Unfortunately, our first visit to Gjelina only got worse from there.

At least the restaurant itself was nice to look at.

The main room had black walls with flowery engravements, offset by rich, warm wood.

They used wine bottles as decoration in another back room, with empty bottles comprising a dramatic chandelier.

The outside area was a mix of luxe and laid back, with a dramatic opening to the sky, offset by the architecture's clean lines and softened by billowing trees.

A fireplace burned in the center.

The bathroom's were even nice—old timey white tiles with dark wood touches. And you turned on the faucet with a giant wheel.

The kitchen was viewable through a long rectangular window. From our vantage point we could see a number of very hot blond surfer/skater type men working diligently away. We made a mental note to sit at the table underneath the window next time.

That is, if there was a next time.

The buffalo mozzarella appetizer finally arrived 45 minutes after we ordered it and, surprisingly, it didn't disappoint. But as my companion said, "You can't fuck up fresh buffalo mozzarella." However, they would have several other opportunities to screw up. First, the fries: they were overly salty and very small. It was as if we got the last bits at the bottom of the batch. Fail. The artichokes arrived and they also tasted like they had been doused in a bucket of salt. (Side note — don't drink wine and eat artichokes at the same time. It creates a very bad chemical reaction in your mouth and makes the wine taste like crap.)

The plate that was to be the pièce de résistance—the pork belly— was lukewarm and not as crispy as advertised and, shocker (!), too salty. My friend and I realized that this was the last of our dishes. She looked over at me, and said, "Is this the kind of place where we spend $100 and are still so hungry we have to go to the taco truck afterwards?" Yes. sadly, it seemed it was.

But because I am nothing if not fair (and nice!), I went back a second time with a different friend. Our ditzy blonde waitress was replaced by a flirty, dark-haired hunk (major improvement!), who, when we asked him about dessert, said, lustily, "Oooooooh, yes, they are allllll verrrrryyyyyy gooood." We made him talk about the desserts at least three times. We were seated closer to the Window of Hot Chefs and next to the fire pit, which had distinct advantages (it caused our waiter, during his second recital of the dessert menu to say, "Oooh my ass is on fire!" which was amusing), and disadvantages (one side of our face was burning up.) This time, the food and service was better; the asparagus came with egg and parmesan cheese, a surprisingly good combination.

And, I should note, this time it wasn't too salty. The albacore tuna carpaccio-concoction was just right, and the margarita pizza was light and crisp; it was almost like eating a fancy, well-made cracker.

And the dessert? Soooo gooood. Some sort of butterscotch pecan goodness with a lime-like infusion in the whip cream. I left substantially fuller than the first time. Of course, this could be because I ate an entire plate of fettucine alfredo before leaving my house. So, verdict: Though it's improving in quality and service, Gjelina is still a place where you will spend $100 and leave hungry. But at least it's pretty!

At least there was a wall with amusing quotations to help us pass the time, like this one by Humphrey Bogart: "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."

My co-waiters in line also expressed shock and dismay at the fact there was even a line (We're told it's even worse at the Santa Monica venue). "This never happens!" explained the girl behind me to her friend. "This is so weird." Yes, it was weird, but then so is Father's Office. It's sort of communal in its set up—most of the seating was outside with large, wide wooden tables designed for either large groups or several couples who love to have intimate conversations while sitting next to total strangers.

My friend and I, meeting in person for the first time (we are internet buds) experienced this conundrum. Inside, it was standing room only, but then, voila!, a space opened up, next to a couple that seemed to be celebrating a birthday. They invited us to sit there, and it quickly became nearly impossible to talk, mostly because the guy half of the couple insisted on shouting and laughing at the top of his lungs. Then, a third person showed up—the actual birthday boy, and it just got worse from there.

We took advantage of an empty table opening up and moved over, not before noticing that one of our former table mates had raised her arms in a "touchdown!" victory pose. Nice passive aggressive move. At least in NYC, people are openly rude and tell you you can't sit there just 'cause they don't want you to.

The lure of Father's Office lies in the quality beer and the food. The beer menu is impressive—there's even a $72 bottle, which, though I am not a beer person, I was tempted to try to see if it was so good it could make me a beer person. Alas, my pockets are not that deep.

Instead, I got something pale and lemony, a Hefeweiss. It was nice and smooth and I swear, was spiked with something because I felt pretty loopy afterwards (I only had one!). My friend went with an India Pale Ale and a Red Ale.

As for the food, my friend reported: "This is a really good burger." It looked good, but I had already eaten.

The garlic-parsley fries were yum, just skinny enough, too. I don't know about you, but I hate fat fries.

I had the Sobresada appetizer—three tasty nuggets of spicy sausage, manchego cheese and shaved onion on pieces of bread. Perfect snack.

All in all, Father's Office is a pleasant, if a bit chaotic, experience (you have to go to the bar to order, get a number and take it to the table, which means that if you and your friends drink at different rates, you end up waiting for the other person a lot). Next time, I would not only go earlier, but I would also avoid the Friday night rush. And, of course, cross my fingers that there's no line.

• Father's Office

"Generally, this favorite industry lunch spot ... rocks a B, but they're trying to hide their current C rating behind a pole at the moment. ... What's weird about Newsroom is that I've gone there with a B rating, got the pasta, and had to go doodoo, but I went there with a C rating, got the vegan spinadilla (spinach quesadilla) and there were no bad doodoos to be found."

Caveat emptor, we suppose, but still — you could come up with worse excuses for taking the sluggish, post-holiday afternoon off. Take advantage of it while you can!

[Photo Credit: Flicker]

• "C" You Later Trendy L.A. Eatery! [TMZ]
• Newsroom Cafe [Yelp]

Now a source adds that the "Entourage" star had a similar showdown with a hostess at the restaurant Off Vine in Hollywood. Piven, who did not have a reservation, was reportedly unhappy a table could not be found because the restaurant was booked solid on Valentine's Day.

"Believe it or not, he used the 'Don't you know who I am?' line," laughs the source.

"He proceeded to berate [the hostess] about her treatment of him." Piven allegedly left in a huff, "but not before slamming her about her working in a restaurant," says the spy.

Piven's rage in this instance is understandable; after all, there is no aphrodisiac as panty-meltingly potent as the ability to be seated in a popular restaurant without a reservation on perhaps the busiest day of the year; his successful display of power would have driven his date so mad with desire that a stall-rattling quickie in the nearest restroom would be required before appetizers were ordered.

Second, Sunday's story about how Piven allegedly managed to earn a ban from the fine Nobu Matsuhisa family of sushi restaurants for his behavior at their Aspen outpost:

"He came in with a large group of 12 or more without reservations and asked for a table. It was a very busy night, but a table, although cramped, was provided. On his way out, he made a nasty comment to the manager: 'Thanks for nothing.'"

Piven was at the HBO-sponsored festival to appear on a panel with fellow "Entourage" stars. Allegedly his tip also left something to be desired.

"He left a DVD of the first year of 'Entourage' to one of the waiters. [An employee] ran up the stairs and hurled it at him as he was leaving."

As a gesture of "Don't you know who I am?"-ness, substituting an expected gratuity with an example of the fine work which should afford him the instant entertainment of every restaurant-going whim is pretty high-level; the only more potent display of fame-enabled privilege available to Piven in that situation would have involved the actor standing up at his cramped table, climbing upon his chair to announce, "I got twelve fucking people into this dump without a reservation. I am the King of Motherfucking Matsuhisa!" for all to hear, then openly urinating on the floor, forever marking his territory. That Piven quietly left behind his calling card instead of initiating such a spectacle is a clear testament to his class and restraint.

• For Piven, another dine mess [Gatecrasher]
• Piven commits a Nobu no-no [Gatecrasher]

THR, Esq. reports that photographer Jodi Cobb is suing Geisha House, the Hollywood eatery owned by Big Brother All Stars winner/Jack Shack proprietor Mike "Boogie" Malin and B-list restaurateurs Ashton Kutcher and Wilmer Valderrama, for the establishment's alleged liberal, unpaid use of her geisha photography in their decor and marketing materials. Geisha House's management counters that they're not so much "stealing" her images as "knocking them off so they don't have to pay":

[Geisha House proprietor Lonnie] Moore, who is represented by Geoffrey Gold of Rutter Hobbs & Davidoff, said the lips photographs featured in the restaurant are not the actual "Lips" photograph by Cobb. The restaurant had tried to work with Cobb to use her photograph, but "she wanted too much money," Moore said. So the restaurant created its own version of the photograph.

"It's similar, but it's different," Moore said, adding that various elements of the picture, including the angle, the lighting and color, are different from Cobb's version. [...]

Moore said he doesn't see the reproduction of Cobb's work as damaging to her reputation. If anything, he believes they benefit her.

"It actually makes her more well known," he said. "It's the ultimate respect and we're showing reverence for her. Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery."

This all seems like nothing more than a simple misunderstanding of how celebrity-backed enterprises remunerate their business associates. Once someone explains that Cobb will become wealthy beyond her wildest dreams when a Geisha House flack tips Page Six that Valderrama was caught digitally penetrating (or "canoodling," in the tabloid parlance) an Olsen twin beneath a reproduction of one of her conspicuously attributed photos, we're sure she'll quickly drop the suit as other restaurants come clamoring to work with the hottest photographer in town.

• Photographer Alleges Geisha House Photos Infringe [THR ESQ]

Now that the Palm is planning to move, probably in 2008, its managers have held off on additions to the wall. Orders for caricatures of such regulars as Matt Damon, Ben Stiller, Enrique Iglesias, Vin Diesel and Adam Sandler are kept in a stack, awaiting head shots from their agents.

While the owners are committed to retaining the place's old-school charm, they aren't resistant to the kind of change that might attract the younger Hollywood set. Negotiations are currently underway with Lindsay Lohan's people to contract the starlet for a kind of experimental dinner theater, in which she would crash her Mercedes into the restaurant's valet stand once a night in a dramatic reenactment of her signature paparazzi-fleeing car chases.

• Hallowed Walls of Hollywood [LAT]

She also claimed her business has not declined but improved since the e-mail went out. "I have never had better business. It's usually slow after the first night of the year. It has been packed every night." After more comments on l'affaire Teitelman, she said, "Quite frankly, I'm sick of defending myself. I don't care," and hung up the phone again.

We called a third time, and Hirsch yelled into the phone: "Write whatever you like. I don't care. Just remember?: lawsuits!"

Verini gets both sides of the story in his column, but if you're curious as to the contents of the e-mail, you can read it after the jump.

Subject: Cynthia's—The WORST Restaurant experience EVER!! ************PLEASE FWD & SPREAD the word

This past Saturday, my friend Lorie celebrated her birthday at Cynthia's Restaurant: 8370 West 3rd Street, LA, CA 90048 323-658-7851.

We had a reservation for 12 people to attend her birthday dinner that
evening. The experience was so horrible, that I had to pass it on in the hopes that you read this and decide not to solicit a business owner who has no respect for the customer and that you would tell as many people you know not to frequent an establishment such as Cynthia's. As they say, the pen is mightier than the sword.

Saturday night everyone arrived on time, and dinner/drinks were ordered (the total bill was $527.00) One of the birthday party guests ordered lamb. When it arrived, the lamb was cold. She then asked the waitress to kindly re-heat the dish. 5 minutes later, the plate came back and the lamb was "rubbery" (think of lamb microwaved). At this point, my friend politely asked the waitress to send the plate back again. What happened next stunned all of us ruined my friends birthday evening.

Cynthia, the owner of the restaurant, stood 10 feet in front of the table and pointed at my friend who had sent back her meal and beckoned her to come over like she was going to the principals office. My bewildered friend got up and walked over to speak with her. After about a minute she returned to the table stunned and informed us that Cynthia said, "There's nothing wrong with the lamb, you're an a**hole and I want you to leave my restaurant."

At this point, the entire table could not believe that a business owner would have the audacity to be so blatantly rude and disrespectful to a paying customer. No one at our table had complained to her, in fact, at this point, the service from our waitress was good & the food service respectable. 2 minutes goes by and the bill of $527.00 was delivered with an 18% gratuity already added and the $100.00 birthday cake hadn't even been cut! (a cake that we brought to the restaurant and agreed to pay a standard cake cutting fee of $35.00) When we asked the waitress about cutting the cake, it took them another 5 minutes before they would even
brought us the cake with plates and utensils. Now your probably saying "Why would you put up with all of this"? First, in order to secure the large reservation the birthday girl gave her credit card to secure the reservation. Even if we refused to pay, they would have still charged the credit card for the dinner. Secondly, this was my friend's birthday and at this point, she just wanted to cut the cake, eat and go.

After the cake eating was done, and our party had settled the bill, I
approached the owner Cynthia and asked her politely what was the issue... did she really call my friend an a$$hole and ask her to leave the restaurant? IT GET's WORSE.... she told me without hesitation and a loud voice in front of 1/2 the restaurant that my friend was an "a$$hole and a fat cow and that I could "F-off" and get the "F" out of her restaurant." I was SHOCKED! I couldn't believe that business owner would speak to paying customer with such abusive language. I said, wait a minute, "hel
me understand what's the issue is here, she didn't like the way her food was cooked, and you used foul language and asked her to leave the restaurant? Cynthia then said "F-You... I've been in business for 20 years and I have amazing taste". She then grabbed the phone and started to call the police. I said "YOU are out of your mind CRAZY and you can't get away with treating customer's this way and I will do everything I can to spread the word about this story" We then left the restaurant in disgust. I hate to say, this was not the first time that I had heard about Cynthia's "rants", and customers that night came out to the street to thank us for standing up to her and her bad service.

Please pass this story along to anyone....friends... business owners... anyone that you know that might value the customer. No one should ever have to be spoken to in that way again and I sincerely hope that you do not frequent an establishment like Cynthia's. What a shame to give your $money to such a bad business person.

Respectfully,
Joe Giadone
ps. You'll all be glad to know that a complaint has been filed with the Better Business Bureau, City Search
http://www.citysearch.com, Zagat's (
http://www.zagats.com) & "Reader Rants"at the LA Times
http://www.latimes.com
PASS THIS ALONG TO STOP BAD BUSINESS!

• A Considerable Town: Thrilla on Third [LA Weekly]