In the interest of closure regarding the "Sanjaya is actually some sort of performance art stunt" video we posted on Tuesday that has certainly challenged everything you thought you knew about untalented karaoke competition contestants who refuse to disappear, we invite you to watch the above clip, in which the lusciously coiffed imp admits to some David Blaine-level mindbuggery. Sanjaya, it turns out, is real. All too real. (And now he's friends with Will Ferrell, who seems to be out of good viral video ideas now that he's exhausted all the creative possibilities of the drunk, foul-mouthed baby genre.)

You may now return to your day, looking for new ways to fill the empty place that Idol once occupied in your life.

• Sanjaya - The Hoax Revealed [Funny Or Die]
• Sanjaya Keeping Busy While Waiting For Someone To Give Him A Job [Defamer]

Some precocious students from RISD are currently circulating the above video on the internets, in which a postlapsarian Sanjaya Malakar begins a new campaign to rape the minds of an American public he hasn't been able to brain-diddle on a mass scale since his shocking Idol dismissal, claiming that "Sanjaya's" entire existence is nothing more than an elaborate art project by someone named "Bill Vendall." It's just cute enough to pass along, so: enjoy, even if it somewhat ruins your pet theory that tomorrow night's winner would dramatically tear off her latex Jordin mask to reveal the pony-hawked incubus beneath.

• Previously: Sanjaya Malakar Out On 'Idol', Immediately Enters Negotiations To Join William Hung On Album Of Christmas Standards [Defamer]

"I've always gotten along with girls better because I was raised by women," Malakar tells PEOPLE in its new issue. [...]

I got teased in school because people figured I must be gay because I understand women," the phenomenally popular American Idol castoff says. "I think that's why guys didn't like me - because I got along with girls so well. When I went up to girls they would give me a hug and a kiss on the cheek like I was their gay friend. But I was the straight guy that understood them."

Malakar will undoubtedly be taken to task for his assertion, but considering he is just 17, we'd entreat you to allow the budding adolescent superstar to do a little more searching before settling on a rigid sexual identity. (We'd suggest the first place he look is inside the costume chest containing his Hawaiian-style booty-shaking paraphernalia.) Still, we applaud Malakar for so quickly addressing the topic head-on, thus allowing his own Fanjayas to get a head start on the important delusionary work that lies ahead if they expect to catch up to a generation of horny and blissfully incurious Claymates.

• Sanjaya: 'I Understand Women' [People]

Sir Tim delivered, immediately railing on Sanjaya. He said that, though his hair was "a little less exuberant than normal ... he looked like he belonged with Spanky on 'Our Gang'!"

"People were lined up in droves just to see him. He was a huge draw. He had three rude security guards around him and I literally had to fight to get to the table."

"He's a kid. He's not been out. He doesn't really know how to conduct himself in public yet. He's 17. I wonder where he's gonna be in a year," Tim said.

Sanjaya's date was his mom, and I'm tickled by the notion of Tim Gunn struggling to make conversation with MamaSanjaya. It sounds to me like it was some struggle. Neither Sanjaya nor his mother had ever seen or heard of a little show called "Project Runway."

Despite being a reality-TV-made celebrity, Gunn has always seemed uncommonly gifted at maintaining his own dignity through it all. Our hearts therefore go out to the man for having to endure not just a series of excruciatingly unfunny Nixon impressions, but the ensuing media frenzy surrounding a sissy celebrity who doesn't even possess the most basic pattern-making skills—forcing him, we imagine, to modify his trademarked catchphrase to an exasperated, "Make it stop."

• Sir Tim Does DC and Sanjaya! [BravoTV.com]

he's here at fox. meeting w/ casting of all people. huge entourage. hair status not yet confirmed.

We'll share details as they become available (especially on the hair status, but don't get your hopes up—the wet weather makes something elaborate all but impossible, even with as many as five stylists in tow), but this seems like a logical place for Malakar to star his post-Idol journey: Since Fox is responsible for unleashing him upon the world, they should at least be given the first opportunity to stunt-cast him in their failing sitcoms for sweeps or set him up with a variety show of his own.

• Complete Sanjaya Malakar Coverage [Defamer]
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America, it seems, has spoken: Sanjaya Malakar, whose rendition of the Kinks' "You Really Got Me" rendered little girls completely paralyzed with tears of existential terror and whose final performance of "Something To Talk About" will likely drive Bonnie Raitt back to the bottle, will not be your next American Idol. At first, it may be difficult to watch this clip of Ryan Seacrest casting a tear-soaked Malakar out of Karaoke Eden, but know that his supreme sacrifice was for Idol's greater good: his dismissal represents the restoration of this grand competition's dignity, and with the distraction caused by the myriad conspiracy theories about the pitchy, pony-hawked incubus's continued success finally removed, it can again focus on its noble mission of deciding whether The Girl With No Neck, Bat Boy's Slightly More Handsome Older Brother, or The Guy Who's Hypnotized Simon Cowell Into Believing That Beat-Boxing Is Somehow Cool deserves to be temporarily installed atop the pop charts following the show's season finale.

• Sanjaya voted off American Idol [YouTube]
]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=253671&view=rss&microfeed=true · Not only is Sanjaya Malakar bent on destroying American Idol, he's now corrupting Maxim Online's Hot Chick in a Skimpy Outfit of the Day feature. He must be stopped. Vote tonight and end this madness. [via LAist]
· Everything seems great in Jennifer Garner's family life—except, of course, for the small problem of her husband's crack problem: "'You know how as a kid you picture yourself with a tall, handsome husband, and you imagine him cuddling your baby?" she asks. 'Ben is like that, like, on crack.'"
· Fucking-averse HBO series Entourage curiously chooses Ron Jeremy's fuckpad for a location shoot.
· "The floor of the home was covered with a layer of animal feces between 2 and 3 inches deep, authorities said."
· These people are unafraid to ask some uncomfortable questions about the Death Star attack. Charlie Sheen endorsement TK. [via CC Insider]
]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=253141&view=rss&microfeed=true The tabloids are once again pushing the Scientology panic button on Jennifer Lopez, who was caught dropping some Hubbardian jargon into her attempts to soothe the feelings of vulnerable American Idol contestants following judge Simon Cowell's litany of enturbulating put-downs. Notes Rush & Molloy:




Lopez said that, in contrast to the stinging put-downs of Simon Cowell, she believed that "concentrating on the rightness brings more rightness."

"Rightness" comes up frequently in the lexicon of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard. Former OT III-level church member Margery Wakefield writes in "The Language of Scientology" that "rightness" was one of his buzzwords. Among Hubbard's manifestoes: "Rightness and Wrongness" and "Recognition of Rightness of the Being."

Even this small slip was enough to alert Idol's contestant-enslaving producers about the possible presence of a competing cult on their tightly controlled set. Lopez's movements were closely monitored following the show, ensuring that the possibly Scientology-entangled entertainer was unable to converse with phenom Sanjaya Malakar, whispering promises that with a few of the Celebrity Centre's private vocal-actualizing lessons taken during his downtime, he could finally end the public outcry over his lack of talent and claim the international superstardom being denied him by Cowell and his cadre of Melinda Doolittle-worshipping suppressives.

[Photo: American Idol]

• In a word, J.Lo's sounding like a Scientologist (second item) [Rush & Molloy]
]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=252160&view=rss&microfeed=true You may have felt a sea change in the cultural consciousness recently, in the form of growing grassroots support for Sanjaya Malakar, the talent-deficient breakout star of an otherwise forgettable sixth season of the nation's opiate of choice, American Idol. In honor of His Awfulness, a round-up:
· BWE.tv declares Sanjaya the "single most important personality" to emerge from Idol, declaring him the ponyhawked King Arthur to finally pull Excalibur from the stone (in the form of sensory-raping performances America can't seem to get enough of) and slay the mighty Idol dragon that has terrorized the TV landscape for the past five years. [BWE]
· AOL TV counts down all the reasons they love Sanjaya, including the fact that he's been parodied to limited comedic effect by Andy Samberg in a pointless Weekend Update appearance on SNL. What other reason could you possibly need? [AOL]
· Join master of the mopey thespian arts Zach Braff as he intros a clip from his new movie The Ex (spoiler alert: He offends an Irish dude!), capping it off with the kind of endorsement for Malakar that Hillary would kill for. [apple.com/trailers]

· Idol producer Ken Warwick predicts Sanjaya will crack top five, but ultimately not go all the way. But if he did, he calls Simon Cowell's pledge that he would quit the series "rubbish," promising America that they will have a "guaranteed view of his muscle-shirted manboobs until the melting polar ice caps drown them in their homes." [MSNBC]
· Hey—Tony Bennett's a big fan! You got a problem with that? [YouTube]

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On last night's edition of American Idol, pony-hawked karaoke incubus Sanjaya Malakar, did not, as we hoped he might, sprout enormous bat wings halfway through his pitch-raping rendition of "Bathwater," snatch a scandalized Gwen Stefani from the side of the stage, and ascend to the rafters, where he would hungrily gnaw at her flesh as hundreds of terrified audience members stampeded from the room, hoping to absorb some of her pop-star essence for his own nefarious use on subsequent performances.

No, this week the Destroyer of Popular Music was content to leech energy from the soul of the doomed woman who's slowly starving herself to death in a brave effort to resist his campaign of unspeakable evil and just go about his off-key business, failing to even repeat last week's Satanic parlor trick of assuming the form of a feather-haired Medusa who can paralyze little girls with uncontrollable sobs. We're not interested in making any of you relive last night's horror, but we will pass along the clip delivered to our inbox, which shows how Malakar built up his strength for his demonic mission by feasting upon the souls of the faithful entranced by his interpretation of beloved spirituals.

• Sanjaya's Chariot [YouTube]
• Previously: Gwen Stefani Suggests Sanjaya Tackle An Instrumental This Week [Defamer]
]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=247795&view=rss&microfeed=true · Whatever you do, don't go here if you don't want to know how Sanjaya is going to wear his hair on tonight's Idol.
· With her career not going so well that she felt comfortable spending a large sum of money on some orphans to bring back home, Jessica Simpson donates a van she didn't pay for to a Mexican orphanage instead.
· A Transformers screenwriter on why Megatron won't change into a gun: "That would be the equivalent of Darth Vader turning into his own lightsaber and someone else swinging him around." Good point!
· Tiny movie pirates infiltrate Jack Valenti's brain, induce stroke in sworn enemy.
· Watch out, Bindi! Behind you!
]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=247642&view=rss&microfeed=true Tonight's guest coach on American Idol is Gwen Stefani, who, we anticipate, will come to rue the day she besmirched her resume by joining the same mentoring program that until now has been occupied by plastic-surgery-disaster musical relics like Kenny Rogers, Barry Manilow, and some guy from Herman's Hermits. Our stereo-hogging cousins over at Idolator, however, have found rumors on an American Idol fans' message board suggesting Stefani is already deeply regretting her involvement in the monolithic karoake contest, dreading the thought of one of her beloved No Doubt compositions finding its way onto "Sanjaya's Greatest Butchered Hits."

"Sanjaya Malakar - He wanted to sing "Spoiler". She tried to get him to sing some 80's song. He said he was a big fan and he really wanted to do one of her songs. Gwen was upfront with him and told him she didn't think he could pull it off but gave him the benefit of the doubt. Today after seeing how rehearsals were going, she didnt' see any progress. She went to Nigel immediately and told him she does not want Sanjaya singing one of her songs whatsoever. Sanjaya didn't have many options at that point. He kind of got stuck with "Spoiler". This caused a big scene at the studio and was the talk all afternoon."

To clear up any confusion, while "Spoiler" sounds a lot like a No Doubt song title, it is in fact just a courtesy censoring of the actual, doomed song, rumored by another Idol fan site to be "Bathwater." (Sorry, Fanjayas! You don't fall under the jurisdiction of our "no spoilers" policy.) If the tipoff is true, we can hardly wait to see how Malakar tackles the "Return of Saturn" track, with lyrics like, "Cause I still love to wash in your old bathwater/Share a toothbrush..youre my kind of man" sure to take on all new senses of gender-bending artistry as he urgently flips his Farrah-do and spreads a toothy grin for the cameras, as if every gnarled note meant the difference between Idol life or death.

• Is Sanjaya's Singing Making Gwen Stefani B-A-N-A-N-A-S? [Idolator]
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If last week's Ford-sponsored bastardization of Modest Mouse's "Float On" delivered a point-blank gut-shot to popular music vulnerable belly, then Sanjaya Malakar's (whom we previously believed to be just a harmless, tone-deaf—yet alarmingly well-coiffed!—kid, but now realize is the earthbound emissary of some vengeful god sent to destroy us all) Tuesday night Idol performance of The Kinks' "You Really Got Me" stood astride its body as it lay bleeding in the gutter, rolled it over so that it could bite the curb, and then delivered the swift kick to the back of its head that finally ended its suffering. The strong of stomach can relive the harrowing ordeal through the clip presented above, in which an adorable little girl's salty tears stood in for those streaming down the collective cheeks of America on the night of music's grisly televised execution.

• Sanjaya makes 7 year old girl cry [YouTube via BWE]
• American Idol [Fox]
• Previously: 'Idol' Finalists Already Making Astounding Contributions To Awful Music History [Defamer]
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