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In a scene that was eerily reminiscent of the 1982 Scott Baio film Zapped!, popular movie star Keanu Reeves finally put to use of some of the telepathic techniques he learned from the Matrix film series. Only instead of using them for quote-unquote "good", he decided to have a little fun and make this woman's top fall off instead. After all, Reeves just began his summer holiday in France and, after a few ho-hum days, he decided to kick his vacay up a notch. Reeves said, "France is fun and all, but it got pretty boring pretty fast. So I just thought really hard and KABOOMBA! That woman's top fell off, then that one and so on and so on." Reeves thought that the female beachgoers would object to the seemingly random acts of clothing removal, but the beachgoers surprised Reeves with their casual attitudes towards nudity. Reeves added, "Everybody has been real cool about it and just went with it. I mean, if I did this in America, surely TMZ would catch wind of it. And I don't have to tell you this, but NOBODY likes it when that long-haired dude rips into them. Speaking of whom, does he remind you of Bodhi at all? Not even just a little?"

[Photo Credit: X17]

There is no point fighting it anymore. Vh1 will continue to produce shows featuring has-been stars from our youth and, like moths to the TV screen, we'll watch them cry, urinate on themselves and make out in hot tubs until the end of time. Their newest idea will feature (shocker!) Vh1 reality vet Scott Baio mentoring eight “male teen idols” of the 80s in an effort to jump-start a comeback. Since the sad little group has yet to be revealed, we went ahead and picked two former crushworthy picks we’d most like to see week after week, and the two who might force us to cancel our cable package altogether:

Squeal-Worthy:
Kirk Cameron: Yes, he's some kind of born-again family man whose intense dedication to JC scares us more than a little, but with former womanizer Scott at the helm, we think he could convert back to ladies' man after seeing a stripper for the first time in ten (fifteen? twenty?) years.
Fred Savage: We will never, ever get over our crush on Kevin from The Wonder Years. We don't care what he's turned into, but those dimples will always make us weak in the knees.

Do Not Want:
George Michael: While it might be interesting to mix in an openly gay star into the mix of what's sure to be a heterofest, the last thing anyone needs is to see is George and Scott Baio in a painful re-enactment of the former's bathroom misadventures.
Ricky Schroeder: Kid is doing just fine. With guest spots on 24 and Scrubs under his belt, we don't think he's as desperate as the rest. Plus he already came back on NYPD Blue and had his chance. Aside from all that, he never quite made our heart "throb" in the first place.

• SCOTT BAIO TO EXEC PRODUCE VH1 REALITY SERIES FEATURING FORMER MALE TEEN IDOLS

On losing his virginity at the age of 16 to Happy Days co-star Erin "Joanie" Moran: "I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say after we got naked. So for the first five minutes, maybe less—hell, it might have been the first twenty seconds—I'm doing it and thinking, man, this is really uncomfortable. What happened was, my thing was between the cushions on the couch and I didn't even know it. Instead of being inside Erin, I was humping a corduroy sofa!"

Once he realized that Joanie was not, in fact, an anatomical freak lined with the ribbed, cottony comfort of corduroy, instinct took over, and Scott made the necessary adjustments. He would later go on to bed some of Hollywood's most beautiful women (and politely turn down Liza Minelli's requests for a sperm sample), though finding that one special lady in his life would ultimately prove elusive. Even sadder, however, was the fate of the seating that surrendered its cushion-cleavage maidenhead to the popular actor: After years on the hard streets hosting the births of countless kitten litters, and a rock-bottom moment in the mid-90s as the only furniture in a Van Nuys crackhouse, we can now happily report that Baio's one-time chesterfield lover has since been successfully reupholstered and is enjoying a new lease on life in a Studio City casting office.

• The Sexual Life of Scott Baio [Radar Online]