Gawker: defamer, sanjaya

Buh Bye Frappuccino! How Britney Got Back In Shape

Kyle Buchanan — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 20:00:00 EDT

Though we may go back and forth on whether we want our MTV, one thing we can all agree on is that we want a Dirt Sandwich. Like your favorite music channel in its heyday, it's packed with pop stars (Britney! Sanjaya!), celebrity antics (Bill Murray skydiving) and even the occasional bit of sobering news (Christina Applegate's mastectomy). And that whole "quick-cut MTV editing" thing? We got that, too. Sit back, put down your remote control, and let Molly McAleer take you on a psychedelic trip through the world of celebrity infotainment that would make even a Radiohead video seem banal. And if you don't watch? Katherine Heigl is gonna point and laugh at you.

WATCH VIDEO

Tim Gunn Reports From Sanjaya's White House Correspondents' Dinner Table

Seth — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 14:58:17 EDT

When even Rich Little has to admit this year's White House Correspondents' Dinner could have used a marquee act with some edge ("It's a little bit of a hard room. Next year, they may go back to someone a little more biting," the cuddly, Carson-era impressionist said shortly after bombing to a packed D.C. Hilton ballroom), it fell, as we predicted, to People magazine's guest of honor Sanjaya Malakar to inject the proceedings with a little watercooler-worthy pizzazz. Looking dashing in a blue pinstriped suit and chunky highlights Valerie Plame would kill for, Malakar greeted his throngs of admirers (including a gushing Governor Eliot Spitzer), as lesser celebrity entities at the People table—Valerie Bertinelli, Zac Efron (ask your teenage daughter or new AOL chat room friend), Eddie Izzard, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., and Project Runway's Tim Gunn—simply looked on in astonishment. Gunn describes the scene to his blogging boss Andy Cohen, in a post discomfortingly titled, "Sir Tim Does DC and Sanjaya!":

Sir Tim delivered, immediately railing on Sanjaya. He said that, though his hair was "a little less exuberant than normal ... he looked like he belonged with Spanky on 'Our Gang'!"

"People were lined up in droves just to see him. He was a huge draw. He had three rude security guards around him and I literally had to fight to get to the table."
"He's a kid. He's not been out. He doesn't really know how to conduct himself in public yet. He's 17. I wonder where he's gonna be in a year," Tim said.

Sanjaya's date was his mom, and I'm tickled by the notion of Tim Gunn struggling to make conversation with MamaSanjaya. It sounds to me like it was some struggle. Neither Sanjaya nor his mother had ever seen or heard of a little show called "Project Runway."

Despite being a reality-TV-made celebrity, Gunn has always seemed uncommonly gifted at maintaining his own dignity through it all. Our hearts therefore go out to the man for having to endure not just a series of excruciatingly unfunny Nixon impressions, but the ensuing media frenzy surrounding a sissy celebrity who doesn't even possess the most basic pattern-making skills—forcing him, we imagine, to modify his trademarked catchphrase to an exasperated, "Make it stop."

Sir Tim Does DC and Sanjaya! [BravoTV.com]

Sanjaya Scores An Invitation To The White House Correspondents' Dinner

Seth — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 22:30:24 EDT

We swore we weren't going to take another dip in the fragrant and inviting Sanjaya pool today, satisfied that enough digital ink had been spilled obsessing over the ouster of the Idol contestant who so completely transfixed a nation with a magical combination of really bad singing, funny hairdos, and a confounding ability to skirt all gender classifications. And yet, why are we beset with the sinking feeling that the end of Sanjaya's Idol journey was really just the beginning of something else—something far bigger and more foreboding, that begins, say, with an appearance at the White House Correspondents' Association dinner:

People magazine has pulled a great coup by grabbing someone who's sure to turn more heads than anyone else this weekend: Sanjaya Malakar, the "American Idol" contestant whose hilarious run on the reality show finally came to an end this week.

People magazine has secured the hair-challenged 17-year-old to be their guest during the White House Correspondents' Association dinner. [...]

Is it really that outrageous a pairing? Like the President, Sanjaya has united, not divided, a nation in agreement over the awfulness of his performance. And as attendees will surely be looking for something unpredictable and edgy to fill the Stephen Colbert vacuum, once again, it's Malakar to the rescue: A top-secret hairdo (three-word hint: Bride of Sanjayastein) and unbilled medley of "Hail to the Chief" into "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" into "Ease on Down the Road" will be a performance sure to give the journalists something more interesting to talk about than whatever 30-year-old impression Rich Little drags out for the occasion.

Sanjaya to attend Correspondents' dinner [Examiner.com]

Namaste, Sanjaya: A Round-Up

Seth — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 16:19:19 EDT

As we dry our tears, lick our wounds, and fashion as much of a ponyhawk as we can from our limited hair growth, we present to you a farewell to Sanjaya round-up:
· 28.2 million tuned in to watch Sanjaya tumble like an overturned bag of scrunchies into LaKisha's comforting bosom, unaware of the bright future that lies ahead as the world's most recognizable cosmetics and haircare endorser. [THR]
· 2007's all-new, non-slurring, tell-it-like-it-is model of Paula Abdul shows little signs of waterworks when she's asked about Sanjaya's future signing autographs last night outside Mr. Chow's. [TMZ]
· Exclusive! Sanjaya's (fake) Netflix queue offers a fascinating glimpse inside his rainbows-n'-unicorns-filled imagination. [DVD Dossier]

· What you didn't see at home: After first being told he was in the bottom three, Sanjaya (who had been in that group many times before) started sobbing, and was virtually inconsolable despite the efforts of his fellow contestants during the break. Also, during the montage, Debbie the stage manager had to physically extract him from LaKisha's comforting embrace. [LAT]
· "Sayonara, Sanjaya" is the overwhelming headline phrasing of choice. [BusinessWeek] [AP]
· VoteForTheWorst.com, the forerunners of all things Sanjaya, bid a fond farewell to their "VFTW king," and open the discussion boards to suggestions for who should be their next nominee. (We choose upper-lip-deficient beatboxing tool Blake, whose priceless look of desperation after learning he was on the chopping block definitely made up for sitting through that interminable Shrek ad.) [votefortheworst.com]
· Rupert Murdoch may be taking the news hardest of all, but is still considering signing on the fallen Idol for a TV special timed to coincide with his debut CD release, "If I Won It, Here's What My Album Would Have Sounded Like." [BloggingStocks]

Annals Of Opportunistic Marketing: Sanjaya Spork'd By KFC

Seth — Mon, 09 Apr 2007 17:07:40 EDT

Always on the lookout for ~~free~~ creative ways to promote their artery-jacking Famous Bowls, KFC has again appealed to the newly minted stars of American Idol to help usher its gustatory message to the finger lickin' masses. Having struck out last season with a generous offer to the runner-up of a $10,000 "commercial recording contract," the fast food outlet has now set its sights on the series' most polarizing contestant—tone-deaf hairdevil, Sanjaya Malakar:

If you sport a bowlcut hairdo in a nationally televised performance, KFC will grant you a free lifetime supply of KFC Famous Bowls and a charitable donation in your name — plus $5,000 in cash and your own starring role in our next KFC Famous Bowls advertisement.

Now, that's an offer almost as juicy as our KFC world famous chicken [...]
Your Fan,
[signed] Gregg Dedrick
President of KFC

We doubt the popular song-rapist would be willing to forego his trademarked mane—and whatever supernatural, Samsonian strength might emanate from its chestnut locks—in exchange for a lifetime of Famous Bowls and a mere five grand, which is barely enough to cover his ponyhawk scrunchie budget. Still, Malakar's advisors have sat him down and appealed to their client to at least consider the deal, realizing that looking like Moe from the Three Stooges on national TV is a small (and unlikely to be the most humiliating) price to pay in exchange for an endorsement deal in the hand, to say nothing of the added security of knowing where the teen sensation will find his next meal once the Idol gravy train has left the station.

American Idol Sanjaya Offer Sweetened: Cash, Commercial & KFC Bowls [Post Chronicle]

Short Ends: Indians Want Nothing To Do With Sanjaya's Success

Mark — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 23:01:20 EDT

· One billion Indian citizens raise their voices in harmony and declare: "Sanjaya's not our fucking fault! We swear!"
· TMZ, as you would expect, is all over the story about the porn star who signed a boob.
· This couch was once on American Idol. Therefore, you must own it.
· This is a partial list of Angelina Jolie's tattoos, because we know you're been wondering about such matters lately.
· A CNN.com plea for NBC to kill Studio 60.
· Is this the cutest thing you've ever seen? Trick question, because this is. We think we just pooped ourselves a little, so overcome are we by adorableness.