Gawker: defamer, romance

Enjoy a Front Row Seat to Wynonna Judd And Craig Ferguson's Electrifying Sexual Chemistry

Seth — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 18:33:00 EST

Wynonna Judd is lonely—she admitted as much on The Late Late Show last night, and there was no hiding the fact that host Craig Ferguson makes her feel like a natural, Alli-endorsing spokeswoman.

The last time we saw flirtation this shameless, Kevin Spacey was making his waiter repeat the specials on his lap. Watch as the blushing country singer fiddles with the host's tie, giggles uncontrollably at his every witticism, and marvels at how effortlessly he finishes her sentences. Ferguson—a married man—only encourages her with his seductive brogue and shameless innuendo. Jimmy Fallon, we'd love to tell you this is how it's done, but unless you want a hasty d-i-v-o-r-c-e, we'd throw some cold water on Van Morrison before things get out of hand.

Bonus flirtation:

[Late Late Show]

Madonna Introduces Her Own Personal Jesus

Kyle Buchanan — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 14:39:55 EST

What kind of post-divorce boytoy do you get for the female superstar who's had them all? In Madonna's case, you go straight to Jesus (reinvented—as is her wont—as 22-year-old Brazilian model Jesus Luz).

Leaving aside the strange biblical and oedipal overtones of this match, Madonna and Jesus's date at a New York steakhouse (they're pictured leaving it here) is said to be the new pair's first public outing. Has A-Rod been benched? Is an inconsolable Guy Ritchie coping by watching TV and snorting non-macrobiotic pixie sticks? No word, yet, from Madonna's self-contradicting flack Liz Rosenberg; still, we're rooting for the dynamic duo, if only to give us the weird, fanfictiony Bible romance it had been previously sacrilegious to 'ship for.

[Photo Credit: Splash News]

Madonna fuels romance rumours after dinner date with Brazilian model [Daily Mail]

Mickey Rourke And Bai Ling: A Celebrity Couple To Root For

Kyle Buchanan — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 14:35:28 EST

Finally, Mickey Rourke has met his romantic match: Bai Ling, an actress/red carpet fixture/visionary who has the ability to look at two lanyards of approximate nipple-width, then use them as a blouse.

Page Six reports that Rourke was at the Chateau Marmont the other night with Sean Penn (guess they made up!) when he was accosted by Ms. Bai, who beelined toward the actor's melty mug like a moth to a flame made of fame. Then, says the paper, they "made out and partied pretty hard." Aside from the fact that Rourke is a dog person and Bai is devoted to her cat Qiji, we think this is a match made in celebrity heaven. If this doesn't last until Bai crashes the Academy Awards red carpet, we're throwing our votes to Frank Langella.

Still, the rumors about the pair prompted us to seek visual confirmation at Bai's blog (newly retitled "Naked Seduction 永恒的诱惑" for 2009, and why not), and that's where we stumbled upon rival suitors. Sure, there was a picture of Rourke and Bai together, but the camera-hopping starlet showed off equally scorching chemistry this past week with the eclectic group of Ralph Fiennes, John Legend, and American Idol winner David Cook. This can only be settled with a massive, stapler-wielding tag team match at the Red Bank Y. Better start juicing, Fiennes!

Beautiful weekend colored my space...... [Naked Seduction 永恒的诱惑]

'Big Brother' Contestant April Loses The Game But Gains A Varsity Ring

Seth — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:20:00 EDT

We love nothing more than a fairy tale ending, and we got one on last night's Big Brother, when—amidst the tragedy of contestant April's ejection from their 24-hour surveillance Eden— surviving housemate and oral-sex-partner Ollie proposed..um...popping his relationship cherry? Prodded by host Julie Chen, who had already been given a fat dossier on the pair's budding romance which included a number of X-ray stills from their quilt-covered shenanigans, Ollie extolled the many virtues of the Arizona auto-financing manager, then announced, "I got a question for you: Will you be my first girlfriend? I want an answer from you the second I get out of this house." CBS would be fools not to capitalize on the event, mounting a lavish Ollie and April's Going Steady Ceremony primetime special upon which no expense would be spared.

Big Brother 10 [CBS]

Send Everyone Else Home: In The Bachelor's Stacey, We Found A Slut We Can Take To Mom

Seth — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 13:41:22 EDT

It's startling to us that after the last iteration of ABC's perennial romance sweepstakes—in which Hunkiest Bachelor of Them All Brad Womack cruelly withheld a suspiciously oversized engagement ring from last-standing-soulmate Deanna, choosing instead to slip the sparkling keepsake over his own member as a gesture of narcissistic fidelity—that producers of The Bachelor would find another 25 women desperate, lonesome, and fame-whorey enough to subject themselves to similar, nationally televised humiliation.

But who are we kidding: Of course they did! In last night's season premiere of The Bachelor: London Calling (a title we're all but certain has the hearty endorsement of all surviving Clash members), Hunkiest British Bachelor Ever Matt Grant was floored by the non-stop parade of beauties, plucked from all 13 colonies and working in every imaginable profession—from administrative assistant to pharmaceutical sales rep to administrative pharmaceutical sales rep assistant. But only one earned our First Impression Rose (lovingly crafted out of pipe cleaners and a coffee filter), and that is contestant Stacey from Chicago. Clearly the result of a network mandate to "add a little I Love New York flavor to the season," Stacey rocketed directly into our hearts the moment she slur-relayed her life's dream of using her "Bachelors in Nutrition...to find a pharmaceutical that will cure something that no one has thought of." By the time she was passed out face-first, unconsciously humping the bare twin mattress to the rhythm of her own snoring, we knew we had found The One.

The Bachelor: London Calling [ABC]

McDreamy And McSteamy McWish You A Very McHappy McValentine's Day

Seth — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 20:45:40 EST

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! We feel a little guilty about not having gotten you anything since that Law & Order card two years ago, so we made sure to get an early start this year combing the internets for just the right, costless gesture to show you how much you mean to us. Luckily, ABC's website had plenty of Valentine's options. Some of us gravitated to the sensual mystery of their Lost series, but for our money, nothing said romance like the horny doctors of Grey's Anatomy. Above, we've placed Seattle Grace's attending physicians side by side, in a McMindblowing battle for your affections. But for Grey's purists who like their cast Valentine's Day card collections complete, we've mocked one up featuring the second season's most conspicuously absent member. It's after the jump—and remember, everyone: We choo-choo-choose you!

ABC Valentines [abc.go.com]

Broadway Legend Tony Randall's Jailbait Widow Heather: "We Had Frequent Sex"

Moe — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 16:40:20 EST

"I always imagine what it would be like to go on Howard Stern, because I know the first thing he would ask is, 'What is it like to give an 80-year-old a blow job?'" explains Heather Randall, who married the now-dead comic-philanthropist-Odd Couple member Tony Randall in 1995, when she was 24 and he was 75 and Viagra was three years away from FDA approval, to next month's Marie Claire. So uh, what's it like? She doesn't really say. But: "we had frequent sex until he went into the hospital." Not the time they conceived children, though. That required a fertility clinic, which the tabs reported. "His masculinity was called into question!" Heather laughs. "He actually called his lawyer about demanding a retraction, something he'd never bothered to do before." And the story goes on and on like that. She wasn't a gold-digger. He wasn't gay. She didn't have father issues. He didn't have dementia. They were just a normal, loving family. And Marie Claire seems to believe her! Age is just a number of course! Although Heather does have limits.

"I hope I don't become a cougar anytime soon," she adds with a laugh. "I throw out all my animal-print dresses recently out of fear of exactly that!"

Um ok. So cougars wear Cavalli? Does Heather even know what a cougar is? She uses expressions like "drop me like a hot tomato." And Tony, it turns out, didn't know who Billy Joel was. Did he even know what a blow job was? Didn't he and Rock Hudson probs have some weird fifties code word for that thing they did? Are we spending too much time conjuring mental images we don't want? Yes. Is it possible this couple, like any other unlikely romantic pair whose deeply passionate connection is inscrutable to the average observer, just really loved each other? That beauty is skin deep etc. etc.? That they spoke their own language and as she said when they married, she just liked him because she was an "old fashioned girl"? Sure. Sure it is. It's even possible he was somewhat straight.

But she's still got issues. Maybe she was looking for a grandfather figure?

The Odd Couple [Marie Claire]

Despite Having 28 Million MySpace Friends And Sleeping With Both Sexes, Tila Tequila Needs MTV To Help Find Her A Date

Seth — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 20:25:13 EDT

In the grand tradition of Next, Dismissed, Taildaters, and a bunch of other crappy MTV dating shows we'd never be caught dead watching (OK, fine, we may have gotten sucked into a couple episodes of Room Raiders), the cable network has announced today yet another thrilling foray into the genre: On A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila, contestants will be vying for the affections of MySpace's #1 agave-based celebrity:

A bisexual dating show featuring a woman who gained fame on MySpace is in the works for MTV.

"A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila," in which 16 men and 16 women will compete for Tequila's affections, is set to debut Oct. 9 on the cable channel, Television Week reported Thursday.
"Tila Tequila made a name for herself by doing things her way, captivating legions of fans online, both men and women," said MTV executive Tony DiSanto. "Now she is taking that attitude and sex appeal to her own TV series where she is looking for a mate ... by again, captivating a group of both men and women."

This isn't the first time MTV has explored bisexuality on their reality programming—Real World Las Vegas contestant Trishelle's vodka-fueled sexploits certainly never discriminated on the basis of reproductive organ assignment—but it's the first time the network has intentionally marketed a program as such. If it truly is an authentically "bisexual" competition, however, producers will inevitably wind up disappointed—when their 16 male suitors end up blowing off Tila's specially planned one-on-one helicopter dates to pair off with each other and experiment a bit more with their penis-loving sides.

MTV to air bisexual dating show [LAT/AP]