It doesn't (yet) look like O'Neal was actually trying to pass any drugs to prisoners, but he was foolish enough to have them in his trunk while parking at a jail, and to then admit to the cops that he had them. Sigh.

You'd think O'Neal would have learned to dodge the cops given what he and his family have been through over the past year or so. A recap:

September: Redmond, son of the actress Farrah Fawcett, was busted for meth possession, along with his father Ryan. Ryan had the meth in his bedroom while Redmond had it on his person. Redmond had a history of heroin problems.

June: Tatum O'Neal, daughter of Ryan and half-sister to Redmond, was busted for trying to buy coke on the street near her Lower East Side apartment. Like Redmond, Tatum also had a history of drug problems, but was in recovery and had reportedly been clean for two years.

June: Redmond pleads guilty to carrying heroin and crystal meth and to driving under the influence in a January incident. He gets three years probation.

February '07: Believing Redmond had overdosed and might awaken only to seek more drugs, his brother Griffin chained him to a staircase at home, TMZ reported. Father Ryan came home and became enraged at Griffin, resulting in a fireplace-poker-swinging confrontation that ended with gunfire. Wow.

Could it be that she missed the orgies? When she spoke to Dateline four years ago, she described her junkie lifestyle as "glamorous":

We checked into the Plaza Athenee with Marlon Brando and Maria Schneider...One night we all smoked opium and hash. I sank into bed, dizzy from the drugs. When I raised my head, a very confusing scene was taking place...Melanie [Griffith], Maria...and a hairdresser were tangled up together. As an added sordid touch, one of the women was apparently menstruating — something I was to young to have experienced myself — and there was a lot of blood.

Along with bloody orgies, it seems part of the "glamour" nose candy can add to your life includes vomiting and shrinking down to a toothpick!

When I got a bit chubby, by Hollywood and Farrah [Fawcett]-comparison standards....I learned that cocaine was good for weight loss...between doing coke and throwing up, the pounds started started melting off me effortlessly. I found that coke made me feel so much better.

Yup, after reading a few of these excerpts, we do have some sympathy for O'Neal and her need to return to the late-night bender excursions in the bright light of summer evening. We can only hope for her sake it isn't that time of the month while she's tapping her anxious foot on that jail cell floor — misty, menstrual blood-colored memories may make that itch even worse.

• SOURCES: TATUM O'NEAL BUSTED FOR COKE & CRACK [NY Post]
• A PAPER LIFE [Google Books]
• TATUM O'NEAL SHARES SURVIVAL STORY [MSNBC]

In today's episode, chock full of Oscar nominees and winner: Leonardo DiCaprio; Nicole Kidman; Ryan O'Neal and Farrah Fawcett; David Faustino; Peter Falk; Dustin Hoffman; Drew Barrymore; John Krasinski and Rashida Jones; David Caruso; Wanda Sykes and Tim Bagley; Jimmy Fallon; Stockard Channing; Frankie Muniz; Lance Bass; Jenna Jameson and Tito Ortiz; Kathy, Rick and Conrad Hughes Hilton.

· Like an angel sent from heaven to console me over the loss of Anna Nicole, none other than Mr. Double Nominee himself, Leonardo DiCaprio, appeared in the gray, dreary halls of NBC today. Think he must be pitching his green town reality show idea. My coworker first spotted him WAITING in the suite of the alternative department. (How can the person who put on "1 vs. 100" keep LEO waiting??) The front lobby guard is calling us when he leaves so we can watch him walk out of the building. I suspect he came in the blue Prius in guest parking.

· Was exiting the Santa Monica Laemmle and noticed a gaunt blonde with a nondescript nerd in front of me as we crossed the street to the parking structure. Waiting at the elevator, it wasn't until some Day of the Locust dude walks up and asks said Gaunt One: "Hey aren't you Nicole Kidman." She laughs and says 'Yes' as Nerdboy takes her by the elbow, eschewing the elevator ride with Son of Sam and myself. P.S., Nicole and her Dude and I had taken in Peter O'Toole's "Venus."

· Saw Ryan O'Neal and Farrah Fawcett at Mastro's Steak House on Friday night (yes the night of his arrest) I was seated with my brother down stairs, the section devoted to Siberian Carnival Freaks when Farrah and Oliver Barret emerged from a back room, they literally did a conga line through the restaurant to the bathroom upstairs. Farrah looked her age while Ryan looked about 49 due to all the Teflon he has on his grill. We had the Dynamite Cab, I would not recommend it.

Saturday saw David Faustino at the Bar at the Sunset Marquis he was with a gorilla in a large leather jacket, he kept circling the tiny bar and continually whispered in the ear of Magilla Gorilla. Don't know what they were talking about. I had Ketal One on the rocks, I would recommend it.

Sunday, beautiful day, I was driving around in Beverly Hills trying to kill some time before my flight when who did I spot out for his morning constitution but Peter Falk. For someone who was exercising he was dressed pretty funny, slacks and a weird pink shirt. Since I've always been a big fan of his I yelled "Hey Columbo" for some reason he didn't respond. I had a large bottle of Poland Spring, Again I would recommend it.

· 2/7 around 11:30 am - Dustin Hoffman in front of Club Monaco [ed. note: No mention of which, but we're going with Sunset Plaza] yapping away on his cell phone.

· Wednesday, Feb 7th 1:00pm - Saw Drew "Stroke free" Barrymore at the Hollywood Whole Foods Market. Looked like she was grabbing some lunch. She was rockin' a serious 80's retro mod look with her little black mini-shift dress and the white Ray Ban Wayfarer sunglasses. She looked adorable. Wanted to give her much respect for indulging a nerd's dream/obsession in "My Date With Drew" but alas, I restrained myself. She has GOT to be the nicest person in Hollywood because I cannot imagine any other actor/actress giving that guy the time of day. Good Karma Drew!!!!!

· Dining at Joan's on Third Super Bowl Sunday around 2, outside my friend and I were seated a table over from Jim [John Krasinski] & his on-screen love interest (the dark haired girl from Stamford) [Rashida Jones] from NBC's THE OFFICE. No big deal at first, but they left prancing across the street to a way hip hybrid Lexus SUV and started a quick little makey outtie for at least a long minute. So much for the fiction of it all.

· Delayed celebrity sighting - Wednesday of last week (1/31) I think - David Caruso walking out of a trendy art store across the street from the Pacific Design Center. He was followed by a man carrying Caruso's latest purchase, a Warhol print of Mao Tse-Tung. I am not sure how the rather large print was going to fit in his rather small car, and did not stick around to find out.

· Yesterday I was at Marix in the afternoon and I saw tim bagley and wanda sykes eating together inside. They were having margs, as one should always do on Taco Tuesday, and were there for quite some time before I got there (empty glasses), and left at the same timeish as we did (which was after a couple of hours). They took a pic with a little girl who looked like she was from out of town with her family.

· Tuesday 2/6, Formosa Cafe. Jimmy Fallon was milling around in a large party. He's really surprising in person because a) he's not a midget—he's tall for an actor—and b) he's sort of cute. My friend and I were arguing about whether one of us should go up and punch him in the face for laughing through every sketch he's ever been in...and then we wondered how many times that has happened to him because of Family Guy.

· Wednesday, 2/7 10AM - Saw "Rizzo" herself, Stockard Channing, on Main St in Santa Monica talking on her cell. Wearing all black and looking like she could use a vacation (*ahem* very tired). She finished her call and went into GroundWorks and waited in line behind me.

· Sightings at the West Hollywood Equinox are a dime a dozen, so I won't bore you with a rundown. However, last week I was going through my usual routine when I looked over at the next machine and thought "what's my 12 year old neighbor doing here unaccompanied by an adult?" When he turned around, I noticed the back of his sleeveless tee was emblazoned "Muniz." The kid is small, not in the usual smaller than I expected way (Cruise?), but seriously little. I don't think the Mohawk is helping to butch up the look at all either. If I were Frankie, I'd give Danny Bonaduce a call to get hooked up with 'roids and human growth hormone.

· 2/8/207 I was lunching today at Luna Park on La Brea. Lance Bass was there with two friends, a cute young man and an older sister looking type. They were very polite and kept to themselves. He looked good, very casual. Looks better in person than he does pictures, for sure.

· Friday 2/2 Tito Ortiz and Jenna Jameson doing some serious shopping(3 baskets were already full) at Sephora in South Coast Plaza. He is tall, nice and has a gorgeous smile. She on the other hand looked a mess, no makeup, stringy hair, leathery tan skin and scowled the whole time. She scowled even more and wandered away when we asked Tito for a picture(in our defense it was South Coast Plaza and we probably only got this sighting because he's an OC kid).

· On the 9:30 America West flight from Las Vegas to LAX on 2/5 I had the unfortunate opportunity to sit behind the youngest Hilton son. As Diane Court said, I have glimpsed our future, and all I can say is... go back. There is simply nothing worse than sitting behind a rich, pathetic 12 year old [Conrad Hughes Hilton]. While his parents Kathy and Rick were sitting in first class, young Mr. Hilton was sitting in the bulkhead seating, using his multiple electronic devices during take-off and landing (take that FAA regulations!) and at one point, lifted his legs and announced he was going to fart...sadly, he did. That though doesn't top when he announced that his friend, who was sitting next to him, was masturbating as soon as the lights turned off. Some how, he persuaded the flight attendant to give him pretzels which he graciously threw on the floor because, hey, he doesn't have to clean it up. His feet smelled as did he. I've never been so happy to see a flight come to an end. He was happy, because he got to take his brand new Playstation 3, and exit a plane full of commoners.

We're told Griffin had chained his brother to the banister earlier in the evening, after walking in on him and finding that he was unresponsive. We're told Griffin believed his brother had overdosed and tethered him to prevent him from leaving and buying drugs. [...]

We're told when Ryan arrived home at 11, he tripped over the chain tied to Redmond and became enraged as Griffin laughed it off.

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ, they believe it was Ryan — not Griffin — who initially began swinging the fireplace poker. And these sources believe it was Ryan who struck Griffin's girlfriend before Griffin wrestled the poker away from his dad. [...]

We're told Ryan screamed "Get the f**k out of my house you asshole." Griffin and his girlfriend walked out, and we're told, for some reason, came back. It was then that Ryan fired a shot.

We had faith that some time was all that was needed to get to the bottom of this interfamilial misunderstanding, and now that we realize it was merely a case of "father returns to find allegedly OD'd son leashed like dog to banister, becomes enraged at his imprisoning sibling tormentor, swings fireplace poker until ensuing skirmish results in punching pregnant girl in face, then rushes upstairs to retrieve weapon that he will eventually fire at same banister to whom other son was shackled to just moments before," we're feeling more hopeful than ever that all the O'Neal men need to recover from this regrettable chapter is just a boys' weekend away—preferably at a firearm-free dude ranch or spa.

• Ryan's Son Tethered Like a Dog [TMZ]

O'Neal said Griffin, who was visiting, picked up a fireplace poker and started swinging it. Griffin grazed him four or five times and "aimed at my head, I ducked, he hit his own girlfriend in the head," O'Neal said.

"She's seven months pregnant," he said. "I got a little nervous at that point and fled to my room ... and I got my gun."

His son "started to come up the stairs again with the poker in his hand. So I just fired it into the banister, and that scared him and he fled," said O'Neal, describing his actions as self-defense.

While this wouldn't be the first time the two hot-tempered relatives butted heads (the LAT reminds us of the time in 1983 when O'Neal knocked out two of his son's teeth), hopefully the events of this past weekend will be the wake-up call that finally forces father and son put their differences behind them. It's serious business now, but in time, this incident could turn into a humorous family legend, with Griffin, running his child's tiny index finger along the perforated handrail, explaining, "This is where the bullet went when grandpa tried to kill daddy, and you were still inside mommie's tummy!"

• Actor Ryan O'Neal is arrested in assault case [LAT]