As the NY Daily News reports today, Johnny Depp is the actor who once had the "donkey'd" reputation among those female stars lucky enough to learn for themselves, and Sean Connery had already made it big by dropping trou for art students before breaking out on-screen. As for the alleged pedophile, the tome claims James Dean had an ongoing fling and obsession with a 12-year old boy. Legend Elia Kazan, not exactly an altar boy himself, apparently once remarked, "I've known many actors who have been twisted up in their sex lives, but never anybody as sick and unhealthy as Dean was." We can only wonder what the Streetcar director would have had to say about Apatow's dirty-talk flicks reigning over the silver screen today.

• FRONTAL ASSAULT ON HOLLYWOOD [NYDN]

The legal dispute between Sean Connery and his downstairs neighbors has a fed-up judge telling both sides to cool it.

In court papers, Burton Sultan calls his neighbor Connery, 77, the antithesis of the suave secret agent he played in numerous James Bond films, branding him "a bully who ignores norms of neighborliness and decency" in the town house they share.

In a decision made public Wednesday, State Supreme Court Justice Marcy Friedman tossed out many of the Sultans' claims but slammed the Connerys for what she called their "blunderbuss" legal salvos.

blunderbuss (n) : a short musket of wide bore with expanded muzzle to scatter shot, bullets, or slugs at close range.

You need a concealed-carry licence to pack a blunderbuss under your duster in California.

salvo (n) : a simultaneous discharge of fire weapons

From forth my blunderbuss did issue a salvo; it's report echoed from the Grove parking lot to the Chipotle in the Farmer's Market.

Justice (n) : a wildly overrated Daft Punk rip-off act

Goddamnit, Connery's blaring Justice again. What a raver. My blunderbuss is out of ammo. Hand me my flame thrower.

• Judge to Connery, Neighbors: Stop Suing,

"I get asked the question so often, I thought it best to make an announcement. I thought long and hard about it and if anything could have pulled me out of retirement it would have been an Indiana Jones film. I love working with Steven and George, and it goes without saying that it is an honor to have Harrison as my son."

"But in the end, retirement is just too damned much fun. I, do however, have one bit of advice for Junior: Demand that the critters be digital, the cliffs be low, and for goodness sake keep that whip by your side at all times in case you need to escape from the stunt coordinator! This is a remarkable cast, and I can only say, 'Break a leg, everyone.' I'll see you on May 22, 2008, at the theater!"

The regrets, pithy as they are, should come as a significant disappointment to millions of fans, who longed to see three generations of Joneses trading wisecracks while taking turns manning the wheel of a hijacked Nazi convoy truck under heavy enemy fire. Still, Junior might do well to heed the advice of his former co-star—a trailblazing inspiration to all aging, cantankerous, leading he-men who have grown to prefer the quiet company of a good scotch and/or woman to that of a bearded, baseball-cap-wearing director shouting repeatedly through a bullhorn to infuse more enthusiasm into one's 50th take discovering King's Solomon's elusive Executive Bathroom Suite of Gold.

• The Indiana Jones Cast Expands [IndianaJones.com]

In today's musical episode: Andy Dick; Sean Connery; Lindsay Lohan; Elijah Wood; Cameron Crowe; Julian McMahon; James Franco; Chris "Ludacris" Bridges; Chris Robinson; Mandy Patinkin; Kevin Connelly; Bobcat Goldthwait; Robin Tunney; Travis Barker; Kelly Osbourne; Shirley Manson and Jermaine Jackson.

· Went to KingKing last night (Sunday, 20August) to see my hairstylist (Bijou de la Mer— she's got this HOT Rita Hayworth hotness going on) perform her burlesque routine in Victory Variety Hour's production, "Super Nova A-Go-Go". Great band plays (Candypants- woo!) and who shows up to hang with the lead singer after? Andy Dick. We were eager to witness him lick or pee on someone. Instead he just hung out in a dark corner of the bar back by the loos. When the MC commented on Andy being there, Andy shouted "Andy Dick needs a drink!". He had an obnoxiously loud conversation during part of the MC's schtick (which by that point, had grown tiresome anyway). I was disappointed he didn't make some sick comment to me as I walked past him to the girly room. Apparently he went to college with me— but I STILL don't recall ever seeing him on our very small campus. Sadly nothing more exciting to report unless it happened after we left at 11:30pm.

· This one is about a month old, 'cause I simply forgot to send it. We were treating some clients to an overpriced lunch at Spago and spotted sexy septuagenerian Sean Connery on the patio, lunching with a couple of agent-types. Waiting in the valet line, I noticed a crowd of maybe a dozen geeks standing ready, armed with the requisite 40-year-old photos of Dr. No-era Bond pix, psyched up to pounce as soon as Sean showed his wrinkled face. As my car was delivered, Sean shuffled out and was engulfed by the geeks, and my last sight was of him trying to walk up Canon while dutifully signing pictures and posters that were probably on eBay by the end of the day. The way he seemed resigned to this led me to believe it's a constant nag for him, leaving me to almost feel sorry for him... a devil's bargain for all the wealth and trim he earned all his life. You're the old man now, dog!

· So I'm chilling out at Guys last night (8/22/06) on Beverly and La Cienega for Karaoke night. I'm there with my normal, unfamous friends, chilling out and having a blast. At around 1 AM in walks Lindsay LOHO, wearing what can only be described as a babushka to shield her from the throngs of fans (It was half empty by this point). She comes in, stands by the bar, and I decide whether to a) contact the producers of Georgia Rule (which I don't know) to let them know their starlet is out at it again, b) tell her I am a huge fan of the Parent Trap and nothing she has done since or c) make a Mel Gibson joke to break the ice. By the time I could decide which route to take that would get me one step closer to the famous firecrotch, she exits GUYS stage right with her friends from Laguna Beach (Heidi and LC). Once outside, the valet let her cut the line of people waiting. Lohan and co. piled into a brand new Escalade, which she looks ridiculous behind the wheel of, where she proceeded to put a cigarette in her mouth, never light it up, and then tear ass outta there at like 60 mph. To the set of Georgie Rule???? Could she be late??? Who knows. Point is, LOHO has not learned her lesson and her Jewish Holocaust survivor get-up isn't fooling anyone.

· Last night (8/22) walked by Elijah Wood on Abbot Kinney in Venice. He was headed into the deli on the corner at California Ave. He apparently lives in Venice. The dude is short and intense.

· Wednesday, 8/16, 3 PM, Paramount Watertower Cafe, Cameron Crowe. Technically this probably doesn't count, since: a) Cameron Crowe and b) on a lot, but the weird thing was how all the late-lunching assistants and junior execs swiveled as one as though the Messiah had just returned and was ordering sushi right in front of them, omg. Every single person there was staring at him with this creepy-drooly Homer Simpson expression. Did no one see "Vanilla Sky"?

· Today, 8/18, the more famous Julian McMahon of Nip/Tuck, also at Paramount (sorry.) He's very pretty and tall and has broad shoulders and is ludicrously good-looking. I was in the process of trying to walk and drink coffee at the same time, which led to me spilling it all over myself and generally looking like a retard. McMahon paused, amazed that I was blocking his path, and raised his eyebrows in polite, devastating disbelief. Scrapbook moment!

· Wednesday, saw James Franco at the Alcove having an early dinner/very late lunch with another young guy. They were working on a script on his laptop. The Friend spilled his chai latte and James was right on top of it, immediately ordering him another. How nice.

· Chris Robinson with a posse of (mostly) guy friends at La Cita bar in downtown LA last night (8/24).

· Saturday, 8/19: at Monroe's in Weho at an LRG dvd (skate vid) screening. My girl was able to work out a little VIP booth action for a group of us ladies, which helped considering we all felt like we were straight outta the Ming Dynasty, amongst the skaters and their minions. Close to the end of the night, we were promptly and most aggressively booted from the booth by none other than Chris "Ludicris" Bridges and entourage. Admittedly, I'm a big fan of the "Ludi", and was able to finagle my way back to the bar in front of the booth for a closer look. Mr. Bridges was looking super cute with a shaved head (new look?), but not so much cute at all were the ladies he was rolling with, kinda dissappointing.

· Sunday, August 20th @ 945am. Equinox Westwood. Princess Bride's Inigo Montoya/Mandy Patinkin on an elliptical trainer, reading a thin script undoubtedly for Criminal Minds and mouthing lines to himself. He then moved to the stretching area and with his New Balance shoes off, did some ab work., yoga poses/back rolls, and other odd Praying Mantis like stretches. He then actually showered in the locker room. I point this out as all the celebs I've seen at Equinoxes all over LA—Dave Navarro, Kevin Connolly, Pauly Shore, Mena Suvari, among others—never actually go into the locker room to shower afterwards and instead scurry off to get sweat all over the seats of their Prius'! Mandy left wearing chinos, a white v-neck tee tucked in and a cell phone on his belt. He also had one of those Whole Foods looking canvas bags as his gym bag which looked more like he was shopping at a Farmer's Market than working out at a gym!!

· I didn't think it was that notable, but Kevin Connelly was dining solo last Friday at Koi around 10ish while Nicky and Paris were at the Justin Timberlake show. He had a pack of Camel Lights and was on his blackberry for a while. He sat at the Sushi bar, corner spot, and was very understanding while people nagged him. He said he was doing reshoots since 5:30 am, finishing at 9 pm.

· Last night (8/21) saw Bobcat Goldthwait shopping at the the Ralph's on 3rd and LaBrea with his very tattooed lady friend. I knew he had gotten all skinny and old-looking, but seeing it in person made me so sad. I used to have such a huge crush on him when I was 10 and he was in the Police Academy movies and One Crazy Summer.

· At the Academy's Barry Lyndon screening on Monday night, saw Robin Tunney walking in. It was pointed out to me that the season 2 premiere of her show (Prison Break) was happening at the same time. Perhaps she's just a die-hard Kubrick fan like the kook in the audience who brought a framed Barry Lyndon poster for Ryan O'Neal to autograph.

· Saturday August 19th. on the bike strand along the beach in santa monica...while riding my bike on the final leg of my Pacific Palisades to Marina del Rey, back to the Palisades jaunt, I passed a skateboarding, newly single, Travis Barker. Looked the same as always...crooked baseball cap, no shirt, baggy shorts and tats everywhere. i only wish i had "F-you" money so's I could get that kinda artwork done to me.

· Sunday Morning. Babalu on Montana.

I was enjoying a delightful Santa Monica breakfast with some out of
town guests who kept complaining that we hadn't seen any celebrities when who walks in to dine at the next booth but Travis Barker, the 3 kids and the Nanny. No Shayna (sp?) in sight. He was very attentive to and laughing with the two older ones while the baby slept. He ordered chocolate chip pancakes for the kids. Man is he skinny. Everyone in the restaraunt did their best "not to notice" him.

· Tuesday morning, 8/15 heading west on Beverly Blvd, I see two girls about to cross the street (no light, no pedestrian walkway) and as I'm picturing this turning into a game of Frogger...I noticed that they clearly had not been home yet - as I get even closer I see it's none other than Kelly Osbourne and some tragic hipster girlfriend. I'm assuming still being up at 8:10 am might constitute another "vacation".

· I'm pretty certain we had a Shirley Manson sighting at Mexico City in Los Feliz Sunday night. She was eating dinner with two non-famous people so my dinner pals weren't entirely convinced it was her. But she had an appropriately UK accent. Didn't hear much else of the conversation as the non-famous lady was doing way more talking.

· Jermaine Jackson, now Muhammad Abdul Azi according to Wikipedia, rolling down Rodeo in his, yes, Rolls-Royce convertible (top down) on Friday, August 18 at 6:30p. As I trailed him through the stop-and-go traffic, his brother Michael's "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' " came on the radio, so I rolled down the windows and cranked up the volume. It seemed like the thing to do.