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Famed offspring Rumer Willis was spotted in ultra luxurious Bev Hills over the weekend sporting new crimson colored locks. When asked why she made the decision to embrace her inner big red, Willis explained it was for a string of upcoming Halloween parties. Wilis said, “This season, I’m going to go as two different people —Joan from Mad Men and Pam from The Office— and I didn’t want to wear a wig. So, I just dyed my hair and now I’ll alternate between the outfits from party to party.” Willis felt that she would go with the Pam costume when attending spooky shindigs associated with her family and the more vivacious Joan Holloway costume at other events. Willis added, “I assume that if I was dressed like Joan at my dad’s party, a lot of his friends would hit on me and I’m not sure if I’m fully comfortable with that just yet.” Also before jetting away, Willis practiced her Facebook & MySpace profile photo in the rearview mirror.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

While Mr. Kutcher said he fared well, he proved, at least in an interview with a reporter, that he was capable of being stumped. Asked, for purposes of fact checking, to spell the name of Ms. Moore’s youngest daughter with Bruce Willis, Mr. Kutcher confessed he was suddenly drawing a blank.

For the record, it is T-a-l-l-u-l-a-h.

Silly reporter: Kutcher is a former teen male model! Asking such a creature to spell is like asking him to do math or stop poisoning his friends with Hepatitis A. It can't be done, and it shouldn't; let the pretty man scrawl his birthday cards to "Demmy," "Roomer," and "Broos" in peace!

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Know Dad’s Turf Builder, You’ll Win $250,000 [NY Times]

• Whore Is A Real Movie Starring Megan Fox And Rumer Willis [Videogum]

RUMER Willis used to hate her name. The daughter of Demi Moore and Bruce Willis tells this Sunday's Page Six Magazine that when she was 12, she realized she "got screwed."

My sisters, Scout and Talullah, had cute nicknames," she says. "When I was 12 and had crushes on guys, I'd put my first name with their last name, but it never sounded right. Rumer Depp? Nope. In school, kids would sing, 'Rumer, Rumer with a big hairy tumor.' " She also says she was shocked to be named one of People's 100 Most Beautiful People this year: "After being compared to Jay Leno for so long, you don't think of yourself in that way."

Let this be a cautionary tale to all you expecting celebrity parents. We realize children can be cruel, but really now: "Rumer, Rumer with a big hairy tumor?" And as if that weren't enough, Willis had to withstand comparisons to Jay Leno, the late night talk show equivalent of a benign, hirsute growth. Talullah didn't know how easy she had it, with a name almost impossible to rhyme with anything suitably humiliating. ("Talullah, Talullah, with all that Die Hard 2 Moolah!")

• BLAME MY NAME [Page Six]

Never one miss out on a trend, Rumer Willis became the latest celebrity to don an amorphous potato sack dress while out shopping in New York City. The House Bunny star felt the shapeless outfit leaves a lot to imagination while still being fashionable and wearable. Willis said, "So many guys are just dying to look down your shirt and this outfit prevents them. You can't get this milk for free. Oh no. Dinner at Dan Tana's, then it'll become a maybe."

[Photo Credit: Splash Pic]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Though the Gossip Girl pretty boy has already doused gossip pages with gay rumors, Willis was allegedly gung-ho about grabbing the goldilock-ed birthday boy's attention. But instead of smartly following in his co-star Blake Lively's footsteps and donning a trustworthy bikini inspired by her own mother, Rumer thought a pair of her "shortest jean shorts" and impressive dance floor shenanigans would do the trick. Sadly, sources say Crawford was less interested in both her and Z-lister Brittny Gastineau's forays in conversion tactics: "He wouldn't give her the time of day." A sad moment indeed, but we do suggest Willis try her method out on Crawford's partner in fruitini-drinking crime JC Chasez, who, judging from our tipster's report months back, is much more interested in hiding his sexual preferences behind cabana doors.

[Photo credits: Getty, Wireimage]

• WOMEN COMPETING FOR CHACE CRAWFORD AT HIS BIRTHDAY [NYP]

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Celebrity offspring Rumer Willis attempted to cause a scene on the mean streets on Winnipeg, Canada. Willis coughed and hacked her way through cigarette after cigarette, hoping that one of her near by handlers/assistants would inform her parents about her new and disgusting habit. After getting dizzy and nearly passing out, Willis gave up on smoking as an attention grabber. Then she briefly considered taking embarrassing and scandalous photos of herself and posting them onto the internet, but Willis then realized that it still wouldn't get her parents attention.

[Photo Credit: Flynet]

Which celebrity dad is just as rebellious as his starlet daughter? The troubled parent wears a ring through a piercing on his nether regions.

Hulk Hogan: Low on the list, only because Brooke hasn't quite reached "starlet" or "rebellious" levels of fame yet.
Jamie Spears: Britney has publicly outed her dad as a former drug user, and we can't think of a father/daughter pair who are more "troubled" at the moment, but somehow Jamie doesn't strike us as the manhood-piercing type.
Michael Lohan: He is a wild card, but he's also some kind of born-again missionary. We don't know much about born-agains, but we doubt they frequent piercing parlors too often.

Lionel Richie: Lionel's the kind of guy we could picture spontaneously deciding to stick some jewels in those nether regions of his. But Nicole's no longer causing him any grief, and we can't find any reason why the crooner would be "troubled" at the moment.
Bruce Willis: Most likely suspect. Rumer's rebellious, Bruce is floundering, and he's a bad ass dude. How else to prove to his extended family that Ashton will never, ever be the man he is? A pierced Segel is the obvious answer.

[Photo credits: Getty, Rob's Blog, NYDN]

• JUST ASKING [NY Post]

While Wal-Mart isn't nearly as highbrow as Versace, the fashion brand Demi modeled for in 2005, Moore was actually a hard-working model aching for a big break at 18. Rumer, now 19, is hardly struggling, and Wal-Mart, as Hilary Duff and the Olsen sisters know fully well, bring in major bucks.

And landing the role in From Within may not win Rumer any Oscar nods, but Moore didn't really break out until landing a recurring role on General Hospital at 20. So despite cheesy ad campaigns and teen romp scary movies serving as the first credits on her resume, Rumer may surprise us all and manage to live up to her mother's decades-long star status. Fingers crossed she doesn't take on any implant-requiring lap dance roles for the time being, though. Lindsay Lohan may be the only ticket-buyer.

[Photo credits: Getty, Wireimage, Flisted]

• NOW BIKINI-CLAD RUMER WILLIS RECREATES MOTHER DEMI'S FAMOUS CHARLIE'S ANGELS BEACH SCENE [Daily Mail]
• RUMER WILLIS FOR WAL-MART'S OP BRAND [Just Jared]

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The much maligned celebuspawn Rumer Willis attempted unsuccessfully to get into Hollywood club Villa after hearing a rumor about a special Goth themed party featuring a Bauhaus cover band last night. Feeling semi-defeated, Willis then retreated to the Stevie Nicks fan club meeting at a nearby Starbucks.

[Photo Credit: X17]

Though there was nothing he could do to completely dispel the faint whiff of inevitable career shortfall that hangs over each annual coronation ceremony, HFPA president Jorge Camara did imbue the event with an extra soupcon of hope by reminding the assembled press that Willis, as a slightly rarer Double Miss Golden Globe—a product of the magical acts of star-on-star sexual congress that strengthen royal Tinseltown bloodlines too often diluted by one nonfamous gene-donor—she'll always enjoy the added advantage of having two parents (not to mention a generous and supportive step-Kutcher) who can call in casting favors for as long as she decides to keep chasing her probably unattainable Hollywood dreams.

[Photo: Getty Images]

• Rumer Willis Selected As 2008 Miss Golden Globe [HFPA.org]

Fortunately, no gunplay was involved this time, but the photographer who caught the worst of the beating "was treated for three cracked ribs, a possibly dislocated shoulder and a concussion" at the hospital, an ER trip that TMZ's hyper-vigilant cameras failed to capture on video because of a tip involving some cross words between one of Duff sisters and a Hyde valet that needed immediate investigation.

• Photog Brutally Attacked Outside ESPY Afterparty [TMZ]
• Unknown Gunman Proves Teddy's Velvet Rope Can't Stop Bullets [Defamer]