· "Word of caution: The direct has a SHORT temper. He is constantly raising his voice to the crew and has fired a few background already. So if you work this one, stay sharp!"

· "True to his reputation Michael Bay is a complete asshole. He yelled at me within 15 minutes on the set which according to the crew is par for the course. I'd like to see Dreamworks drop him just because he's a jerk."

· "Let him be a jerk for the two seconds he yells at you. For all the great overtime and food I got on this film I could care less about personalities. There are plenty of places on that huge stage to escape."

· "I had an awesome time working on this film, even though we hardly worked at all, lol. For lunch, the catering company held a Luau complete with kalua pig, coconut rice, etc... Even brought in hula dancers! The food was incredible! A couple hours later, an In-N-Out truck pulls up, YUM! Four hours of overtime, Not a bad day!"

That last comment made us briefly suspect that someone has taught Bay the time-honored trick of anonymously defending oneself on internet message boards. But then we realized that if the director was going to bother engaging in some image-fluffing, he probably would've bragged about the fully stocked brothel trailer he had brought in to apologize to the grip he slapped for ruining a great take with a badly timed sneeze.

• Transformers, more than meets the i. [Background Beat]
• Previously: Michael Bay: Anatomy Of A Blowing Shit Up Scene [Defamer]

Production of Spider-Man 3 has moved to Paramount's own New York Street (right near Stage 32) until next Tuesday. From what I gathered snooping around the set, they're filming a scene in a newly-built club called "The Jazz Room" set on one of the street corners. From what I also gathered, Tobey Maguire has a helluva lot more clout than Kirsten Dunst; His state-of-the-art trailer is located right across the street from the shoot, while hers is all the way over by the the Sherry Lansing Theater.

Like any matter involving real estate, trailer placement is all about location, location, location. But lest you think that Dunst is being bussed (golf-carted just doesn't have the same ring to it) over to the Sherry Lansing ghetto and is suffering from double-banger envy, our spy assures us her accomodations are "enormous."

• Previously: Everybody Relax, Tobey's Doing His Crunches [Defamer]

When Clooney doesn't require the spaciousness his Mini Cooper provides, he putts to work in this, as seen outside of his trailer on the set of The Good German. Puts Spidey Maguire's BMW 7 series next door to shame. Check out those badass 9-inch rims!

We can picture infamous prankster Clooney teaching young Maguire a lesson about the environment by letting the air out of his co-star's comparatively gas-guzzling Beemer's tires, furiously turning the crank on the front of his tiny getaway car, and then silently rolling into the night to the sound of his own delighted, eco-friendly giggles.

• Previously: Hey, Have Your Heard About George Clooney’s Dramatic Weight Gain? [Defamer]

Took a stroll down to Stage 18 on the Paramount lot Friday night following a screening to check out the MI:3 set and spotted Philip Seymour Hoffman out front. He was wearing a tux, huffing a smoke, and was decidedly taller, slimmer and less Cro-magnon than I expected. Even better were the three obvious stand-ins/evil clones for Cruise dressed in tuxes and hanging out front as well. Each one stood about 5'6, had spiky black hair, and all sported huge noses. To make things even more creepy they all smiled and cackled EXACTLY like Mr. Xenu (in a deranged, barely hinged manner, for those unfamiliar with his recent behavior). It might be time to start sending out my completely falsified resume because the thought of Tom Cruise building a miniature army from his own DNA right here on the lot is just too unnerving for words. We walked right into a group of them gathered in front of the stage, so we were no more than 10 feet away from these munchkins. I actually double-took all three because I thought they might be the real deal.

But what if there is no movie, and each stand-in/stunt double's "set call" is merely a ruse for harvesting the priceless organs that keep their doppleganger movie star vital? We wouldn't be surprised if there were ten lookalikes hanging around Stage 18 when production started. We'll make sure our operative keeps an accurate count in the coming weeks, just to be sure we're merely being paranoid.

• Previously: Roasters Test Tom Cruise s Lawyer s Sense Of Humor [Defamer]