Novelist Irvine Welsh will be directing his second movie right soon. The pic is called The Magnificent Eleven, and while it sounds like it's about Spinal Tap's amplifiers, it's actually about football. Like, faggy British "football." So, soccer. [Variety]

Jim Carrey has begun a bizarre-sounding whistle stop tour for his upcoming Robert Zemeckis weirdo half-animation movie, A Christmas Carol. Disney basically gutted four train cars and filled them with shit about the movie and now it'll roll into 40 cities nationwide, with Carrey in tow, so people will go see the movie. We've always said that Jim Carrey is the Harry Truman of Hollywood. Though, as far as train tours go, we've always been partial to Willa Cather's. [Variety]

So Rod Blagojevich can't be on I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Outta Here! because, you know, he's like being indicted and junk. But his wife Patti can! And will be! She just flew to LA to film a promo for the June-premiering series, in which a crazy old billionaire hunts the most dangerous game for our viewing entertainment. [THR]

Oh for the... Bazooka Joe, a wildly unfunny comic strip found in gum, will become a movie. In related news, Universal has staked its whole summer 2010 profit plan on their tentpole epic, Howard Huge. [THR]

Midnight screenings of Terminator Salvation nabbed $3 million last night, a good sign for the franchise picture's box office chances. We're going to see it this afternoon at the local. WILL YOU DO YOUR PART, TOO? [Variety]

Um, yeah. So... Blago was going to be on the upcoming season of I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here!, which I don't need to explain because the show is so beautifully described in L'Inferno, but a federal judge said, "Um, actually you're being indicted on 17 pretty serious charges right now, so no, you can't go to Costa Rica to film a fucking reality show." So, he's not doing it, but he is promoting it! He showed up at a junket to support his would-be costars, a roster of ghouls that ranges from the aforementioned Hills idiots to born-again Baldwin Stephen to Tail Spin character made flesh, American Idol's Sanjaya.

What did he have to say about the would-be experience?

I had sold myself on this being a way for me to be a modern-day Teddy Roosevelt. I basically deluded myself into being that, and then the judge made his decision.

So, that's a thing that someone said once, whatever in the good Christ it means. Is Rod Blagojevich about to invade Cuba?

At least he acknowledged that he's deluding himself about... something. Anyway, this is all to say, here's a horrible thing, now please look at it. I mean, just look at it. Those are people.

Those are people, America.

[LAT]

On Monday, a jealous Walters promptly chastised the studio audience for shouting compliments to Whoopi Goldberg and Joy Behar, scolding, "When you see a group of people, you don't look at one of them and say, 'We love you.'" Then, as Sherri Shepherd related her brief encounters with Jeremy Piven, Walters expressed both total, unvarnished boredom and condescension on the matter of time zones (though the latter was admittedly well-earned).

On today's show, Walters was in danger of heading into the first commercial break with nary a slam to her credit, but she finally found an unlikely opportunity after her cohosts indulged in a "taint"-filled discussion of Rod Blagojevich and the Senate seat to which he appointed Roland Burris. This prompted Walters to attempt a tortured analogy that essentially called Elisabeth Hasselbeck a bonehead (but not because she loves The Bachelor?). Whatever, it's Barbara logic—just enjoy how Elisabeth hears her name and starts to perk up approvingly before Babs sticks the shiv in.

• The View [ABC]