Earlier today, we wondered whether Dina, the mother of Lindsay Lohan, was tweeting for real. The constant complaints about "haters" and deranged defenses of her daughter, not to mention the sheer volume sustained over the past two weeks, seemed nearly impossible to fake.

The key word being "nearly." Cherette, a relative newcomer to Twitter, seems to have quickly learned the potentials of this new storytelling medium. One thing the Lohan impostor quickly figured out: By pretending that Dina didn't get the service's 140-character limit on posts, he'd be able to draw a small army of enraged Twitter nerds eager to correct Lohan's gaffe.

According to our tipster, who says he's privy to some of Cherette's private postings on LiveJournal, Cherette has been posting comments crowing about his coup. Here are screenshots:

Assuming this prank doesn't have yet another layer to it, congratulations, Matt. You have endless opportunity ahead of you getting paid to pretend you're a celebrity.

Update: We just heard back from Cherette, who's admitted to the stunt and demonstrated that he controls the Twitter account. "What would you like to know?" he asks. Leave questions for him in the comments. Cherette also says he's the person who created Rosie O'Donnell's fake Twitter account.

"I held up one of those ghetto blasters playing one of Clay's songs, and I begged him to take me back and he said no," Griffin said at last night's Grammy nomination concert in downtown L.A. "And then I walked out of the room and Gloria Estefan said to me, 'I told ya—you shouldn't have gone in there alone.' "

Griffin said she was, at the very least, hoping for some sort of thank-you or acknowledgment for her role in helping him come out. "There were no words of thanks or even really any words at all, for that matter," Griffin said. "I would have to say he was not very nice."

Cold, Clay — but at least the warmth of eternal hellfire (currently spreading all across the city, but admittedly stuck in traffic near Santa Monica and La Brea) will thaw your frozen heart. Would our Archie have made the same mistake?

• Kathy Griffin on Clay Aiken: "He Was Not Very Nice" [E!]

While attempting to reference Deepak Chopra's recent remarks on the Mumbai massacre (he implied the terrorists had an eye on America), a frustrated Hasselbeck first called him "Glitter Glasses Whatshisface," and then, dismissing his comments as beneath her recognition, muttered, "Go light a bowl of incense." Why stop there, Elisabeth? Tell those minorities how you really feel using the most stereotype-laden kiss-offs you can muster! If your stylist tries to dress you in another pirate shirt? "Oh, go take your AIDS pills!" Joy Behar got you down? Just say, "Whatsa matta, you-a? Something land in your spaghetti? Oh, what-a spicy meatball!" It's fun, easy, and guaranteed to get the letters pouring in!

• The View [ABC]

Instead of coming up with some new jokes (as we've heard comedians are wont to do), O'Donnell did an almost verbatim reprise of her shtick from the rosie.com video. Intern Stacey Fitzgerald put together a comparison clip above; let's hope that by the time O'Donnell relates this story to Ne-Yo and Liza Minnelli on Rosie Live, she can at least work in a pirate shirt joke or two.

• Conan O'Brien [NBC]

• The View [ABC]

Will Ms. O’Donnell perform a duet with Ms. Minnelli, whose 1972 variety/concert special Liza With a Z won multiple Emmy Awards?

“Of course! What, are you kidding me?” Ms. O’Donnell laughed. “This is the dream for every girl from Long Island who ever sang in the mirror to Cabaret. This is as good as it gets for me.” [...]

Ms. O’Donnell is keeping specifics of the musical number under wraps for now, though she hinted that Ms. Minnelli will sing “a song you haven’t heard her perform in over 30 years.”

That narrows it down — we haven't actually heard Minnelli perform any song besides "New York, New York" in over 30 years. And frankly, if the show is to have any chance at cultural traction, it would be wiser to trade Minelli's stagy, Oscar-caliber musical theatrics for a revival of her more spontaneous talk-show performance art that so captivated our hearts in recent years. O'Donnell may have Long Island, but the rest of us will always have Larry King.

• Can NBC, Rosie Revive Variety? [TV Week]

Madonna and Gwyneth became friends in 1999, just around the time when Madge started dating Guy Ritchie, whom she met through Sting and his wife Trudie Styler. Their friendship started out randy, with this report from early 2000 in the Vancouver Province:

Some new late-breaking gossip from the wild scene at the Bar Room on New Year's Eve: The New York Post reports that, at around 4 a.m. Jan 1, Madonna and newfound soul mate Gwyneth Paltrow began necking like mad.

Not surprising, since Madge has a long history of "close" relationships with female friends like Sandra Bernhard and Ingrid Cesares. Then later in 2000, Gwyneth was a bridesmaid in Madonna's wedding, alongside other new posh British friend Stella McCartney. What happened to her sassy, scrappy girls from way back like Debi Mazar and Rosie O'Donnell? Why weren't they part of Madonna's public narrative anymore?

In 2002, the Chicago Sun-Times wondered the same thing. "What draws the Detroit homegirl and the uptown fashion queen toward each other?" they pondered. Gwyneth told them that she and Madge get along because "we are on similar paths in our lives in what we eat and our yoga—stuff like that."

But perhaps the Madonna's Brit-love was turning to hate, even as early as '04? According to a report in the Daily Mail,

Miss Paltrow, who is often fulsome in her praise of Britain and whose husband is English rock singer Chris Martin, has apparently decided on a home birth at her mother's house in Los Angeles…One friend said: 'Madonna told her all these horror stories about how bad the English hospitals are. So now she has decided to give birth in Los Angeles.'…'Have you been to hospitals in England?' Madonna asked. 'They are old and Victorian. You know I like efficiency.'

Ah yes, efficiency. One has to wonder, as the Sun-Times did half a decade ago, if Madonna and Gwyneth will remain close when their friendship is no longer mutually beneficial. Madonna became friends with Gwyneth when she was trying to cultivate a classy, erudite image. Gwyneth became friends with Madonna when she was just acclimating to British society and needed a famous friend. Somehow we can't imagine Chris Martin and A-Rod bonding over, well, anything. A love of yoga and macrobiotics is usually not the stuff of longterm relationships. Now that the always shape-shifting Madonna is moving on from that stage of her life, will Gwyneth be along for the ride?

Earlier: Madonna To Replace Guy With Gwyneth

Related: A Manor Of Fact [People]

· Naomi Watts is close to a deal to star in My Name is Jody Williams, a biopic of the brash teacher-turned-activist who launched a controversial, Clinton-needling campaign to eradicate land mines. [THR]
· Rosie O'Donnell will star in and executive produce the Lifetime original movie America, an adaptation of E.R. Frank's touching book about a troubled, 232-year old superpower fighting its way through the foster-care system in New York. [Variety]

And while Leno's plans still aren't officially set, Rosie and her new network allies should encounter little trouble throwing together the hot, hodgepodgy mess in a month and a half. Behold what NBC brass is calling "the YouTube of variety shows":

The hourlong event will include celebrity guests, musical acts, comedy skits and a contest both for in-studio and at-home auds, the network said. David Friedman (Last Comic Standing, Last Call With Carson Daly) will exec produce with O'Donnell. "We want to show people that variety can be done in a new and inventive way for 2008," said Craig Plestis, NBC Entertainment's exec VP for alternative programming, development and specials. "We hope to do it in ways you haven't seen before. It's going to be the YouTube of variety shows." [...]

Details of the show were still being ironed out, but Plestis said a repertory cast will likely populate the show's sketches, and a house band is being considered. Other details, such as marketing partners, the primetime giveaway and celeb guests, will be unveiled later.

No rush, NBC! Worst case scenario, in-house talent like Ben Silverman and Jeff Zucker are good for a sketch apiece (though we'd consider keeping Zucker away from a live audience just in case), and Tina Fey is always looking for another show to overtake at Rockefeller Center. And in the end, should producers actually regress to scouting the YouTube wilds for emergency bookings, trust that Rosie will overcome. This woman was a ringleader on The View, for Christ's sake.

• Rosie to get 'Variety Show' on NBC [Variety]

But there's a catch: NBC's first choice, Jay Leno, has to say no. And that's no sure thing (as elaborated after the jump):

The news comes just as the Peacock is said to be courting exiting Tonight Show host Jay Leno for a similar gig. It's possible O'Donnell's series would be a fallback in case Leno defects to ABC after his late-night reign ends next year (as many expect he will). NBC was unavailable for comment.

The possible NBC-O'Donnell hook-up is particularly ironic in light of the fact that less than a year ago the network's cable news arm, MSNBC, was close to giving the Koosh Ball-lovin' funny lady her own one-hour showcase. But when word of the discussions leaked out before the ink was dry, O'Donnell claimed the network "panicked" and the deal went south.

CBS is also reportedly in the Rosie running, with the comedienne's bald-capped, Lenoesque grilling of Les Moonves rumored to have been spiked at the last minute as the summer TCA confab wound down last week in Beverly Hills. It's for the best, though; when her network relationship turns sour, as it must about three years from now, which net's execs would you rather see her fight publicly? We know where we stand.

• Exclusive: NBC Primetime Looking Rosie (O'Donnell) [EW]

FRIDAY
-No Age at The Getty Villa.
-Grandmaster Flash at Book Soup.
-Hot Hot Heat at The Roxy.

SATURDAY
-David Sedaris at Royce Hall.
-Bonnie Raitt at The House of Blues.
-Cheap Trick at the Hollywood Bowl.

SUNDAY
-Fleet Foxes at Spaceland.
-Comedy Death Ray Movie Series at Upright Citizens Brigade.

• WATCH VIDEO

"When her lover...told the newswoman she was the oldest woman he had ever been with, she wanted to say - but never did - 'Oh yeah? Well you are the blackest man I have ever been with.'"

While we await the sordid details surrounding the affair Walters is set to share with Oprah on Tuesday, we do finally hear Walters' real feelings regarding previous co-hosts Star Jones and Rosie O'Donnell. As the NYDN reports, Walters was particularly livid "when Jones refused to admit publicly that she had gastric bypass surgery to lose weight [and] her co-workers were forced to lie for her." And as for Rosie, it seems all that tension across the spotless flower-laden table shared by the ladies was just as real as we suspected. As Walters puts it, "The premise of The View is that of a team working together, but for Rosie it was more like Diana Ross and the Supremes, as little by little she took over." And after learning just how saucy Babs has been in the past, it's clear that there's only room for one diva at the table, even if Walters prefers her trademark white-blonde feathered bob to an enormous afro.

• BARBARA WALTERS: I HAD AN AFFAIR WITH MARRIED SENATOR EDWARD BROOKE [NYDN]
• THE VIEW [ABC]

A spokesperson for the Rachael Ray show confirms the report. "Yes we did receive a legal complaint from Telepictures about Rachael Ray's tribute to Rosie. We think the complaints are invalid and without merit. We stand by the show. And, it will air as scheduled ... May 2."

The source suggested that Telepictures waited until the last minute in hopes that Ray's producers would balk, and can their pre-taped tribute to O'Donnell. "It's unbelievable," said the source. "They didn't just want to pull b-roll, they wanted the whole show off the air."

A spokesperson from Telepictures denied the complaint and said, "We love Rosie and can't wait to watch the show."

Despite Telepictures's grinchy efforts, the show aired without interruption today, delighting fans of both loud-mouthed personalities with an unabashedly nostalgic walk down Rosie memory lane, topped off by Ray's no-fuss, no-muss recipe for an "absolutely yum-o" Koosh Ball-and-cheese casserole. We've included O'Donnell's entertaining recollection of the first time she met Martha Stewart—in prison—above. ("The flavor of lemon" is now our de facto response to any question asked of us: Try it. It always works.)

• 'Ellen' wants 'Rachael Ray's' Rosie tribute nixed [MSNBC]

It is unclear whether crazy juice was served on the set of A League of Their Own, where Madonna and Rosie first became bosom buddies, but each has come out today with their own nutball thoughts on the Britney situation. Rosie, appearing on Good Morning America today, said she believes that the pressure of being the face of bipolar disorder may be too much strain on the young pop star. The solution? "I want to be the new Britney Spears." Well, we can certainly see why you would want to be younger, thinner and blond, but huh? "Rather than put her face on mental iilness, or Brooke Shields - who had postpartum depression - use me." That's right. The woman who says claims her mental illness started on the day of Columbine. Because of Columbine.

But it gets better. Madonna, in her interview for this month's Vanity Fair, had this to say about the stalkerazzi's relationship with Britney: "When you think about the way people treat each other in Africa, about witchcraft and people inflicting cruelty and pain on each other, then come back here and, you know, people taking pictures of people when they're in their homes, being taken to hospitals, or suffering, and selling them, getting energy from them, that's a terrible infliction of cruelty." I'm sorry, witchcraft? It's not so much that Madge is comparing Britney's treatment to that of the continent of Africa by foreign governments, which would still be overblown and ridiculous. It's that she appears to be comparing the case of Brit Brit v. Paparazzi to the tribal infighting of the Sub-Saharan desert. We look forward to future nonsensical Madonna interviews, where she compares Lindsay Lohan's drug abuse to the oppression of Tibetan monks, or Chace Crawford & Carrie Underwood's breakup to the partition of the Mandate of Palestine.

• Madonna Compares Britney's Suffering To African Cruelty [Entertainment Wise]

• Rosie O'Donnell's Flickr Page

Who is the most annoying celebrity?

Rosie O'Donnell — 44% Paris Hilton — 24% Ann Coulter — 16% Heather Mills McCartney — 12%

It's unclear if world famous non-actors like Iraqi insurgent agitator Muqtada al-Sadr or child soldier slave-driver Joseph Kony were considered "celebrities" for the purposes of this poll, although their eligibility would have likely had no effect on this particular question.

• 2007 Year End Pop Culture Poll Results [Parade Magazine]

LINDSAY LOHAN:

"She's still in a very up-and-down period of time, through July of next year. Now this up-and-down period of time is going to create a lot of different emotional upheavals for her. She needs a lot of support around her."

An instance of the insight one can only glean from reading the stars. Or Star.

TOM CRUISE & KATIE HOLMES:

"They are real soulmates," she says of the IT couple. "And I'm telling you now, she ain't no pushover. She's a very, very strong little lady. She's got a very, very powerful chart. And I see another baby. And I seem to feel around them another girl. He's got the chart of an absolutely amazing, amazing father."

Thanks for that utter, utter piffle that your shameless, shameless editors decided to run on this slow, slow news day.

MARIE OSMOND:

"Marie Osmond — what an amazing chart she has. She's a here for a particular reason on the planet.

Yes. It's called evolution. (Don't tell her.)

ROSIE O'DONNELL:

"2008 is the year of her doing a lot of questions, 'Who am I really and what am I really here to do?'

Thankfully, Rosie maintains a blog that handily answers these questions:

who am i?
what am i here to do?
cupcakes are yummy
pressing the keyboard makes letters appear
writing is hard
but only if you think before you write
2008
a year to celebrate rosie
and talk about rosie
and be rosie
i'm going to like 2008
oh look, the episode of friends where they switch apartments is on

[Photo: Getty Images]

• Star Predictions for 2008! [ETOnline]