Gawker: defamer, richard simmons

Ongoing Richard Simmons Terror Campaign Leaves Dozens Wounded, Sweatin'

Seth — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 12:42:21 EST

As if nearly exposing Lisa Rinna's snickerdoodle to a horrified America wasn't enough, Richard Simmons's campaign of meal-dealing terror continues to devastate Manhattan.

In addition to reliving the scissor-kicking devastation, we offer two more shocking acts perpetrated by Simmons on live TV in recent hours: On CNN's American Morning, Simmons offered a demonstration of the advanced shrimping techniques that helped him curb his cravings for actual shellfish, melting away the pounds and lowering his cholesterol in the process. And finally, a visit to the Fox News studios, the Jewfroed weight-loss guru molests a number of camera operators and crew—an act of personal violation so heinous, it's sure to be met with swift, concrete-boot retribution from the Teamsters union. [CNN American Morning]

'Today' Set Held Hostage By Best Gams In The Business

Seth — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 20:51:11 EST

· It's all fun and games until tomorrow morning, when Matt Lauer interrupts a sober interview with a Palestinian spokesperson by shrieking, "I'm gonna be sick—there's a Richard Simmons-juice stain on this couch!"

· Lionsgate is buying TV Guide Network and TV Guide for $255 million; stay tuned for breathless press release announcing their rebranding as The Tyler Perry Network and Madea's Favorite TV Stories.
· Speaking of magical negros, here's everything you always wanted to know about them but were afraid to ask.
· Apple unveils the new Macbook Wheel. Ooh, shiny new toys! We want! We want!
· Sad news: veteran reality show producer Kathy Wetherell was killed in car accident in Arizona on December 20. Some of her credits included The Real World, The Bachelor, Flavor of Love, and Charm School.
· Nip/Tuck's sixth season premieres tomorrow, in which we'll be introduced to a fellow who'd like a Tyrannosaurus Prick-reduction. This could make for awkwardness among those of you who have recently moved back in with your parents.
· Bill O'Reilly is gay. (Also: His vagina is about 4 feet wide with razor sharp teeth.)

Couch Jumper Richard Simmons Stops Just Shy of Declaring Love for Katie Holmes

Kyle Buchanan — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 19:05:00 EDT

David Letterman's Late Night couch has become the one-stop shop for celebrity revelations these days, whether it's Mindy Kaling breaking out her trusty Apu impression or Rosie Perez mistaking her co-star for a popular follicle stimulant. Late Show mainstay Richard Simmons at first seems poised for a similar breakthrough moment as he pulls a Tom Cruise, climbing aboard Dave's couch in this clip (preserved after the jump). However, instead of shouting out his adoration for a CW starlet, the exercise guru makes an impassioned plea for...physical education. Head in hands, Simmons' long-suffering publicist put in a reassuring call to Blake Lively ("The plan is still on — I swear!") and booked a romantic do-over on the next episode of Tyra. [CBS]

Richard Simmons Falls Down! (Yup, That's The Whole Thing!)

Mark — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 20:45:13 EST

· This one from Ellen doesn't need any dressing up: Richard Simmons dances, falls down. All in a mere twelve seconds!
· Tom Cruise has trained his older kids to call "Kate" "Mom."
·This is what happens when you let it slip on Craiglist that your year-end bonus was over $700K.
·Nothing says Christmas like the Alien and Predator on a promotional tree ornament.

Richard Simmons Brings Whispered Affirmations, Sassy Pom Poms To 'Dancing With The Stars'

Mark — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 17:17:10 EST

If there's one potentially happy side-effect of the strike-hobbled, reality-TV-riddled primetime schedules that will soon be necessitated by the writers strike's shutdown of the script pipeline, it's that Richard Simmons will probably enjoy a much-deserved career resurgence as his personal services become coveted by producers desperate for a hit from the stunt-cameo crackpipe.

After dropping by Dancing with the Stars to serve as Jennie Garth's pom-pom-wielding, short-shorted life coach and leading the show to yet another Nielsen victory, even established hits like Deal or No Deal will soon be clamoring to line up Simmons appearances, knowing that viewers won't be able to resist tuning in to see if the exertion of prying open one of those briefcases might shake loose a painstakingly depilated testicle from its vertically striped, minimum security prison, instantly creating the kind of spontaneous watercooler moment that overworked alternative programming executives crave.

Dancing with the Stars [ABC.com]