As many of you pointed out, the dancer was actually wearing flesh-colored briefs under her dress. The network provided photos to the Washington Post's TV Column today, where you can clearly see the underwear. Guess everyone who said a female dancer was too smart to go on a TV show wearing a skirt without any protection was right.

However, the mock scandal was good for ratings. The ratings went up by about two million viewers for the show that aired the day after the news broke. And when the show's ratings are just at 7 million people, they need every pair of eyeballs they can get, even if that means using a transparent pair of undies to get them there.

Standing directly in front of Dave himself, Birkitt is seen smiling in a black shirt.

Letterman's tabloid-ready confessions comes after he spent the afternoon testifying before a grand jury, a first for the long-time Late Show host:

This morning, I did something I've never done in my life. I had to go downtown and testify before a grand jury.

So, what went down? Well, it all started when an unidentified man sent Letterman a package 3 weeks ago that reportedly proved the talk show host has been carrying on with female staffers, though the number's also unknown. The man said he would keep his trap shut if Letterman sent him a check for $2 million. Not one to take extortion lying down, Letterman went to the authorities, who had him mail a fake check and then they caught the bad guy. Score one for celebrity justice.

All of this will definitely put a strain on Letterman's relationship with his wife, Regina Lasko, whom he dated for 23 years before marrying last March.

We'll get you lovelies some video as soon as it's available.

Update: Here's video and some extraneous commentary!

Last night, when a contestant on So You Think You Can Dance celebrated making it to the next round, she got so excited she fell to the floor, writhing in excitement, and let the camera film up her skirt. Too bad she wasn't wearing any panties. Oopsie!

After the Janet Jackson debacle, where she showed her breast on live television during the Super Bowl halftime show, the reaction was immediate and fierce. After all, bare nipples are the greatest threat to our national order. Well, nipples and gay marriage are close, but nipples always win by a hair. Now there may have been a real live vagina on television, we have no idea what the precedents are. Viacom, the owner of CBS, paid $550,000 for showing first base, how much will Fox have to pony up for the whole infield?

Well, that depends on a few factors:

• Since this was taped television instead of live, did Fox know there was a cooch in the broadcast when it aired? If so, big fine.
• If not, why doesn't Fox have an official person in charge of making sure that no genitalia make it on to television? If they don't, big fine. If they hire one, thus stimulating the economy and our Puritanical sense of decency, then the fine will go down.
• Was this a stunt to get everyone talking about a show whose ratings are off from the summer season. If so, Fox better get out it's wallet. (Also, kudos).
• How many form letters will the Parents Television Council fool people into sending to the FCC? The number is a direct correlation to size of the fine.
• Will Glenn Beck or another cable new yahoo take up the cause? If so, the decibel level of his loudest, sternest scream on the subject multiplied by the square root of pi will be used to determine just how much a vagina on TV will cost.
• How many tween girls were blinded by seeing a woman's nether region on TV? Each one will be awarded $300, or a free pair of tickets to a Miley Cyrus concert (but, you know, the back rows, cause it's not like they can actually see anymore).
• Was the girl in the clip 18? If not, every person who watched it on YouTube will be tracked down by their IP address and thrown into jail for watching child pornography. If not, then it's cool. We're all just pervs.
• Is there an actual vagina on television? Cause if not, well, is that even indecent?

According to the source, the perpetually-dazed Parker snatched 25-year old Mars away from his girlfriend, Lindsey Brown, a journalist for local Mississippi station WTOK. And now Parker, who was left by baby daddy Billy Crudup, should wear a sign warning the world of her evil bitchery: The email, in its unedited glory:

Readers may find it interesting that actress Mary Louise Parker who was dumped late in her pregnancy five years ago went on to rip apart the three year relationship of her new boyfriend Charlie Mars and his then 25 year old Mississippi girlfriend.

Early June Mars was still in a relationship with news anchor Lindsey Brown who is a journalist in Meridian Mississippi. Mars and Brown met while Brown was finishing up college at the University of Mississippi. It was Brown who helped Mars move through his substance/drug abuse problems he has battled for the last decade.

You would think a woman who suffered so greatly at the hands of a man would work to make sure other women aren't betrayed the same way...

The note ends with "ladies beware, cougars have no shame," which leads us to believe there's an inter-generational war brewing. And we're putting out money on the cougars — those girls have been around and no doubt have some tricks up their sleeves.

According to British tab-rag The Sun, Jackson once told a friend — a rabbi! — Shmuley Boteach that Hitler, leader of the anti-Jews, was a genius orator. Which, despite the murderous dicator's message, is, sadly, accurate.

So said Jackson, according to Boteach's secretly recorded tapes:

Hitler was a genius orator. To make that many people turn and change and hate, he had to be a showman and he was.

In addition to praising Hitler's oratorical manipulation, Jackson also insisted that he could have cured the hate-filled Fuhrer. Which, we suppose, could be true: Hitler's entire genocidal concept would have been inverted after seeing a black man turned into a white woman.

Phillips, the daughter of The Mamas and the Papas singer John Phillips, confesses in her book, High on Arrival, that she and her father had a long-term, consensual incestuous relationship which began the night before her wedding. Um, ew!

My father was not a man with boundaries. He was full of love, and he was sick with drugs. I woke up that night from a blackout to find myself having sex with my own father.

Had this happened before? I didn't know. All I can say is it was the first time I was aware of it. For a moment I was in my body, in that horrible truth, and then I slid back into a blackout.

Later, John allegedly asked Mackenzie to run away with him. While we're all a bit revolted by this revelation, Mackenzie urges the public not to hate her father, who's now dead, and can't confirm nor deny the accusations.

Tequila had a lot to say after this weekend's attack, especially about Merriman and his attorney's allegations that she was drunk at the time and that they were trying to prevent a DUI, to which she tweeted that she was allergic to the hooch and, therefore, could not have been inebriated. We would link to said tweet, but the page doesn't exist. Nor do her other personal musings on the matter.

Apparently Tequila realized she needed more sophisticated help and has hired a lawyer. Never fear, because he's furthering her earlier assertions and, because he and his client are immune to "black pot" politics, calls Merriman's efforts "spin:"

Shawne Merriman and his advisors have decided that the best defense is a good offense, attacking Tila Tequila in the press with a lot of calculated spin to cover up his illegal and indefensible actions.
...
Once the truth is fully revealed, Mr. Merriman's fantastic story of how he was trying to keep Ms. Tequila safe will be completely discredited.

No one, especially a woman, should ever have to endure what Mr. Merriman did to Tila Tequila.

That is definitely true. It's also true that — and we say this knowing some may be upset — Tequila, who made a name for herself first on MySpace and then on a bisexually charged reality show, will have an uphill battle making a good name for herself.

We can't say what happened between her and Merriman, but we can say that the public, though sympathetic to victims of domestic violence, doesn't have the best track record of siding with people in her position. This is a good, rational start, though, and we hope the truth prevails — and not on Twitter.

According to a new probation report, the pop star duo's physical altercations spanned the globe: Rihanna once slapped Brown while in Europe, and, like the real man that he is, he shoved her against a wall. Then, while visiting Barbados, Brown became so infuriated with the "Umbrella" songstress that he broke her cars' windows. Tsk, tsk.

Considering Brown's violent history, the judge insisted today that Brown's community service include hard labor, that he attend domestic violence counseling, and also enacted a 50-yard restraining order that expires in 2014. No more basketball games for these two tough love birds. We bet you're sorry now, Brown.

The aforementioned cease and desist letter was obtained by TMZ and claims that both books, Scott's published in 2006 and Meyer's in 2008, contain a post-wedding sex scene, a scene where the main character's wife dies and a scene about a woman carrying a demonic child with evil powers, all with similarities in dialogue. Coincidence? Obviously, Jordan Scott's people don't think so, but Meyer's people are calling shenanigans.

The claim that 'Breaking Dawn' by Stephenie Meyer somehow infringes on an alleged book by someone named Jordan Scott is completely without merit. Neither Stephenie Meyer nor her representatives had any knowledge of this writer or her supposed book prior to this claim.

The TMZ post has a link to a 15-page PDF letter detailing the alleged dialogue ripoffs. Having read through it, I'm unconvinced of any wrongdoing. You'd almost think that Scott thinks as though she's the only writer to ever include a wedding, a death and a sex scene in a novel, but go ahead and judge for yourself.

The book, by about felon-turned-informant Kevin Maher, describes Merrill as an 80's coke queen who stripped for a living, and may have been naked dancing it as late as 1992. And her stripper name was, well, Danielle. When they meet at a drug dealer's party in Miami, he describes her thus:

She was brunette. Long, perfectly shaped legs poked out of her leather hot pants just as provocatively as her braless breasts strained against her low-cut blouse." And no, she wasn't wearing any underwear. After she and Maher have "explosive sex," he thinks to himself, "This is a good person. She has no morals, but she's a good person.

Beverly turns out to be a "coke whore." That's okay at first, because Maher likes coke too. But he really doesn't like her sleeping with other guys. So Maher confronts another one of her boyfriends at the Bennigan's in Saddle Brook, sticks a gun in his crotch, and makes him confess. By this time, Beverly Merrill is now dancing at various North Jersey establishments under the name Danielle. Maher, deciding he wants to have a kid but that Beverly isn't "mother material," eventually splits up with her. According to the epilogue, Maher last saw her in 1992 dancing at a club called Shakers in Carlstadt.

So, yeah, sigh. The book also says she was also apparently hanging out, Alpha Dog style, with a drug dealer who kidnapped a rich kid who owed him money.

A quick public records search shows that Danielle Staub indeed used to go by Beverly Merrill, as well as both Danielle Maher and Beverly Maher, as in the Maher who's in Cop Without a Badge. Or at least that someone with the same Social Security number went by all four names at dozens of addresses in New Jersey and Miami.

And via ONTD, someone has scanned two of the pages in the book that discuss Merrill. Read them and weep. No, really, weep.

Eventually the lady decided to shape up and marry rich and start a new life with her two young daughters. But of course then she got greedy and wanted on TV so the truth came out, as it inevitably would. Lessons learned, perhaps.

They're curious about two viewing parties in particular, held in Kris' home state of Arkansas, to which AT&T reps showed up to demonstrate how to use their fangly new cellphones. AT&T, as we all know, is the only cell carrier that American Idol accepts text message from. So why did the company show up to viewing parties in the AR, but not wherever Adam Lambert (gay Frankenstein) parties were going down? Forget that two viewing parties could hardly be responsible for a victory—unless there were like two million people at each party, and there aren't even that many people in Arkansas. No, that doesn't matter, because we sharks have a sniff of blood in the water and we're not going to relent on the probing questions.

Were Idol and AT&T in league on some sort of anti-gay voting initiative? Should the outcome of the show be reconsidered?

And, most importantly, can any election anywhere ever be trusted again?

AT&T May Have Swayed 'Idol' Results [NYT]

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Wait a minute? What the hell is going on here? This is a "secret society" meeting at Yale?! Shouldn't Jessica be getting Eiffel-towered in a pool of goat's blood by dudes wearing Venetian masks or something? What kind of lame-ass "secret society" is this anyway? This looks more like a meeting of the Applewood Magnet High student council at the library than it does a meeting of any sort of "secret society." Dear God does Yale f-ing blow, as does the Ivy League in general, if this is their idea of a "secret society" meeting. Is it any wonder that the presidency of George W. Bush was such an abortion? Bush was a member of the Yale "Skull and Bones" secret society. Maybe if he had experienced a real "secret society" in his youth, the guy wouldn't have sucked so hard.

Seriously, how pathetically lame is this? And to think that all of you Ivy snobs were crying about how disgraceful it was for Obama to be speaking at a public school (Oh, the horror!) like Arizona State's graduation ceremony, instead of say, Dartmouth, or Brown. Say what you want about the twats at Arizona State, and they are twats, glorious, smelly, gaping twats, but I can guarantee you one thing—-If they were to conduct any sort of secret society meeting at that school, they'd do it right and have torches burning, the chantings of Gregorian monks blasting though the sound system, mounds of cocaine laying around all over the place, at least one farm animal being slayed, and people having sex all over the place, dirty, filthy, hedonistic, unprotected orgy sex, because that's how you do "secret society" meetings in the real world, assholes!

I saw Eyes Wide Shut, dammit!

Jessica Alba Visits Yale Secret Society, Members Panic and Leak Pictures from Inside the Hall [IvyGate]

Given that Spitzer is the focus of the frame, one gets the sense the cameraman knew this was no ordinary cutaway. Several viewers did, too.

Thanks to tipster Luke for sending in this screengrab.

The rumor itself is actually at least 18 months old — we first heard it last year after a reporter at a major business magazine got the News Corp. nuclear treatment when he rang up the flacks to ask whether they had made out at a party — largely spurred by Deng being named the "chief of strategy" at MySpace China last summer, putting her in close (business) contact with DeWolfe. And then there were reports that DeWolfe was using his friendship with Deng in his negotiations for a new compensation package with News Corp.

The first time in the most recent spate of tips was in the form of an an email from someone using the Dark Knight pseudonym "Harvey Dent" and was pre-written in gossip-columnese ("What media mogul billionaire’s wife has been guilty of so many sexual escapades that she is the talk of LA?"), but it also made some amateurish mistakes, such as referring to "Wendy Deng." The second tipster came from inside a media organization that's locked horns with News Corp. plenty of times in the past. The third was the most aggressive. Their first account was that they had heard that someone with a grudge against Murdoch had hired a private investigator who had discovered that Deng was involved with "Chris DeWitt." Asked why someone was digging dirt on Rupert, they said it was "more of a personal interest."

None of the new tipsters have offered any new evidence to made us think it's true. Like the Jossip item, all leaned heavily on the detail that they're hooking up at 141 Prince St. But that's hardly a secret address. since that's where the Murdochs live when they're in New York. And as someone familiar with the Murdochs points out, they sold that apartment in 2005 and now live on Fifth Ave. So color us skeptical. Though, of course, if you know more than our previous tipsters, we're interested in that, too.

Kid Rock: We're pretty sure there was only one reason why the Kid Rock/Scott Stapp sex tape was ever released: to prove (to someone, we don't know who) that these two a) have (or at least had) groupies and b) have received oral sex. We're pretty sure we didn't need to know either of those things — but hey, that's the world of celeb sex tapes for you.

Joanie "Chyna" Laurer: Female pro-wrestlers don't get nearly enough attention in the press—though we're not really sure that the kind of attention that Chyna's sex tape generated was really appreciated by her fellow female wrestlers (can you say "inch-long and thick-as-a-pinkie clitoris with a corona resembling the head of a penis"?).

Amy Fisher: Given that Amy Fisher's biggest claim to fame was shooting someone in the face, it is, perhaps, a little odd that she followed that up with her very own sex tape. Then again, Amy's criminal career was spawned by an affair she had with the much older Buttafuoco. When she was a teenager. And seriously, how hot does "Long Island Lolita: Caught On Tape" sound? (Related, but vastly less hot: the Joey Buttafuoco sex tape.)

Verne Troyer: Next up in our list of unlikely pornstars is Verne Troyer (better known as "Mini-Me."). Though Troyer didn't take too kindly to his time in the spotlight, we feel the release of his sex tape was actually a bit of a public service. Firstly, it taught us all that, no matter how different you may look, there's always someone out there who'll be willing to love you (and commit it to tape!). Secondly, it gave us all a very, very detailed lesson in how not to kiss.

Gene Simmons: And speaking of KISSing (ha!): you can't spell sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll without sex. And no one knows that better than KISS front man Gene Simmons, whose all too brief career in adult entertainment we were more than happy to analyze.

Dustin Diamond: If you'd told us, as kids, that Screech of "Saved by the Bell" fame would one day be the star of his very own sex tape, we probably would have run screaming from the room (well, after having you explain what, exactly, a "sex tape" was). That reaction wouldn't have been so far off: Dustin Diamond's last ditch effort to reclaim the spotlight was pathetic at best—but at the same time, isn't the whole pathetic grasp at fame thing the whole point of a self-released sex tape? (Oh, and also: Dirty Sanchez.)

Jenna Lewis: Screech wasn't the first "celebrity" to cash in on a "stolen" sex tape: that honor goes to Jenna Lewis, better known as Jenna from "Survivor," who raked in over $70,000 (and extended her fifteen minutes of fame) with her very own sex tape.

Kim Kardashian: And then, of course, there was Kim Kardashian's romp with R&B star Ray J. We never really figured out why Kim was supposed to be a celebrity, but at least she managed to make it with someone with at least a little bit of cred. And, for that matter, Kardashian managed to rake in a decent amount of money, too (much as she denied that she had had any part in the tape's public launch).

Colin Farrell and Nicole Narain: Given that Colin Farrell and former Playboy Playmate are two people we'd actually want to see get it on (as opposed to, well, many of the people who made this list), we were largely convinced that their rumored sex tape had to be a hoax. Yet somehow, it wasn't! See, sometimes the powers that be really do listen to our prayers.

Paris Hilton: Paris's tape hits the top of our list not so much for its quality (it's shot in night vision, for one thing, and Paris was never much of performer) but instead for its cultural significance. Before her flirtation with amateur porn, Paris was just a D-list party girl and hotel chain heiress; post-"One Night in Paris," she was a full-fledged C-list celebutante with her very own reality show. Using a sex tape to eke out a modicum of fame and launch oneself into the spotlight? Brilliant. (Oh, and there's also the matter of Paris's sexploits hitting the newswires the same day that Fleshbot launched—five years ago today! So maybe we're a little sentimental? It happens.)

Bonus Scandal! Dita Von Teese: Lovely Dita didn't so much make a "sex tape" as star in some arty lesbian fetish porn—but hey, the video was hot enough (and the scandal hyped up enough), that we had to include it somewhere. It also wins points for generating one of the best headlines ever seen: "Dita Von Teese had sex with a shoe." She sure did.

A guy who was volunteering at the polling place asked Tim to move so they could make more room in the polling space and let more voters in. Apparently, Tim had been sitting inside the voting area for some time. Tim completely flipped out on the guy and accused him of trying to intimidate him by asking him to move, thus "infringing upon his freedom to vote," and then he demanded to speak to the highest level of management in the Election Board. The volunteer was beside himself, because here was this celeb-loon going off on him. The volunteer left and after about 5 mins the cops showed. At that point I had cast my ballot and had to vacate the premises."

boomp3.com

After rumors surfaced last week about being involved in an extramarital affair, Matthew Broderick took wife Sarah Jessica Parker out to dinner in mid town Manhattan on Wednesday night. When asked about the state of their marriage, Broderick said, "I'm going to quote my favorite TV character and say, don't be ridiculous. We're doing great." Parker pensively nodded in agreement with her husband and then flashed the 'A-Okay' hand gesture.

Photo Credit: Splash Pics

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

It's all these Clinton-friending liberal rich people who keep getting into messes these days, isn't it? When's the last time you heard anything about rich Republican financiers and executives flying about the nation with models, fucking teenagers, and carrying on sex orgies with movie stars? Is it the liberal connection to godless Hollywood? Former United Artists CEO and Bush Super Ranger Jerry Weintraub stays out of the headlines. Ken Lay was busted for fraud, not massages.

Hell, maybe liberals just have more fun? That's the point of liberality, isn't it? Those European values, that subjective morality, the godless thing? Clinton was impeached for having too much fun in office. Nixon never had fun ever except when he got zonked on painkillers and insulted the Jews, which is not really anyone's idea of a truly good time. Epstein never saw anything wrong with what he did. He just likes massages!

But why the need to congregate around Burkle? To hang out with him? Why did Epstein and Chris Tucker need to fly around on Jeff's private jet? Why does Clinton need to fly around the world on everyone's private jet? Liberal types do like to improve the world, and the rich ones are narcissistic enough to believe that they can do it personally. So they network and party and fuck models while flying to Africa to cure AIDS! Conservative zillionaires just rack up huge profits, contribute money to candidates who can ensure that they'll continue to rack up huge profits, and mind their own fucking (criminal) business. The liberals need to have cake with Arianna Huffington and Bono, for some reason.

So it may just be that Burkle embodies these characteristics the most. The most narcissistic, the most convinced of his own rightness, the most desperate to network with powerful people in the hopes of reshaping the world.

And then they all get tied up in sex scandals and your house is foreclosed, the end.