When the names of Rodriguez's children — Rebel, Rocket, Rogue and Racer, and daughter, Rhiannon — were revealed to us so many moons ago, we first began to suspect the director of the best movie made for $5000 ever, El Mariachi...of something.

The first salient fact in the case against RR is that George Lucas invited him to Skywalker Ranch after hearing of his interest in effects. Fortunately Trey Parker has done the important job of thinking through exactly what might have occurred that day. Whatever happened, he began using complicated effects done cheaply in his films as he worked with his wife, producer Elizabeth Avellan (right), and their disgustingly named children.

To be fair, Rodriguez' half of Grindhouse does have its thrills, including a phenomenal Josh Brolin turn as a sadistic doctor, but McGowan spends most of the film's 90 minute running time practically running in front of the other actresses on screen. And off screen, she was pretty much doing the same thing in front of the married Rodriguez:

"It was the worst-kept secret on the set. They were going off to his trailer, having meals together," our source said. "Rose thought some of the crew were treating her differently, and the attitude was, like, well what do you expect when you're [bleeping] the director?"

The two bonded instantly, with McGowan telling People, "He's my best friend. We instantly became really good friends." Rodriguez's better half was apparently hearing what everyone on the set was — as well as people in neighboring municipalities. Production on Planet Terror shut down for almost a month.

For McGowan's Rodriguez-produced 2009 project Red Sonja, her paramour aimed high, choosing the guy who directed the second unit on the new Tekken video game franchise-based flick. Is this how you treat the woman you love?

Apparently, yeah. McGowan was flashing around her ring at the Style Awards over the weekend:

"I just want to go to an island somewhere and pay somebody else to deal with it," said McGowan, who wore a $28 Victoria's Secret turtleneck and Fendi shoe boots. "Quentin (Tarantino) is going to be my bridesmaid," she said, laughing.

Of the proposal itself, she said, "It was lovely and very personal."

We can stifle our vomit at that, but not at the actress' forthcoming slate. Robert and Rose's idea of coming up with projects consists of seeing if the lead part in a remake looks like McGowan. Does the world really need a $100 million remake of Barbarella? Studio execs decided the role needed a bigger star for the movie to succeed.

She moved on from a Susan Cabot movie (based on this John H. Richardson essay: pdf), thinking that if you play a B-movie star, you might just become one, to possibly portraying porn star Linda Lovelace opposite Bill Pullman as Hugh Hefner in Inferno.

The soon-to-be Mrs. McGowan better hope he isn't waiting for the dark McGowan-esque good look of Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist star Kat Dennings to go legal, because Dennings was caught privately worshiping RR on her blog from the set of Rodriguez's latest film, the kid-friendly Shorts.

The coming years will see Rodriguez sticking to his biggest successes — appealing movies for kids. But I swear that if he casts Rose McGowan in The Jetsons, I will become the guy behind the Watchmen protests quicker than he can get the current director of Jonny Quest fired. I will run on a treadmill outsider his Troublemakers Studio, and I will do it for George Jetson, dressed as George Jetson. Mark my words.

·You'll never believe it, but Nikki Finke also stayed home, instead publishing dispatches by the New Times chain's resident nerd-hack Luke Y. Thompson. And what a run he's had, with his marathon Thursday bringing us hints at a Keanu Reeves love-in (we'll get to that) and the indelible image of Rose McGowan's Red Sonja knife-licking. She and Robert Rodriguez apparently remain a couple despite all kinds of fun rumors otherwise and, obviously, despite the worst movie poster to ever debut at Comic-Con. That said, hemogravy is hot with the ladies these days, so maybe we're the ones out of touch.

·LYT draws praise, meanwhile, from David Poland, who also decided to crunch some numbers from the comfort of his own couch:

How ironic is it that every studio in L.A. is scrambling to get to San Diego this week/weekend, but The Dark Knight barely did anything (except for very basic viral marketing stunts) last year and underperformers Beowulf, Halloween, The Incredible Hulk, Shoot 'Em Up, Southland Tales, Drillbit Taylor, Spiderwick Chronicles, Hot Rod, and others all had a big presence at The 'Con.

Well, yeah, but none of them had a Fanboy Blowjob Train. Must we really spell it out?

·SpoutBlog has some of the most comprehensive coverage emerging from San Diego, including a real-time account of Wolfman star Benicio Del Toro falling asleep, a peek at Rocknrolla with attention-loving Gerard Butler and a Lego statue that will never be accused of assaulting its Mom.

· Amy Smart, Crank 2, public sex, etc.

· The NY Times brings a typically dignified tone to the pants-wetting in Hall H, featuring cameos by Hugh Jackman, Mark Wahlberg, the gang from Twilight, and a version of Waiting for Godot starring Dakota Fanning in the title role.

· Finally, /Film features a play-by-play of clips from the eco-sensitive Keanu Reeves remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still — better than the real thing, we're sure. Very sure.

boomp3.com

One could hear a pin drop at the San Diego Comic Con on Thursday as Robert Rodriguez's muse Rose McGowan popped a squat to take a photo. The alabaster-skinned actress saw a group of really cool looking zombies and wanted to take a picture of them. As McGowan began to crouch down, Rodriguez whistled to McGowan to indicate that she was about to flash the crowd. Much to the dismay of the army of virgin attendees, McGowan repositioned herself. One of the geeks shot Rodriguez the evil eye and mumbled under his breath, "Like I was going to waste my time with a remake of Red Sonja, anyway."

[Photo Credit: Splash Pic]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

And Dennings's smitten blog post from May about her "redonkulous superhuman" director (excerpted after the jump)? That's probably just a genuine gesture of professional respect:

I must note that I'm in Texas at the moment, filming a movie with redonkulous superhuman Robert Rodriguez. And as I tilted my head to look at the pavement tonight while we were talking I felt the ground give way beneath me and I've been a peanut butter person ever since. Holla

Holla! Of course, in the same breath she demands "the guys from the BBC's Top Gear to go with me everywhere," so maybe she's just friendly like that. Anyway, neither Dennings nor reps for Rodriguez have responded to our requests for comment, so we'll just wish them well and caution Dennings against going public with that Women in Chains! starring role Rodriguez promised her after McGowan suddenly became, ahem, unavailable last week.

• Evil Bread II [Kat Dennings]

Sources say the couple, who we reported last October were engaged, have split, partly over the problems Rodriguez had finding financing for "Barbarella" - the 1968 cult classic in which Jane Fonda played a sexy space adven- turess - with McGowan in the title role.

"Too bad 'Grindhouse' didn't gross $100 million. Then, maybe, 'Barbarella' would have gotten the green light," said one source. "Instead, the moguls were saying, 'We need a bigger star, a bigger name.' " Jessica Alba has been touted as a possible replacement.

Let us be the first to say good riddance to the former Mrs. Marilyn Manson, whose appeal and subsequent career success has always been a bit of a mystery for us. While we would never (never!) wish ill-will upon a budding couple, this relationship seemed to be standing in the way of the career prospects of one of our favorite directorial guilty pleasures (the Spy Kids franchise aside, obvs). Now we're not saying that McGowan is talentless, it's more that her days as a viable big screen sexbomb expired sometime around the time of Jawbreaker. They say love is blind, but clearly, big studio heads are not. When you're trying to appease a cult of twentysomething fanboys (Rodriguez's primary audience), the name Rose McGowan does about as much to get their horndog motors running as the name Bea Arthur. While we're not clamoring to see vapid actresses like Jessica Alba or Jessica Simpson fill the iconic spacesuit that Jane Fonda wore, there is one actress out there who possesses the requisite amount of sex appeal and bouncy hair who could get us to pre-order tix for the Barbarella remake stat. Just take our word for it, Robert, and have your people get in touch with Kate Beckinsale's people. You can thank us later.

• H'WOOD SPLIT GOOD FOR JESSICA [Page Six]

Director Robert Rodriguez is shopping around Women in Chains! a violent drama set at a woman's prison starring his fiancee, Rose McGowan. ...

McGowan is set to play one of five chained women at the center of the show, which Rodriguez is expected to direct. The two first worked together on last year's Planet Terror, Rodriguez's homage to 1970s exploitation flicks.

The new show also is rumored to be fashioned with a 1970s exploitation sensibility, with such staples like mud wrestling.

We're told there are scripts circulating — with dialogue and exposition in actual English — at networks including NBC and FX, where the market for prime-time exploitation dramas apparently surged when we weren't looking. We didn't think anything could shake McGowan from her single-minded alien ambitions from a month ago, but! Seeing as those Barbarella spaceships are only half-built and she can make a mud pit in about 15 minutes flat, we can't really blame her for compromising. A woman — even one in chains — has gotta eat, right?

• Robert Rodriguez shops prison series [THR]

McGowan, for one, can't wait to step into those knee-high boots, calling herself a big "fan of the original." Any pressure to live up to the legend?

"The original doesn't have a lot to go on plot-wise. It's one thing to do a remake of something that could have been much better storywise even if it was fantastic visually. It's another thing to remake something flawless," McGowan said. "That way if yours isn't that good at least yours is better than that one."

Having sufficiently lowered expectations for whatever slight audience this film had in the first place, the shrewd McGowan also gushed about all the work apparently in progress: sets, costumes, even "part of a spaceship built for me!" Her most important point, however, that SAG's looming June 30 strike deadline will forestall production — that dodgy part where movies are actually filmed, with scripts and budgets and other actors — for at least another three months means we can count on her next reassurance right around the low ebb of the summer news cycle. God forbid we'll be waiting.

• Rose McGowan Says She's Still 'Barbarella' [MTV]

In today's episode: Don Johnson; Topher Grace, Seth Gabel, Robert Rodriguez and Rose McGowan; Drew Barrymore and Justin Long; Seth MacFarlane, Steve Harwell, Reid Scott and Michael Bunin; Dominic Monaghan; Michael Ovitz; John Cho; Dita Von Teese; Adrian Grenier; Monica Keena and David Anders; Gregg Araki and James Duval; Dizzy Reed; William Mapother; Brandon Davis and Danny Bonaduce.

· A well-preserved Don Johnson was having lunch outside at Le Petit Greek on Larchmont today (9/26). Had this been twenty some-odd years ago, I would've been so excited instead of mildly/hardly amused.

· Post-Arcade Fire at Magnolia on Sunset. Saw a baseball-capped Topher Grace with pervy/sweaty/stabby Nip/Tuck kid, Seth Gabel. They chatted up some girls on the patio before walking off down Sunset. Thirty minutes and one burger later, saw Robert Rodriguez and Rose McGowan walking towards us arm and arm. She stopped at the valet stand and waited as an attendant got her car, while Rodriguez kept strolling along by himself. After getting her SUV, McGowan drove and caught up with the still ambling Rodriguez further down Sunset where he then got in. Those two head cases seem made for each other.

· Bizarre assortment of C-level celebs at Bar Lubitsch last night (9/26), plus one good one. The C-team: Seth "Family Guy" MacFarlane, the lead singer of Smashmouth (Steve Harwell, and two of the dudes from TBS' "My Boys". ("Brendan" (Reid Scott) and "Kenny" (Michael Bunin), hanging together. life imitating TV art.)

The good one: Drew Barrymore. She's been there a few times lately... with the Mac guy (Justin Long). Didn't see him last night, though. Had a weird feeling when she was standing by our table. I thought, " Who is that? Did I go to high school with that girl? Did we go on a blind date once? Wait, no, it's Drew Barrymore. Right on."

· Saw Dominic Monaghan at the Klaxon's concert at the Henry Fonda (Sept. 26). No girlfriend in sight, but that's probably because she wasn't fired from LOST like he was and is currently filming in Hawaii. Dude is super short - although since he played a hobbit in three movies that's probably too obvious of an observation.

· Last Tuesday Michael Ovitz, wife Judy and three children being congratulated by former CAA cohorts at Ovitz's new restaurant Kumo on Melrose.

· 9/26: Dinner at Canele in Atwater Village, saw John Cho or as my friend who spotted him first put it, "the only Asian actor I recognize, you know, the dude from Harold & Kumar." Ahh... I don't think she watches HEROES. Being 1 and 1/2 asians between the two of us, I replied (silently), "more recognizable roles for Asian-American actors!" Anywho, he's a handsome fellow.

· Saw Dita Von Teese at the Hollywood Bowl Sunday 9/23 for the Rufus Wainwright show (which was amazing). She was waiting in the Will Call line with a less fabulous friend. She looked incredible with perfect hair and make up, and a gorgeous outfit. Unfortunately that outfit covered her well, no free show for us.

· 9/19 7:30pm - Saw Adrian Grenier at LACMA for the Muse reception before the "Into the Wild" screening. He was flanked by two blonde girls who looked like they couldn't tell a Cezanne from a Hockney. He couldn't have cared less about them, choosing instead to direct his attention to the stage where The Good Listeners were performing. He was wearing a black fleece and dark pants, requisite face fuzz, all of which looked good on him. Total cutie.

· Wed, 9/26: The Coronet on La Cienega - Spotted Monica Keena (Dawson's Creek, various guest star roles—she was the girl with the pole through her gut on Grey's Anatomy) sitting at a booth along the bar. Couldn't see who she was with at first, but noticed that she's looking aaaaaaawfully plastic. Remember the 30 Rock episode where Jane Krakowski's character has a ton of work done and Tina Fey goes on about her looking like a burn victim? I feel like a bitch saying it, but poor Monica is approaching that territory. Or maybe she hasn't had any work done and just has a naturally tight skinned-big lipped face! Oh, but then, when she left, I saw she was following David Anders (one of the new Heroes, formerly of Alias) out of the bar. She's very tiny. He's very hot.

· Saw Gregg Araki and James Duval holding court at the Editors show Monday night @ The Wiltern

· Just got back to town and my Internet connection, but did have one very small celebrity sighting to share from a recent trip to Los Angeles. Last Thursday night (9/20), at the Supersuckers gig at the Key Club, just happened to run into Dizzy Reed, keyboard player for Guns and Roses. I know it's not much, but I would hope it's at least a TINY bit more interesting than Nate Corddry or some of the other "who?" I have seen listed in the sightings.

· 2 quasi-celeb sightings in 1 day, although I doubt the first really counts:

Sunday 9/23- a brunching Brandon Davis, famous for being greasy, sleeping with celebutards, and calling Lindsay a "firecrotch", eating with 3 disheveled friends at Mauro's Cafe in Fred Segal. He looked less greasy and bloated than usual. I was sitting next to his table and believe I overheard him talking about a recent visit to the doctor. Draw your own conclusions...

Sunday 9/23- 8 PM
Went out with a few friends for a low-key pastrami-on-rye dinner. Standing with us waiting to be seated was William Mapother- Ethan on Lost and as Tom Cruise's cousin. He was by himself with a stack of magazines and asked to be seated in the back. He was reading intensely the entire time. Very low-key, tall, and better looking than expected. Still creeped me out to come face to face with one of The Others.

· Sep 25 On the JetBlue bus from JFK to Burbank. Danny Bonaduce himself, looking very LA in bestudded jeans, designer tee, and a very, very sparkly rhinestone belt buckle. I had to put my shades on, the glow was so intense. He went to the back of the bus, BTW.

In today's episode: Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox and Al Pacino; Meg Ryan; Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez; Chris Rock, Lionel Richie, Kelly Lynch, Mitch Glazer and Elvis Mitchell; Katherine Heigl, T.R. Knight and Justin Chambers; Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley; David Caruso; Jared Leto; Tyra Banks; Jason Alexander; Rip Taylor; Seth Green; Eric Clapton; John C. Reilly; Jillian Barberie; Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Esposito; Steven Bochco; Paris Hilton; Zachary Quinto; Tim Curry; Justin Berfield; Jill Hennessy; Jeffrey Jones; Oscar Nunez and Kiersten Warren.

· So, apparently there's this little Italian place below the sidewalk on Beverly just east of Robertson called Madeo's. Who knew? Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, and Al Pacino all do and were all there last night getting their dinner on. Cox arrived first with kid(s) (i think only one belonged to her), and looked radiant in a Bride Of Skeletor kind of way. Aniston met her later, and looked radiant in a Queen Of The Emaciated Goddesses kind of way. Then Pacino slid into the booth and they all had a crazy threesome. Just kidding. Pacino was with less attractive people and looking batshit insane.

· Today, Feb. 13 @ approx. 2:20pm - saw Meg Ryan @ La Provence Patisserie & Café on Olympic in BH. She was wearing baggy green cargo-esque pants, big sunglasses and disheveled long hair mostly covering her face, but not those amazing lips of hers. While waiting for her salad to-go and beverage, she played with her phone/pda. Very sweet and unassuming, she exited with her order and took off in her silver BMW 550.

Feb. 6th @ approx. 10:15pm - saw Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez waiting for their cars at the Beverly Hills Peninsula Hotel valet. QT was speaking to Robert in his typical rapid-fire delivery, and Robert mostly listened. QT drove off in a fairly new yellow Mustang and Robert in a black Mercedes 350.

· It was an interesting night at the Sunset Tower Bar tonight (2/13). First I noticed Lionel Richie at the bar with an unidentified woman. (I think he and friend closed the place down, since they were still there as we left late.) Dmitri, the super skilled maître d' who's got a subtle Lois Weisberg/Howard Rubenstein thing going on, introduced Lionel to Kelly Lynch and Mitch Glazer as they were leaving. Then Elvis Mitchell was there interviewing Chris Rock. If only a crew from "Iconoclasts" had been in the room to capture some of these encounters.

· I saw Katherine Heigl, T. R. Knight and Justin Chambers last night at Figaro on Vermont Street in Los Feliz. T.R. Knight was eating steak tartare and, according to the waiter, comes in all the time Katherine Heigl. I don't know if this is like some secret celebrity spot, because I also saw Avril Lavigne with her husband (Deryck Whibley) there on Sunday for brunch (I obviously go there a lot).

· Friday 2/16 @ 1:00pm - David Caruso crossing the street on Roxbury Drive (cross street Wilshire) and hopping into a Silver Mercedes with a female driver. Wearing a sport jacket with jeans and the mandatory sunglasses. Can't miss the red hair though.

· 2/9 Jared Leto at the Roxy watching Chris Hall of Stabbing westwards new locally formed band "The Dreaming". He hung out in the seating area while they played and Chris kept making jokes about how they'd like to go on tour with 30 seconds to mars.

· On Sunday afternoon I was sitting at the little 'cafe' area in the Hollywood Trading Post at Fairfax and Melrose, listening to the jazz band while friends shopped. I saw this tall beautiful black woman about 10' away and it took me awhile to actually realize it was Tyra Banks, and not some 10 cent lookalike. I wasnt convinced at first since she was very conservatively dressed: Boots, tight, chic blue jeans, a tasteful gray sweater and her hair was in a bun. However, after several people walked and then whispered in each others ears saying "Its Tyra!" it wasthen and only then I realized it was indeed Ms. Top Model herself. She has crazy looking eyes in person.

· Yesterday (2/12), driving on Little Santa Monica at Camden...I'm cruising through the intersection, when this schmuck on his cell phone steps out of the crosswalk and begins to go. i didn't even have time to hit the horn, i just slammed on the brakes and hoped for the best. the guy doesn't even look up at me, but he just sort of instinctually goes back to the sidewalk, all the while talking on the cell. i shoot him a dirty look as i drive by, and i realize... I almost killed Independent George!! Stupid JASON ALEXANDER. He needs to watch where he's going, or he'll end up deader than Kramer's career.

Also, this past Saturday (2/10) at the LA Fitness on La Cienega, I saw RIP TAYLOR working out wearing a baseball hat that said "RIP" across the front. Unfortunately, there was no confetti to be seen anywhere.

· Saw "Robot Chicken" impresario Seth Green at Fred Segal Melrose on Saturday. He was being doted on by two hottie stylist-types and a salesman, neither of whom kept him from fretting over the contrast between a blazer and a shirt. I still wish he woulda kicked the crap out of Ari in last season's Vegas ep of "Entourage."

And in the "Stars! They're just like us!" department, Eric Clapton did at least two consecutive weekend gigs at the laundromat on 3rd and Sweetzer, washing his own duds and keeping to himself. Hopefully, this means there'll be a "Clapton Live From the Fluff-N-Fold" double cd in stores this coming Christmas.

· John C Reilly at the LA Derby Dolls (Fight Crew vs Tough Cookies) on 2/10. Best sport ever!

Jillian Baberie behind me on the 405 South merging onto the 101 West 2/13 around 10:30. Must have just gotten off work.

· Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Esposito at Urth Cafe in Santa Monica, 2/11. They looked very much like a nice married couple out for a casual rumpled Sunday brunch, except it was Monday. I briefly considered crashing into Jennifer, just to feel something, but opted instead to eat my damn salad.

· Ah, another asshole celebrity entitlement moment. Leonine Steven Bocho sitting in his grey Mercedes sedan in the middle the Cloverfield/Olympic intersection at the height of rush hour blocking two left turn lanes that had a green arrow. When I gave him a "can you move" look, he shrugged a "deal with it" shrug, world weary. So I rolled down the window, and said "Cop Rock!" Seemed more cutting than "Fuck you."

· Driving down Melrose at 1:45am on Saturday night, I saw a Bentley flying in the same direction, swerving in and out of lanes. My friend said, "I guarantee that's Paris Hilton" right as the car drifted into the left lane while the right turn signal flashed. We pulled up next to the car at a red light and sure enough, Paris turns and looks right at us, jamming out to her music. Shocking she ever got a DUI...

· Saturday, 2/10, noon -

While volunteering at the South L.A. Animal Shelter during their Valentine's Day Adoption weekend, I spotted Zachary Quinto- aka Sylar from NBC's "Heroes" - coming in the shelter to help out. It could have been a photo-op, but still it's nice to know he's a hero off-camera.

· February 11, just in time for Valentine's Day, I saw Tim Curry aka Dr. Frankenfurter at the Hollywood Farmer's Market. I liked him better personally in "Clue" but either way it was not a good look as he had picked up weight and just happened to be stuffing his mouth full of food while waddling through the middle of the market. I normally don't comment on people being fluffy, but chewing with your mouth open is just in poor taste. Boo!

· Actor Justin Berfield (Malcolm in the Middle) texting his fingers off on his blackberry while sitting in the Delta Crown Room at LAX, interrupted moments later as two other people joined him.

· It's been a full week.........saw Bob Saget being as polite as he could be to his seatmate in first class, who started the conversation with, "Hey, I know you, who are you?" It went downhill from there. Bob was flying back from some gig in St. Louis (Sunday morning) to LAX.

Saw Jill Hennessy of Law and Order at the Patty Griffin show at the Hotel Cafe........Tuesday night........she's very pretty and waited in line just like the riff raff. The show was awesome, although overcrowded with lots of music industry types, making me feel very claustrophobic.

· Saturday, Feb 10th - My friend and I were eating lunch at the Arclight before our movie when we saw Ed Rooney himself — JEFFREY JONES walking from the parking lot. Didn't look like he was going into the theaters. He was heading straight for Sunset. He was flying solo.

Then on Sunday I saw OSCAR NUNEZ of The Office at Hugo's Restaurant in Studio City/Sherman Oaks. There was quite a wait to get in, since it was brunch time, so he was stuck waiting near the restroom area. Hugo's is the place to see TV stars as I saw Jon Cryer there sometime last year!

· I was at the Farmer's Market on 3rd on 2/10 for breakfast. Seated at one of the outside tables was Kiersten Warren with her husband. She was reading the paper in a blazer. I recognized her and was signaling to my mom who is a huge fan of Desperate Housewives, that she was the lady that got killed in the supermarket! Anyway, we went up to her and she took a pic with my mom. Nice lady, great bod for a gal her age!

• Grindhouse Movie Trailer [YouTube]