This time she's working with Pete Yorn. How lucky he must feel to get this opportunity. I mean I guess you can't really blame the dude, here he has ScarJo, of all people, coming up to him like "Hey how would you like to spend weeks in the studio with me and my attractive body?" And he's like sure, okay, let's do it, hell, Pete Yorn can go do his own albums later on so why would he say no? I mean she got Tom fucking Waits, America's coolest living man, to say yes, and he certainly does not need Scarlett Johansson's help, with his songs, in any way shape or form, thank you very much, so her powers of persuasion are very real, my friends.

You can listen to the first single here, which is not bad except that ScarJo has this underlying robotic quality in her voice, which is just one of the many reasons she should not be making songs. The album comes out September 8 so be sure to boycott it.
[Pic via]

At least, that's what Star magazine hears. Via The Sun:

[Johansson] has reportedly lost over 14lbs since she began working out with her Iron Man 2 co-star in preparation for the movie.

A source told Star magazine: "The pair have been doing daily workouts with Gwyneth's personal trainer TRACY ANDERSON."

Maybe Johansson can complain further about the extreme weight loss plan (as she did a couple of weeks ago in London) on Paltrow's website Goop, cementing its position as the definitive online shop of body-image horrors.

The left halves of these pictures are from Tuesday's event. The right halves are from the Met's Costume Institute Gala in May, nearly a year ago.

Perhaps the actress is prepping for a film role. Maybe she's tired of people talking about "The Johanssons." But the sudden weight loss does make one wonder whether Johansson has changed her opinion about America being "obsessed with dieting rather than focusing on eating well, exercising and living a healthy life."

Particularly if one is insane with jealousy at Johansson's frankly elegant new look.

If you'll recall that Johansson's new husband Ryan Reynolds recently revealed a third, superfluous nipple to Rachel Ray (it wasn't as sexually incriminating as it sounds), perhaps you'll be able to read between the lines of Johansson's non sequitur rant to the Chicago Sun-Times:

Q: What is the one thing you don't understand about men?

SCARLETT: Nipples. I don't know if there is one aspect of men that I don't understand other than why they have nipples. Honestly, why? I guess it has something to do with the X chromosome. What is the function of the male nipple? Maybe we all start as androgynous creatures and then they become men?

For someone whose most minor bodily expulsions can fetch several thousand dollars, it's no surprise that Johansson finds herself dismissive of Reynolds's nipples, which despite their number, haven't seemed to add to their bottom line. Just don't start knocking the abs, Scarlett—that's where your husband gets his breadwinning power from.

• Stop draggin' their hearts around [Sun-Times]

While most discriminating critics have yet to weigh in on the film, thus avoiding a Bride Wars-esque review wasteland ahead of this Friday's wide release, one trade reporter offers this qualified recommendation — and even backhanded praise! — after last night's premiere:

[It] could easily have become the latest syrupy Hollywood romantic comedy. Instead the Ken Kwapis pic turns into a wide-ranging and noble (if, in the end, a failed) meditation on fidelity, daughterhood and the meaning of (female) happiness (and a slightly relentless vehicle for product placement). [...]

Several female friends we talked to were delighted by all the usual grace notes but slightly taken aback by, as one called it, "slightly dark." Indeed, for all its Sex and the City pretensions (it's based on a book by SATC writers, and New Line moved it to '09 to avoid bumping up against its Carrie-esque stablemate) this is a movie that at times has more in common with European arthouse relationship movies [...] than it does many Jennifer Lopez/Sandra Bullock studio confections.

Even the guys are somewhat multidimensional, the writer adds, indirectly implying that the long HJITIY delay may have just been some executives' ploy for cosmic balance upon learning the degree to which they'd emasculated Matthew McConaughey in Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. No problem, New Line, we're even.

• He's just that into European romantic dramas [Risky Biz Blog]

Johansson's rendition of "Last Goodbye" graces the soundtrack of He's Just Not That Into You, where we imagine it might double as internal monologue when Johansson's yoga instructor moons over the emotionally noncommittal Bradley Cooper during a sad montage furnished by Pottery Barn. From the sounds of it, the actress has moved on from Tom Waits and is now channeling the tremulous Joanna Newsom; fortunately, we have inside word that Johansson's biological progenitor —the "very nice (not damn sexy), most important - CHRISTIAN young lady" the actress was cloned from—is still sticking to the Michael W. Smith songbook.

• Scarlett Johansson Covers Jeff Buckley [Stereogum]

Our hearty congratulations go out to the lucky deviant who gets to wait up all night for the UPS delivery truck, then tear into the box the next morning and lower their face into packing peanuts for a first, sinfully delicious whiff of The Girl with the Pearl Sinus Oyster. [eBay]

From eBay:

During her 12/17/08 appearance on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Scarlett Johansson blamed her cold on The Spirit co-star Samuel L. Jackson, saying she caught it from him. She believed that for this reason her cold had some "value." During her appearance on The Tonight Show, she blew her nose into a tissue provided by Jay Leno. All proceeds of this sale will benefit USA Harvest, the charity of Scarlett Johansson's choice.

Accompanying the item description is a helpful FAQ, submitted by eBay users with more than a passing interest in the mucousy refuse (current high bid: $2,151.00). Still, not all our questions were answered, so we've compiled for you something we're calling

The Five Most Fascinating Defamer Questions Regarding Scarlett Johansson's Snotty Charity Kleenex, As Answered by Scarlett Johansson

5. Q: How do we know it wasn't cloned?
A: I'm glad you asked that! There's been a circulating rumor that I was cloned in a laboratory in Ludwigshafen am Rhein, North Bavaria. I assure you that I am the real Scarlett, however, and what you're bidding on won't have that tinny, cloned aftertaste.

4. Q: We hear The Spirit is pretty awful. Are its contents more awful than the contents of that tissue?
A: I'd say they are awful in different ways, but also similar in that they both contain only the colors black, red, and white.

3. Q: Why weren't you a better sport about publicizing Vicky Cristina Barcelona at Cannes? You were my muse!
A: Woody?
Q: *Click*

2. Q: Can you throw a Ryan Reynolds crispy-nap into the bargain?
A: No.

1. Q: Scarlett is a bloody cunt / L / Peace and love / [illegible] / fucker?
A. Do you want the Kleenex or not, Lindsay?

• OWN TISSUE FROM SCARLETT JOHANSSON & SAM JACKSON [eBay via Lisanti Quarterly]

"I really don't know that person. I only met her, like three times in my life,"

Of that incident, Scarlett says, "That's what I heard. I don't know what the motivation was behind that. I remember it was something really vulgar—I mean, shockingly so, like 'Whoa, what, who are you?'"

Of course, Scarlett knows exactly who that person is, and could probably even hazard a guess at her motives: At the time of the snort-by C-wording, Johansson was coming off Woody Allen's well-received Match Point, and had several prestige projects in the pipeline. Lohan, meanwhile, was waiting out the long dry spell between her dehydration-plagued work in Herbie Fully Loaded and Just My Luck—a career drought interrupted briefly with her supporting-yodeler turn in A Prairie Home Companion. That bloody cunt was stealing her career! Oh well—[illegible]. Fucker.

• ScarJo to LiLo: "Who Are You?" [okmagazine.com]

Rachel Ray: You blogged a lot leading up to the race about worrying about your nipples. There is no nice way to say this, your nipples bleed from the friction and stuff.

Ryan Reynolds: Weird things happen to you. Thankfully all three nipples are fine. I was really concerned because I was at the finish line two years ago, and I watched these people coming in and it was like watching the music video to “Thriller.” It was really horrifying to watch, and I thought what am I going to do about this? I know you’re supposed to put Vaseline on, and some people said if you put Vaseline on if your chest you’re going to be fine. I was like, should I wear a running bra? Will people know?

Hold the phone, now! Can the eternally barechested Reynolds really have a third nipple that has somehow escaped scrutiny? A Google image search for "Ryan Reynolds shirtless" turned up no discernible evidence (yet still felt completely worthwhile), though an invaluable blog named Quadnips mentions that Reynolds is rumored to be superfluously endowed. Ryan, we're waiting for proof. We'll take a high-res photo (sans Weinstein Co. doctoring) or an in-person examination. We're not choosy!

• Rachael Ray

The wedding took place Saturday evening at a remote wilderness resort outside Vancouver. Guests included Scarlett's mother, Melanie Sloan, and her brother, Adrian Johansson.

Johansson, 23, and Reynolds, 31, who had been dating since Spring 2007, announced their engagement on May 5, the day the actress flashed a three-carat diamond ring estimated to be worth about $30,000 at the Met Costume Ball Gala.

Out congratulations go out to the happy couple, though we wonder whether this marriage will void the threesome with Johansson and a "unbelievably darn LUCKY BASTARD WINNER (♂ or ♀)" that we had been promised by this terribly official-looking website. If we have to settle for that Scarlett clone, there's going to be hell to pay.

• Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds Wed! [Us]

Katy Perry is apparently working on finding a female celeb to kiss during this year's live telecast of the awards show on Sept. 7.

Who does MTV want to match her up with?

Lindsay Lohan!

"Producers are really working hard on it," a source exclusively reveals to me. "They'd love it to be Lindsay, and they're actually going to ask."

And, should the "gone gay" Lohan demur, who else can producers hope to pair with Perry (a latter-day Jane Child, who, it must be noted, has never actually kissed a girl)? Why, how about Scarlett Johansson, whose infamous Vicky Cristina Barcelona kiss with Penelope Cruz has already sparked a cottage industry of salacious blog entries and website promotions? Sure, she's a little busy with Obama right now, but can Scar-Jo really deny the public — and Kanye — what they want?

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Wanted: Female Celebrity to Kiss Katy Perry! [E!]

Scarlett Johansson has reportedly postponed her wedding - because it clashes with the U.S presidential elections.

The actress - who has publicly backed Barack Obama - is due to marry Ryan Reynolds this year (08).

But Johansson has put the nuptials on hold - because her twin brother, Hunter, is busy working on Obama's campaign.

A source tells British newspaper the Daily Express, "He is working all the time so Scarlett wants to hold off until the election is over."

Breathing a desperate sigh of relief, Johansson admirer Jay Leno went back to concocting an elaborate plan to entice the auto-loving actress into one of his many, many cars. Now given a November deadline, the talk show host has little over two months to make his auto-erotic fantasy come true — though, failing that, there's always the clone.

• Scarlett Johansson Delays Wedding? [Showbiz Spy]

Hey dude(tte) are you UP for a THREESOME WITH SCARLETT!!!? To help launch and promote the U.S. release of her new movie 'VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA' directed by WOODY ALLEN, starring JAVIER BARDEM & PENELOPE CRUZ, and in movie theaters on Friday, August 15, SCARLETT JOHANSSON cordially INVITES YOU to JOIN HER in a SMOKING-HOT THREESOME with one more (2+1) unbelievably darn LUCKY BASTARD WINNER (♂ or ♀).

All you've got to do is e-mail her your most personal and creative response as to why YOU WISH to be included in such an awesome treat, and you will be entered for a chance to win this smashing (baby) once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!

Though we have to give credit to the savvy scarlettjohansson.com production team for their well-timed promotion, we're a little surprised that they're simply soliciting for bad fanfiction and not, y'know, money. Better start clearing out your inbox, boys: those auto erotic fantasies from a certain well-chinned talk show host will have your servers crippled in no time.

• Win a THREESOME WITH SCARLETT Johansson @ ScarlettJohansson.com [ScarlettJohansson.com]

• WATCH VIDEO

• WATCH VIDEO

There's just one thing: as the two-thirds of Defamer who've seen the movie can confirm, there is an on-screen threesome in Vicky Cristina Barcelona — albeit a tame, brief one. Details after the jump:

Now, keep this in mind: Woody Allen has never been big on the sex scenes. Even the recent, sensual Match Point was all about the foreplay and afterglow, baring nary a R-rated body part. So, too, is Vicky Cristina Barcelona, which features two separate foreplay scenes, each set in the same darkroom: one where Johansson and Cruz lock lips, and one where the kissing actresses coax Javier Bardem to join in. The latter scene doesn't escalate far beyond "You kiss me. Now, you kiss her. OK, now I kiss her!" but it's still fairly steamy for the Wood-man, all things considered. Is it on par with the champagne-soaked menage a trois from Wild Things? Not unless Scar-Jo gets a do-over with Ryan Reynolds and Barack Obama.

• Can Horny Movie Critics Make Woody Allen’s ‘Vicky Cristina Barcelona’ a Hit? [New York]

• Vicky Cristina Barcelona's Big Three-Way Lie [Gawker]