and tried a bum rush to get up front as the lights went down. Multiple security guards stopped him and he immediately went into "Don't you know who I am?" mode. At first it was high-larious, but then it became a bit pathetic. And then it became a lot pathetic. He just would not give up. It didn't matter. They hauled him away just before the band came out and killed it.

I'd like to believe that Radiohead hates Jared's stupid fucking band and the noise pollution he calls music as much as I and everyone else at the show does, and that they ordered security to remove him from their immediate vicinity, but more than likely Thom Yorke has never heard of 30 (Minutes? Miles? I refuse to google.) to Mars. To Thom, it was probably just another dumb asshole without a ticket getting the boot from the front. Which is exactly what it was.

·Saw JAMES WOODS on 8/25 on Burton Way near Raffles L'Ermitage Beverly Hills. He was on the phone and completely plugged into it. Looks pretty good for a man his age. No sign of his 20 year old girl anywhere.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 26
· Comedy Antichrist DANE COOK was at Crunch. His name was on the marquee at the Laugh Factory across the street, so I'm guessing it was some sort of pre- or post-show routine. If you imagined that he'd work out in a backwards baseball cap and muscle shirt, thereby confirming your image of him as a superannuated, doughy-faced, overgrown frat boy - you'd be correct.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 27
· Two fun (separate) sightings. Saw Kevin (BRAIN BAUMGARTNER) from Scrantonicity (and, yes, The Office); and, Chuck (ZACHARY LEVI), from, well, Chuck at the Studio City Starbucks. Both taking meetings around the corner at the NBC/Universal building? Kevin wearing shorts, Chuck driving a gas-guzzling Chevy Tahoe. Bad choices, boys.

· Eyed R&B sensation/masturbation fantasy CIARA placing a to-go order at the El Pollo Loco on Sunset and Crescent Heights around 4:40pm. Body was insane.

· I was walking back to my office from Rick's Tavern yesterday around 8:35pm going South on Main St when, lo and behold, JERRY SEINFELD was walking the opposite direction. He was with a group of like 3 or 4 friends and looking casual but good. Hoodie and glasses and admiring the motor bikes parked on the street.

· Saw Seymore Butts (born ADAM GLASSER) in the Miracle Mile Marie Callender's today. No cameras, no nudity, no sex acts being performed. But seriously, I saw Seymore Butts!!!

FRIDAY, AUGUST 29
· Walking through the hallways of a building deep in the heart of Toluca Lake around 3:30pm is FARRAH FAWCETT. Farrah raised her head to look me in the eye with a a look that said "Yes I am Farrah Fawcett and don't talk to me" Farrah had heavy duty perfume situation going on that wafted in the hallway well after she left the building. Christie Brinkley is about the same age as her but Farrah looks like she has been through the ringer and had a rough, rough hard drinking, hard partying, heavy tanning life. Use sunscreen, kids. Use Sunscreen.

· Not sure if KEVIN FEDERLINE is a real "sighting" but we saw Father of The Year at Malibu Seafood on Friday. Did not look overly douche-y. Was with a few guys, both whom I recognized but neither that I could place.

· We saw JOHN C. REILLY out in Dublin's (as in, Ireland) posh south side last Friday. We couldn't remember his name right off. We called him "Not-Will-Ferrell". He didn't seem to mind.

[Photo Credit: X17]

In today's installment: Paula Abdul, Courtney Love, Diane Keaton, Salma Hayek, Jason Schwartzman, Forest Whitaker, Elliott Gould, Mischa Barton, Craig Ferguson, Seth Green, Luke Perry, William Peterson, Michael C. Hall, Peter Krause, Maria Sharapova, Robin Tunney, Craig Bierko, Ian Ziering, Rodger Lodge, Max Martini and John Calipari and more.

SATURDAY, JULY 5
· A strange duo at the LAX Luftansa business class counter around noon: Six Feet Under's PETER KRAUSE (and son, I presume) with The Unit's MAX MARTINI (again, with son). Both looking quite virile.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 23
· Tennis Darling/Nikon shiller MARIA SHARAPOVA shopping at the Anthropologie in El Seguendo Plaza. She was rummaging through racks and stacks like everyone else (Stars! There just like us.)

SATURDAY, JULY 18
· Saturday night at Bar Marmont, I saw my future ex-husband, MICHAEL C. HALL, of Dexter fame. He seemed shy, but very polite.

MONDAY, JULY 21
· DIANE KEATON, hand-in-hand with her adorable young son (looked 7 or 8), walking him in to day-camp at the Ocean Institute in Dana Point. Amidst the sun-aged, OC wanna-be MILFs, Diane looked sophisticated and straight out of Annie Hall in long sleeves, dress slacks, blazer, scarf, and felt hat.

TUESDAY, JULY 22
· I JACK STEHLIN (DEA Roy Till on Weeds, thx IMDB) at the Whole Foods on Barrington and National. He was helping two cute little girls (his daughters?) at the salad bar. He has very very blue eyes. Later, out in the parking lot, I saw ELLIOTT GOULD pulling into a parking space. Looks exactly like Elliott Gould pulling into a parking space.

THURSDAY, JULY 24
· I went to LAX last Thursday and saw WILLIAM H. PETERSON, dressed head to toe in black, including some sort of black baseball Castro-styled hat, and oddly because it was very warm, a dark scarf. He was so "incognito" it was hard to miss him. Of course no one noticed him anyway. I will say he greeted his driver very warmly - which was saved me from really being annoyed with his trying-so-hard-not-to-be-seen-that-of-course-you notice-him 'tude.
· 3:30 p.m.: RODGER LODGE, of Blind Date and sports talk radio fame, chatting with his wife while pushing a double stroller through the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. Unshaven and dressed for the pool, but still quite manorexic and brow-waxed. Two kids under 4 years old scampering about and being loud. An animated thought bubble appeared over his head: "How did I get here? My God, what have I done?"
· Saw Memphis basketball coach JOHN CALIPARI talking on his mobile phone in front of the InterContinental Hotel in Century City this morning...Had a terrible tick and was mumbling something along the lines of "Guard Chalmers! Guard Chalmers!" No sight of Memphis Tiger bandwagoner Justin Timberlake.
· LUKE PERRY at El Toro Cantina on the Miracle Mile. With a pretty, skinny brunette, both totally into each other. Was disappointed to see he was wearing sweatpants, once he stood up to leave. He still looks amazing, not gonna lie.

FRIDAY, JULY 25
· Spotted SALMA HAYEK at the ArcLight looking terrific — didn't she just have a baby? She was with what looked like her girl posse ... did not see what movie they went to, but wanted to cheer girlfriend on for breaking the engagement to Francois-Henri Pinault.
· This is the type of star sighting that urban myths are made of. I saw COURTNEY LOVE, America's Sweetheart of babble-blogging used-to-be-rock stardom, shopping for paints in Cox Paints in Santa Monica. From behind a turnstile of Benjamin Moore samples came the raspy strains of a woman on the edge...the edge of re-painting the inside of her Malibu home with a cacophony of kaleidescopic colors in various finishes. The most important was finding a red that had to match something of the red glitter variety. Oh Courtney...you are bat s**t kooky crazy and skinny as an adolescent whippet which is exactly what I look for in a celebrity.
· 11:30 a.m.: CRAIG FERGUSON, CBS' wildly underappreciated and underpromoted late-night host, hunkering down in a corner of the Starbucks in the middle of the MGM Grand in Vegas. Wearing a black T-shirt and big, thick sunglasses while talking to a hot, age-appropriate blonde and being quite charming to people who recognized him. He's gonna grind Jimmy Fallon into haggis after NBC commits Lorne-assisted suicide next year.
· This morning at 10:00 am I ran into CRAIG BIERKO at the Beverly/Detroit Starbuck's. If I ever get a TV gig, I have to have his DP and makeup crew. For this lucky guy, the camera subtracts 10 pounds.

SATURDAY, JULY 26
· ROBIN TUNNEY at Dan Tana's for a birthday party with Heidi Klum's ex-husband Ric Pipino. Hairdressers get all the hot girls!
· I was coming out of The Dark Knight at Arclight and my friends and I saw one paparazzo take a picture of someone on our way to the parking garage. We had no idea who it was and kept walking to the elevators, when we got a closer look and saw it was MISCHA BARTON. She didn't look as emaciated as one would expect and was with a normal-looking guy who was about her height, maybe a little shorter. The guy seems to be an upgrade from her past men - he looked like he showered.
· IAN ZIERING is training a (his?) very well behaved shaggy dog by Cafe Primo on The Strip.
· Saw PAULA ABDUL at the Borders on Ventura in Sherman Oaks. She had a handful of books in one hand (Three Cups of Tea was the only one I could see the title of) and a coffee in the other. She was looking at the travel books and seemed alone. Planning a vacay maybe. Sundress, ponytail, pretty.
· Spotted SETH GREEN last night at a friend's Comic Con after party. Way shorter than expected and seemed to be unable to enjoy himself for fear that he would be recognized. Honestly, the whole place knew he was there and no one was bugging the guy. Ignored a friend who tried to strike up a friendly conversation with him outside the party. Acted like he was busy on the phone instead. Overall impression, lame.

SUNDAY, JULY 27
· Heidi Klum's current hubby SEAL at the Coffee Shop, downstairs at the BHH. Also spotted, real estate reality TV stars JOHN BERSCHI and KURT RAPPAPORT. JACK OSBOURNE also poked his head in, but wouldn't wait for a stool.

TUESDAY, JULY 29
· FORREST WHITAKER indulging some fans outside ONE Sunset. Not as big as I thought he'd be.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 30
· I spotted JASON SCHWARTZMAN in the Staples on Sunset. He wasn’t holding any office supplies, but he did look like a man on a mission. Very handsome, although much smaller than I would have expected.

In today's installment: Janice Dickinson, Quentin Tarantino, Ellen Page, Sarah Silverman, Jason Schwartzman, Scott Speedman, Gene Simmons, Kristen Bell, Rachel Zoe, Adam Levine, Mila Kunis, Seth Green, Stacy Keibler, Reggie Bush, Dave Holmes, Holland Taylor, Busta Rhymes, and Lil Wayne.

Tuesday, April 1
· Beverly Hills Post Office, Main Branch: Stacy Keibler in line ahead of me, and Holland Taylor in line just behind me. Both women were gorgeous in everyday makeup and neither seemed at all "above" standing in the ridiculously long line with the regular folks at the post office. I did notice that Ms. Taylor was sending a package to Martin Sheen; how adorable.

Friday, April 4
· 8000 Sunset, @ 9:30pm: Quentin Tarantino sits not inside the arthouse cinema but instead on the newly installed tacky "patio furniture" of the renovated plaza. Talks with a Lisa Loeb look-alike, but she has long black hair, and is not an actress type. They sit next to each other, but facing, on a park bench. Tarantino wears no hat, a black leather jacket, jeans, & black Asics soccer style low tops with white socks that I can see because of his awkward bench positioning. All I hear him say is a rat-a-tat-tat "Yeah, yeah, ..uh huh, of course" while jutting his chin out as Loeb-alike talks. Both hold paper coffee cups. The HQ for TMZ is in the same complex - I was hoping they would look out their window.

Saturday, April 5
· West Hollywood 7-11 on La Cienega and Holloway @ 5:50am: I ran into Busta Rhymes. He was riding shotgun in a red Cadillac CTX. (the 2 seater) His buddy bought a newspaper and he looked at a people magazine and contemplated buying batteries. I was buying Gatorade and coffee. I walked up to him and said "Bus a bus?" He did not respond for a second, I thought he might be talking to someone via Bluetooth. It was only him and I and the cashier. So I said "Busta of flipmode squad" He then turned toward me and laughed, said yes and gave me a bro's handshake then walked out.

Sunday, April 6
· Brewery Art Walk: Scott Speedman wandering about alone, looked confused, cute but much stockier in person than I would have expected. Still maintain Felicity should have ended up with Noel.

· Tampa International Airport @ 6pm: I had been to the NCAA Women's Final Four, aka Lesbian Super Bowl. I stopped to get a meal at TGI Fridays to help my hang over and lo and behold at the bar I see sex god (?) Gene Simmons! He was conspicuously leaning on the bar, facing out, scanning the restaurant. I couldn't get over his ridiculous hair.

Monday, April 7
· Hollywood And Highland: Treating some out-of-town relatives to the sight of other people's out-of-town relatives staring at the sidewalk, I took refuge at the Sephora. As weekend celeb sightings are rare, particularly at touristy places, I was a bit stunned to see Sarah Silverman browsing the skin care section. She looked just like she does on television, which is... or is not... a compliment.

· Beverly Center Chipotle @8pm: Reggie Bush. Short and stacked. Pretty sure the black on black Bentley in the fifteen minute parking was his. Unfortunately it can't compete with my '92 Subaru.

· Red Lion: Dave "I Wanna Be A VJ But for Some Reason Jesse Camp Won that Show but now he's working at a pet store or so I heard" Holmes was at Trivia Night (and even on the winning team). I don't know if they showed up especially for trivia or just happened to be there. He was with a group of about 12 completely average seeming people, including one guy that must have been his brother because they had the same vaguely smug but disarming look about them.

Tuesday, April 8
· Mani's on Fairfax @ 8pm: Saw Jason Schwartzman grabbing something to go from the bakery. Cute, short, almost as exciting as the delicious piece of cherry pie I was devouring mid-sighting.

· Graumann's Chinese Theater: I'm at Graumann's Chinese theater and I'm about 93% sure I am sitting behind Janice Dickinson. I have not seen her face, but she keeps yelling at the ads before the movie. Now I'm 100% sure. She keeps commenting loudly after every trailer. This was so worth the 11.50 per ticket. When she walked out of the theater she said "yawn" loud enough for pretty much everyone to hear. Awesome. Whore...she's also totally skeletal and ate two buckets of popcorn then left for a while. Bulimic coke whore...."

· WeHo Trader Joes, afternoon: i was in weho trader joes yesterday afternoon and i heard this woman on the phone talking loud and it bugged me so i looked and it was Rachel Zoe in the cereal section moving to the trail mix section stuffing her basket and talking but that wasn't the disturbing part, maybe she was feeding the homeless, not herself. but she was wearing this huge fur vest (i am not a activist but that vest could make me one) that looked like a bear was hugging her and these ridiculous shoes that she was trying to balance on and and her face was so well just so bloated looking.......people trust her to dress them?

· Hotel Cafe: Dancing With the Stars pros Mark Ballas and Derek Hough played with their band "Almost Amy." In attendance: The Cheetah Girls, Cristian de la Fuente, Cheryl Burke, Julianne Hough, Priscilla Presley, Kristi Yamaguchi, Shannon Elizabeth, Fabian Sanchez, Pasha (from SYTYCD). Derek and Shannon were looking particularly cozy after the show.

· Beverly Center Chipotle: None other than Weezy F Baby (Lil Wayne) in front of me after yet another Chipotle visit. He was in a Dodge Nitrosomething with 29s or 30s on it. I wanted to get out of my car and tell him what a huge fan I am but I was afraid of getting clapped.

Thursday, April 10
· Adam Levine, in a giant green cowl neck sweater, shorts, high socks and driving shoes; buying many spirits at Mayfair. He is slender and handsome enough to obviously not be drinking all that alone later.

· Was at the Forgetting Sarah Marshall premiere party last night, complete clusterfuck. Mila Kunis looked pretty and skinny. Kristen Bell looked pretty, skinny and really happy. Amber Heard.. skinny and wooden. Seth Green was short and friendly. The skinny guy from Superbad, the comedian with a gap in his teeth from Human Giants [Ed. Note - That'd be Paul Scheer]. Busy Phillips sort of channeling Anna Nicole. Paul Rudd - as dreamy as expected. Swoon.

Friday, April 11
· Hollywood Farmers Market: I saw Ellen Page at the Hollywood Farmers Market. She looked very Juno in a hoodie with the hood up. She was buying brussel sprouts or something similarly healthy. Good eating habits Ellen!

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

As we reported this week, Gellar, er, Sarah Michelle Prinze (shudder) is set to take over for Kate Bosworth in the upcoming Veronika Decides To Die, Nicholas Brendon claims he is busy "writing and acting" (aren't we all!), and Charisma Carpenter, who CC2K reports said under ten words all night, joked with Seth Green about "collaborating on a series of fitness videos." Which is actually not a bad idea; Charisma could show us how to pick up guys at LA Fitness while Seth instructs tiny-framed guys like himself on how easy it is to lift 10-pounders without needing a spotter. We'd shell out at least two bucks for that DVD.

• 'BUFFY' CAST REUNITES AT PALEY FESTIVAL [AP]
• PALEY FEST 2008: 'BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER' [CC2K]

We managed to have a hell of a time at Monday night's Family Guy 100th Episode Party at Social in Hollywood, catching Seth McFarlane croon classics like "I Get A Kick Out of You" and "I've Got You Under My Skin" over a live band, and Seth Green fending off various lusty ladies. Supporting engineers and animators also happened to provide us with anonymous tidbits of insider information, such as the fact that this party was waaaaay better than the cheapo Simpsons parties. That, and the fact that Stewie may be hiding a severe methamphetamine addiction.

• Family Guy

In today's episode: Lindsay Lohan (in Sundance, Utah); Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart; Winona Ryder; Vince Vaughn and "a Wilson brother"; Seth Green; Mandy Moore and Jason Segel; Jerry Bruckheimer; Reggie Williams and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar; Larry King; Oliver Stone and Tom Ford; John Stamos; DJ Danger Mouse; Busy Phillips; Michael Gross and James Avery; Willie Garson; Chris Kattan and Preston Lacy; Chelsea Handler; Kato Kaelin; Asia Argento; Roger Cross; Eric Christian Olsen; Brandon Davis; Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge; Samantha Ronson.

· I've been at a resort in Utah for the past week, two days ago I'm coming down a trail from my cabin when I see someone else walking up the mountain. From a distance I saw a girl that I thought was out of place for the environment. People that come to that part of the country are outdoor/gear enthusiasts who are a little crunchy and tend to dress/live the part. This girl had on a baseball cap, H U G E sunglasses and wasn't really fitted for a trek. Had I been in LA, I would have thought, "what lame-o celeb is trying to work the, "I'm-hiding-from-the-paps-in-the-most-obvious-way" disguise?" As we got closer to each other, I thought, "that looks like Lindsay Lohan." My logical brain then intervened because why the eff would she be in the middle of nowhere, by herself and on the same trail as me? Had going cold turkey for a week on all media caused me to hallucinate a party girl in the sticks? When we passed each other she smiled at me and then looked down—-aside from noting that this doppelganger was way too thin, I could see that she had on no make-up which made her look really young and then spotted ooodles of her tell-tale freckles. When I got to the bottom of the mountain I told some friends that I had passed a girl who I would swear was LiLo...ha ha, the altitude must be making me nuts, right? They then reminded me that there was a super posh rehab a few miles away so I might not be totally insane. My sighting was sort of a running joke for the rest of the weekend ala Sasquatch/Firecrotch until I got emails from friends linking me to sites announcing that Ms. Lohan was indeed in my neck of the woods.

· Saw Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart, with (her?) kid at the Dodger game on Sat nite. They seemed to be having a good time despite the Dodger loss, and stayed for the whole game. And yes, Calista ate junk food at the game just like the rest of us.

· my boyfriend and i were at the weho target sunday (8-5) about 3pm and I saw a girl and i thought, "wow she looks like winona ryder" i turn and look and my bf's jaw hit the ground. just from that, i knew it was her, he's a great celeb spotter, she was with her bf and they were buying new pillows. as soon as she saw us follow her to the elevator, she put on her HUGE and i mean HUGE sunglasses that covered her entire face. she asked everyone in the elevator if they needed p2 pushed and we were the only ones who spoke. she was so so tiny and i thought she looked stunning, but bf thought she looked like an old sickly lady....her skin was flawless!!

· 8/4/07-Saw Hunky Vince Vaughn and a Wilson Brother trolling for drunk Volley Dolley's at the Manhattan Beach Volleyball tournament. Neither wore shades or a hat so their star power could really shine and reel in the ladies.

8/6/07-In and Out Universal City...Small Fry Seth Green eating outside. His hair was definitely "Animal Style"

· Friday, 8/3. Dresden Room, Los Feliz. Drinking with friends when in walks Jason Segel from How I Met Your Mother. He orders what looks like whiskey and sits down at the piano bar by himself. A little later, he's joined by some woman who seemed like the average 20-something from the back — messy hair, frumpy black jacket. Then she turned around and it was Mandy Moore. Looked like they were just there as friends. So that would be plenty celebrity for the night...until Vince Vaughn walked in. Yeah, the guy from Swingers who shot his movie in the Dresden Room still drinks at said establishment. Vince skipped the bar and hung out in a booth in the back with his posse or something.

· So last night (Wed Aug 6th), we decided to head over to Q's on Wilshire for some casual after-work drinks on the Westside. As it was a weekday, the place was pretty dead (who goes out to Q's on a Monday night when there's $2 margaritas at Acapulco in westwood???) Apparently, none other than the master of Pirates himself, Jerry Bruckheimer! We couldn't believe our eyes as he casually strolled in, and saddled up to the bar next to (who we assume) were a couple of fellow producer friends from his company or perhaps some guys from his management team. Everyone in our group kept staring at him (we're all production/agency kids), but no one else in the bar seemed to notice. Within 5 minutes of entering, of course, he was on his immediately on his blackberry taking calls (at 10pm).

· Reggie Williams and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar were sitting in front of me on a flight from LAX to Honululu (Aug 3), talking about their NBA championship games. Then they started arguing about who could sink more 3-pointers in a row. Pretty insane!

· Just saw Larry King (Aug. 4) coming out of the Pacific Grove theatres at The Grove in Hollywood. Was here with a young kid. Son? Grandson? Wasn't wearing the customary huge plastic glasses. Maybe he only wears those on TV...

· Friday night (Aug. 3) at the Tower Bar - Saw Tom Ford in all of his tanned, open chest haired glory. I must say that he is extremely handsome and stylish in person. What a waste for us women....Also saw Oliver Stone in all of his tanned, open chest haired non-glory. The man looks like he has been through the wringer times 10 ( is he still making movies anyway?)

· 8/6/07 Not the most interesting but worth noting. Out with the fam for some BBQ at Lucille's in Long Beach and randomly spot John Stamos tucked away in the corner. Uncle Jesse was doing his best to stay unnoticed, even donning a cap when leaving (if it wasn't dark already I'm sure sunglasses may have been in order as well). Seemed nice enough, even helped a server with something she dropped to the floor from her already full hands.

· 6 Aug 7 I saw DJ Danger Mouse at The Belmont on Saturday (4 Aug). On my way out I asked the bouncer if that was in fact the man himself, and he said he didn't know who Danger Mouse was. Once I explained that he's opposite Cee Lo in Gnarls Barkley (ever heard of 'em?) he knew right away. Aparantly he's friends with the owner.

· It's your favorite Defamer operative from Starbucks Sunset & Gower: today a nice young blonde woman came in and ordered her drink. When my co-worker asked for her name, she said Busy. He commented that he'd never heard the name before. From the espresso machines I commented that I had, and asked him if he'd ever heard of the actress Busy Phillips. He hadn't but the customer had, saying "He even knows my last name!" I looked up and realized it was her. She was pleasant , and stayed for quite awhile drinking her iced green tea unsweetened. Oh how I miss Freaks and Geeks, but love my dvd set!

· It was a TV Sitcom Dads breakfast at HOME on Hillhurst, yesterday morning (8/5): First up, James Avery, surrogate father to Will Smith, from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Then, Michael Gross slid into the booth next to ours. Apparently I said, "hey, that's Alex P. Keaton's dad!" a little more audibly than my boyfriend would have liked, because he shot me a look and said, "you're so loud!" No, I'm not. Also, I would assume Michael Gross would be more apt to have someone recognize him from Family Ties, than, hmm... let's say, Tremors?

· Friday, 8/3 Formosa Cafe—Willie Garson (Stanford from Sex & The City) was wandering around the main bar/train car area with a male friend. They seemed to just be looking around at the place, but not interested in sitting down. Willie is adorable—had a red baseball cap on, for some inexplicable reason, but was still fabulous.

· Tuesday, August 1st. I saw Preston Lacy (JACKASS) and Chris Kattan (SNL) have lunch together at Jack n Jills in Beverly Hills (poet and didn't even know it). They both seemed friendly yet somewhat subdued. Preston is a big boy, and Chris was better looking than I would have expected.

· Chelsea Handler at the Gelson's in Marina del Rey. Pretty beautiful but surprisingly not skinny. She was with an attractive 40ish male. While waiting at the deli counter she complemented this scary, braless, overtanned, & overscalpeled bag in short shorts on her necklace - only to smirk and whisper evil nothings about the woman as soon as she turned around.

· Kato Kaelin banking in Toluca Lake across from the Graciela, August 7. I didn't know anyone under 80, or above 23, banked here; it's the nearly dead/newlywed memorial branch I think. Any-ho, don't know if he has a job, and I could do without the highlights, but he's tan and built, and chats up lowly bank tellers very sweetly. If this is what pushing 50 looks like (he's only two years older than me, thx IMDB), sign me up. And I'll take the black roadster type coupe he was driving too, dammit.

· I saw Miss Sixty spokeswoman and actress-filmmaker Asia Argento leaving Fogo de Chão on August 4th with about five others. She was looking a little scraggily wearing a long red tank over jean short cut-offs.

· I stopped at pickup stix on laurel canyon to feed my pregnant BFF at around 5pm, 6th of august, and who let us cut in front but the lovely ROGER CROSS, curtis manning off that "24" show.

· Spotted Eric Christian Olsen of "Dumb and Dumberer" fame (thank you, imdb) braving the Saturday crowds at Century City today (8/4) and taking advantage of the sales at Restoration Hardware. Also taking advantage of the really skinny blonde he was with. Well done, Eric Christian Olsen.

· I saw The Bourne Ultimatum at Century City on Friday and I ended up sitting near Brandon "Firecrotch" Davis. He smells so bad, I would have moved if there had been any open seats. I had to shower when I got home because I could still smell him in my hair — an unholy mixture of cigarettes, patchouli, BO and some undefinable something else. In addition to reeking, he left his seat at least twice during the movie, spent the entire time grunting/sniffing/moaning/snoring (while awake, which I thought was impossible), reading his Blackberry, and I caught him at least twice lifting up his tee shirt to grab and inspect a roll of belly fat. He also ate: a carton of Dibs, a bag of Skittles, a small bag of popcorn, a bag of chips, a soda, and a Slurpee. I can understand why he got disinherited.

· Because A-List stars are the only way I roll, Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge, jaywalking Robertson after apparently leaving the Ivy on Friday afternoon, August 3. No sign of Heidi and her big boobs or dickhead Spencer. Good. I hate them. Bring on Season 3.

· I saw Samantha Ronson (LiLo enabler) in a black Porsche near the BH hotel yesterday (8-6). She was wearing the same pork pie hat she always has on and looked sad and hung over.