Love's first salvo came last night and was entitled, "peta etc whose that girl with the big boobies?/RICO statutes." As one could no doubt infer from the title's ingenious blending of high and low culture, the entry was principally concerned with extending Love's feud with the Kardashian family, as well as examining the identity thieves who have embezzled from her. There are also segments like this:

my mortgage fraud strikes me as not only New York NJ GA TX and PA and CT problems, its very very much a California problem, weve got 27 legitimate Cobains in the USA and no "Kobanes"Kobains" o otherwise, yet i have over 9800 deeds , and theyre all the tip of the iceberg because my mac is so hacked when i get a piece of data it changes so now curtiss leeorthmann is KELLY RIPA
Kelly r IPA
IPA KELLY CONSUELAS IPPA
Ripa Kelly w
kelly-rippa
to a computer like at experian that "-" is a z or an r, its a etter, so Curtiss is Kelly Ipa Ripa i didnt take her for a soho gal 16 spring? 76 crosby? endless arkansas properties?

As best we can tell by running this through our Courtney Love Translator (which has begun to raise a feeble white flag, and yet we press on), Love's legal troubles inspired her to go on a real estate feedback loop, where she researched the real estate holdings of one Ms. Kelly Ripa. We'll take her word on "16 spring" and the "endless arkansas properties," but a Google search reveals that Ripa does reside at "16 spring" (along with Gawker Media overlord Nick Denton!). We would suggest that Ripa immediately confer with her doorman in case a dessicated singer should show up in flapper rags at 3am, ready to watch True Blood and bash Madonna.

Then, this morning, Love's "Myspace Administrator" posted another blog entry announcing a delay of her upcoming album, which apparently was due to be released online today. The culprits? Ghosts and hip-hop artists!

The Studio that Courtney and her band were using to record had some paranormal technical issues and had to be moved from one studio to another studio right around the holidays due to some technical sound issues that everyone, including Beinhorn who is a master and a genius was not happy with. Courtney and crew could not hear between guitars. Sound and vocal mixings have to be completed still to perfection.
if Courtney had it her way she would have it the studios sound checked first but it was originally use as a hip hop rap studio so the acoustics were all fucked up.

The Artwork is pretty much done..Courtney has 30 million dollars in sponsorships,
from a prominent feminine hygiene/menstrual company and a prominent tequila company ??? and Courtney doesn't even understand that part!

Nor do we, "Courtney Love's Myspace Administrator." Nevertheless, we eagerly anticipate the release of Love's next album, Jose Cuervo Presents: Kotex.

• peta etc whose that girl with the big boobies?/RICO statutes [Myspace]

• Nobody’s Daughter [Myspace]

To recap: Love claimed that Kardashian's brother Rob had gay-bashed one of her employees outside Hyde while a conflicted Brody Jenner looked on, unable to produce any sort of cry for help besides, "How's my hair, brah?" Now, Ms. Kardashian has crafted a post addressing the matter that basically accuses Love of writing nonsensically (an irony, since it was her most coherent post in...ever) and says merely that something else happened that's maybe different, but she won't divulge what:

A lot of what she wrote doesn’t even make much sense and doesn’t follow a clear train of thought... At one point she says Brody was there too and that someone yelled discriminatory expletives against gay people, but I honestly can’t figure out who she is accusing because her writing is so bad.

All I know is that both Brody and Rob didn’t do anything close to what Ms. Love has described.

My entire family’s response is this: We are so saddened to hear that someone is blogging this insanity on Christmas Eve. Everything this person writes is obviously untrue and we will forward this terrible nonsense to our attorneys. Merry Christmas!

We're certain Kardashian's attorneys will enthusiastically file that one away along with Kardashian v. Anonymous Defamer Tipster. Kim, perhaps all this agita could be avoided if you would merely take Courtney's eternal, stress-relieving advice to "feel what it feels like to get fucked in the ass by a piece of fruit and you will feel the sweet sweet release...of coming into your own TRUE self!" Come to think of it, haven't we seen you do that already?

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Courtney Love: Christmas Grinch [Kim Kardashian]

After one of her employees was attacked by Kim Kardashian's little brother Rob, Love repaired to her Myspace journal to detail the incident and get in a few jabs of her own. And they're relatively coherent, suggesting that outrage has a stabilizing effect on Love's notoriously grammar-loose sensibility:

what i am about to direct is something many of you can relate to, and hopefully are disgusted by..which is the icky trend of straight heterosexual males who commit hate crimes that are secretly in the closet, yes, Rob Kardashian the son of the discgr3aceful Robert Kardashian who represented a cold blooded murderer and made lots and lots of money..well rob jr cold socked and punched my employee right in his face for no reason and broke his nose after my guy was hanging out with his pal Brody Jenner one night outside hyde lounge closed, right after yelling the words "FAGGOT FAGGOT FAGGOT!" My guy has 3 witnesses who saw rob jump out of the SUV and because of the fact that he works for me, a woman of power, you broke his nose and caused blood to shed.

[...]

Let me be inviting to you my darling rob because i am SUCH A BIG FAN OF HATE CRIMES and homophobic fruit cake assholes like you this around this holiday season, It's all about self acceptance and particular in your case the acceptance of your own homosexuality, Lets be pals and go shopping at The Grove and go "STRAIGHT" to Ab and Fitch store while the techno music blasts really loud and find you a tight tee shirt for our big night at Rage in Weho, lets ditch these trendy B list clubs and lets dance dance dance where we can be free, and drink cosmos and have no one make fun of us, you can also wear your sisters underwear, I promise I will keep it a secret, but first let me invite you over and lets have a Mac Cosmetics Dazzleglass date night.

Will Rob respond with his own version of the incident, thereby continuing the series of vehicle-adjacent Rashomons that the Kardashians so often find themselves embroiled in? Or will he take Love up on her offer to "feel what it feels like to get fucked in the ass by a piece of fruit and you will feel the sweet sweet release rob of coming into your own TRUE self!" Courtney, that's your solution to everything.

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

• not so hot: hate crimes [Myspace]