'Cause the world is mean and dangerous and bitter, and America used to be strong, but Obama's ruining it with his pansy-assness.

At least we think that's what Voight was trying to say. The Anaconda star basically launched into a tone poem about world leaders at a playground or something, so it's a little hard to tell.

One thing is for certain, though. If anyone can scare the president, it's Voight. I mean, he made FDR walk for God's sake.

Publisher Andrew Breitbart had promised BH for a while, with a few early posts teasing us since Sunday. But now, with editor John Nolte's official welcome and a (literal) raft of vaguely movie-centric contributions from his like-minded associates, we have a better idea of what to expect. In short, this is your grandfather's Defamer.

We've scoured pretty much the whole site to date and recommend a sort of five-course, welcome-to-the-neighborhood meal for your own first visit:

· Hors D'oeuvre: "Hollywood Loves Higher Taxes," by Melanie Graham
Tasting Notes: Flaky, with sharp, bitter aftertaste. Goes down easy in 59 words, but eat too many (e.g. "It’s the hypocritical secret here - the lefty actors and writers all incorporate themselves to avoid higher taxes but expect everyone in Rube State America to pony up"), and you'll be full before you know it.

· Appetizer: "Big Hollywood Loves the Arts," by John Nolte
Tasting Notes: Tender, if slightly greasy: "[W]e believe the arts must improve, but know that’s an impossibility until the discussion includes the ideas and ideals of everyone."

· Salad: "Does Hollywood Love Christians Now?" by Dallas Jenkins
Tasting Notes: Salty, not too heavy, with unusual and intrepid flavor pairings: "When Sony released Brokeback Mountain, they didn’t shy away from a few explicit gay sex scenes, as that would have been compromising; one wonders if they would extend the same treatment to explicit prayer or churchy scenes in a faith-based film that had a budget above $5 million."

· Entree: "'C-List' Casting Call: Will Hollywood Conservatives Come Out to Play?" by Rep. Thaddeus G. McCotter (R-MI)
Tasting Notes: Robust and buttery. A bit overcooked but likely satisfying to discriminating palates:

Republican oriented artists, however, have been involuntarily subjected to Big Hollywood’s new version of the old “blacklist’: the “C-List” of conservatives who are marked for censorship and career ruin for deviating from Left-wing orthodoxy. Nonetheless, though our specific struggles differ, we are equally embattled and immutably bonded, because we suffer for our love of America.

· Dessert: "Where Are All the Cinema Heroes Today?" by Orson Bean
Tasting Notes: Sweet, soft, falls apart when you cut into it: "[T]he movies represented a lot more than escape to me. They represented moral guidance. What I learned at home was despair and hopelessness. What I learned at the pictures was don’t give up the ship, we have only begun to fight, it’s always darkest before the dawn."

Bon appetit!

• Big Hollywood

Truth be told, we can relate — aside from GlitterGlassesGuruGate, Elisabeth hasn't done anything particularly interesting this month on The View (though a shiver did go through our bodies the other day when she randomly brought up a conversation with her "good friend Gary Sinise"). On today's show, the archconservative revealed just how things have fallen: Bush has revoked her annual invitation to the White House! On a positive note, Elisabeth still has an open-ended invitation to visit Sarah Palin at her Alaska igloo, which she has decorated with bloody turkey feathers and a mug she swiped from the set of Saturday Night Live. Her one-way ticket is paid for by Joy Behar.

• The View [ABC]

As Hasselbeck again brings up this week's Republican talking points by linking Barack Obama to William Ayers, Shepherd goes ballistic, shouting, "Can we talk about poor judgment?" The evisceration of Cindy McCain's homewrecking ways that follows stuns Hasselbeck ("Wow, this is super personal now!") and even the unflappable Joy Behar, who rises and... mimes flashing the audience? We're not entirely sure, but now that The View has become a reliable daily source of politically-charged catfighting, we suppose some T&A wouldn't be entirely out of place.

• The View [ABC]

We have had heard from numerous people across the country that there has been some ticket fraud when buying a ticket for An American Carol this past weekend.

Please check your ticket. If you were in fact one of those people that were "mistakenly" sold a ticket for another movie please fill out the form below. Hold on to your ticket so we can have proof.

If you have noticed other irregularities with the theatres in your area please let us know in the comment section below. For instance, Rated R film rating (when in fact we are rated PG-13), posters not being up, not being listed on the marquee, image or focus problems, sound issues, etc.

Please email us a picture of your ticket stub to fraud@americancarol.com

We are investigating.

Though the American Carol team is mounting their own oversight committee to investigate every exhibitor and ticket booth in the nation, we have a feeling they might not like what they find. The chihuahua voting bloc is loud and legion, and though rumors of a secret ticket counterfeiting operation have never been confirmed (despite a recent scandal involving conspicuous paw prints on numerous stubs for Nights in Rodanthe), you don't want to mess with the dogs. Sure, it may win you points with the 6-12 cat demographic, but we all know they never show up to vote.

• Fraud [An American Carol via Hollywood Elsewhere]

Following her interruption with a laundry list of facts, dates, and counterpoints, Shepherd was eventually cut off by Barbara Walters, who was not ready for the cohost to do anything but smile beatifically and occasionally chirp, "Ludacris!" Is our little Sherri all grown up and ready for war? Watch out, Elisabeth: Sherri Shepherd's got a whole fleet of angel-babies at her command — and they're hungry!

• The View [ABC]

Some key McCain staffers are content with Palin joking about the "SNL" routines on the campaign trail — as when she scribbled "I'm not Tina Fey" on a supporter's cell phone and said she'd dressed as Fey on Halloween. But others — including the governor herself — think a return punch on the NBC airwaves is what's needed.

I'm hearing some sort of Palin tweak of Fey's American Express commercials is in the works.

While next weekend's ''Saturday Night Live'' will be a rerun, it is possible Palin could appear Thursday on the first of NBC's ''Weekend Update'' specials in prime time.

Otherwise, the next orginal "SNL'' show will be broadcast Oct. 18, a little more than two weeks before the election.

While we're skeptical that Martin Scorsese would return to spoof the famous American Express commercials he made with Fey, at least we know that Palin would be receptive to his pitch for a Boca time share (after all, her two greatest loves are Jews and Cuban food). Perhaps David Zucker is available as a fill-in? Oh, who are we kidding — after this weekend, of course he is!

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Take that, Tina: Palin wants to spoof her spoofer [Chicago Sun-Times]

• Saturday Night Live [NBC]

On the off chance this weekend's SNL features a spoof of tonight's vice presidential slugfest, I can tell you who will be playing PBS moderator Gwen Ifill: Queen Latifah. A well-placed source confirms to me exclusively that SNL has gone ahead and secured Latifah's services for Saturday's show. The insider cautions, however, that the debate sketch isn't 100 percent locked — and a final decision might not come down until Saturday. There's also no official word as to whether Tina Fey would be back as Palin.

With Palin herself now appropriating Fey touches like goofy, stalling winks, one would hope Fey would return to cap off what may be a trilogy of SNL appearances spoofing the candidate. Again, though, we have to ask: can't SNL just add a black comedienne to its cast? The show has been on for thirty-six seasons and has only managed to add a handful of black women to its roster of performers. To quote from the parlance of our times, is that change we can believe in, or is it more of the same?

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Casting Scoops: 'SNL,' 'Grey's,' 'Housewives,' 'Damages,' 'Old Christine,' and More! [EW]

"While Elisabeth [Hasselbeck] has a great relationship with Fox News, there is absolutely no truth to the rumor that she is leaving The View," her agent said in a statement on Thursday. "Elisabeth is passionate in her beliefs and enjoys being a part of this dynamic group of women and engaging in daily conversations."

The show's Executive Publicity Director added: "Barbara Walters and Bill Geddie, executive producers of The View, consider Elisabeth to be vital to the program."

Coincidentally, so do Defamer traffic figures! In all seriousness, there isn't a surfeit of female, Hollywood Republicans to replace Hasselbeck with (unless producers plan to make entreaties to Gail O'Grady or Patricia Heaton) and the full head of steam she's been working up has made the show as relevant as its ever been. You can stay for now, Elizabeth. But no hugs.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

• Elisabeth Hasselbeck Denies She Is Leaving The View [Us]

After Joy Behar ran clips of Palin's two biggest gaffes during her recent Katie Couric interview — Palin's inability to name a Supreme Court case she disagreed with or a single newspaper she read — Hasselbeck attempted to defend the vice presidential candidate, then complained that her cohosts spend too much time talking about Sarah Palin and not enough time talking about Barack Obama. Meanwhile, Joe Biden silently weeped at his exclusion, muttering, "What about meeee? I was on SNL once, too!"

• The View [ABC]

The sketch, after the jump:

On the topic of likes and dislikes, Fey said that when she hears the expression "President Palin," she thinks to herself, "I want to be done playing this lady Nov. 5." To the gathered journalists she added, "So, if anybody can help me be done playing this lady Nov. 5, that would be good for me."

Further pressed on what she thinks of her uncanny physical similarity to the GOP vice-presidential hopeful, Fey responded, "First of all, I was very resistant to acknowledge that there was a resemblance. Then my kid saw Sarah Palin on TV and said, 'There's Mommy.' "

Sadly, Palin then had Fey's child fired, further punctuating the sad fact that even Fey's virtual comedy sweep (accurately predicted by Defamer!) isn't enough to stop journalists from playing a game of "This Thing Looks Like That Thing." We're sad it's come to this, but if Liz Lemon shows up on 30 Rock this season suddenly rocking contact lenses and a blonde bob, Fey will be the only person in America who can safely be called blameless.

• Tina Fey's Emmy Loss – Her Purse [People]

“Elisabeth feels she can’t win at The View, but she’s been told by friends at FOX News that they’d find a spot for her without hesitation.”

“Elisabeth is just as tired of the ladies at The View as they are of her! She feels she constantly has to defend herself,” a show insider revealed to The National Enquirer this week.

“Besides that, when she gets passionate about her opinions, the others make her look like she’s hysterical. But when she doesn’t talk enough, she’s accused of ‘pouting.'”

Cheer if you must, Hasselbeck haters, but if she leaves The View, are you ready for Patricia Heaton to take her place? We'll take our chances with the devil we know, at least until Barbara Walters suspends her "no hugs" rule to throttle the ex-Survivor contestant in a faux-maternal bear hug gone asphyxiatingly wrong.

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Elisabeth Hasselbeck Leaving “The View” For FOX News Anchor Seat [PopCrunch]

Even though I would never, ever vote for Palin, I am kind of obsessed with fucking her.

Elaborate erotic fantasies, after the jump:

She is sexy and hot in a MILF/Cougar way. Like you could have that real mature, straight to the point, adult, over forty, gonna cum multiple times with a big, oversize t-shirt on and nothing else and "I don't care what I look like cuz I am gonna bust nuts in your curl" kind of fucking with her. I want to steam up those glasses and show her what a pitbull with lipstick really needs – doggy style!

Seriously – I wanna eat her Alaskan pussy from behind. Like an Eskimo. What?! I'm just trying to keep warm!

Although you know that thing is frozen and my tongue would probably stick.

Margaret, Margaret, Margaret: you impersonate your mother with that mouth? To come down so hard on Jack Black for his towel-related grossness, then outdo him by redefining the Eskimo kiss in a distinctly NSFW way... well, it takes guts. Unfortunately, Sarah Palin will have those guts fired.

[Photo Credit: AP]

• I Want To Steam Up Those Glasses [Myspace]