1. In the nerd equivalent of heaven, James Cameron and Peter Jackson attended their first Comic-Con, and did a panel together where they talk about the future of film-making and Jackson reveals that a script for The Hobbit, his Lord of the Rings prequel, will be finished in a month. [Zap2It]

2. Lost isn't known for parting with information easily, but they did have some good tidbits at their panel. Characters Juliet and Daniel Faraday will be back for the final season. Also in season six: no more time travel, the return of Charlie and Boone, the backstory for the enigmatic Richard Alpert, and some allusions to what may be alternate timelines. Damn, that shit makes our brain hurt. [EOnline]

3. Warner Bros. tried to roll out the new Patricia Heaton comedy The Middle at their Mom-A-Con. No one showed for the counter programming. Everyone said, "Mom, stop embarrasing me!" [THRFeed]

4. Hayden Panettiere is going to get some girl-on-girl action for the new season of Heroes. Yeah, cause that is what is going to fix this show. [io9]

5. Two scenes from the upcoming Twilight sequel, New Moon, were screened. Lots of girls screamed. [CelebrityCafe]

6. Iron Man 2 is going to fucking rule. Fans were excited by footage that shows Samuel L. Jackson's return as Nick Fury, Mickey Rourke playing new villain Whiplash, and a bunch of awesome special effects. Robert Downey Jr, director Jon Favreau, and new additions Scarlett Johannson (who plays sexy spy Black Widow) and Don Cheadle (replacing Terrence Howard) were all in attendance. That's either an A-List Comic-Con panel or a night at The Waverly Inn. [EW]

7. Ok, Iron Man gets two entries because the sequel is laying the foundation for Marvel's much anticipated (among comic geeks) Avengers movie (not the crappy Uma Thurmond one, this one has Captain American and shit). [EOnline]

8. We haven't seen the last of Battlestar Galactica, Edward James Olmos' career to continue. [io9]

9. You're probably not going to see Family Guy's "Abortion Episode," at least on the air, but it will probably be on DVD. What? Fox suddenly has standards? [LAT]

10. Alien invasion drama Vis back and the geeks love it. Is there anything left from the '80s for us to bring back? Alf, maybe? [THRFeed]

Mere months after Marvel had to sub in Don Cheadle for Terrence Howard when the latter found Iron Man 2's War Machine suit not sufficiently baby-wiped, Samuel L. Jackson has announced that he may not be returning as Nick Fury. The character was introduced in a quick scene after the original Iron Man's closing credits, but Marvel had big plans to keep Fury (whose comic-book redesign was actually based on Jackson) around for the sequel and, ultimately, its superhero crossoverpalooza The Avengers. Now, not so much, Jackson tells the LAT:

"I saw ['Iron Man' and 'Iron Man 2' director] Jon Favreau at the Scream Awards and we had a conversation. He said, 'I hope things are working out for you because we're writing stuff for you.' Then all of a sudden last week I talked to my agents and manager and things aren't really working that well."

"There was a huge kind of negotiation that broke down. I don't know. Maybe I won't be Nick Fury. Maybe somebody else will be Nick Fury or maybe Nick Fury won't be in it. There seems to be an economic crisis in the Marvel Comics world so [they're saying to me], 'We're not making that deal.'"

Still, like I told the actor, he has a big advantage on his side: Who else wants to wear that patch, especially since the character is based on Jackson? Jackson laughed. "Maybe nobody will wear it. Maybe they'll decide Nick Fury won't be part of it."

We were always curious how Marvel planned to budget an Avengers movie that would include the well-compensated Downey Jr., plus Cheadle, Jackson, Edward Norton as the Hulk, and the yet-to-be-cast stars for Captain America and Thor. Now, we feel we're getting the picture: Downey Jr will no doubt return, but Marvel will enact its third recast for War Machine (how about that kid from 90210?) and fill out the rest of its dirt-cheap Avengers with the entire cast of Gossip Girl. Westwick SMASH!

• Nick Fury no more? Samuel L. Jackson says 'Maybe I won't be Nick Fury' [LAT]

One running theme of the evening was guessing what the "L" in "Samuel L. Jackson" stands for...In perhaps the most bizarre tribute, Stone strutted onstage and, with her hands on her hips, purred words such as "Luscious," "L'amour," "Ladies love Samuel L. Jackson" — and breathlessly told a story about seeing Jackson "nekkid" in a movie and then trying to talk to him at a premiere. She eventually got serious, talking about the moral compass he brings to his characters, and saying that the "L" stood for "Legend."

Sadly, a flashing light indicating that Stone should wrap it up meant that she never had a chance to use her runners-up in the initial derby, which included "Laser skin resurfacing," "Licentious cougar," and "Laotian Chinese who brought devastation upon themselves." Next time!

• Cinematheque honors Samuel L. Jackson [Yahoo]

According to Page Six, the North Beverly Park Homeowners Association (including Jackson and Magic Johnson, among others) is outraged that the South Beverly Park HOA (representing Washington, Stallone, Eddie Murphy and even Sumner Redstone) has denied it members use of an entry gate on Mulholland Drive — "forcing the south dwellers' nannies, workmen and relatives to drive seven miles around to the south gate."

Naturally, this effrontery cannot stand; the dueling associations are presently squaring off in court, with the exasperated judge urging reconciliation while the North group's lawyer complained that the smaller, Oscar-challenged HOA to the south should pay for the right to use the gate. Meanwhile, we hear Sharon Waxman is set to report that Denzel's side rejected their neighbors' offer via secret ballot in a high-powered, super-classified dinner at Redstone's joint. Nikki Finke naturally will protest those findings, confirming instead that Sam Jackson's nanny was, in fact, spotted entering the community on Mulholland.

Such drama! Please let us know if your own Beverly Park detours persist; we're determined to mediate a speedy resolution any way we can.

• Civil War in H'Wood [NYP]

After I got over the emotional experience of seeing America embrace an African American as its president, I found myself wondering: Did this election really represent a huge cultural triumph as well as a political mandate? That was a big reason why I spent Friday night with "Soul Men" producer David Friendly, watching him do what producers often do on their film's opening night, traveling around to local theaters to see whether their movie has any juice at the box office.

"Soul Men" isn't just any movie. It's a comedy starring two prominent African Americans, Sam Jackson and the late Bernie Mac, playing '70s-era backup singers who reluctantly reunite three decades later to play at a memorial concert for their old frontman. So it was an intriguing cultural test case: Would white audiences come out to watch an R-rated comedy with two black actors engaging in uproarious, but often barbed and profane insult humor? The box-office results provided a simple answer: No.

And here we were thinking that audiences just didn't want to see this movie! In fact, later in the piece, Goldstein admits that theaters at the Magic Johnson complex were only half-full for Soul Men's first 10:15 screening, suggesting that even black audiences weren't moved to see a film where the only surviving member of the main cast has a terrible, terrible goatee-type thing. Patrick, dump the politics-cum-pop analysis (we're still trying to shake off "Secret Life of Bees Buries the 'Bradley Effect'") and stick to what you do best: going out to lunch with producers you know, and occasionally basing an entire film's box office outlook on what a Brentwood nine-year-old had to say about it.

• 'Soul Men' delivers mixed verdict on Obama victory [LAT via Brendan Nyhan]

WHAT'S NEW: Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa revives the DreamWorks zoo-animal-on-the-loose franchise this weekend in the hopes of pulling down as much as $60 million — which it might manage, considering High School Musical 3's slowed box-office pace in its third week. Universal deftly counterprogrammed David Wain's R-rated comedy Role Models, featuring Paul Rudd and Seann William Scott as would-be mentors to McLovin and a black kid whose best jokes you've probably already seen in the commercials. That shouldn't stop it from pulling down around $12.6 million while the screeching Madagascar throngs tear down the multiplex around it.

Also opening:Stranded: I've Come From a Plane That Crashed on the Mountains, the reenactment-heavy doc about cannibal survivors of a 1972 plane crash in the Andes; the Holocaust drama The Boy in the Striped Pajamas; and the goth horror-musical Repo! The Genetic Opera.

THE BIG LOSER: Maybe "loser" is too harsh an estimation of Soul Men's fate, but let's face it: If it weren't the final entry in both Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes's filmographies, it wouldn't likely fare in the top five on any weekend outside the dumping grounds of January or August. But as cynical, posthumous curios go, it'll draw, coaxing up to $9.5 million and possibly cracking the top three. Whatever sells, we suppose.

THE UNDERDOG: The documentary Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father defies conventional review, if only to preserve the mystery that makes it one of the year's most gripping and extraordinary films. The less you know about it, the better, but: Director Kurt Kuenne originally set out to chronicle the legacy of his childhood friend Andrew Bagby, who was murdered in 2001 by his ex-girlfriend Shirley Turner. When Turner fled to her native Newfoundland, pregnant with Bagby's child, Kuenne's personal film suddenly inherited a true-crime narrative laced with extradition battles, custody haggles and, ultimately, unbelievable tragedy. That it must be believed (and reckoned with, if you can) makes Dear Zachary an infuriating, devastating, graceful and utterly essential theatrical experience. Bring Kleenex.

FOR SHUT-INS: If you've managed to plow through last week's box-set bounty, reward yourself with last summer's Get Smart updating, Waterworld: The Extended Edition (!!!) or another complete-series windfall: The Wild Wild West, The Outer Limits, I Dream of Jeannie and/or Batman: The Complete Animated Series.

So after you check out Dear Zachary, what's next? Is anyone actually contemplating going, ahem, 2 Africa? Are you paying final, $10 respects to Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes? Or are you the one American in the market for an extended edition of Waterworld? Go ahead, be honest — we're all friends here.

You may be interested to hear Jackson hold court on Sarah Palin rallies, how Obama is hamstrung by what society wants to see in a black man, and his greatest fear involving the candidate, but our favorite moment was Jackson's brief, jowly McCain impression. Hey Sam, we hear SNL is hiring — sure, there's that whole racial barrier thing, but that hasn't stopped Fred Armisen from playing Obama, has it?

• SAMUEL L. JACKSON TALKS OBAMA [Hollywood Outbreak]

1. Lakeview Terrace — $15.6 million

Well, we nailed this one, finally locking down the complex Audience Demand Formula™ for Lakeview's known quantities: Samuel Jackson as a bad guy multiplied by interracial lust, raised to the negative power of Neil LaBute's post-Wicker Man directorial efforts, and that total divided by R-rated date-movie competition from Dane Cook. You try it!

2. Burn After Reading — $11.3 million

The Coens' latest dropped barely 40% in its second week, forcing hive-mind Clooney haters to spike their semi-annual "George can't open!" pieces for at least two years until he returns in the admittedly challenging Men Who Stare At Goats. At which time all bets are off, even ours.

3. My Best Friend's Girl — $8.3 million

Or about $5 million less than tracking indicated. Maybe Dane Cook was right — his vagina-like face doesn't sell tickets after all.

4. Igor — $8 million

All over America, families warmed to the story of a hunchback pursuing his lifelong dream of becoming a second-rate bit of animation left to dangle in the marketplace by Harvey Weinstein to the tune of $3400 per screen.

5. Righteous Kill — $7.7 million.

Go ahead — insert your "De Niro and Pacino kept it up for a whole week" jokes here.

In today's episode: Samuel L. Jackson; James Woods; Jon Voight; Matthew Rhys; Will Arnett, Andy Samberg, Maya Rudolph, Busy Philipps, Will Forte, Bob Odenkirk, Lee Majors, Amy Poehler and Masi Oka; Selma Blair; Howie Mandel; Joss Whedon; Peter Stormare, Christopher Titus, and Beth Broderick; Jonathan Silverman; Victor Garber; Jay Mohr and Nikki Cox; LeVar Burton; Lea Thompson; Gary Dourdan; and Andy Milonakis.

· Last night my roommate and I wandered into Tokio on Cahuenga only to see the real retards from "The Real World: Hollywood" crowding the bar. And none other than a low key, very young looking Samuel L. Jackson, scanning the dance floor. He didn't have his Royale with Cheese, a lightsaber, or a snake, but he did have his Kangol hat.

· Sept 9 - James Woods and his 21 year old girlfriend (yeah...) were at my table at the Commerce Casino on Friday night. He was cool enough, she was loud, obnoxious and ordered a massage at the poker table. Oddly enough James Woods was wearing these bizarre poker elbow pads so he could lean on the table for an extended period of time.

· Saturday, September 8 Jon Voight on my flight from Nashville to LA. I tried to ask him if he used to own a LeBaron and he bit me.

· First sighting. Sunday morning at Bread Bar Century City. We were among the earliest patrons here for breakfast at 10, but the real early bird was Jon Voight, who exited the restaurant, solo, about 5 mins after we arrived. Totally innocuous - I almost mistook him for anybody's 60 yr old dad, but for that powerful glare of his.

Later the same day, at Whole Foods West Hollywood, was bumped into by a very polite Matthew Rhys (Kevin from Brothers and Sisters), who apologized in his Welsh accent. Actually looks younger than he does on screen. Yeah, kinda on the short side, but very cute in his black T and camo shorts. Drives a silver Prius - adorable AND socially conscious to boot!

· Friday 9/7: The celebrity sighting die hards might not approve since this was at a "premiere," but I'm not so sure that "premiere" counts if it's at a janky Mann Theatre in Westwood and you had to buy tickets. Anywho, at the Brothers Solomon "premiere" it was a veritable B+ celebrity buffet. First up: walking behind Will Arnett while crossing the street (handsome); waiting for the rest of my party, Andy Samberg driving a KIA whilst feverishly waving at Maya Rudolph (adorable) who's standing on the corner; Busy Philipps (adorable and fashionable), Will Forte, Bob Odenkirk, Lee Majors (yikes), Amy Poehler and Masi Oka (which in retrospect is now pretty sweetits since just last night I watched Season One: Disc One of Heroes and I think I'm gonna LURV it).

· Monday, Sept 10: In a world gone green, it is nice to see some celebrities embracing their inner planet hater. Saw Selma Blair turning onto Abbot Kinney Blvd off some random little side street around 6PM in a brand new black escalade-ish gas guzzling mobile. Nothing screams "Screw You Environment" like an emissions spewing SUV chugging through the environmental militant heartland that is Venice.

· Sunday, 9/9: Dropped by Barnes & Noble at Calabasas Commons with the family and spotted Commons regular Howie Mandel sitting at a table at the Starbucks cafe. Kind of amusing since we usually see him at Corner Bakery at the other end of the mall. Made eye contact when I first walked into the store but Howie's OCD kicked in and he quickly looked down at the table. His germophobic hands were also rigidly folded in his lap. He was with a small group of other people, including a weird-looking dude with a bowl haircut and an earring and a middle-aged blonde woman who looked vaguely familar and attracted the attention of some high-school age girls, but I couldn't figure out who she was despite an IMDb search.

· Monday 9-10 Just saw Joss Whedon at a Starbucks in Santa Monica (15th and Montana) listening to his iPod. He was rocking a single diamond stud earring and he ordered something with chocolate. All hail the Nerd King. I wanted to tell him that I just bought Serenity used for $6 but I don't think he'd be too impressed.

· Friday 9.7 Formosa Cafe
Spotted Peter Stormare (aka "I shoved Buscemi in a wood chipper"), Beth Broderick (aka Aunt Zelda from Sabrina, The Teenage Witch...hate that I recognized her from that, but so be it), and Christopher Titus (he can be described as "strapping"...seriously, who knew he was such a big guy?). They were not together. I'm still shocked at how much bigger Titus is in person than I expected him to be...then again, I haven't watched a single thing he's ever been in, I just recognized him from the ads for the new gig he's got...forgot the name.
Saturday 9.8 Formosa Cafe
Jonathan Silverman. I think. Waiting patiently by the bathrooms for a lady.

· Sept. 10 - Jack Bristow himself, four-time Tony Award nominee Victor Garber was spotted shopping at the Barney's in The Grove with who looked to be his girlfriend's mother—an opinion held because I find it hard to believe that a middle-aged actor of respectable success would actually be in a relationship with someone his own age.

· Happy family Jay Mohr and Nikki Cox with Jay's young son going into Studio Yogurt at Laurel Canyon & Ventura on Sunday early evening. Good lookin' crew, the couple tan (not orange) and fit, wearing lazy Sunday togs—though her plaid pants were a little cringe-tastic. Looked like they were out for the afternoon, very low-key just enjoying some family time.

· Butterfly in the sky! 9/2: LeVar Burton @ Phillips' Barbecue on Crenshaw. I shit you not, his vanity plate says KUNTA.

· Saturday night at around 1000am, Lea Thompson and Malcolm Gets (both from 'Caroline in the City') were dining among friends at Swinger's Restaurant on Beverly Blvd.

· Just saw Gary Dourdan (everybody's favorite sassy former gambling addict on CSI) enjoying a little Saturday night (9/8) shopping at Century City's Bloomingdales with an adorable girl who I will assume is his daughter. Because it would be weird if it wasn't.

· Monday, Sept 10 7/11 on Sunset and La Brea. Andy Milonakis.

Something tells us this is exactly the kind of breakout role Devlin Weed needed to catapult himself to the next level, and we imagine it won't be long before the producers of Skanks on a Plane, and similar projects seeking to capitalize on his new notoriety as the Sam Jackson of the porn industry, begin to pour in.

• This Week In Media Convergence: "Black Snake Boned" [Fleshbot]

In today's episode: Samuel L. Jackson; Quentin Tarantino; Justin Timberlake and Scarlett Johansson; Taryn Manning, Kevin Connelly, Beau Garrett, Olivia Wilde, Chris Marquette and Shawn Hatosy; Paris Hilton; Amanda Seyfried, Lucas Haas, Dominique Swain and Emile Hirsch; Philip Seymour Hoffman; Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling; Sumner Redstone; Diane Keaton; Diana Ross; Elisha Cuthbert; Michael Chiklis; Tia Carrere; Ron Perlman; Giovanni Ribisi; Amber Tamblyn; John Cho; Doris Roberts; America Ferrera; Bruce Vilanch; Crispin Glover; Breckin Meyer; Bob Saget and Bradley Baumkirchner.

· Passed Samuel L. Jackson getting a muthafuckin traffic ticket in muthafuckin Laurel Canyon (at Lookout) this morning (1-5) at 8 a.m.

· Saw Quentin Tarantino at the Arclight last night after the late showing of Pan's Labyrinth. Don't know if he was at our screening. Paparazzi started blasting away as soon as he got outside. Best part was seeing him drive off in a yellow Mustang with black racing stripes, similar to that of the Pussy Wagon.

· It was quite a night at Social Hollywood. Justin Timberlake, in a light collared shirt underneath a charcoal cardigan sweater and jeans, dancing with an older, not-so-attractive, definitely-not-Cameron-Diaz woman. She was in her 40's with curly, blondy-brown hair and wearing a totally soccer mom-like, tri-colored knit sweater. If she wasn't semi-dirty dancing with him on the edge of the dance floor, I would have totally thought it was his mom....um, I think that the older, gyrating woman was indeed Mother Timberlake. Ten minutes later, Scarlett Johansson (black boots over skinny jeans, dark vest over a white shirt, platinum hair in a high ponytail and bright red lipstick) walks into the club alone and makes a bee-line to Justin and his entourage. JT stops dancing with his mom to talk to her. While the two weren't exactly canoodling, they looked pretty friendly and were still talking and laughing together when we left. Scarlet doesn't stand out at all, she short and has a very average face and body. Props to the DJ who played Dick In the Box as the last-call song.

Also, not nearly as interesting, but there was also a solid group of B-List sightings at Social last night; Taryn Manning, Kevin Connelly, Beau Garrett and Olivia Wilde (the two hotties from Turistas—thanks IMDB!), Chris Marquette and Shawn Hatosy (JT's costars in Alpha Dog) and a brooding Shane West.

· Went to the Alpha Dog after party last night (1-3) and saw
* Paris Hilton flirting with Justin Timberlake ( who could have cared less)
* Amanda Seyfried downing shot after shot with Dominique Swain & Olivia Wilde.
* Olivia Wilde later dirty dancing with Lucas Haas ( thought she was married?)
* Emile Hirsch hitting on every single girl at the party

· 1/1/2007 - I'm not sure if it's too late for New Year's Day spottings, but I have a pretty decent one for you. A friend and I spotted Philip Seymour Hoffman waiting for takeout at Village Pizzeria on Larchmont. Apparently, even Oscar winners eat away their hangovers like the rest of us. He looked extremely scruffy, sporting a very thick beard, glasses, and baggy clothes. He was not shying away from attention either, speaking very loudly on his cellphone outside. No one really seemed to notice him except us. After getting his food, he hopped into his inconspicuous black Volvo and sped away picking his nose. Good times.

· Saw Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling at the Los Angeles Central Library lobby at the Information Desk around 1:30pm on Thursday Jan 4th. She's cute (hence why I noticed her) and shorter than I imagined. Both were dressed like normal folk and easily blended in with the library crowd.

· Saw older than Methuselah Sumner Redstone and wife (plus another couple) at Angelini Osteria tonight. Bad wig, bad posture, dowdy Persian-looking housewife wife, but at least he had on a nice jacket. With that kinda dough, you'd think he'd buy a more expensive looking wife, too. Which, of course, kind of makes me admire the old coot all the same.

· driving on Beverly Dr. (north of Santa Monica Blvd), today (1/4) around 1PM. out of the corner of my eye, saw a woman on the sidewalk behaving strangely. she seemed very flustered, almost as if she was lost. realized it was Diane Keaton. she was wearing the trademark 'Diane Keaton' outfit: longish schoolmarm skirt, blouse w/sweater vest, round wire-framed glasses, sensible bob w/bangs. did not notice if she was wearing gloves. however, with shabbier outfit + less grooming, could easily have passed for 'crazy homeless lady'.

· sorry so late, this was a couple days before christmas, but saw Diana Ross at whole foods on fairfax. early - they had just opened - no make-up, looked good, really tiny. had little white dog with her in parking lot but left it outside with friend and came in. was pre-ordering a turkey. when i was at deli counter an employee came thru with white order form and gave it to the guy behind the counter and said "this is for miss ross". she then smiled at me and said "she orders all her turkeys here".

· On a Southwest Flight from San Jose to LAX Saturday evening (12/30). Noticed Elisha Cuthbert walking down the aisle during boarding. She looked totally cute, and I totally wanted her to sit in my row, and apparently I totally looked a little too obvious about all of this since she made a good solid 1/2 second of eye contact and then gave me the "wow... you a little eager over there buddy?" look. And then she walked on by. It's always a good ego boost to know an attractive actress would rather sit in the ass-end of a 25 year old econo-jet, smelling the bathroom stink, than sit with you in the exit row with two feet more leg-room. Happy New Year to me!

· 1/3- Heading in for my yearly mammo, and who is blocking the door talking on his cell phone but Michael Chiklis looking like a short, bald bulldog. He kindly got out of my way when I glared at him. I didn't see the woman he was waiting for who also was getting a mammo.

· This is a few days old, but I've been traveling without access to my computer. I saw Kathy Bates having dinner with an extremely handsome, somewhat younger man at Orso last Friday (the 29th). Kathy looked great, with some blonde highlights, and engaged her handsome dining companion in animated conversation. She left with a doggie bag! She's so frugal!

On New Year's Eve I saw Tia Carrere with her handsome husband and baby checking in with the hostess at the Chart House in Malibu. It was about 4:30, so they were having an early dinner with the kid. She was absolutely stunning and looked 10 years younger than her actual 44 years.

· Spotted Ron "Hellboy/The Beast" Perlman (and son, and carried-on dog) on my JetBlue flight from JFK to Burbank on New Year's Day. (I know what you're thinking—a famous guy flies The Blue? Hey, they have TV sets in the seats and shit. It's all classy-like.) The flight hit such a violent bump on the final approach to Burbank that when I saw Perlman claiming his bags at the carousel, I wanted to suggest that we meet every year on New Year's Day to discuss our emotionally scarring experience and keep this shared bond alive. But, of course, I didn't.

· The other day I saw Giovanni Ribisi with lady friend (maybe Danielle Rees the model - or other Zooey Deschanel look alike) at M Cafe on Melrose. She was wearing white shorts with black tights underneath and he was wearing a blue corduroy blazer and jeans. He has a shaved head with hairline receding. They were cute and sat on the same side of the table instead of across from one another. They left most of the food on their plates.

Also,

I saw Amber Tamblyn and friends at Borders in Westwood. She is quite petitein person.

· 12: 11 pm. Friday Jan 5: Right now at the Comfort Cafe in Silver Lake: John Cho of 'Harold and Kumar' fame, with a white towel slung over his right shoulder. I have absolutely no impulse to walk up to him and recite a memorable line from the White Castle movie.'

· Thursday, 1/4. The Grove. Doris Roberts from Everybody Loves Raymond emerged from the side elevator in the parking structure. She moves a lot faster than I expected. Totally looks like everybody's grandma—short stature, gigantic hair, penciled on eyebrows—except she possesses bionic speed.

· America "Ugly Betty" Ferrara twice over the holiday season? Once a smidge before Christmas at Cartier, wearing a LV bag and tiny TINY (surprisingly tiny) self wrapped up in coats? She is so pretty, and has teh nicest lips (I don't usually notice lips, but there they were. The second time was at LAX New Years Eve day. Wrapped in same warm warm attire.

· Last night at Marix... Ringing in the new queer with a handsome member of the West Hollywood wax museum, Bruce Vilanch was having dinner and some Marix Magic. Me with my seltzer, friends and table full of food were going over the holiday season, and just noticing Bruce when who of all people should glide by, but Jim J Bullock of Too Close for Comfort fame (is that still considered famous?). He looks much better than the last few times I have seen him. Fresh and fit (him, not me).

· I'm not sure if it is defamer worthy, but I ran into Crispin Glover tonight at TJ's in Silverlake - once when going for the greenbeans and then again reaching for the hummus - when he stared straight at me (I was all sweaty still from the gym and wearing a sequined stoli baby tee I got for free from a shot girl) I wanted to say "Crispin I love you - you crazy genuis" but instead I just stared like an idiot. He looked surprisingly normal, young and handsome. When I heard him on 103.1 before the holidays, I pictured him much differently. Definitely fuck-worthy - even if he is a freak.

· Jan 4 (18 hours ago) I'm not sure if this even counts as a legitimate celeb sighting considering I haven't seen him in anything recently, but Breckin Meyer was having lunch at Urth Cafe in West Hollywood on Wednesday, Jan. 3. His face is so recognizable, but it took me a while to come up with his name.

· Bob "I used to smoke crack" Saget on NYE up in Napa Valley doing what else, but winetasting. We instantly spotted him after leaving from our private tasting room at Quintessa and I grabbed him immediately to snap a shot while praising his work on both Entourage and the Aristocrats. Very nice guy, but confused why he didn't take the room we had and not sit with the masses, oh well, was my claim to fame the rest of the weekend

· Last night (1/2) I saw Project Runway Season Three ejectee Bradley Baumkirchner at the 7-11 on Silverlake Blvd. across from Spaceland. He was with a girl who had short bleached blonde hair. I know that's a pretty pathetic sighting, but we are talking east of Western Avenue. On this side of town, Huell Howser is a celebrity sighting.

As they say in the automotive industry, as goes Samuel L. Jackson, so goes the motherfucking country. That's why Maybach is promoting Jackson's recent purchase of a Maybach 57 S, personalized with special paint, refrigerator, silver tumblers, champagne glasses and folding tables for when company drops the fuck over. The limo's also been fitted with a solar roof panel that runs a goddamn ventilation and temperature control system. Jackson ordered the car from the motherfucking Maybach Centre of Excellence in Stuttgart. – Mike Spinelli

Samuel L Jackson Soundboard [eBaum's World]

Related:
Not Quite a Billion-Dollar Baby: Alice Cooper's Mustang on eBay [internal]

We begin our report about last night's Snakes on a Plane premiere at the Chinese Theatre, held back by New Line until the very last possible minute to prevent critics from having uncharitable opinions about a movie whose pre-release hype became so overwhelming that the mere mention of the title could induce grand mal seizures in anyone in possession of a valid press credential, with a disclaimer: After almost exactly a year of writing about this movie and its unstoppable march across the internets, our weariness of various combinations of the words "motherfucking," "snakes," and "plane" may have lowered our expectations to an absurdly low point. All we wanted from the 'Lil Airborne Reptilian Infestation Movie That Could was for at least one guy to have his genitals fanged-up while in the process of bodily waste elimination, and God bless their pandering little hearts, they delivered the mandatory junk-chomping scene with cynical aplomb. Once that lone condition was satisfied, we were more than happy to laugh at lines of dialogue both intentionally and accidentally hilarious, hurl ourselves forward in our seat with delight when the areola on a bare, surgically enhanced breast became a targeting mechanism for a mamba strike, and generally stop giving a shit about how someone might smuggle several hundred angry predators aboard a red-eye even with the aid of the most corrupt of airport security regimes. Motherfucking snakes were on the motherfucking plane (see how easy it is to fall back into it?), they were biting everything in sight, and that was enough for us, as we are constitutionally incapable of not enjoying a well-executed fake-titty attack. Call us easy to please or New Line Kool-Aid chuggers, but we can't see any reason why anyone who would be interested in the film based on the title alone shouldn't get a little drunk and watch Samuel L. Jackson shout expletives while he carries out his snake-elimination duties. That's all we can muster by way of a review.

Part The Second: After-Parties On A Rooftop [after the jump]

The after-party, as you might expect, was done up in an airport theme. Upon reaching the roof of the ArcLight parking structure where it was held, guests marched through a metal-detector and X-ray machine gauntlet just as unattended as the ones in the world of the film must have been, making it easy for one of the party's "passengers" to sneak in any Samsonite set jammed full of death-adders, shampoo-bomb, or low-grade nuclear device intended to reduce the world's population of free booze drinkers by three hundred or so. Servers of both sexes dressed in retro flight attendant gear either pushed around airline-style carts full of candy or gyrated atop platforms as go-go dancers. Boxed meals, possibly purloined from a poorly secured supply shed at LAX, were served. The aforementioned free booze, as it must, flowed. And in perhaps the event's most eerily airport-accurate touch, t-shirts upon which various SoaP-themed decals were ironed-to-order were handed out from behind replica ticket counters, causing interminably long waits and feelings of "we're all gonna die before we ever get to the front of this line" dread perfectly simulating those encountered by anyone who has ever needed a boarding pass printed by a human being. The New Line party planners were nothing if not psychotically dedicated to air-travel verisimilitude.

Among the celebrities we managed to see during the few moments we weren't standing on line were star Kenan Thompson (accompanied by a very hot, very gaudily bosomed date in a porn-appropriate evening gown), biggest-deal-within-two-square-miles Chris Rock, Kelly Osbourne, cast members Bobby Cannavale and Lin Shaye, various cast members whose names we can't recall without cheating on IMDb, and two guys from The Office (the one that Steve Carrell is secretly gay for and the one that Pam shouldn't be marrying). Rumors of Samuel L. Jackson's presence at the event were rampant, but we didn't personally lay eyes on him. We imagine he was quite busy politely pretending that each variation on his "motherfucking snakes" line was the first he'd heard. He seems like that kind of guy.

As we were headed to our car, we stumbled upon a clearly confused Rock and his date in the act of pretending they knew where they'd parked. After several seconds of spinning around and craning their necks in a search for the vehicle they'd left on a lower level, they passed us on the way down the stairs, and a Legitimate Journalist friend of ours asked Rock what he'd thought of the movie. "It was incredible," he said, noticing the reporter's pad and not breaking stride, "better than The Godfather." Because we must bring this full-circle: Dude, Snakes on a Motherfucking Mobster.

[Photo: Getty Images]

• Seemingly Endless 'Snakes on a Plane' Coverage [Defamer]

Say what you will about Samuel L. Jackson, but he's really committed himself to selling Snakes on a Plane. While many members of his trade would now have a dead-eyed, faraway look after weeks of being on the messy end of countless press junket bukkake sessions, Jackson brought what seemed like genuine enthusiasm to his Daily Show appearance last night in pimping his airborne reptilian wares, even inducing a giddy stream of "motherfuckers" from Jon Stewart. But easily our favorite part of the interview comes toward the end of the above clip, in which [SPOILER ALERT] Jackson, who's never met a paycheck he didn't like, reveals he doesn't die in the movie, then nearly defecates with glee at the thought of the negotiations for his sequel contract—he knows he's going to get paid when New Line comes calling on Sunday to sign him up for Snakes on Two Planes and Snakes on a Space Shuttle in 3D.

• Our Complete, Once-Breathless, Now-Weary, Snakes on a Plane Coverage [Defamer]

After Pulp Fiction made him famous in his mid-40s, Jackson settled into his current rhythm of mixing prestige projects with what might fondly be called exuberant crap. For both, his preparation is obsessive. He writes out full character biographies—"Educational background, who his parents were, what he did, where he came from, what kinds of friends he has," says Jackson—then memorizes everything and inserts notes into the script to mark the spots where he plans tiny, barometric moments of character revelation. "Doesn't matter if it's Sphere or Shakespeare," he says. "Acting is craft, and everybody's got to bring it if you don't want your movie to be a piece of s____."

We can only imagine the character bio Jackson compiled to help get ready for the Method rigors of his Snakes on a Plane role:

Educational background: Four years at Fucking Up Some Motherfucking Snakes University; graduated summa cum laude, major concentration in reptile extermination arts, minor in commercial aviation hospitality
Parents: Devoured by pythons
Occupation: Fucker-upper of motherfucking snakes, motherfucker
Friends: Also devoured by pythons

We'll spare you the description of how Jackson had the studio build him a replica airline cabin in his garage, where he would spend three to four hours a day brushing an assortment of rubber cobras and rattlesnakes off the laps of imperiled mannequin "passengers." Rest assured, Samuel L. showed up to set ready to tackle any acting challenge thrown his way.

• His Own Best Fan [Time.com]

And as long as we're talking about Samuel L. Jackson and Snakes backlash (catch us tomorrow when New Line sends us five bucks on PayPal and we do a total about-face on the issue!), it seems that he's now made a catchphrase out of the knowing words that convinced people buy into the whole phenomenon in the first place: "You either want to see that, or you don't." In fairness, Jackson was at Comic-Con and was probably just a little sick of screaming "I want these motherfucking snakes off this motherfucking plane" at someone in a Darth Vader helmet for the three hundredth time that day.

• Kathie Takowsky Gold Diamond Snakes On A Plane Necklace [Shop Intuition]

In any event, "Snakes"-ophiles already were hard at work. Chris Rohan of Bethesda, Md., created an elaborate, R-rated audio trailer that lovingly mocks the title and movie. "It's a genius title," Rohan said. "It's so stupid it's great. It invites satire, but it's something you just love. It's something I can't explain. You either get it or you don't."

The audio bit uses a Jackson sound-alike shouting, "I want these motherfucking snakes off the motherfucking plane!" Soon, the growing legion of fans added their voices as they demanded that that phrase also appear in the movie.

Apparently, the studio got the hint. When Ellis assembled Jackson and others for the recent shoot, the filmmakers added more gore, more death, more nudity, more snakes and more death scenes. And they shot a scene where Jackson does utter the line that fans have demanded.

As long as they're taking suggestions from the internet, we'd really love to see a scene in which Jackson and his chief serpentine nemesis, a 15-foot albino python, struggle in the claustrophobic confines of the restroom; just as the python seems to have Jackson immobilized in its suffocating death-grip, man and reptile's eyes meet in time-honored cinematic fashion, sweaty copulation follows, and Jackson and the head-snake-in-charge spend the rest of the movie exchanging awkward, longing glances across the cabin as our hero returns to the dirty business of wasting some motherfucking snakes. Is it too late to get that in?

• Fan frenzy for 'Snakes' is on a different plane [THR]
• Previously: Snakes On A Plane: The Logo [Defamer]
• Snakes On A Plane: Trailer-Like Footage Released [Defamer]

Oh, we do. We do.

Enjoy the just-released trailer "exclusive footage" (screen grabs above), which delivers all the quick-cutting, Samuel-L-Jackson-swinging-a-snake-like-a-whip, stewardess-hitting-a-snake-with-a-fire-axe, holy-shit-did-that-snake-just-come-out-of-that-fat-woman's-cleavage? goodness that is sure to make this an instant classic of the "dangerous creatures in claustrophobically enclosed spaces" genre.

• Snakes on a Plane Trailer [TagWorld via AICN]
• Snakes on a Plane [Offical Site]
• Complete Snakes on a Plane Coverage [Defamer]