1. Rush Hour 3—$50.237 million
Indeed, $50 million is a lot of money, but given that both The Simpsons Movie and The Bourne Ultimatum went over $70 million the past two weekends—and that Rush Hour 2 earned $67 million back in 2001—one has no choice but to consider this result disappointing™. (There's no pleasing us, is there?) But because we're nothing if not optimists, we've already found a ray of sunshine punching through the patchy gloom of this partly cloudy morning:

Maybe this box office setback will inspire misunderstood cinematic wunderkind Brett Ratner to abandon this artistically empty phase of his career and get started on the difficult process of directing the Oscar film he puts off every time he cashes another eight-figure paycheck to helm a popcorn flick that squanders his considerable skills. We know he's got it in him.

Bonus: If you've got a spare $4,000 or so laying around, maybe you can discuss his next career move over an intimate dinner.

2. The Bourne Ultimatum—$33.672 million
After watching his winning appearance on The Daily Show last week, we have decided to unilaterally declare Matt Damon the Most Likable Movie Star in the World. Later this afternoon, we'll be celebrating his induction as the first member of our new Hollywood Walk of Nice by drawing Damon's likeness in brightly colored chalk on a dirty slab of sidewalk outside of Defamer HQ. Also, milk and cookies will be served.

3. The Simpson Movie—$11.125 million
Not that Fox shoveling a couple of more piles of cash into their vault gives us any joy, but it's still nice to see that a movie we loved is putting up some impressive numbers.

4. Stardust—$9.011 million
We blame the reviewer who described Stardust as "Shrek for grown-ups" for the movie's stillborn debut. How else to explain the failure of a De Niro/Pfeiffer/Danes/Miller/Charlie Cox vehicle?

10. Daddy Day Camp—$3.550 million
We blame whomever first mouthed the words "Daddy Day Camp" in the development meeting for a Daddy Day Care sequel for the movie's stillborn debut. It never really stood a chance once that concept was set in place.

• WEEKEND BOX OFFICE August 10-12, 2007 [Box Office Mojo]

What about when the girl takes off her wig and Chris Tucker becomes angry and accuses her of being a man? No, no! That's from my personal experience. My first blow job was from a man, but I didn't know it was a man. That's where that comes from. It's based on personal experience. It happens to a lot of people.

Is that common knowledge? No! Well, among my friends, but I'm not homophobic or uptight about it. That happens to a lot of heterosexuals. You meet a girl in a bar, and it turns out she's not a girl. I think a girl should tell you if she's a girl or a man—that way it's your preference. It's comedy. Look, in this movie we don't pull any punches. We make fun of black people. We make fun of Chinese people. We make fun of French people. We make fun of gay situations. We make fun of whites. It doesn't matter. It's the type of movie it is. It's a fish-out-of-water comedy. You have to have those types of situations to have the comedy. That specific idea was because it's happened to me. It's happened to my friends. We'll get together with a girl, and it'll turn out to be a guy. The reaction is "Oh, shit!" if you're not gay, which is funny, I think. Getting into the situation is funny. I laugh whenever I see one of my friends talking to a girl, and I'll ask, "Is that a man or a woman?" It's funny, especially if you don't know about it. If you know about it, fine. If that's your preference...

Given Ratner's refreshing open-mindedness about the issue, one wonders if New Line is to blame for changing what could have been a scene with a groundbreaking message of tolerance into one that ends with an easy gay gag. Maybe the studio balked at a version that hewed much closer to the director's hilarious real-life experience with gotcha! fellatio, with a nervous executive returning the note, "Can we have the tranny that blows Chris be, you know, just a girl in a wig? We're not sure the Rush Hour audience is quite as progressive as you are, Brett. Also, we'll have to probably lose the hummer. We're shooting PG-13."

• Brett Ratner knows gay sex [Advocate.com]
• Previously: Look Upon Brett Ratner's Works, Ye Mighty, And Despair [Defamer]

"It took 20 years to build a pyramid, 14 years to build Mt. Rushmore, 13 years to lose my virginity and six years to get Chris Tucker to make 'Rush Hour 3,' " said Brett Ratner at the premiere of this summer's latest threequel.

As impressed as we are to discover that Ratner was getting crazy laid at such a tender age, we're even more awed by the fact took it took him a mere six years to convince old friend Tucker to accept a paltry $20 million (plus gross points) to come out of semi-retirement. But once Ratner had set that final, load-bearing talent-stone in place, he knew he had the proper foundation to erect a fitting monument to his legacy that will far outlast those impermanent, already-crumbling tributes to long-forgotten pharaohs and presidents.

• SCENIAC: 'Rush Hour' hits Hollywood Blvd. [LAT]